ApathetyNoMore Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Backstory: I told her I liked her before I truly meant it (knew her for 2-3 weeks), she liked me too, I got insecure and practically ignored her after this conversation for a week and she ends up not talking to me (practically hating me) for a few months. She acted like I didn't exist whenever our friends hung out. But I would catch her staring at me at times with the saddest of expressions at random times, and I remember her roommate had rested her head on my shoulder while we were hanging out and she just kept staring with this...horrified?.. expression on her face. Well, I asked her out after a few months because her hatred died down a bit and I needed closure, and she rejected me. Said her feelings for me were only infatuation before. What's worse, is she said this so nicely (plenty of apologies and she entertained small talk while we finished lunch), A few months later, I notice her feelings have come back. (i didnt know it at the time, on reflection I see it now) We talked more during those few months in between then we ever did before (because she hated me...) and I guess that triggered it. It's been 7 months since her feelings came back and they seem to be there. Except she seems upset over the fact we are in this limbo. I have a problem with all of this outside of my desire to not put myself out there to a person who rejected me already. How do I know her feelings are genuine. That she likes me for me and not because she wants her first boyfriend and I seemed so willing or she just feels bad for me or something?
ascendotum Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 How do I know her feelings are genuine. You wont. If you think you have a good feel for her feelings from spending time with her over the past few months then give it a shot. If you subsequently sense she just wanted a first bf and she is not that into you, then simply break up with her. Sounds like you shunned her then she shunned you as a result, so its an even slate. She could easily be wondering about your motivation after 7 mths (ie. you have no other options or your pride was wounded getting rejected). Really though when you say this 'her hatred died down a bit' about the girl, I really think you are better off pursuing another girl.
Author ApathetyNoMore Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 I guess I exaggerated a bit. She didn't "hate" me. She just avoided me at all costs and kept our conversations minimal. Anytime I would try and make her laugh, she would look at me like I was a complete idiot/fool over things that she would have laughed about before, and she laughs about now. She would literally run away if I tried to talk to her. I remember we were out with friends and walking back to our dorms and I came up besides her and I tapped her on the opposite shoulder that I was by her (it was a "thing" I did to her cause she always fell for it) and she broke into a smile and started laughing and punched me in the arm. Then next thing I know, smile is gone, frown is there, and she literally skips to the head of the group...and 10 feet ahead of everyone and ignores me. I really don't know how to handle this situation. To talk it out, or ask her on a date (though I don't think either of us have time this weekend for a date). Things have been going great with us as friends, and it's realistically obvious beyond infatuation that was there (back before it all went wrong) that we can be more than friends.
CC12 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I really don't know how to handle this situation. To talk it out, or ask her on a date (though I don't think either of us have time this weekend for a date). No need to talk it out, just ask her on a date next time you're free. Her response will tell you whether she's interested in more.
Author ApathetyNoMore Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Guess it's time to figure out a first date so I can finally have some closure. I'm not much of a movie guy (movies out suck right now as far as I know). Dinner is a given. I was thinking the zoo/aquarium but she's already going their next weekend for a short marathon and gets a free admission ticket, and knowing my luck the all the animals would wait for us to enter the room and start taking huge ****s to spite me. Bowling...not quite sure if she would enjoy that. Bowling with 2 people sounds kind of lame imo, I feel like we'd be competing against each other subtly and bowling seems more like a group activity. I'm stumped. This would probably happen on an evening friday/saturday. Unless JUST dinner can be considered a first date and we can do that anytime of the week..,
River Rain Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Here's a different perspective, you rejected her first by ignoring her after getting her hopes up, so she might be confused as to whether your feelings are genuine or not. But I think it's important to take a risk. You can't keep your heart guarded and free from hurt. I think also asking her on a date is a good idea instead of sitting back and trying to overanalyze the situation.
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