couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 It's holiday here today and kind of missed him. I sTarted NC again last week but now I'm betraying myself by stalking him... why, am I obssessing this much this time? I can't control myself... it's killing me!
MissBee Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 It's holiday here today and kind of missed him. I sTarted NC again last week but now I'm betraying myself by stalking him... why, am I obssessing this much this time? I can't control myself... it's killing me! Do you mean actually stalking him or are you simply exaggerating? What do you mean by stalking?
scatterd Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I am sorry you are hurting but you need to find something to do to keep your mind off him. You could be caught stalking him. Come here and write when ever you get that urge to check on him. 3
Mount Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 What do you mean by stalking? You are far away from the XMM, correct? It's holiday here today and kind of missed him. I sTarted NC again last week but now I'm betraying myself by stalking him... why, am I obssessing this much this time? I can't control myself... it's killing me!
mercy Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 It's holiday here today and kind of missed him. I sTarted NC again last week but now I'm betraying myself by stalking him... why, am I obssessing this much this time? I can't control myself... it's killing me! It's not killing you and you can control yourself. You need to change the wording in your head, it isn't helping you at all. 1
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Do you mean actually stalking him or are you simply exaggerating? What do you mean by stalking? stalking like driving near his house trying to glimpse how he is with his family...
Mount Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 :eek::eek:But you won't do that, right? That sounds crazy.. stalking like driving near his house trying to glimpse how he is with his family...
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 :eek::eek:But you won't do that, right? That sounds crazy.. i know... I am scared myself...
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 It's not killing you and you can control yourself. You need to change the wording in your head, it isn't helping you at all. thanks! I'm just wondering why am I acting like this... first time for me to be doing this... but I know i won't do something awfull like attacking them...
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 thanks! I'm just wondering why am I acting like this... first time for me to be doing this... but I know i won't do something awfull like attacking them... What are you getting out of it? Does it make you feel good to know what he's doing with his wife and kids? What if you saw him kissing his wife? How would you feel/react? Seriously, stop stalking him, it serves no purpose except for you to be nosy into his life and his comings/goings. Focus on grieving the loss, so you can get to a healthier and better place. If you can't do that on your own, seek counseling to help you cope with this. 3
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 What are you getting out of it? Does it make you feel good to know what he's doing with his wife and kids? What if you saw him kissing his wife? How would you feel/react? Seriously, stop stalking him, it serves no purpose except for you to be nosy into his life and his comings/goings. Focus on grieving the loss, so you can get to a healthier and better place. If you can't do that on your own, seek counseling to help you cope with this. i dunno just want to see for myself and probably get some proofs that he is lying when he said he's not happy with his W. To help me get him out of my system if I can see them happy then I'll be hurt BIG TIME and hope I can move on finally let him go...
BrokenPrincess Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 What if he sees you!?!?? :sick: Imagine how bad that's gonna hurt.... 1
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 i dunno just want to see for myself and probably get some proofs that he is lying when he said he's not happy with his W. To help me get him out of my system if I can see them happy then I'll be hurt BIG TIME and hope I can move on finally let him go... Of course he's lying. People who want to divorce DO. He just wants you as the OW, someone on the side to fulfill what needs aren't being met at home. He's happy enough living life with his wife and kids. They go on outings as a family unit, they visit friends and family..They have meals together, sleep in the same bed. CHB, let go. The man (as MM do) has lied to you, telling you what you want to hear. DO you think he's going to say "Sure I'm happy enough in my marriage, I love my wife - But its' great for me to also have you on the side. Someone who adores me and looks at me like I'm the greatest thing ever.." how is that going to benefit him. His non action (leaving or divorcing his wife) IS proof that he isn't going anywhere, reguardless of what he's told you. Be strong, find your pride and ego and END IT. Don't ever look back and allow yourself to be his second fiddle. He ain't worth it! 2
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 What if he sees you!?!?? :sick: Imagine how bad that's gonna hurt.... i wasn't thinking of the consequences... terrified after I did it too...
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Of course he's lying. People who want to divorce DO. He just wants you as the OW, someone on the side to fulfill what needs aren't being met at home. He's happy enough living life with his wife and kids. They go on outings as a family unit, they visit friends and family..They have meals together, sleep in the same bed. CHB, let go. The man (as MM do) has lied to you, telling you what you want to hear. DO you think he's going to say "Sure I'm happy enough in my marriage, I love my wife - But its' great for me to also have you on the side. Someone who adores me and looks at me like I'm the greatest thing ever.." how is that going to benefit him. His non action (leaving or divorcing his wife) IS proof that he isn't going anywhere, reguardless of what he's told you. Be strong, find your pride and ego and END IT. Don't ever look back and allow yourself to be his second fiddle. He ain't worth it! =( thanks... I need people like you guys presenting the reality. Noone knows but us that's why I am obsessing... but really thanks! I was ashamed of myself afterwards too. I think I am some kind of a masochist in a way by stalking him.
mercy Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 thanks! I'm just wondering why am I acting like this... first time for me to be doing this... but I know i won't do something awfull like attacking them... Are you really driving to his house? You're acting like this because you aren't thinking straight. Counseling would help. Are you in therapy. Try to think clearly, you could get yourself into a lot of trouble for going to his house. 1
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 =( thanks... I need people like you guys presenting the reality. Noone knows but us that's why I am obsessing... but really thanks! I was ashamed of myself afterwards too. I think I am some kind of a masochist in a way by stalking him. He could see you lurking, and it'll make him worry and keep a watchful eye on you. What if in 2 weeks from now, you're just out and happen to run into his wife and kids, he sees this and assumes you're following them .. Of course you were there first, but he'll look back and remember you kind of watching them from a far - And it'll freak him out, maybe enough to go to the cops and ask for a restraining order against you. Emotions can be powerful and the fact that you're doing things you normally wouldn't be doing, is alarming. No more stalking him, or checking up on him online either. That makes you feel worse and does damage to you. I'm not saying you'd do something, or react/act out towards him or his wife, just don't put yourself in a situation where that could happen. Stay away and focus on your path to healing and letting go.. 1
MissBee Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 stalking like driving near his house trying to glimpse how he is with his family... Oh... Okay yess that's not an exaggeration. I suggest you not do that...no matter the temptation. Peeping through windows and such is very creepy...and you're better than that . Just think how ridiculous you'll feel if he found out? I suggest you refrain from physically stalking him and employ a friend as an accountable buddy or even LS, to post about your feelings versus doing these things. 1
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 slept for 5 hours straight and i now feel better. =) i know that curiosity can kill a cat and I promise I won't do anything that would jeopardise my family's name... To begin with, going to therapy isn't usual when one is depress in my place (where i am right now, as in the country). that's the reason why I stumbled on this site. I am trying to get help on my own through research (that's what i do for a living too). Reading and writing keeps me sane for the past years. I rant out through writing but it wasn't helping this 3rd time and I get to relive our past from reading it. I've already deleted my journal for the past 3 years and it helped but only fora while. Anway, yes maybe an online therapist can be the solution for this problem or confession to a close friend. It clearly is not my usual thing (the stalking). I was scared myself from doing it. In this relationship He was the only one feeding information about his life and I believed him. I didn't even bother to check it but since the incidence of reading his messages that's the time I doubted him. So, I needed to see his reality personally not to hurt them but to hurt myself to the max to finally get angry to him so I can stop myself from loving him this much. At least when I have the reason to be angry that was from all the lies he said before then I can finally gain the strength to just run and move on asap... I am aware about how this can be stupid to some but I've noone to turn to help me so I am doing all the dirty works. He was myfirst love after all. But thanks to you all who replied and drilling my brain to stop. I WILL stop. I won't promise but I'll try my best slowly this time not abruptly as I've wanted to before... GBU all...
Author couldhavebeen Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 He could see you lurking, and it'll make him worry and keep a watchful eye on you. What if in 2 weeks from now, you're just out and happen to run into his wife and kids, he sees this and assumes you're following them .. Of course you were there first, but he'll look back and remember you kind of watching them from a far - And it'll freak him out, maybe enough to go to the cops and ask for a restraining order against you. Emotions can be powerful and the fact that you're doing things you normally wouldn't be doing, is alarming. No more stalking him, or checking up on him online either. That makes you feel worse and does damage to you. I'm not saying you'd do something, or react/act out towards him or his wife, just don't put yourself in a situation where that could happen. Stay away and focus on your path to healing and letting go.. I know this is his greatest fear especially for his kids but I've no intention of doing anything to harm them. I've more to lose than to gain from it... There's no excuse in stalking him at all I realized that now that was why I was wondering if I am losing my sanity or something... Lack of sleep maybe but still...
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