Emissary Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 There's this girl I like, we worked together for about 6 months before she was transferred to a different location. We were pretty friendly by that point and I wanted to make a move on her, but the transfer made that difficult. I started texting her and all was good for a while, we brought a lot of stuff into the open, I suggested a coffee date to which she said maybe. I left it at that, but she kept texting me back after that, asking how my day was and all, showed me she at least liked me as a friend. I never asked her a second time, and it's become increasingly difficult to talk to her at all. I'll ask her how her day was, she will say it's good and ask how I am. I'll maybe tell her a bit about my day and that's the end of the conversation, basically she just says hi back and that's it. She hasn't texted me on her own for a while now, and if I don't text her, we've gone up to a week without saying anything. Anyway, this just frustrated me, so I told her "I'll just leave you alone forever now". I deleted our thread, and her contact info, and left it at that. She was at work when I texted her, but I know in a few minutes she's going to see the text during her break. I know she can be pretty fragile when it comes to dealing with people. Ideally, I'd like to have hurt her feelings, maybe it's slightly possible she really did like me and she realizes she's lost out on me. Maybe she will even text me back and take me more seriously, but where do I go from there? Maybe she won't even text me back, that would be the end of it. She bought me a gift from her recent holiday, but she hasn't had a chance to give it to me yet. I wonder what will become of it, will she give it to me, will she throw it away, or will she keep it. Either way, it's become a very bitter object now. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don't want to die, but if I could just live in a dream for the rest of my life, that would be just perfect.
tman666 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I hate to say it, but I don't think she was ever attracted to you. Some girls don't have the "cojones" to hurt a guy's feelings and give him a straight "no, please stop talking to me" answer. Instead they lead things out and give ambiguous feedback in the hope that they don't end up looking and feeling like a bitch. Girls who are attracted to you WILL reciprocate, trust me. While your last text to her was a little bit immature, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Even mature, rational people do immature, irrational things when they are emotionally distraught. You gotta move on from this one. This scenario has happened to me and probably just about every other guy out there. Chalk it up to a learning experience and be on the lookout for the wishy-washy BS next time you go after some other pretty young thang.
dasein Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 This is what happens when you people with mismatched attraction try to be friends. Would you get annoyed if a guy friend didn't text you for a week? Probably not. IMO your affection is coloring your expectations unfairly. In the future, when there is a mismatch of feelings, just move on entirely without trying to salvage friendship, regardless of your role. Who knows the answer to your thread question, only she does, but IMO you should close the door and move on to more productive options. Good luck. PS, whenever you hear "maybe" in response to a date invitation, you should actually hear "no, never, not a possibility" and move on as if she had said "not in a million years."
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 IMO, if you're asking the question, you have a feeling for the answer. Consider this experience to be a small life lesson and use your reflection upon it to grow your relationship style into one you will not question as immature. This hole is dry. Waste no more drill rod here. Good luck.
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 You didn't have to be overly dramatic, but it is what it is. She is not attracted to you in a sexual sense. The best thing to do would have been to leave without a word, leaving an air of apathy and mystery behind. That's usually how I do it, and if the girl happens to come back around I just ice her. One word, super late text responses until she gets the hint. People who are attracted to someone who has friendzoned them need to understand that second place is not what you're looking for. Get this "hey I'm talking to her at least...it's better than nothing!" idea out of your head. When you want to date someone and they don't like you; there is nothing else to be had there. Stop torturing yourself and move on.
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