Just another man distraught by his Gf's past.

[CptSaveAho]

i think you maybe need counseling to deal with her past now you know it

 

Shes a ho.. a normal emotionally healthy man would never date/enter a relationship/ or even marry such a woman

 

You are essentially telling him to accept her baggage and that he needs help... shes 25 with more baggage then a suitcase factory. Look who she turned to because no one else would take her, a guy out of a 10 year marriage

 

WOMEN! Jesus

Edited November 22, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[YorickBrown]

Shes a ho.. a normal emotionally healthy man would never date/enter a relationship/ or even marry such a woman

 

You are essentially telling him to accept her baggage and that he needs help... shes 25 with more baggage then a suitcase factory. Look who she turned to because no one else would take her, a guy out of a 10 year marriage

 

WOMEN! Jesus

 

You'll get an "aye, aye Captain" from me for that sir! In fact, if I may just add...the "ho" probably DOES NOT deserve a "normal emotionally healthy man"...no she does not!!! She NEEDS an EXTREMELY normal emotionally healthy man or woman (that's up for martyrdom or sainthood)....Both BURT and her do! From what Burt is telling us about his "issues" they simply shouldn't be together (at least not right now) ...its a shipwreck waiting to happen...i'm tempted to say "Thar she blows" and Burt is gonna get blown away fer sure (uhm, figuratively and literally speaking).

 

I'm sorry. I'm all for forgiveness and second chances (even thirds and fourths...until 69th..that's my limit k?) but a story of two...(sorry for being so blunt) two "screw-ups" coming together will simply not end well (like two wrongs don't make it right, right?)

 

I know, especially the women here want a "happy ending" to this uhmm.. love story "fairy tale" even though it reads pretty much like a hard-core porn fantasy. Look, I do too! but I just don't see it ending in any good way (in fact, now that I think about it, I have not actually seen an ending of a porn movie:o). Look Burt, obviously you ALSO WANT a happy, even perfect ending to your story right?!? Im sorry to say you kinda "missed your flight" buddy...you should have "gotten off" (the relationship) when...the "getting off" was still great (what's with all these puns?)

 

I like that "baggage" bit! Although I would have personally used "in an airport's conveyor belt" instead of "suitcase factory" and Burt's the passenger/porter who has all the baggage claim stubs (sorry, promise, last one!)

 

Lose those claim stubs now, Burt.

[todreaminblue]

Shes a ho.. a normal emotionally healthy man would never date/enter a relationship/ or even marry such a woman

 

You are essentially telling him to accept her baggage and that he needs help... shes 25 with more baggage then a suitcase factory. Look who she turned to because no one else would take her, a guy out of a 10 year marriage

 

WOMEN! Jesus

 

 

whatever, you must be one of those the normal emotionally healthy male then with a moniker called cptsveaho....she has a past....and nowhere in there was there talk about her receiving money for services rendered....so no ho....cptsaveaho.......everyone who has had relationships and moved on has baggage some people have more than others...i have ....but then i am honest....with a name like cptsaveaho....your baggage is evident even if you play the normal healthy emotional male card......you are void in that department add compassion to the void too...not so healthy.so last one to judge hey....deb

[Burt1976]

A past is a hard thing for any guy to deal with especially if it is one that involves sex that is way over anything they have experienced....even the more experienced guys have to be totally secure....

 

there are a few things that you gave said that i would offer some advice on...

you are worried it is her body image that is keeping her from her old ways because she had babies and is scarred

 

 

i will offer this when a woman who is loving has kids, her world changes it isnt just her anymore it her and her kids....hence the shield hence the shyness hence the regret...if she truly wanted that wild scene with the pot and the drinking ....do you think drunk guys notice scars or cellulite they wouldn't care, and if she was that girl now she wouldn't care either, she would smoke pot get drunk and the inhibitions are magically gone because nobody gives a crap when you are intoxicated........obviously she isnt that girl anymore..she is a mother and a woman now.

 

 

people often mature with age funnily enough.....and stupid mistakes are often there to haunt the truly regretful...kids are there to remind you what you dont want them to do so you lead by example....she seems like a caring mother with a past from what you posted.....

 

 

i think you maybe need counseling to deal with her past now you know it, if you wanted to stay with her you need to come to a decision......have you ever though maybe if she met you earlier in her life that past would not be the same.....maybe she would be with you and not have done half the things she has done you just dont know...so you wanting her to have picked you then is really irrelevant because it is a possibility she would have you cant really say if she would or wouldnt have

 

 

.what you do know is that you do care for her now and she does care for you now you have an active healthy sex life with someone who is shy and a loving mother....if you base everything in her past....your relationship will join that past.....and be history

 

 

its all up to you and how you really feel about her...love is a risk.....in any case past or no past no guarantees...all you both could do is give it your all....if you have your all to give...another poster said don't save a loser and called your girlfriend a save a ho project

 

 

i am curious what do you feel when you read those insults directed towards a woman who has kept your bed warm for you, who was shy and scared to get involved with you..... those comments made against your girlfriends character are directly in relation to the portrayal you give of your current girlfriend

 

guys on the net calling her a ho a loser and she is looking for a sucker what are your feelings on those comments..does it make you doubt her do you feel in your heart they are right, these guys who have never met her?.....?????..deb

 

Let me try and answer you paragraph per paragraph:

 

Yes it is hard, but I'm aware it's simply my male ego having trouble digesting a partner's more active past. But even in this case, I know that I've done some pretty unorthodox things myself, but in my mind, this particular incident of hers is beyond anything I could have imagined myself involved in (and i've participated in threesomes and "witnessed" public sex as well). What probably bugs me the most about all of this is the contrast between who she is now and the things she's described to me (from my own asking). I thought I could handle it, but it just got way bigger than I could have expected. Rainbow party anyone? 11 years old? Check! At that age, I was ashamed to touch myself.

 

As for her body image. True it worried me at first because it seemed like a possibility considering all this added information I wasn't aware of before. But she's always been totally honest with me. She definitely loves her kids and they are number one in her life, which I can understand, so I really appreciate all the effort she puts in her couple as well. I also thought about he fact that she's been wanting to settle down for a long time. Her past was her way of getting the attention she couldn't get at home, she went about it the wrong way and hates herself for having been that way. But she learned who she really was through this (I just wish I would have learned the same way myself) and she discovered that this "ho" thing was just not her in the end. She wanted to settle, but had an abusive ex who manipulated her into believing she couldn't do any better than him and so she "settled" with him, only to be left in the ditch a few months after her second child. And even then, she was still loyal to him. Would a real ho be loyal like this if she is so secure about herself and her power over men? I personally doubt it.

 

I am starting counseling this coming MOnday to try and deal with my own past and how I view myself and life. I really want this thing to work, no matter what other people are saying. it's funny that you should mention the idea of meeting her earlier on in life. the truth is our paths had crossed five years before we actually met. Same website, small chit chat, but things didn't go any further than that. We often try and imagine how things would have been had we met this first time around. She keeps saying she would have forced herself upon me, but it would probably not have gone any further than a one night stand or two.. She keeps saying how she would have preferred having kids with me than her ex (no surprise there). But she also reminds me that she was 18 when we first talked and her attitude had still no changed and she was still in her wild phase. So god knows if I would have managed to get something serious out of her or not. My male ego wishes he had tried more back then, to see if there is actually a huge difference between her then and now. But even during this first talk, these things had already happened in her life. I just learned this week that she wasn't 17 when this public, anal sex thing happened, she was 15...

 

I KNOW for a fact I can get over her past. It's just obsessing me at the moment and I want to get over it, because I see more to this relationship than just sex and saving a "ho"'s life. We connect on levels I've never ever connected anytime before with anyone. Sex is amazing with her, but it doesn't stop there, when things are good, things are simply magical. We feel at ease with each other, we're open to each other and we feed off each others vibes. Things would still be this way had I not balked at her past. Or had my past been as adventurous as hers.

 

As for the comments regarding my GF, I see them as other guys who, in a similar situation as myself, only fixate on the spectacular/pornographic aspect of her past experiences... as I'm doing right now. These guys have probably been hurt before by such women and I'm not saying they don't exist. However, I'm not blind and as much as I love sex, no woman could control me exclusively with sex and I need much more than that and she brings it to me. I NEED an intense relationship and she's exactly that. intense doesn't always mean fun, but if she didn't really care for me, she could easily be seeing any other guy at any moment (she literally has HUNDREDS of guys asking her to be friends on FB, friends of friends... ****! Even her HALF-BROTHER and COUSIN tried to have their way with her, the latter nearly raped her!)... but you know, part of her past still follows her today (guess thats what happens when your parents never really took interest in your life and you are left to explore for yourself. She knows all these guys are only after one thing, but she's not interested in just that anymore. So basically, they can believe she's a ho still if they want, I tried to portray her as more than that today. it's the contrast between who she was and who she is today that hurts me and how her past compares to mine. I know it's a bad idea to compare, but at the same time it makes you wake up and realize and force you to think about who and where you are in life. What was done and what can be done. I never wanted her to pass off as a "ho" on here, all I ever wanted was to find out how other guys get over their partner's more adventurous past.

 

Although I'll admit these insults made me have second thoughts as to her true nature, they quickly disappear every time I'm with her because I do feel she is sincere in her love for me (and I'm the most doubting person I know and I analyze each and every syllable out of a person's mouth and am pretty fluent in body language). So unless she's also an academy award-winning actress in her past as well, I truly believe she's in love.

 

Here's more food for the doubters. We,re already talking about marriage and a baby of our own in the future. She had blocked off both possibilities before I came along, but she really wants to live these things with me.

 

Hope this all made sense.

[Burt1976]

If I were to actually dump her and give up on her,I would feel like an even bigger failure. It would be letting my insecurities run my life all over again. if it's not meant to be, then it won,t be because I feel like **** about myself, itll be for other reasons. We both need help emotionally wise yes, and this part makes the relationship just this much more intense, but again, this is what I'm looking for in a partner. i've lived my entire life fearing what others might think, not daring to go out on a limb and take chances and do dumb things for the hell of it, never actually even feeling alive. I've got the opportunity of a life time to live a REALLY intense love/passion, with someone who can probably live up to all my fantasies. I've got something I will probably never live again were I to lose her and all you guys are doing is telling me to do give up on it. No it won't be easy, a real ride, but after 35 years of limbo and trying to be as straight and bland as possible by fear of being ridiculed; I think I need it. Whether it lasts 1-2 years or the rest of my life, there won,t be a dull day with her around. If you like the quiet life, dog, kids, 2 cars, nice big house, then that,s fine... but I need more than that. I spent 35 years not being myself out of fear and i,ve got someone who has pretty much lived life exactly the way I see it (but remember, I'm the type of guy who believes that life is cruel and MEANT to be suffered through, by living in fear of being hurt in anyway is NOT LIVING, it is AVOIDING LIFE).

 

She's really intense and had the chance to let it out of her system, I'm really intense as well, but was never able to actually liberate this intensity because I feared in wold snap back in my face, as it well should have... but had I lived such a life and been hurt anyway, I'm sure I would have no regrets as I do now... I prefer a life of ****ing up and being a free spirit to a life of following standards and always trying to fit in and living your life according to this. Oh god! How I've tried to rebel in my youth, not only against myself, but against the stranglehold I felt society has had on me (thanks to two complete years of daily bullying around the age where fitting in is the most important thing ever). The rest of my adolescence was lived in mortal fear of other people my age. This will really prevent you from living your life and experimenting as I've always wanted. It's extremely difficult to accept that this is now your past, burnt on History's timeline for eternity, no turning back... but now I FINALLY have a chance to settle the score... why would I give up on my one and probably only chance?

 

 

If I wouldn't have wanted to ask about her past, things would still be like they were before, I would still be living in my shell

[CptSaveAho]

Oh give me a break, 15 paragraphs of Self talk in convincing yourself to do something that you know is wrong.

 

Sad thing is you are a "nice guy" As soon as she gets bored, shes going to kick you to the curb or find some bad boy penis. It wouldnt surprise me if she went back to her loser ex down the road. You are delusional to believe that a marriage between you and her will last. She has 2 kids, not by a husband but an EX.

 

Her breakups (notice plural) with you are going to be EPIC. By the time she gets done with you and heals from her life, shes going to hose you so hard into the ground you might wake up from your depression.

 

Have you ever considered the reason you are depressed is because of her emotional vacuum because shes F'ed up. Have you ever dated anyone thats this F'ed up. They suck the life out of you, kick you to the curb, tell everyone how you abused them, and move on to the next sucker

 

Good Luck with that.

[Burt1976]

Oh give me a break, 15 paragraphs of Self talk in convincing yourself to do something that you know is wrong.

 

Sad thing is you are a "nice guy" As soon as she gets bored, shes going to kick you to the curb or find some bad boy penis. It wouldnt surprise me if she went back to her loser ex down the road. You are delusional to believe that a marriage between you and her will last. She has 2 kids, not by a husband but an EX.

 

Her breakups (notice plural) with you are going to be EPIC. By the time she gets done with you and heals from her life, shes going to hose you so hard into the ground you might wake up from your depression.

 

Have you ever considered the reason you are depressed is because of her emotional vacuum because shes F'ed up. Have you ever dated anyone thats this F'ed up. They suck the life out of you, kick you to the curb, tell everyone how you abused them, and move on to the next sucker

 

Good Luck with that.

 

it's all good man, you've made your point. I'm a grade A sucker and one dumbassumumabitch for not heading your word. All bets are on. How long do you think me and her are going to last before she goes for bad boy penis again? She's pushed away MANY such guys throughout her life, even back then. She could easily have had 10 times the amount of lovers she's had, but she didn't. She's made it into a pleasure to dump and destroy all the douchebags who once picked on her. This was also a way to avenge herself (even the first story I told you about was more about revenge than sex itself), empty sex, no feelings. She's only ever had one "true" steady relationship and it was with a manipulative ******* who picked her up when she was 14 and he 21. She didn't think she could do any better, but then she met me... and she could tell I wasn't like most of the guys she'd met before.

 

She is most definitely NOT a ho anymore, no matter what opinion you might have formed from what I've said until now. That's never been the point of this thread. I'm not afraid of her leaving me for anybody else. I've said it over and over again, I trust her and I feel loved by her. However, yes, her past is in stark contrast with the way she is today. She deeply regrets having been the way she was and she's cried more than once when I've confronted her with this. I don't want to make a big deal out of what she's done because I personally would have liked to do all those things myself. I'm actually more jealous of the fact that she had the nerve of doing all those things while I didn't. And, again, I hate myself for making a big deal out of it.

 

You can call her a ho or whatever you want but we'll see how things go. If things fall apart tomorrow, I'll have no shame in letting you know you were right, but my instinct tells me you're wrong. I'm the one who spends 3-4 days a week with her, not you... what I've been describing are my own personal issues in regards to her past.... not who she is now. I love who she is now and I feel this love coming right back at me. I just want to stop making a big deal out of her past and go back to feeling at ease with her, no more debilitating self-loathing/consciousness and perhaps even a slight feeling of dominance for having a considerably more cultivated background. Basically I just want things to go back the way they were before I got all the gory details, not some sensationalist comment from the Jerry Springer crowd (even though I'm certain your intentions were not meant to be hurtful - at least I hope not).

[todreaminblue]

it's all good man, you've made your point. I'm a grade A sucker and one dumbassumumabitch for not heading your word. All bets are on. How long do you think me and her are going to last before she goes for bad boy penis again? She's pushed away MANY such guys throughout her life, even back then. She could easily have had 10 times the amount of lovers she's had, but she didn't. She's made it into a pleasure to dump and destroy all the douchebags who once picked on her. This was also a way to avenge herself (even the first story I told you about was more about revenge than sex itself), empty sex, no feelings. She's only ever had one "true" steady relationship and it was with a manipulative ******* who picked her up when she was 14 and he 21. She didn't think she could do any better, but then she met me... and she could tell I wasn't like most of the guys she'd met before.

 

She is most definitely NOT a ho anymore, no matter what opinion you might have formed from what I've said until now. That's never been the point of this thread. I'm not afraid of her leaving me for anybody else. I've said it over and over again, I trust her and I feel loved by her. However, yes, her past is in stark contrast with the way she is today. She deeply regrets having been the way she was and she's cried more than once when I've confronted her with this. I don't want to make a big deal out of what she's done because I personally would have liked to do all those things myself. I'm actually more jealous of the fact that she had the nerve of doing all those things while I didn't. And, again, I hate myself for making a big deal out of it.

 

You can call her a ho or whatever you want but we'll see how things go. If things fall apart tomorrow, I'll have no shame in letting you know you were right, but my instinct tells me you're wrong. I'm the one who spends 3-4 days a week with her, not you... what I've been describing are my own personal issues in regards to her past.... not who she is now. I love who she is now and I feel this love coming right back at me. I just want to stop making a big deal out of her past and go back to feeling at ease with her, no more debilitating self-loathing/consciousness and perhaps even a slight feeling of dominance for having a considerably more cultivated background. Basically I just want things to go back the way they were before I got all the gory details, not some sensationalist comment from the Jerry Springer crowd (even though I'm certain your intentions were not meant to be hurtful - at least I hope not).

 

 

Burt, i read your reply on the other page ......i do believe that bad girls can turn into good women......i have an extensive past i am not proud of probably more damaging psychologically to a man than your gfs including the abuse.....very similar to what your gf had childhood sexual abuse followed by promiscuity and an unavoidable set of circumstances....reality can be a bitch.....i had a fifteen year relationship with a man who was aware of my past i am honest too, there is no other way to be when it comes to sexual history.... a bit of violence in there serial cheating, eventually my ex left to be with the woman he had an affair with for six months ..even though sexually it was off the charts..that fifteen year relationship ended nearly six years ago.....for the reasons that the guys give in this thread i am aware i face the same sort of ridicule, derision and name calling from supposed emotionally healthy men or the 'nice guys", what i have found is players are the ones who dont balk at sexual history that is extensive....

 

 

in the past i have turned down nice guys and played with players.that didnt make me happy all i have ever wanted was a loving supportive partner and my family....i have one of them....my family and they all know my past now ..i have been celibate now for a long time....I understand about insecurities that guys have in regards to comparison and performance and that streak of jealousy is understandable

 

all i can say is if you make a woman orgasm you are doing it right and that making love is unique to the couple involved...past sexual experience is only important if you let it be

 

 

Your girlfriend regrets her past......you have a sex life that is off the charts.....she loves you and is supportive of you...she cares about you and you care about her...do the therapy route with her, I think it will help you form a closer bond with your gf.....i wish you and gf all the luck in the world....you are not a sucker you are not being taken fro a ride and i think deep down you know that.....

 

 

people are not a sum of the steps they took in their past, people are a sum of what steps they take today and tomorrow, those steps are the only steps that can make the future better bigger and brighter...good luck in love burt..deb

[health]

She had a terrible childhood. At 14 she was left to fend for herself with an abusive 21 year old boyfriend who would cheat and leave her over the next ten years. Her parents were no help at all and she rebelled. When you're cornered, at one point, you have no choice: you fight or you get beaten up. She fought, the way she knew how. You deal with the shlt life hands down to you. She's not proud of her past in any way, but that's how things turned out. Near the end of her ten year relationship with her ex, who had become abusive (I could tell you people horror stories you wouldn't believe!). She attempted suicide a couple of times and fell into a deep depression after her ex left her alone with two kids. She had hit rock bottom. She met a few guys in between, but she had put on a lot of weight since then and she started getting some self esteem issues of her own. When I arrived in the portrait a few months later, she literally picked herself up and changed EVERYTHING about her life.

 

No she doesn't have much education, but she is highly intelligent. She was very bright as a child, but her talents were put to waste by some egotistical and irresponsible parents. When she speaks to me about deeper matters, she comes up with some very astute observations and can even show me, a "university educated" guy, a thing or two.

 

I hate thinking that i've simply "saved a 'ho'", because I feel zero malice behind her kindness and affection towards me and nothing is making me suspicious or anything about her behavior towards me. She's always very frank and direct (to the point of being hurtful sometimes). A no BS type of girl. However, she keeps telling me how much I've helped her getting back on her feet and at this point, she wants to do the same for me and help me get over my own issues. She's assured me over and over again regarding this, no matter how much I tried testing her truthfulness. I truly feel that we are one of those rare couples that manage to literally change each others lives for the better (even though this means we both have to tackle or inner demons which inevitably causes pain and anguish).

 

To my eyes, she IS the best... bar her past, which I keep comparing to mine. It's so difficult to imagine that this sweet-faced, down to earth and extremely loving girl being a part of what I've described in my first post.

 

I've never had such a strong bond towards a girl than her... and I,ve been married 6 years and have had other girlfriends before or since. She's high above everyone else in my book and I really don,t want to lose her over something I can't change.

 

Be careful man. I too dated a high school drop out that seemed intelligent. Bottomline - I wouldn;t date a girl who hasn't complete College or Univeristy. there's a big difference between being naturally smart and paying the day in day out disciplined price of earning an education.

 

You're making excuses for her. What kind of 14 year old dates a 21 year old?

Those were all her choices, everything is her responsibility as everything is yours and everything is mine in my own life. There are no excuses. There are some red flags here. Follow your heart, but bro - be careful!

 

You don't want to invest your emotions into someone who's not worth it. Anyone can fall in love - once your in deep, you're in deep - it has to be worth it! I have friends who have died because of drug use over women - who never even showed up to his funeral! A partner is not worth that stress.

 

It has to be a healthy relationship or nothing in my books! Good luck!

[CptSaveAho]

Burt, i read your reply on the other page ......i do believe that bad girls can turn into good women......i have an extensive past i am not proud of probably more damaging psychologically to a man than your gfs including the abuse.....very similar to what your gf had childhood sexual abuse followed by promiscuity and an unavoidable set of circumstances....reality can be a bitch.....i had a fifteen year relationship with a man who was aware of my past i am honest too, there is no other way to be when it comes to sexual history.... a bit of violence in there serial cheating, eventually my ex left to be with the woman he had an affair with for six months ..even though sexually it was off the charts..that fifteen year relationship ended nearly six years ago.....for the reasons that the guys give in this thread i am aware i face the same sort of ridicule, derision and name calling from supposed emotionally healthy men or the 'nice guys", what i have found is players are the ones who dont balk at sexual history that is extensive....

 

 

in the past i have turned down nice guys and played with players.that didnt make me happy all i have ever wanted was a loving supportive partner and my family....i have one of them....my family and they all know my past now ..i have been celibate now for a long time....I understand about insecurities that guys have in regards to comparison and performance and that streak of jealousy is understandable

 

all i can say is if you make a woman orgasm you are doing it right and that making love is unique to the couple involved...past sexual experience is only important if you let it be

 

 

Your girlfriend regrets her past......you have a sex life that is off the charts.....she loves you and is supportive of you...she cares about you and you care about her...do the therapy route with her, I think it will help you form a closer bond with your gf.....i wish you and gf all the luck in the world....you are not a sucker you are not being taken fro a ride and i think deep down you know that.....

 

 

people are not a sum of the steps they took in their past, people are a sum of what steps they take today and tomorrow, those steps are the only steps that can make the future better bigger and brighter...good luck in love burt..deb

 

The thing you dont understand is women get destroyed by their promiscuity. This is what I am trying to say when I use the word ho.

 

Look at your story, you have "psychological damage" from your past. Just like his girlfriend will have the same psychological damage plus or minus to a degree. There are several 30+ age women on the dating forum if you read what they write, their love maps are destroyed and are nuts.

 

Plus she is going to leave him when he fixes her up like you did. He even knows this.

 

I saw your projecting of save her while he still can but he can't "save her" Nature will run its course. I and others in his thread are advising him to RUN before he gets a wound to the gut and heart

Edited November 24, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[YorickBrown]

I agree and very much "Liked" what Guitarjeff, health and most of what CaptSaveAho has been telling you. I don't know how else for us to put it to you. In fact, your replies (as I read them --and I actually do) brings to mind just one word: "unfreakingbelievable" (ok, that is a made up word but, but i cant think of anything else)especially when you mentioned of your plans to get married and have kids... You're actually digging a "ho"le for yourself Burt (again, pardon the pun)

 

However, I UNDERSTAND you Burt, I truly do. I even ADMIRE your "Courage" (as misplaced as it is) and your "at least I tried" attitude. To put it plain and simple, you're a "Romantic" (but Im putting that very mildly and im being "nice"), i don't know if its a "sickness" but if it is...i don't think there's a "cure" for that (and if there is...its definitely not a "reformed" ho (even if you see her as Mother Teresa now..sorry). It'll be interesting though what your therapist would say about your situation and what his/her treatment would be.

 

Look, the romantic in me (there's a residue still left somewhere) is actually secretly ROOTING for you Burt, I really am. Believe me. I'm also a sucker for "against all odds" or "us-against-the-whole-world" stories and especially "miraculous" endings too....but the Realist in me, just can't help shouting down on you to stop digging your Hole and throwing the rest of your wHole life away.

[Burt1976]

Be careful man. I too dated a high school drop out that seemed intelligent. Bottomline - I wouldn;t date a girl who hasn't complete College or Univeristy. there's a big difference between being naturally smart and paying the day in day out disciplined price of earning an education.

 

You're making excuses for her. What kind of 14 year old dates a 21 year old?

Those were all her choices, everything is her responsibility as everything is yours and everything is mine in my own life. There are no excuses. There are some red flags here. Follow your heart, but bro - be careful!

 

You don't want to invest your emotions into someone who's not worth it. Anyone can fall in love - once your in deep, you're in deep - it has to be worth it! I have friends who have died because of drug use over women - who never even showed up to his funeral! A partner is not worth that stress.

 

It has to be a healthy relationship or nothing in my books! Good luck!

 

I'll admit her lack of schooling made me afraid at first, that and the age difference. The important thing for me however was that I would be able to have meaningful conversations with my partner and I do. She's really open to the arts (And I have peculiar tastes in this regard) and she loves all the things Im making her discover. Again, this is also a big reason why I want to take a chance

 

She was approached by a 21 yr old when she was 14. She admitted to me that she was mostly doing this to get her parents attention and I personally blame her entire ****ed up past on them. They never cared and were too self involved to take responsabilty over their two daughters (you think my gf is bad? You should check out her sister). Had they put their foot down, Im sure things would have turned out differently. Does this mean Im making excuses for her? True in the end she was the one acting this way, but it wasnt nor will it be the last time kids lash out against the world when they are hardly taking responsability over their childrens actions. She WANTED her parents to stop her from going with this guy. A cry for attention/help, but instead they practically gave her their blessing and six months later she moved in with him and got pregnant. Surprisingly, her parents DID step in at this point and she got an abortion.

 

I also realize were not in the best position to make sure things will go smoothly between us. But i've been in long distance relationships with other peoples kids involved and even though things didnt work out in the end, it wasn't because of the circumstances.

 

Im a very doubtful type of guy and I can usually smell **** from a mile away, but I swear I dont with her. If ever things go downhill, im ready to bet it wont be because of her acting like a ho again. She has respect for me (surprisingly considering how I became a wreck when I found out about her hardcore past) and after nearly a year of analyzinf what we had, I also have respect for her. The way she turned out considering everything shes been through.

 

I guess pnly time will tell if we were meant to be and at this point in my life, I want to take my chances. Ill keep everyone posted on how things develop.

[Negative Nancy]

the make out session turns into an unprotected threesome in front of the rest of the room for the next 45 minutes. Right there! Anal sex and my now gf eating out the other girl while she's getting banged from behind while the room is enjoying the show. While this was happening, the other guy who was interested in her searched everywhere for her during the party only to discover her on all fours with her face deep between the stranger girl's legs while his own friend is banging away at her. And can actually visualize everything this guy might have seen and felt when he saw here and it's turns my blood into ice every time. You can imagine what kind of films are being played in my head.

 

Yes, we can indeed imagine what kind of films your "madonna-whore-complex" (your "she seemed like an angel when I met her" clearly indicates that) lets you play in your head.

 

Yet, at the same time I bet that scene is exactly what you enjoy jerking off to in porn and you probably envision yourself being the man in that scenario, but at the same time you judge your girlfriend for it.

 

Men are such hypocrites.

 

 

And just for the record, I have never done anything even remotely close to what she has done, so I am not defending her because I somehow "identify" with her or something. I just hate how men are so hypocritical about the whole thing and how they want women to put out and see their only value solely on a sexual basis, yet at the same time judge them for it.

Edited November 24, 2012 by Negative Nancy

[todreaminblue]

The thing you dont understand is women get destroyed by their promiscuity. This is what I am trying to say when I use the word ho.

 

Look at your story, you have "psychological damage" from your past. Just like his girlfriend will have the same psychological damage plus or minus to a degree. There are several 30+ age women on the dating forum if you read what they write, their love maps are destroyed and are nuts.

 

Plus she is going to leave him when he fixes her up like you did. He even knows this.

 

I saw your projecting of save her while he still can but he can't "save her" Nature will run its course. I and others in his thread are advising him to RUN before he gets a wound to the gut and heart

 

 

I didn't leave my relationship he had an affair and left me with three girls to raise..as well as my sons from a previous relationship, yep five kids....two men who didnt stand up and be men..i take responsibility for my children have taken responsibility since i had them

 

 

I do have psychological damage, its interesting to note the guy who started that psychological damage was a well liked "nice" guy gardener at an orphanage who sexually assaulted me before i started kindy.....you just dont know people do you....his wife even watched.....am i psychologically damaged ....wouldn't you be? What did you have in your life at that age what can you remember now think of what i might remember....damage done by a so called nice guy.....doesnt mean i am not relationship material because i met a pedo at a young age does it?

 

 

i had a fifteen year relationship i was loyal and committed,in spite of my past, eventually to be left for another woman and left to raise my kids by myself, sick with grief..that nearly killed me,i have taken time out a nearly six year time out

 

 

why should i think a nice guy would see who i am or why shouldnt the ops gf be seen for who she is now........ i feel every single person deserves love and affection from loving people...just like burt's girlfriend has been through the ringer....does she deserve to be devalued and debased.....because of drunk sex.....how many guys have had drunk sex and never admitted it i wonder.....at least burts gf had enough guts to be honest some women you would never know exactly what they have done.....

 

 

you know who are nuts as you put it....the guys who treat women like ho's(HOokers, wHOres), guys who have sex with girls who are not legal they are nuts, not the girls who cop the abuse, guys who feel they can judge a woman on a past they know nothing about, have to a be a little loco.......i regret my past.......this woman, the ops gf....she probably does too...you have no way of knowing if she does or doesn't.......so innocent until proven guilty by the op

 

 

 

i think people should be given a chance for who they are today......in spite of a past.......men get forgiven all the time....even get called studs by back slapping mates......why shouldn't women instead of being congratulated,be just given a chance to show who they are and how they can love..

 

 

 

.by the way i am not saying for the op to save her......i suggested that he try to take a chance get some counselling with her....go the therapy route .......you have your opinion captain save a HO....ill respect that as your right to hold that opinion.........its probably more respect than you would give a woman with a past........i would hope you respect my opinion I wont hold my breath though because i am not nuts , im a realistic dreamer ..cheers.......deb

Edited November 24, 2012 by todreaminblue

[todreaminblue]

The thing you dont understand is women get destroyed by their promiscuity. This is what I am trying to say when I use the word ho.

 

Look at your story, you have "psychological damage" from your past. Just like his girlfriend will have the same psychological damage plus or minus to a degree. There are several 30+ age women on the dating forum if you read what they write, their love maps are destroyed and are nuts.

 

Plus she is going to leave him when he fixes her up like you did. He even knows this.

 

I saw your projecting of save her while he still can but he can't "save her" Nature will run its course. I and others in his thread are advising him to RUN before he gets a wound to the gut and heart

 

 

repeat post sorry

Edited November 24, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Burt1976]

Yes, we can indeed imagine what kind of films your "madonna-whore-complex" (your "she seemed like an angel when I met her" clearly indicates that) lets you play in your head.

 

Yet, at the same time I bet that scene is exactly what you enjoy jerking off to in porn and you probably envision yourself being the man in that scenario, but at the same time you judge your girlfriend for it.

 

Men are such hypocrites.

 

 

And just for the record, I have never done anything even remotely close to what she has done, so I am not defending her because I somehow "identify" with her or something. I just hate how men are so hypocritical about the whole thing and how they want women to put out and see their only value solely on a sexual basis, yet at the same time judge them for it.

 

There's a world of difference between watching it/jerking off to it/fantasizing about it and actually experiencing it. There's no emotion involved when you just want to **** someone's brains out. When you connect on a deeper level with someone however, it hurts to know that this person has actually lived things you only dared to watch for so long. And this goes for both sides. She recently even admitted that had the tables been turned, she probably would have freaked out too. Contrary to myself however, she isn't interested in finding out the gory details of my own past experiences. It's just me and my sick "need" to make myself feel like **** and inadequate. I have deeply rooted fears and self-esteem issues which came tumbling back into my life every time I felt belittled (often by own fault). It all became a vicious circle when I began feeling afraid tat these insecurities would come and destroy everything that we had. And then the comparisons to her past. Here is me, an insecure twit and there is her, and her past, which, to my mind is the epitome of self assuredness. It just hurts me to realize that my insecurities have prevented me throughout my life to actually live my life, **** up, be a individual. I'm more and more convinced that I've suffered from social phobia for as long as I can remember.

 

Had I been more secure about myself throughout childhood, adolescence, adulthood, then I probably wouldn't have blinked an eye in regards to her past because I would have been comfortable about myself. And if you would have read the whole thread, you'd realize that I hate myself for judging because indeed I would have liked to have been one of those guys but I wasn't and it hurts my ego to compare. it put me in deep introspection and confront the demons I had brushed under the rug.

[todreaminblue]

There's a world of difference between watching it/jerking off to it/fantasizing about it and actually experiencing it. There's no emotion involved when you just want to **** someone's brains out. When you connect on a deeper level with someone however, it hurts to know that this person has actually lived things you only dared to watch for so long. And this goes for both sides. She recently even admitted that had the tables been turned, she probably would have freaked out too. Contrary to myself however, she isn't interested in finding out the gory details of my own past experiences. It's just me and my sick "need" to make myself feel like **** and inadequate. I have deeply rooted fears and self-esteem issues which came tumbling back into my life every time I felt belittled (often by own fault). It all became a vicious circle when I began feeling afraid tat these insecurities would come and destroy everything that we had. And then the comparisons to her past. Here is me, an insecure twit and there is her, and her past, which, to my mind is the epitome of self assuredness. It just hurts me to realize that my insecurities have prevented me throughout my life to actually live my life, **** up, be a individual. I'm more and more convinced that I've suffered from social phobia for as long as I can remember.

 

Had I been more secure about myself throughout childhood, adolescence, adulthood, then I probably wouldn't have blinked an eye in regards to her past because I would have been comfortable about myself. And if you would have read the whole thread, you'd realize that I hate myself for judging because indeed I would have liked to have been one of those guys but I wasn't and it hurts my ego to compare. it put me in deep introspection and confront the demons I had brushed under the rug.

 

 

even if you were always socially adept even if you had self assuredness from your head to your feet, any man struggles with a partners past that isn't average....her past isnt the eptimome of self assuredness, in fact , from what you have posted she hates it.....she has body images and insecurities.....every person does......she is no different...yrou relationship is hindered by her past and i do believe exploring your issues and hers with a therapist who is understanding and professional would help......say if it didn't work out.....that is not failure on your behalf it just wasn't right for you both...if you give it all you have ...you can't do more than that....

 

 

 

if it fails its just meant to be that way Burt....I hope that it doesnt, that somehow enlightenment touches both of your lives, win or lose, every experience you have, or she has, shapes you both into better people and in that you need to go through tough times...you come out the other side....wiser....stronger....more in tune with yourself and others....go hard or go home Burt......but inexpilicably your life will be different from the choices you make today however minute those choices are....and i do believe you will be a better person for those choices ......she doesn't need white knighting or saving.......she needs understanding and a chance to show you what she has got to give........best wishes and prayers to the blue skies above from me to you, your girlfriend and the children involved for a happy life.....deb

[veggirl]

How does a high school drop out support herself and 2 children? Who pays her bills? How is she planning on paying for a boob job and plastic surgery? Do you pay any of her bills / expenses?

 

Has she ever been in counseling for all of this? (sorry if I missed it). I am not sure how one would "get over" all of that happening without professional help, so how exactly did that happen?

 

The language of some of the guys posting in this thread is pretty but overall I agree with what they are saying.

 

No offense but the impression I get from your posts is that you are kinda nerdy and desperate and it makes you feel important / like a man to help this chick out, you want to be what saves her and all that and keeps her on the straight and narrow. Sounds pretty risky to me, she has a lot of history that is likely not truly dealt with.

 

I agree she will go back to her ex at some point. 10 yrs and she wasn't able to say goodbye for good during any of that time, what has changed? and why do you keep calling her INTENSE, what does that mean? what is so INTENSE about you guys? fighting? or just the "connection" (mutual desperation to be accepted)

Edited November 24, 2012 by veggirl

[todreaminblue]

How does a high school drop out support herself and 2 children? Who pays her bills?

 

Has she ever been in counseling for all of this? (sorry if I missed it). I am not sure how one would "get over" all of that happening without professional help, so how exactly did that happen?

 

The language of some of the guys posting in this thread is pretty but overall I agree with what they are saying.

 

No offense but the impression I get from your posts is that you are kinda nerdy and desperate and it makes you feel important / like a man to help this chick out, you want to be what saves her and all that and keeps her on the straight and narrow. Sounds pretty risky to me, she has a lot of history that is likely not truly dealt with.

 

 

she has a history of abuse and a threesome or almost foursome while drunk and stoned.....which the poster is having problems with the disclosure of.....risk is more with deceitful behavior....as far as i have read......there is no deceit involved..she has fully disclosed her history and now is a mother who seems to have settled down and has a passionate loving relationship with the op...i think therapy would help them both...deb

[veggirl]

she has a history of abuse and a threesome or almost foursome while drunk and stoned.....which the poster is having problems with the disclosure of.....risk is more with deceitful behavior....as far as i have read......there is no deceit involved..she has fully disclosed her history and now is a mother who seems to have settled down and has a passionate loving relationship with the op...i think therapy would help them both...deb

 

Yes I am aware of her history, he wrote about it in every single post.

 

I didn't mention "deceit", unsure where you got that. I asked how she supports a family of 3, I asked how she is going to pay for plastic surgery, I asked if he pays her bills and i noted that her history would be a LOT to just "get over"...

 

I'm not sure how you just gloss over her past and straight into "she has settled down"...also, I asked why he keeps using the word INTENSE if everything is so "settled". Intense is usually a red flag on this dang forum, usually the people using that word are in some uh, interesting, relationships.

 

I'm just curious as to how she got from Point A (sleeping with any and everyone, drug use, abuse, etc) to Point Z ("settled down")...the in between has never once been mentioned and lets be real, she went from one extreme to the other. That DOES NOT "just happen". Please, at least look at this from a real world perspective, there is nothing here to romanticize.

[todreaminblue]

Yes I am aware of her history, he wrote about it in every single post.

 

I didn't mention "deceit", unsure where you got that. I asked how she supports a family of 3, I asked how she is going to pay for plastic surgery, I asked if he pays her bills and i noted that her history would be a LOT to just "get over"...

 

I'm not sure how you just gloss over her past and straight into "she has settled down"...also, I asked why he keeps using the word INTENSE if everything is so "settled". Intense is usually a red flag on this dang forum, usually the people using that word are in some uh, interesting, relationships.

 

I'm just curious as to how she got from Point A (sleeping with any and everyone, drug use, abuse, etc) to Point Z ("settled down")...the in between has never once been mentioned and lets be real, she went from one extreme to the other. That DOES NOT "just happen". Please, at least look at this from a real world perspective, there is nothing here to romanticize.

 

 

I said "seems" to have settled down that would be as far as i know she hasnt done anything like she did while with the poster....

 

 

as far as the deceit goes, i mentioned that as you consider the relationship risky.....someone who doesn't "gloss" over her past to me wouldnt be as risky as a woman who hides it deceitfully..........as far as romanticizing.....giving a person benefit of the doubt and a chance is not romanticizing its just compassionate....the real world is people do stuffed up things people make errors in judgement.....saying someone can change is not romantic....its just truth.....is she changed......who knows...only she does not you or me...but most people should be given a chance is my opinion ......suggesting therapy when you cant deal with something is real world....

 

 

saying that it might not work out but try yoru best is real world....and every one has a past where probably there are things they arent proud of and live to regret, that's real world....

 

 

people get over a LOT in life some people have had it harder than others, some people wont suffer with abuse and some have and will..... some people are more resilient and do get over things where as others wouldnt.....and that is real world............so i do actually live in the real world and as i said I personally have gotten over a LOT...i dont drink and I dont take drugs my past is long gone cant do anything about it, the future influences me to strive to do my best.... ...so i do live in the real world and i dont romanticise a past or believe guys should save women with pasts.... ....abuse and risky sexual behaviour isnt romantic its nasty, lessons learned hopefully.......doesnt mean they cant have or be in relationships that are loving...and I do agree intensity can be draining....and a flag..bit it can also mean passionate....and passion can be good.......deb

[Burt1976]

Yes I am aware of her history, he wrote about it in every single post.

 

Sorry if trying to add details felt tedious for you.

 

I didn't mention "deceit", unsure where you got that. I asked how she supports a family of 3, I asked how she is going to pay for plastic surgery, I asked if he pays her bills and i noted that her history would be a LOT to just "get over"...

 

She supports a family of three because the government helps single mothers depending on the amount of children with welfare. That and alimony from her ex. She actually makes more money than me per month with her incomes/grants

 

I'm not sure how you just gloss over her past and straight into "she has settled down"...also, I asked why he keeps using the word INTENSE if everything is so "settled". Intense is usually a red flag on this dang forum, usually the people using that word are in some uh, interesting, relationships.

 

She's intense because 1) She is quite a character. Allergic to BS. Speaks her mind and has a hot temper. She can handle a lot of self-abuse (drugs, alcohol, lack of sleep, work, sex, etc.) 2) Because the passion between us feels out of this world (unless I'm a mental wreck or if she gets pissed off). She is not "settled" in the sense that everything is fine and dandy. It's a ****ing tough job being a single mother of two turbulent little tornadoes, but she puts every effort to make things as right as possible. She even recently went through an amphetamine phase to try and catch up with everything that needed to be done during the day, holidays, etc. It's not the right thing to do, but she made it out of this alive and things are back to normal atm.

 

I'm just curious as to how she got from Point A (sleeping with any and everyone, drug use, abuse, etc) to Point Z ("settled down")...the in between has never once been mentioned and lets be real, she went from one extreme to the other. That DOES NOT "just happen". Please, at least look at this from a real world perspective, there is nothing here to romanticize.

 

I want to clarify one thing. When I wrote the first part of the thread, the info I had learned was pretty fresh in my mind and was completely wrecked. Expressions like "sex rampage" was all in my head. She enjoyed sex but would only do it with others if her ex was himself unfaithful to her. There was always an element of revenge in her "escapades". I recently learned that she had no more than 15-20 sexual partners since she was active at 11-12. We're pretty far from intense promiscuity and "sex rampages" if you ask me, but still it's the nature of the sex which got me uncomfortable. She was quite daring while I felt inadequate.

 

As for going from point A to Z. Please realize that when you have just given birth to two children, gained a lot of weight from that and are suddenly dumped and left all to yourself, without the help of any family and friends, it's a quite sobering experience and she fell into a deep deep depression where she would basically live in a bubble with her two children. They became everything for her and she looked back on her life and wound up putting a trait on it and is trying to move on. She really regrets how life has turned out for her and I swear she is not the same as she was, not the way she describes it. She still has problems, issues and mental scars, but she is not the "bitch" she once was. Epiphanies exist in life, and I'm pretty sure hitting rock bottom helped in this regard.

[CptSaveAho]

You won the lottery

 

overweight, depressed, mental scars, 2 kids, welfare + alimony receiving 25 year old girlfriend

 

Thats what im striving for when I turn 35. Hopefully I wont have to work and can live off her ex's and the government checks

[veggirl]

She supports a family of three because the government helps single mothers depending on the amount of children with welfare. That and alimony from her ex. She actually makes more money than me per month with her incomes/grants

 

Wow, so she doesn't even have a job? What about when her kids are 18 and she no longer receives govt $ and child support? I assume she is in school or something, since she doesn't have to work..? GED? Anything?

 

 

She's intense because 1) She is quite a character. Allergic to BS. Speaks her mind and has a hot temper. She can handle a lot of self-abuse (drugs, alcohol, lack of sleep, work, sex, etc.)

 

Allergic to BS but put up with it from an ex for 10 yrs.

Hot temper...that's not a plus.

Self-abuse? What does that mean? Is "self-abuse" a positive trait?!

 

2) Because the passion between us feels out of this world (unless I'm a mental wreck or if she gets pissed off). She is not "settled" in the sense that everything is fine and dandy. It's a ****ing tough job being a single mother of two turbulent little tornadoes, but she puts every effort to make things as right as possible. She even recently went through an amphetamine phase to try and catch up with everything that needed to be done during the day, holidays, etc. It's not the right thing to do, but she made it out of this alive and things are back to normal atm.

 

Whoa. Wait. This girl doesn't have to work, has more money than even you do...........what exactly does she need to "catch up with" during the day? That requires drug use? You do understand that loads of single moms work and take care of their children w/o the use of drugs right? Yes she sounds like a fab mom, using drugs?!?! Really dude? You are really friggin whipped if you can spin THAT into a positive! That's freakin sick. Again, she doesn't even have a JOB, what does she need to "catch up" on?

 

As for going from point A to Z. Please realize that when you have just given birth to two children, gained a lot of weight from that and are suddenly dumped and left all to yourself, without the help of any family and friends, it's a quite sobering experience and she fell into a deep deep depression where she would basically live in a bubble with her two children.

 

Ahh so she didn't even leave her abusive ex on her own accord. He left her. What will she do when he tries to come back?

 

Basically, you are addicted to her drama and to her sex. Your self esteem is incredibly low and you validate yourself by being her "savior". All you want to do is help her and save her. She is a trainwreck. She was STILL using drugs up until recently according to you, and you managed to spin that into a "see how strong she is!" thing. You are so far gone.

[veggirl]

You won the lottery

 

overweight, depressed, mental scars, 2 kids, welfare + alimony receiving 25 year old girlfriend

 

Thats what im striving for when I turn 35. Hopefully I wont have to work and can live off her ex's and the government checks

 

Don't forget a recent amphetamine phase.