Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Lately I've been just talking to women but without a clear goal in mind, by that I mean instead of talking to girls for the purpose of asking her out I don't really have a goal besides just talking to someone. What I do is just try to have random conversations with random women typically I try to break the ice with a joke or small talk of some kind and I introduce myself and attempt to have some sort of random conversation. If this is going good I try to get to know her a bit while at the same time trying to pay attention to signs of interest and if this is going good I'll attempt to get her contact info before I go. Now this approach has had 0 success of any kind whatsoever so its neither a step forward or back, but it does help eliminate some of the fear of approaching and rejection as I tell myself I'm not actually asking girls out just having a random conversation. 4
Jamesblame Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Sounds like you're getting a lot from it. Getting over the fear of talking to someone is everything. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Lately I've been just talking to women but without a clear goal in mind, by that I mean instead of talking to girls for the purpose of asking her out I don't really have a goal besides just talking to someone. What I do is just try to have random conversations with random women typically I try to break the ice with a joke or small talk of some kind and I introduce myself and attempt to have some sort of random conversation. If this is going good I try to get to know her a bit while at the same time trying to pay attention to signs of interest and if this is going good I'll attempt to get her contact info before I go. Now this approach has had 0 success of any kind whatsoever so its neither a step forward or back, but it does help eliminate some of the fear of approaching and rejection as I tell myself I'm not actually asking girls out just having a random conversation. Ive decided to do this kind of......not too much in reality but online i do get approached in reality and i can have conversations except if it is the guy i reallylike do you know how frustrating that is.....extremely......i am utterly backwards in coming forward.....but i am hoping getting to know males again and just relaxing a bit might make it easier to talk to the guy i like....and hopefully i might be able to screw my head on the right way......as far as shyness goes....it should be the other way around for me.. but it aint.....good luck to you necris......deb.......
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Sounds like you're getting a lot from it. Getting over the fear of talking to someone is everything. Well it does make cold approaching easier as I'm not really cold approaching just talking to random women, though it doesn't increase my chances or anything. So is this actually a good approaching method?
dasein Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Try doing this with everyone, young, old, men, women, and you will end up building a social network that will introduce you to warm prospects. Sounds good, congratulations. 4
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Always good to be social and get over the fear of talking to strangers, but once again I must note, cold approaches get most people nowhere.
Sun Devil Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 This is exactly how I talk to girls. I would go up to them and start a random conversation with them. So far, I have gotten a dozen numbers, but when I ask them out, they either never reply or tell me that they have a boyfriend. How do I improve my cold approaches?
Shaun-Dro Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Always good to be social and get over the fear of talking to strangers, but once again I must note, cold approaches get most people nowhere. Speak for yourself. I cold-approached a young woman yesterday, 26, at a local supermarket, asked her what she thought about these shriveled up grapes, and she laughed, and we got to talking. In turn, I got her number, and have been talking to her today and will meet with her at a bar/lounge tomorrow evening. Since I'm already messing with 2 other women off and on, getting more has become easier and easier. Like I said, it's getting the first woman interested is the toughest challenge. All of my success has been through cold approaches, rather than meeting from someone I know. And since I'm not seeking a relationship of any kind, the cold approach is actually the way to go. It's about the approach that you do, the venue you pick, and the natural repose that you bring to the table when making that effort with these clueless dames.
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 This is exactly how I talk to girls. I would go up to them and start a random conversation with them. So far, I have gotten a dozen numbers, but when I ask them out, they either never reply or tell me that they have a boyfriend. How do I improve my cold approaches? Similar situation except I don't actually get numbers, only a handful of rare times I have gotten a number and it doesn't actually help expand my social circle but the same thing happens with me. I suspect most women actually do not like random strangers and I don't blame them, you need to be extremely charismatic or beautiful for a cold approach to work. The benefit of this method is that you tell yourself you are just talking to women not exactly asking her out and if she blows you off she just wasn't in the mood to speak to you, making it easier to talk to people and rejection doesn't really feel like rejection.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Similar situation except I don't actually get numbers, only a handful of rare times I have gotten a number and it doesn't actually help expand my social circle but the same thing happens with me. I suspect most women actually do not like random strangers and I don't blame them, you need to be extremely charismatic or beautiful for a cold approach to work. The benefit of this method is that you tell yourself you are just talking to women not exactly asking her out and if she blows you off she just wasn't in the mood to speak to you, making it easier to talk to people and rejection doesn't really feel like rejection. You just don't get it. You have to know what venues to pick when you're randomly approaching these dames. It's going to be hit or miss, but you've got to train yourself in how to pick up on proper signals. You're obviously not doing that, which explains your failures.
Sun Devil Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Does pua teach how to use these signals. If not, where would I learn this
GirlontheLam Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 You just don't get it. You have to know what venues to pick when you're randomly approaching these dames. It's going to be hit or miss, but you've got to train yourself in how to pick up on proper signals. You're obviously not doing that, which explains your failures. Exactly! Personally, I'll chat up about anyone, male or female. But only a few men will actually make me feel like I should give them my number, or I'd be happy they asked. Listen for hints about her interests and see if she seems to imply she'd be open to doing something together. Personally if I am interested, I will generally mention or talk about local places I like or would like to try, and follow it up with a question on your opinion about said place. It tends to be a really great way to find out if someone is taken too. People who are involved usually say "me and my girlfriend like that place."
Shaun-Dro Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Does pua teach how to use these signals. If not, where would I learn this If you're referring the question to me, PUA may teach you how to pick up on these signals that women unconciously throw out. It's not hard really. All you have to do is look for openings in making short conversations and don't try too hard. Just be natural. No trying to make her laugh. It really isn't necessary. You can be serious and interesting in a single breath. See, with me, I don't say a whole lot. I talk, I'm not exactly silent, but I'm more prone to talk when something needs to be said; not just saying a lot of nothings like most other people do. I let my eyes do the talking and it seems to work better for me. You need to find what works best for you. I advise speaking with a friend/relative and asking about what they believe might be your most attractive physical asset and character trait. And with that information, you can grow from there.
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 You just don't get it. You have to know what venues to pick when you're randomly approaching these dames. It's going to be hit or miss, but you've got to train yourself in how to pick up on proper signals. You're obviously not doing that, which explains your failures. I'm actually pretty bad in reading signals of attraction the only ones I know are the obvious ones but I have never experienced someone being that attracted to me, and unfortunately the extremely subtle signals maybe slipping by me or I imagine that they are there when they aren't. Good thing I don't feel bad about my lack of luck I already know I'm bad at this, I'm more of practicing speaking and trying to be less shy than anything I've already dropped the goal of getting a date or even a girlfriend now I've changed my way of thinking to "if it happens cool, if it doesn't no biggie".
Sun Devil Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Shaun dro, where did you learn to talk to girls and are you regarded as physically attractive? I heard that cold approaches only work for attractive people
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Always good to be social and get over the fear of talking to strangers, but once again I must note, cold approaches get most people nowhere. I was talking about this with my daughter last night.....and even though I have been reclusive i have had to go out...when i do people young old men women are more likely to approach me if they are needing help i say this because it happens often even my daughter has noticed....strangers approach me.....and i can talk to them....i also attract lonely people....or lonely people find me and walk through my door and i try and help them at home.....you can make it easy for people to cold approach....doesnt matter who i am with where i am ......it is me they approach...maybe its because i have eyes like a muppet kermit in particular.....i find it harder to cold approach....i normally let people come to me.....and cold approaching me...people normally get an answer o ri help them....i never would not be friendly...unless they are drunk and obnoxious....i feel you dont get anywhere with cold approaching certain people..not all people...maybe thats why they come to me......deb
GirlontheLam Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm actually pretty bad in reading signals of attraction the only ones I know are the obvious ones but I have never experienced someone being that attracted to me, and unfortunately the extremely subtle signals maybe slipping by me or I imagine that they are there when they aren't. Women are taught to be subtle about their attraction, so looking for the obvious signals isn't necessary that great. I'll tell you mine, when I am most interested: (stars are pretty much the surefires) 1. **I'll touch you, a few times (unless it makes absolutely no sense in the situation. This is an available technique in most cases, but one I am in now it isn't really available to me). Something basic like your arm or shoulder. 2. **I'll get in your space, at least a little bit. So notice if she is getting a little closer...it is a good sign! 3. I will try to run into you (if this is an available option). The first time I used this technique, it was ridiculously effective. I got the guy and met 3 of my closest friends. 4. I'll repeat something personal you told me in a previous conversation (if you have shared something personal) 5. I'll drop hints about stuff I like to do. If I am feeling super bold,. I'll even feel out if you'd like to go sometime. I know about the other things about the hair toss, tilting you head etc. I might unconsciously do those, but I don't think so. And I pretty much always tilt my head to the side in conversations with everyone (and pics) so basically it is one of natural habits. I am smiley and I tend to be "Easy" with the genuine smiles unfortunately, most of the time they go all the way up to my eyes so it is a meaningless signal in my book. Maybe someone I am into will get more of a never-ending one, but I can't suss this out as a signal. I smile at everyone. OK one note. I am a little touchy feely, but more importantly I am one of those people that makes people feel at ease really quickly. People open up to me all the time. And these speedy path to feeling comfortable means the touch feely types reach out really quickly to someone like me. And since I am a little touchy feely, if I am comfortable around you, I won't be too worried if you invade my space. This can happen quickly. For some people it is actually withing the first 10 minutes of meeting them. The one thing I sort of agree with PUAs on is "kino." You need to get in the habit of touching people a little bit. And feeling if they are comfortable with it. And I will 100% admit, that is I am even remotely attracted to someone and they touch me, even in a completely innocent way (on the arm or whatever) I will be more attracted to them for sure. And if I am really attracted? All bets are off.
jcrew11 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Try to get as many platonic female friends or acquaintances as possible. Even if you are not attracted to them, they may have a friend who is perfect for you. Its even easier to talk to older women, like at a grocery store or at work, since they may have daughters they want to set you up with. When you are relaxed and not "trying too hard" then women find that attractive, just being cool and smiling. When you are anxious and trying to sleep with every attractive women, then women can sense it and its a turn off for them. Try volunteering somewhere, like at a hospital. Most of the hot single women are nurses. If you look at online dating sites, the cutest girls are always nurses.
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Speak for yourself. I cold-approached a young woman yesterday, 26, at a local supermarket, asked her what she thought about these shriveled up grapes, and she laughed, and we got to talking. In turn, I got her number, and have been talking to her today and will meet with her at a bar/lounge tomorrow evening. Since I'm already messing with 2 other women off and on, getting more has become easier and easier. Like I said, it's getting the first woman interested is the toughest challenge. All of my success has been through cold approaches, rather than meeting from someone I know. And since I'm not seeking a relationship of any kind, the cold approach is actually the way to go. It's about the approach that you do, the venue you pick, and the natural repose that you bring to the table when making that effort with these clueless dames. Never in my history of people I know, has anyone ever cold approached. All the guys I know who are successful with women do it through social circles, myself included. Outside of the pua community, I don't think I've even heard the idea of cold approaching mentioned.
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Never in my history of people I know, has anyone ever cold approached. All the guys I know who are successful with women do it through social circles, myself included. Outside of the pua community, I don't think I've even heard the idea of cold approaching mentioned. I've seen guys who can cold approach women but it requires alot of charisma or you have to be extremely attractive.
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I've seen guys who can cold approach women but it requires alot of charisma or you have to be extremely attractive. i actually have found guys who are smooth on the cold approach dont rely on their attractiveness and have a bit of humility and are a bit self effacing the successful ones anyway joined my friend zone..i have had quite a few men approach me from all walks of life......deb
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) i actually have found guys who are smooth on the cold approach dont rely on their attractiveness and have a bit of humility and are a bit self effacing the successful ones anyway joined my friend zone..i have had quite a few men approach me from all walks of life......deb You don't have to be super attractive but if you aren't super attractive you need alot of charisma/swagger/game etc. Anyway on the subject of Social Circle, one of the problems I may have with social circle approach is that I'm Black and my social circle is mostly White so that would severely limit options. Edited October 26, 2012 by Necris
AD1980 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 You just don't get it. You have to know what venues to pick when you're randomly approaching these dames. It's going to be hit or miss, but you've got to train yourself in how to pick up on proper signals. You're obviously not doing that, which explains your failures. Some of us dont get signals so we have to go in blind
xdahliax Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 You don't have to be super attractive but if you aren't super attractive you need alot of charisma. Anyway on the subject of Social Circle, one of the problems I may have with social circle approach is that I'm Black and my social circle is mostly White so that would severely limit options. I don't follow. How does that limit your options? You can date white people, and if you prefer women of other ethnicities I am fairly certain that the white people in your social circle associate with people who aren't white (besides you).
Author Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 I don't follow. How does that limit your options? You can date white people, and if you prefer women of other ethnicities I am fairly certain that the white people in your social circle associate with people who aren't white (besides you). I have no problem with dating any race. Though realistically, interracial dating is actually rare (though white man asian woman seems to be the most common interracial pairing I've seen) for one women of other races just may simply not find a man from another race attractive as people of their own race, also racist ideas still exist, and while not as much as the past their could be still social and family issues as a result of the relationship or she could feel like that could happen. All of this limits options for someone pursuing an interracial relationship.
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