Author veryhappy Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) I've been on here for about 5 years & have pretty much posted similar posts, except I didn't want "more". I've gone back & forth several times w/ a huge resolve to NEVER go back. My weak moments would be totally unexpected, a txt when I was leaving the gym & was feeling great. I'd be strong, strong, strong until I saw him & caved. The answer for me was not seeing him ever again. I have all the control & resolve & strength to not get involved again & WHOOPS !! Naked. If you really want it over, never see him again & never alone. I'm surprised you think you started him off to a future of being a SC?? We talked about that opening a door we can't close too, both our 1st A & neither of us ever want to do this again. Is that kind of justifying your part in it? Like he was a SC just waiting to happen?? Not all guys are like that. You can stereotype to a certain extent, but there's not really a recipe for a SC. There's no recipe for an outcome either, in any R. It's not a game of chess. I didn't set him out to be a serial cheater. I believe he was at big risk, because in the beginning I felt that it made little difference to him if it was me or somebody else. I already said that I discussed it with him as a warning to solve the issues he was having. He'll do what he wants, and yes, I hope he doesn't become a serial cheater. My hope is just hope, I have no control over reality - as much as some here want to make me some puppet master. Edited October 28, 2012 by cutedragon
Author veryhappy Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 I have sent a strong "do not contact me" message, and he'd better finally get that I mean it. If not, we'll dance the dance until he's out of my life, wife being told and all that, although it's very not my style. I will not put up with him poking to get a reaction, and having the smugness to believe that I can't resist him. I want his mental illusion that I am still available to him, and he can still have the both of both worlds to end. I couldn't imagine my life without this man. I wanted him so, so badly for so long. It's not that I'm happy with it, but it's become reality that I can let go and I will let go, and I'll push to let go and move on. 1
mercy Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I have sent a strong "do not contact me" message, and he'd better finally get that I mean it. If not, we'll dance the dance until he's out of my life, wife being told and all that, although it's very not my style. I will not put up with him poking to get a reaction, and having the smugness to believe that I can't resist him. I want his mental illusion that I am still available to him, and he can still have the both of both worlds to end. I couldn't imagine my life without this man. I wanted him so, so badly for so long. It's not that I'm happy with it, but it's become reality that I can let go and I will let go, and I'll push to let go and move on. Good for you. No more investigating affairs. Don't hurt yourself like that anymore. But I do think the wife needs to know. Just an opinion.
Author veryhappy Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I wanted to update on how it went after my no contact email. I got three emails in two days, the first two somewhat in line with the ones I've posted. Then I know he had his therapy session and soon after, I got an email, a normal one, where he offered an apology, recognized he is troubled, and was somewhat concerned that I'd do anything to retaliate for him contacting me (he assured me this was for sure his last communication). I believe that was it. I believe he got the point, and it sank in that I could contact his wife. It is still something that I'd rather not do, it's his confession to make or his guilt to bear. I will certainly not do that during the holidays ( the reason being his kids) even if he gets crazy and starts writing again. My feeling is that it's all done, and this is not just another false ending. To address the controversy of me investigating and researching affairs, I can see how it can be unusual not to get a seduced, naive woman who just fell into an A and didn't see it coming. There's no rescue need here. I find it odd that some are so upset by someone who didn't go with the flow, and tried to understand what was happening. I find it responsible to stay grounded in reality, and minimize the negative effects. I would advise anyone taking this path to be prepared, because it's a very bumpy ride. Getting into an A is not just losing oneself in the limerent high, it is signing up for the entire process, that very likely ends in horrible heartbreak. 1
Pierre Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 To address the controversy of me investigating and researching affairs, I can see how it can be unusual not to get a seduced, naive woman who just fell into an A and didn't see it coming. There's no rescue need here. I find it odd that some are so upset by someone who didn't go with the flow, and tried to understand what was happening. I find it responsible to stay grounded in reality, and minimize the negative effects. I would advise anyone taking this path to be prepared, because it's a very bumpy ride. Getting into an A is not just losing oneself in the limerent high, it is signing up for the entire process, that very likely ends in horrible heartbreak. I think a person can be an expert in the dynamic of affairs and still fall in an affair. Affairs cause people to think with their genitals and all info is neglected. I believe that many folks in affairs have a degree of narcissism and cannot see the damage to others. Quite often the affair is evaluate according to personal pain and not the pain of others. 1
Heather1 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I've googled things @ certain times too, even @ the beginning because I wasn't even sure I was in trouble & I wanted to know how to avoid it. Then I thought it was just a one sided crush & I had nothing to worry about & I was being paranoid...dumb. I'm just surprised you want to tell his w, or threaten to do that?? It seems you think he needs therapy & has issues & he's in the wrong & you're completely in the right w/ all this & now doing the "right thing". I don't feel that way @ all, whatever OM issues are I don't really care. I've got my own issues to deal w/!! In my google searches I've found all kinds of stuff on NC, etc. as a way to move on or a way to manipulate & get your love back. Here's my take on all the google research BS, there's a natural way love & r flow & they're using that natural flow as a way to manipulate someone. Without the Internet, this stuff just happened naturally & was sincere.
Author veryhappy Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 I'm just surprised you want to tell his w, or threaten to do that?? It seems you think he needs therapy & has issues & he's in the wrong & you're completely in the right w/ all this & now doing the "right thing". I don't feel that way @ all, whatever OM issues are I don't really care. I've got my own issues to deal w/!! It's tiring to explain and clarify, but since I brought it on myself... I said in my message that I really don't want to get to telling his wife. Not my style. I did write that I will take steps to enforce no contact, so he must be smart enough to understand that I will do whatever I need to do to keep him away, that included as a last, last resort. He's scared enough of her finding out that we won't get there. Where did I say I'm completely in the right? Where did I say he needs therapy and has issues? He said it himself (and I agree), but what's the issue here? I don't understand how my words get twisted so much.
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Cutedragon, you researched an affair?? Why would you research an affair? What fresh hell is this?
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