Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 A simple question. Do people consciously choose the nature of their relationships or is it beyond conscious control? You know do people really actively choose weather they are Friends*, FWB, or BF/GF etc or are people lead by their feelings and unconcious actions?
sweetkiwi Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 its a two way street whatever you conclude. I was in a couple short lived crazy flings before finding my sweet guy. So yeah. Maybe i put it into the universe that i needed a stable kind of relationship. And i got one. It was completely unconscious however. The night i met him i had decided i wanted to take a break from dating. He was just so irresistable! If you met him you'd understand completely.
somedude81 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I would never choose to be "just friends" with a girl I liked yet it's happened many times. Of course, it can be said that I chose to be friends instead of walking away.
Jamesblame Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 At first we unconsciously seek out a certain type of behavior. As we get older, it becomes easier to recognize what you want and what you don't want in a potential romantic partner. We always learn more about ourselves and the patterns that control our behavior. Some is helpful, a lot is just negative bs. So change those and then you align your life with what you want it to be. And your romantic life follows.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 I would never choose to be "just friends" with a girl I liked yet it's happened many times. Of course, it can be said that I chose to be friends instead of walking away. Really? You have never been in a situation where you thought you did not want a relationship (in general or with a specific person), only to fall for someone? its a two way street whatever you conclude. I was in a couple short lived crazy flings before finding my sweet guy. So yeah. Maybe i put it into the universe that i needed a stable kind of relationship. And i got one. It was completely unconscious however. The night i met him i had decided i wanted to take a break from dating. He was just so irresistable! If you met him you'd understand completely. That sounds like most every time I have found someone and had a long lasting relationship. It never hits me when I'm looking for it. (Or on online dating it's always someone that lives 1000 miles away who has a worthwhile personality.) At first we unconsciously seek out a certain type of behavior. As we get older, it becomes easier to recognize what you want and what you don't want in a potential romantic partner. We always learn more about ourselves and the patterns that control our behavior. Some is helpful, a lot is just negative bs. So change those and then you align your life with what you want it to be. And your romantic life follows. That's true. It seems to me that we often say one thing but feel and do another. That we are lead by our emotions. That relationships become romantic long before we have the guts to say it, that relationships end long before an official break or break up.
somedude81 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Really? You have never been in a situation where you thought you did not want a relationship (in general or with a specific person), only to fall for someone? LOL no. I've only fallen for girls I wanted to date or at least sleep with, before I made plans with them. In other words, I've always been open to a relationship but friendship was never my choice and more of a consolation prize.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 LOL no. I've only fallen for girls I wanted to date or at least sleep with, before I made plans with them. In other words, I've always been open to a relationship but friendship was never my choice and more of a consolation prize. Really? Hmm. I have always had to start by building friendship and then once I knew them a bit could I really feel truly attracted to them and not their body. But then, I am bisexual and not purely attracted to peoples looks unless they are really truly model/rockstar hot.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 bump What Somedude said brings up another aspect of this issue. Many people on here write about needing to feel an instant spark, that instant attraction and sexual desire. That right there is another way that we have no control over the nature of our relationships. If there is attraction then the relationship will have some element of romance, even if both people want to just be friends.* Say because of prior commitment, or other social reasons.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Yes we do. At least your sure. Care to explain?
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 As autonomous and free thinking beings, we choose how to process our incoming stimulus, compare it to our psychological mappings of life from birth to current day, and convert that process into overt expression with word and action. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year of every decade of every century of the millennia is a choice. I made a whole bunch of choices here, from choosing to open your thread, to reading it, to expressing frustration that the spell-checker thinks I spelled millennia wrong when I didn't, etc, etc. We're in charge of the entirety of our processing of our lives. What I do, within the realm of the topic you're discussing, is look to my own processing of those women I deem unattractive, but friendly. I examine that; the 'why'. It's an interesting examination, when one takes a hard look at it. There are a bunch of choices involved, using nearly all the senses, plus a whole bunch of processing of personal history and resultant emotional memories. Pretty cool stuff. I may stand steadfast by my choices, but I know they are entirely within my control. YMMV. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Well explained and it helps me answer this for myself. The decision on weather somoene is just a friend, FWB or a GF/BF is made real by the unconcious choices we make. Classic example, people who agree to be FWB but end up acting just like GF &BF anyway. Weather they call it that or not.
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 IMO, as an aspect of compatibility, also a choice, this is where perceiving and valuing (more choices) synergy is or can be both healthy and attractive. We choose how we define those words and how we emotionally map our responses to the stimulus which impels us to form those thoughts and express them in those words. I recall, as a child, asking the question: 'What is 'real'?' It would be decades later, in a a movie, that I would observe a similar question asked, and potentially answered. The movie was 'Matrix'. Interesting how life works. Last night, I was watching a documentary on 'Are we alone in the universe' and scientists pondering potentials and the methods of such potentials interacting with us. I was watching and instinctively thinking 'why are they looking at this in such a linear fashion?' It's the undiscovered/unperceived that is our future, or our death. See, I just made another choice, actually a quadrillion of them. 1
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