popvix Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 Damn, just as you thought things were getting better... the pain comes back 100 fold So its been nearly 3 weeks since we broke up and spoke mainly just to arrange stuff with money and financials, and lastly to work out when she would be coming around to pick up all her belongings from our apartment. She would be arriving with her "new" friends so i had agreed not to be around at this time. So, stupidly i set a microphone up on my pc and set it to record the sounds within the apartment ... When i came back i listened to it and she had arrived with 2 men, one of which i knew had suddenly jumped to her aid with the whole breakup. This is a man she knows at work and is/was going through a similar breakup a while ago. He spent the whole day with her at work the day we broke up, then even offered to drive her 300 miles back to her home town at one point. Im a very jealous person so the thoughts of this guy greasing up to my ex girlfriend is really winding me up. So i hear them talking about stuff, she's mentioning various things about my belongings and although they never openly criticised me - the fact i was being referred to in such a matter of fact, un emotional manner had my hands shaking as i was listening to it. The worst part was when they actually went into my fridge and pulled out 3 bottles of beer which they drank, she said they werent MINE but rather OURS which made it ok to drink them when one of her friends pointed out we were drinking "his beer". Since we arranged separate bank accounts a number of months before we broke up and i specifically remember buying that beer when she wasnt there for some other friends and myself a while ago... this just completely floored me. To think that my ex girlfriend could come aound to my home on my trust to pick up her stuff, then pass out my food/drink for her friends to have really upset me - as much as that beer was in my fridge for weeks and i wasnt drinking it, it just made me feel violated emotionally. The girl i started going out with 7 years ago, who used to write me poems, love letters... was ultra sentimental and "soppy".... to arriving with 2 male buddies, talking about me like i was a joke, then doing that... i just couldnt believe it. To be truthful all i wanted to hear when i set my pc up to record audio, was just a slight suggestion that i actually meant ANYTHING to her. Ive been wanting to hear her at least cry, or just know what our seven long and meaningful years together actually MEANT ANYTHING! I know that people deal with things differently, and the dumpER will often just act and think completely opposite to the person they have ditched, but its just awful thinking that the pain of a breakup is only just being felt by a single person.... Im going to buy a book i looked over yesterday, "how to mend your broken heart" ...which seemed quite good, but its a pity i was actually starting to put some emotional distance between me and the woman i once loved, then this happened. I brought it all on myself but hey, these things never go exactly to plan
daydreaming Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 To see it in another light: What exactly do you think you would have felt if she had been crying or something likewise? Wouldn't that have upset you at all? I think it is not the fact that she doesn't miss you at all that provoked this reaction from you but rather that it was the first time after the break-up you actually heard her speak and react to other people, especially other men. You said yourself that had already started to feel ok again when you hadn't seen her. She couldn't "sense your presence" when she was at your appartement, could she? So she was still in the phase of no contact or, as you said, matter-of-fact contact. And PLUS she was there with two men which pretty much guaranteed that she couldn't allow herself any emotions that went further than "Oh, this is my beer as well". You should give her time. After a while she'll be able to admit, even to you, that she misses the time you had together. Because it is simply impossible to walk out of a 7 year relationship and go back to normal within two weeks...
Author popvix Posted August 1, 2004 Author Posted August 1, 2004 yeah - your right. Bought a good book - How to Mend Your Broken Heart should hopefully let me put my thoughts in perspective
Recommended Posts