steveblack Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Last week we met for some lunch. (3 yr, relationship, 4 months of very limited contact with not physical contact) Honestly, I went into the lunch with no expectations, and let the conversation flow as 'naturally' as it could. We chatted about some tough times with her really sick sister and how she and her mother are now taking care of her and its very time consuming. I talked about what is going on with me, and she seemed disinterested. I might be reading into it, but she stopped looking at me directly. I was talking about some really good things that are happening (me going to Europe for a job for a couple weeks). I think she was acting like this not because she didn't care but because she is now stuck here because she has responsibilities towards her family that she never had before. We laughed here and there, as I knew we would. Anyway, for a brief time we did talk about the breakup (not about the relationship). I kind of wanted to avoid that subject, but it came up. I talked about things that I pulled away from the relationship (very vague). She talked about how I treated her the way she was suppose to be treated in a relationship. (oh quick background the breakup had very little closure) Then she pops the comment of the lunch..... She alluded to one incident towards the end of the relationship that really hurt her (which i knew it did) and how I shouldn't do something like that in my next relationship. I think she said it not to hurt me, but to help me. This comment also means that she has not forgiven me for it either.... I responded as casual as I could saying that I have been thinking about that incident since the breakup, but that wasn't the reason we broke up, just might of pushed her over the edge (2 months later after the incident) Last we chatted about being friends in some capacity. She looked like she was going to cry a couple of times. ------- So, was it worth seeing her? I don't know. My mind is a little messed up from seeing her, but its not terrible. Where my mind was she was out of my life and I would avoid her at all costs. Now my mind might of taken a step back cause I am thinking about her and our relationship more, but it will fade if we don't contact each other. Would I do it again or suggest this? Honestly, if you are ready yes. I would say I would of been better another month of not seeing her. I was at 80%. I still felt some feelings, and I wish i hadn't which might be impossible. Where I go from here? Live life! Like I was before, and stop thinking about her. Will I contact her? Maybe when I am ready, but I am hoping that won't be for at least a couple of months. I do want to be friends, but since there were still feelings there, I can't keep doing it to myself. We both agreed that we see value in being in each others lives. Will she contact me? nope, no chance, not any time soon. Thanks for the read. And thanks to all the people here who have been following this and helping me through this tough time.
River Rain Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I think it's good that you met up with her. You were able to have a civil conversation and maybe clear the air a little more. Maybe at one point in the future, your next conversation might be more natural, friendly and nobody will leave feeling bad or on the verge of tears, that would make life easier on both of you probably. I've softened a little on the nc. I was so strict about it, but I'm starting to see the benefit, but like you said, as long as you feel you're ready emotionally and know what you're getting into. Breaking nc out of desperation is the opposite and serves neither person any purpose. Once enough time has passed, I think it's okay.
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