Marek Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm 28 years old now. I haven't had much dating experience in my life to date; I've had 2 short-term girlfriends, 2 one-night stands, and one friend with benefits. All this was over 3 years ago. The problems lies in the fact that I don't have a social circle, and thus don't meet members of the opposite sex. But, now that I'm approaching 30, and the potential women I date are therefore older as well, is it possible that women are more eager to date someone like me? The reason I ask is that some women who are roughly my age, and still single, start getting desperate to settle down, marry a guy, and raise a family. Nevertheless, I can't find these "desperate" (for lack of a better word) girls because I have no avenues to find them. I can't very well chat up women in a mall -- that's creepy. Further, do you think I should form solid friendships before I consider dating? I'd imagine that most women would be turned off by a guy who is friendless -- women like a guy with high social value. It is, however, excruciatingly hard to form friendships at my age. I've joined clubs over the past three years but never formed any friendships from them. It appears to me that people around my age already have a well-established social circle and it's very hard to break into that circle.
River Rain Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm 28 years old now. I haven't had much dating experience in my life to date; I've had 2 short-term girlfriends, 2 one-night stands, and one friend with benefits. All this was over 3 years ago. The problems lies in the fact that I don't have a social circle, and thus don't meet members of the opposite sex. But, now that I'm approaching 30, and the potential women I date are therefore older as well, is it possible that women are more eager to date someone like me? The reason I ask is that some women who are roughly my age, and still single, start getting desperate to settle down, marry a guy, and raise a family. Nevertheless, I can't find these "desperate" (for lack of a better word) girls because I have no avenues to find them. I can't very well chat up women in a mall -- that's creepy. Further, do you think I should form solid friendships before I consider dating? I'd imagine that most women would be turned off by a guy who is friendless -- women like a guy with high social value. It is, however, excruciatingly hard to form friendships at my age. I've joined clubs over the past three years but never formed any friendships from them. It appears to me that people around my age already have a well-established social circle and it's very hard to break into that circle. I can't speak for every woman, but I doubt that all women in their 30's + are desperately looking for a husband who is a social butterfly. I think you need to re-evaluate your attitude because it seems you're overthinking things a little. A genuine woman will find you attractive for your less tangible qualities, not your social status. And why would you be only seeking someone who is desperate? I'm not sure I know what you're asking really. But the title of your post is "when does dating become easier?" and I'd say with practice. 1
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 When Does Dating Become Easier? I've heard in the afterlife, but those reports may be unreliable. For those of us remaining in the mortal coil, at least some of us will forever be asking that question; others for awhile, others never. Personally, I never found dating itself to be 'hard'; the 'hard' part was getting past the voluminous rejections to actually experience the process. Comparatively, the process was/is like a vacation on the beach with a martini in my hand. YMMV. 2
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Apparently if you're 30 and you hunt for the younger ones (20s, not teens) you clean up pretty easily. That is assuming of course you're mature with a developed career and a good amount of life experience. Not a man child or an older version of a horny teenager.
jcrew11 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 The 20's and 30's are the best for men because they can date women from 22 to 30, who are fresh out of college, and looking for older, wiser, successful men to date and marry. To expand your social circle, join a gym or church or yoga class.
Author Marek Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 I can't speak for every woman, but I doubt that all women in their 30's + are desperately looking for a husband who is a social butterfly. I think you need to re-evaluate your attitude because it seems you're overthinking things a little. A genuine woman will find you attractive for your less tangible qualities, not your social status. And why would you be only seeking someone who is desperate? I'm not sure I know what you're asking really. But the title of your post is "when does dating become easier?" and I'd say with practice. Because I feel that they are the only girls who would go for me. I've heard in the afterlife, but those reports may be unreliable. For those of us remaining in the mortal coil, at least some of us will forever be asking that question; others for awhile, others never. Personally, I never found dating itself to be 'hard'; the 'hard' part was getting past the voluminous rejections to actually experience the process. Comparatively, the process was/is like a vacation on the beach with a martini in my hand. YMMV. Do you initiate contact with women through your social circle. I don't get "voluminous rejections" because I have no opportunities. I don't know any girls. And no girls flirt with me. Hence I don't attempt approaching them. Apparently if you're 30 and you hunt for the younger ones (20s, not teens) you clean up pretty easily. That is assuming of course you're mature with a developed career and a good amount of life experience. Not a man child or an older version of a horny teenager. I'm mature, live alone, and have a decent job, yet I'm not "cleaning up" at all. I haven't had sex in over 3 years. I have, however, had 3 one-off dates from girls from dating websites. After the first date, they wanted nothing more to do with me. Thus I gave up on Internet dating. The 20's and 30's are the best for men because they can date women from 22 to 30, who are fresh out of college, and looking for older, wiser, successful men to date and marry. To expand your social circle, join a gym or church or yoga class. I agree. But I can't find these women. I've joined a tennis club, chess club, book club and tried salsa dancing. I didn't make friends from any of these activities, despite keeping at it for a few months. It's as though I'm a natural female repellant.
monkey00 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I'm mature, live alone, and have a decent job, yet I'm not "cleaning up" at all. I haven't had sex in over 3 years. I have, however, had 3 one-off dates from girls from dating websites. After the first date, they wanted nothing more to do with me. Thus I gave up on Internet dating. I agree. But I can't find these women. I've joined a tennis club, chess club, book club and tried salsa dancing. I didn't make friends from any of these activities, despite keeping at it for a few months. It's as though I'm a natural female repellant. At your age, you should be getting all sorts of women from 20's to 30's. You're at a ripe age now and good for picking the women you want. Giving up after 3 dates? That's too soon. If you're not being proactive enough, obviously you won't be meeting anyone. As horrible as OLD can be, it's still an avenue but you should supplement that with other methods, like clubs, or classes (karate, etc), sports. As long as you aren't hideous or socially awkward, I really see no reason why it should be hard for you. I have friends that give up so easily because they expect women to fall into their laps and then wind up settling for whoever, just because they aren't proactive and don't have high standards for themselves to be more assertive. But I agree with you that lots of late 20's and 30's women are normally looking to settle down and start a family, I've met a lot of those types over the years. Have you no work colleagues who could play matchmaker?
jcrew11 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I agree. But I can't find these women. I've joined a tennis club, chess club, book club and tried salsa dancing. I didn't make friends from any of these activities, despite keeping at it for a few months. It's as though I'm a natural female repellant. None of those clubs are chick magnets. Salsa dancing is usually for couples. Take a Yoga Class, Cooking class, and wine class. Volunteer at a hospital, there are usually cute single nurses looking for men. Join a Church or Unitarian Church with easy Hippie girls. Catholic church is a good place to meet latin girls. Mormon church has a lot of cute virgins.
xdahliax Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Join a Church or Unitarian Church with easy Hippie girls. Catholic church is a good place to meet latin girls. Mormon church has a lot of cute virgins. You are aware that none of these girls will sleep with him until marriage, right? And if they do, they'll feel bad for the next 55 years? Possibly wake up in the middle of the night saying "I'm going to hell!!!"...
jcrew11 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 You are aware that none of these girls will sleep with him until marriage, right? And if they do, they'll feel bad for the next 55 years? Possibly wake up in the middle of the night saying "I'm going to hell!!!"... What's wrong with marrying a hot mormon girl?
udolipixie Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 In my opinion dating becomes easier when you lower standards or have the physical attractiveness, wealth, status, personality, or appeal wanted by those you want. Probably suited to rethink that chatting up a gal in a mall is creepy as generally a guy is creepy to a gal if she feels uncomfortable or unsafe by your behavior. Probably better suited to form solid friendships while dating.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Dating is never easy for anyone. That's no matter what you are looking for. Rejection and having to reject people are part of the process for everyone. It's unpleasant but unavoidable. Even if you just swear the whole process off then there is the angst that comes with not being connected.
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