damnedifido Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I know my g/f and I are essentially best friends rather than lovers. I posted previously how and why that's the reality. (And another user agreed). So. How do you leave your best friend and companion knowing this will leave a big, empty hole in your life? We've lived in each others pockets (and the same bed) for over 10 yrs. I know this will destroy her, half my friendships (through her) and devastate my folks (who are old and desperate for grandchildren) and hers (ditto). And, frankly, even though I don't desire her and there is nothing physical between us I know I will miss her company like crazy. How do you do this when there's no fighting, no affairs, just the realisation that you need/deserve more than just friendship (and you're not getting younger and counselling hasn't worked). Apart from grow a pair! (just preempting ;-))
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 From everything you described the end is inevitable and this is unfair to her. Either do it for her or do it for yourself.
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 What worked for me was finally accepting that we're all alone in life except for the associations we choose and, if those choices don't work out, it's back to the base state, alone. Once one is comfortable with and loves alone, meaning one's personal existence in the universe, everything else becomes academic. 1
Liz2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 You say counselling didn't work but it could be you aren't working with the right one or one of you isn't on track with what was suggested, would suggest you put up to her that you should both separate for a couple of months, stay single, see how you feel, the spark might come up in that time and see a new counsellor? I wouldn't give up til you really have no hope. they say you should marry your best friend so you just gotta get the fun love back.
Author damnedifido Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 All. Thank you for taking time to respond. @monicaelise is spot on. My g/f and I have lived in each other's pockets for 10+ yrs. She's the last person I speak to (virtually) every night and we know more about each other than anyone else does (excluding ourselves). My g/f has been through some very (emotionally) difficult situations during this time and I have supported her throughout. I have a bond with her like with no other, though I recognise it as a bond of care and affection alone. I have previously referred to it as feeling almost paternal (which is not good, obviously, and is indicative of the imbalance of dependency in the relationship and (likely) the lack of any physical side). I know for my own sanity and for the sake of both of us I have to make a break, but when there so much history and such a close bond between us, albeit not one which is healthy (in the context of a loving, fulfilling relationship), this is so much easier said than done. Thanks.
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