How Do You Guys Cope with Seeing Ex Making Out with Another Guy?

[lakerman34]

This happened to me last night. I've been told by my ex's friends that she still likes me, and I NC'ed her for about 3 weeks now. I've been told she's too proud to come talk to me, but I stayed strong with NC.

 

Last night, I went to the club on campus, and saw my ex making out with a friendly acquaintance of mine. I acted cool at the club but went crazy when I went home to my roommates.

 

She didn't LOOK at me, but I'm almost certain she knows I was there. Her best friend came to me and told me that the entire time post-breakup she was rooting for a reconciliation and that it was pretty much over, and my ex would regret hooking up with that dude (who is much shorter, uglier, less muscle mass, less suave, less EVERYTHING than me). Obviously, he's just a rebound, but I'm worried that they will be under my nose until I graduate (in 8 weeks).

 

Needless to say, my ex is pretty much dead to me unless she BEGS for forgiveness. I don't know if they escalated past making out, and I don't want to know.

 

How do you guys handle this?

Edited October 26, 2012 by lakerman34

[Jamesblame]

Screw that dude.

 

You were there first. The guy has your sloppy seconds. She's used up property. That's honestly how I feel toward my ex. And that's pretty mean, I acknowledge. But it's how I feel.

 

You'll be jealous. But her with that guy doesn't change the time you had with her. That history can't be changed. So the jealousy you feel is a concern that your past will be affected -- it won't. Or that you want her...trust me, you don't. You just miss the comfort of her.

 

Best thing to do is make your present fun by having new adventures.

[Balzac]

Excellent explanation. Who she's swapping spit with after your over, not your problem.

 

Eventually the pain ends my friend.

[Sugarkane]

I had the sane problem when I was in high school. I tried to avoid my ex as much as possible. Pretty hard when we had classes together. Even though I avoided him, he would still follow me everywhere with his new gf. They always made out (well more like grinding in public) infront of me. I thought that was pretty tasteless of my ex. I didn't know what else to do, but try and remain as calm and cold as possible. When school finished I was so glad I wasn't stalked by those two anymore.

[Sugarkane]

I had the sane problem when I was in high school. I tried to avoid my ex as much as possible. Pretty hard when we had classes together. Even though I avoided him, he would still follow me everywhere with his new gf. They always made out (well more like grinding in public) infront of me. I thought that was pretty tasteless of my ex. I didn't know what else to do, but try and remain as calm and cold as possible. When school finished I was so glad I wasn't stalked by those two anymore. The problem is if you say/ do anything they'll make you out to be the "psycho ex" even if you aren't.

[lakerman34]

She's playing games, so I'm going to play one last game and then never go to a party at this school again, and make sure I steer clear of her.

 

Tomorrow is her birthday. I'm going to wish her a happy birthday via text.

 

Her sorority also has a dance marathon that she is required to go to. I'm going to bring a friend of mine (girl), make sure I'm near her, grind, makeout, and 'take the girl home' (make it look like I'm taking her with me, then just go back to her house to chill). The girl is in on this, she thought that my ex making out in front of me was incredibly disrespectful and wants me to serve revenge to her nice and cold ON HER BIRTHDAY.

 

I can't give her the last laugh. I refuse to. I know these are childish games, but when you are dealing with a child, you too must become a child.

[PYTpisces]

Yes! this is cliche but two wrongs don't make a right. DONT stoop to her level. I think youre acting this way because of your bruised ego. You said yourself that the dude she made out with aint got nothing on you! That should be enough for you to dust your shoulders off and keep it moving. I saw in another post on this site, someone said sometimes the best revenge is to not give a damn. I say deal with your thoughts/feelings about this with the people who matter in your life. Its such a waste of precious energy and time to entertain foolishness like that!

[Tree_Salmon]

This happened to me last night. I've been told by my ex's friends that she still likes me, and I NC'ed her for about 3 weeks now. I've been told she's too proud to come talk to me, but I stayed strong with NC.

 

Last night, I went to the club on campus, and saw my ex making out with a friendly acquaintance of mine. I acted cool at the club but went crazy when I went home to my roommates.

 

She didn't LOOK at me, but I'm almost certain she knows I was there. Her best friend came to me and told me that the entire time post-breakup she was rooting for a reconciliation and that it was pretty much over, and my ex would regret hooking up with that dude (who is much shorter, uglier, less muscle mass, less suave, less EVERYTHING than me). Obviously, he's just a rebound, but I'm worried that they will be under my nose until I graduate (in 8 weeks).

 

Needless to say, my ex is pretty much dead to me unless she BEGS for forgiveness. I don't know if they escalated past making out, and I don't want to know.

 

How do you guys handle this?

 

You stop caring.

 

Your ex is probably f**king another guy for all you know.

 

Once you realize you have no control over peoples actions you really shouldn't have a problem with anything that happens.

[geegirl]

Caught the ex in the midst of sex with another woman. Best thing to do is walk away.

[PYTpisces]

Caught the ex in the midst of sex with another woman. Best thing to do is walk away.

 

 

wow you're incredibly strong

[lakerman34]

Yeah I said that when I was very emotional and furious.

 

I've changed my stance. My friend and I are still going to go, but are going to just have fun (not with the intention of getting her jealous). If people talk because they see me with another girl, that's fine. I've acted like a gentleman up to now, why would I change that?

[spaniard]

Is it necessary to go?

 

I was dumped ~4 months ago. No contact ever since. I avoid all the places where there are the slightest chance she would show up. Deleted her from my friends on FB. No stalking. My best friend just left an hour ago, he stayed logged in and I had the opportunity to visit her page but I did not. Why? First because I didn't even feel the need, second that I knew it would hurt me. Consider that two months ago I stalked her FB page EVERY DAY and now I don't even care so I think I do this break up thing quite right.

 

I think the best you can do is to avoid that party and find another place to go.

[PYTpisces]

Is it necessary to go?

 

I was dumped ~4 months ago. No contact ever since. I avoid all the places where there are the slightest chance she would show up. Deleted her from my friends on FB. No stalking. My best friend just left an hour ago, he stayed logged in and I had the opportunity to visit her page but I did not. Why? First because I didn't even feel the need, second that I knew it would hurt me. Consider that two months ago I stalked her FB page EVERY DAY and now I don't even care so I think I do this break up thing quite right.

 

I think the best you can do is to avoid that party and find another place to go.

 

This is a realllly good point. The only reason I'm doing as well as I am with moving on is because I cut off all possible forms of seeing him. Even deleted all comments he made on my pics so that I couldnt see his profile picture! It helps me think of him as an entity from the past while I go thru the emotional healing process

[lakerman34]

I was stupid. My friend and I got completely spaded and decided to go (we weren't going to). As we approached the party, we saw her and I told the girl "hold my hand," and she did. We got A LOT of dirty looks from the sisters.

 

2 days later, the mutual friend (one that is more friends with me) told me that my ex wanted her to relay this message to me: "don't even look at her, talk to her, just stay away from her."

 

I burned quite a few bridges during this breakup. But I'm over that.

 

I felt bad, but then again, she made out with a guy in front of me. I thought about it for 2 days, realized I was leaving in 6 weeks, so I sent this text to her:

 

I want to apologize for Saturday night. It was stupid and childish.

 

At exactly 3AM the same night (7 hours later), she replied 'yeah its whatever.'

 

I left it at that. I felt like apologizing wasn't absolutely necessary, but I've handled this situation to a T, I acted like a gentleman, and she acted like a b*tch, so I figured the grown-ass gentleman thing to do was apologize. I did it more so I could feel better than for her.

 

We see each other in passing, she's always with her sisters, I'm but myself or with a couple of friends, she never even LOOKS at me or even says 'hi.' Kinda sucks considering we broke up crying in each others' arms w/ her head buried in my chest.

 

But, as Tupac once said, "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened, or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f--- on."

 

She has a lot of growing up to do which, to her, may mean screwing a bunch of guys. I'm over with the hookup scene (these college girls have NO idea what they are doing between the sheets, and I always feel like it's not fulfilling). When she comes to mind, I just tell myself "she's 19, she and I had great times, made great memories, but she was boring in bed, and, like all my friends (and even some of her friends) told me, I REALLY sold myself short with her.

 

I'm not even mad she made out with that guy. He's 7 in. shorter than me and doesn't measure up to me in ANY way. They probably deserve each other, and I could do MUCH better than her.

 

It'd be fun to have a f buddy, but I'm going to focus on me until something comes up. I have a SICK Canon EOS camera that I have barely even played around with. I'm going to start taking classes and figure it out so I can use it when I go to South Africa. I'm going to focus more on my physical therapy so I can get back to the gym (I believe that being away from the gym for 6 months has a lot to do with my aggression and maybe even any neediness I showed. The gym was always so therapeutic to me, but because of my shoulder and leg injury, I have a lot built up in me).

 

A lot of girls that are friends are building up my esteem, reminding me that I'm a very confident, good-looking guy with a sick body. My ex made me somewhat self-conscious and I've lost some confidence because of her. I've bought myself some new button down shirts and my appetite has come back with a VENGEANCE.

 

Whenever I'm in at night and I know my ex is out partying and might be getting with other guys, I tell myself how she used to get with A LOT of guys and how she's disrespecting her body. She also used to smoke, then started dating me and quit, and then restarted after our relationship. I tell myself that I had her when she actually gave a damn about her body, so I had her at her best. Now she smokes more pot than ever, eats those damn hot cheetos every night that are about 500 calories a bag, drinking a lot of booze, and doesn't go to the gym as often as she used to.

 

In other words, maybe she's doing better in 'moving on,' and her sorority sisters (which, I'm sorry to say, the idea of Greek Life and paying for friends and parties is completely laughable and fake) hate me and are helping her in the process, I'm taking measures to be better in the long run. She doesn't have a cardio-thoracic surgery internship in South Africa. She isn't pursuing any new hobbies (actually, I heard she dropped a couple of clubs she used to be so passionate about that when she'd talk to me about them tears would drop down her eyes) in order to be a full-time member of her sorority.

 

The greatest revenge is success. She may not see it, and she may not even care, but I'm KILLING her right now. I'd actually LOVE her to call me in the future seeing what I'm up to. I thank her for great memories and some beautiful moments, but I was blinded by that 'dime a dozen' cuteness, boobs, and pussy. I can do WAY better (my best friend laughed at me the other night saying 'I didn't want to say anything to hurt your feelings because you loved her, but dude, your ex is a fatty') and I DESERVE better. She deserves the guy she kissed. I'm too good for her. If she feels so inclined, she can hit me up in 2-3 years and I'll decide if she's done anything worthy enough for me.

 

Sorry for the vent, I needed it haha. I probably will add more later. It's better for me to talk on this forum than to friends. They are tired of hearing about her (well, all of them except my best friends---that's why they call them 'best friends.')

[spaniard]

What your wrote lakerman is strikingly similar to my position. After the break up my ex started drinking heavily, started smoking. All my friends told me how bad she looked like. She gave up everything she stood for (or at least I though she stood for) and started living like there was no tomorrow.

 

And I, as the dumpee, decided to reorganize my life. I had a knee injury that, thank God, has got much better in the past few months. I started working out again, started eating healthily. No more junk food, no more pizzas, I cook my own food made of ingredients I buy myself. It's been only a few months, but I'm tougher, faster and healthier than ever. Both mentally and physically.

 

While she is out partying on the weekends getting drunk thursday through sunday hooking up with dumb-ass frat guys packing on beer bellies "because she can now", I am studying nutrition articles like it's my job, and pursuing fitness like it's my life.

 

I was never a lazy guy. She knows that. She said once she never knew anyone that can work as hard as I can. Well, I'm even better than that. I decided to be the best in university, in gym, at work, everywhere in my life.

 

She left me when I needed her the most. When she was in depression, I went home (200 km) in the middle of the night after a tough day to be with her just to drive back again that night because of my job and university. I never let her down. When I needed her support because I was overburdened, she left me in a fraction of a second.

 

I also started to fulfill my dreams. I started a skydiving course from my own money I earnt. It's crazy, I love it. She knows I am not an average guy, and I decided I never want to be.

 

All this may sound egoistic, but I don't care. I'm better than any guys she hooks up with, I've always been and I'll always be. And I'll find a girl much better than her.

[lakerman34]

What your wrote lakerman is strikingly similar to my position. After the break up my ex started drinking heavily, started smoking. All my friends told me how bad she looked like. She gave up everything she stood for (or at least I though she stood for) and started living like there was no tomorrow.

 

And I, as the dumpee, decided to reorganize my life. I had a knee injury that, thank God, has got much better in the past few months. I started working out again, started eating healthily. No more junk food, no more pizzas, I cook my own food made of ingredients I buy myself. It's been only a few months, but I'm tougher, faster and healthier than ever. Both mentally and physically.

 

While she is out partying on the weekends getting drunk thursday through sunday hooking up with dumb-ass frat guys packing on beer bellies "because she can now", I am studying nutrition articles like it's my job, and pursuing fitness like it's my life.

 

I was never a lazy guy. She knows that. She said once she never knew anyone that can work as hard as I can. Well, I'm even better than that. I decided to be the best in university, in gym, at work, everywhere in my life.

 

She left me when I needed her the most. When she was in depression, I went home (200 km) in the middle of the night after a tough day to be with her just to drive back again that night because of my job and university. I never let her down. When I needed her support because I was overburdened, she left me in a fraction of a second.

 

I also started to fulfill my dreams. I started a skydiving course from my own money I earnt. It's crazy, I love it. She knows I am not an average guy, and I decided I never want to be.

 

All this may sound egoistic, but I don't care. I'm better than any guys she hooks up with, I've always been and I'll always be. And I'll find a girl much better than her.

 

That's great news, man!

 

I feel the same way, and when I can hit the gym, oh boy, it's gonna get real hahaha!

 

Part of me still hopes she calls. Not in the next month or so, but in a few years. We were so great together, we even told each other during the breakup that our relationship was an instance of the right person at the wrong time. I'm NEVER, EVER, EVER going to contact her again, but it'd be cool if once she realizes that she lost something great with me (I did, after all, treat her like a goddesss--for goodness sake, our last sexual act together was her being to drunk so I rubbed her feet for her), that she'll contact me for a coffee or something--even if it's 2 or 3 years from now.

 

I just turned 22, and have been in 5 or 6 relationships. This girl was the first one that I actually loved and told her I loved her. Whatever happens with her, I want her to be happy. I kind of wish she'd believe me when I told her I have no ill feelings towards her (aside from the disrespectful makeout she did in front of me which was probably her way of coping with the breakup). One day, I hope she's honest with herself and realizes what she's lost. However, by then, I imagine, I'll be so engrossed in my work and may even have a much more significant SO than she ever was. And maybe she'll find 'the one' in a couple of years as well.

 

Only time will tell.

[lakerman34]

It sucks.

 

AGAIN last night, at the campus club. It's, ironically, my uncle's place so I practically live there. She's grinding on the same guy, and then eventually drags him out back to his room.

 

It kills me to see it. I'm reading Doc Love's 'The System' now, and it makes me realize that I made A LOT of mistakes in the relationship, but also that my ex just wasn't worth it. It still hurts like a mofo to know that she's OK with doing **** like that in front of me, a guy she had a 7 month relationship with and I treated her like a goddess.

 

This guy just wants her vag, like every other college guy. She's pretty much over me is what I'm hearing. I keep reminding myself that she's sloppy seconds to that guy, and the sex wasn't very good anyways (like having sex with a dead body, she just laid there). It'd be a lot easier if I had a cute girl (mind you, she downgraded BIG time with this guy, basically any girl would be an upgrade from her).

 

It's funny b/c I remember when I first started seeing her she would tell me how she went a little crazy her first semester of college and how she wanted to transfer because of it. Now, only after 3 weeks of breakup, she's ALREADY moved on to another guy. The guy before me had her for 2 months, and then she took a 3 month break before me. I had her for 7 months, and she takes a 3 week break and now has Mr. Downgrade.

 

I think I'm very justified in saying this: whore. slut.

 

I'll leave it on this forum. No one else has to know that's how I feel about her now.

[Daniel V. Ross]

On this kind of situation, it is maybe quite hard for anyone of us to cope up. However, we should motivate ourselves also to get rid of the feelings and try to move on.

[lakerman34]

There are so many variables going on here.

 

It's a rebound relationship, by definition. IDK if she 'loves' this guy (very highly doubt it), or if she just wants him to fill that emotional gap that I used to fill. I don't know what the case is.

 

I'm doubling up my efforts to make sure I don't run into her again. This being such a small campus, it's inevitable that I will run into her. I saw her briefly today with a bunch of her sorority sisters, but this is the first time I've seen her in a couple of days.

 

She keeps telling people "I don't know why he just can't get over me" and mutual friends are telling me that she is over me and I just need to move on.

 

HOWEVER, I could be wrong, but I think I saw her staring at me the other night at the club. For quite some time (she was on the other side of the club, however, and the lights were rather dark, so I could be wrong).

 

Also, she has a trouble saying 'hi' to me, and can't even look me in the eye. I have NO problem saying 'hi' to her, but whenever the situation arises, she tries VERY HARD to avoid me (usually uses the 'take out my phone and text a friend' excuse). I often catch her looking down or away when I try to make eye contact. She plays confident, but I know her better than that. She actually has A LOT of confidence, self-image, and self-esteem issues and I think that plays a HUGE part in her inability to just fake a smile, look me in the eye, say 'hi,' and move on. The opposite of love is indifference, and an indifferent person would be able to do AT LEAST this.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to get over her, and though I'm not there yet, I'm getting there. I'm seeing a counselor who has REALLY helped me, I'm finding new hobbies, and I have opportunities coming for me that Mr. NewGuy can only DREAM of.

 

I wrote her a letter that I was going to send her when I left school. It basically says that 'it sucks that things got ugly, when I told you I loved you, you were my best friend, and you were one of the best things that happened to me at college, I meant it. There is some wisdom in what you said of having to make mistakes on your own that I did not understand until recently. I wish you the best of luck and happiness, and maybe one day we can become friends again.'

 

She left a bed sheet in my room that I need to return to her. I'll put it in a bag (won't even bother washing it ), and I'll decide whether I want to give her the letter or not. Some days I think it's a good idea to, other days I don't think it's worth it. Considering I may never see her again and don't really care if I get a response or not, today I lean towards just send it to her. I have nothing to lose, and maybe in a few years, I'll have an awesome girl hit me up that is MUCH more mature and ready to have a mature, committed, monogamous relationship.

 

I'm not holding my breath though (don't get me wrong). I'm already talking to a girl back home, got her number, and she said once I'm done with school (in 5 weeks) that we should hang out. I'm rather going to take it REALLY slow with her and decide if she is 'THE ONE,' OR I'm going to see if she's down to be f buddies. I got 5 weeks to decide that though

Edited November 7, 2012 by lakerman34