JustALittleBit Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) I think I am healing and moving on. The past few weeks I have been reluctant to let go, I wasn't contacting him or anything but in my head I was thinking about how eventually he will realise... how they always come back.... how maybe he DID love me and just needed that push to realise it. I would read things about how they always come back but only when you're over them and don't want them anymore, and I'd hold onto the hope in the first part of that and think of it as another chance. But now as time goes on I step further and further away from him. I'm realising that he really is just a guy, and that there's lots of guys out there so why would I go for the one that doesn't want me, why would I hang onto him? So from him being THE GUY he is now just A guy. I think I'm realising that he's not a total a55h0le... he just didn't give me what I wanted, it doesn't make him a demon. But I'm also realising that he's really not that great. I'd say he's pretty average... why would I want average? If he was average and gave me what I wanted, sure... I could probably do that. But when he's average and not giving me what I want?? No chance. I wanted him to realise things about me, what he was giving up, how much of a fool he is... now I don't care. I know that he's a fool, but I don't really care if he realises it, I don't really care where his life goes (actually saying that, I care a bit), but the point is that I care way more about me than him now. I realised that I don't really want a future with him because I can do better. Getting back with him would also be too difficult, too much stuff to work through and I'm not willing to do that for someone who is average. I had a dream about him last night, and we were just at the ending stage of our relationship and I was realising that he never really liked me, he liked his ex (I'm not sure how much dreams speak the truth), but the thing is I didn't really care that much. In fact, I found it laughable... I laughed at how much of an idiot he was to chase after some girl that's got nothing to offer, that HE was settling for less... and because it didn't hurt me, I actually mocked him because I found it so pathetic. And since I wouldn't do that in person, it felt really good to let it out in my dream. And now I realise that the reason I found it so pathetic is because he couldn't let go of her, and he was missing out on all the opportunities out there, ie. me. And quite frankly, I'm not going to be like that, which is why I'm letting go. Because it's so not worth it... I used to wait for him to email and text, now I think if he does I'll just delete it because there is no worth in that. It is like he is increasingly a non-issue, and it feels so good. I used to think it was bad that I could walk away from a relationship and stop caring... I questioned whether it meant I never loved in the first place, now I think it is a huge strength and I like it about me. Because I could do that from previous relationships, I was ready to give myself totally to him. Because he COULDN'T, he wasn't ready for me, and I imagine it's personality types a bit too and I don't ever want to be with someone who is thinking about their ex, and how their ex did this and that.... and how they "will always love them" or any of that *****e. You can always care about people if you want, but living in a fantasy land where you remember that first kiss and how they stroked your hair and whatever is just so stupid. They are part of the past and should be left there. Anyway thanks for reading my ramblings - onwards and upwards! Edited October 26, 2012 by JustALittleBit
gullibleme Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm in the same place you are right now and it feels AWESOME doesn't it...knowing we can love someone, we are great at loving and can now find the right person to give our selves too....I am ready to date now and am really looking forward to that someone special...I've learned alot from my experience with my ex and can comfortably say I will be happy some day!!..good luck to you JustALittleBit
boblet Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 wow.... i hope to reach where you are one day! i think i'm on my way, it doesn't hurt as bad as before but it's just one of those things that follow me around day by day. if you don't mind me asking, how long was your relationship and how long did it take you to get to this place?
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