singlelife Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Instead of being with who they really are in love with. Maybe that dude ain't available anymore. But it seems that most women just get with who is all over them and they don't really love them but they just settle for who is there. And when they meet someone later in life it' a big mess. How trued is that ladies. And why would you just settle for someone instead of just being single and being available to a better match?
crude Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Seems to me that if a woman never asks a man out, she has to settle for whoever asks her. She might see 5 guys who she'd like to spend time with, but according to books like He's Just Not That Into You, she must never ask, and so she has to settle for whichever guy happens to ask her, even if they're not what she wants. 1
rocketman122 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I think men settle just as much. I know I settle with some of the woman I dated. 2
Author singlelife Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Seems to me that if a woman never asks a man out, she has to settle for whoever asks her. She might see 5 guys who she'd like to spend time with, but according to books like He's Just Not That Into You, she must never ask, and so she has to settle for whichever guy happens to ask her, even if they're not what she wants. Maybe women should be more aggressive in their flirting. That way a man know she likes him and she wouldn't have to settle for the other guy.
sweetkiwi Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 settling is such an ugly word! Most women think they are special princesses that need a prince charming type. So yeah. Those types settle or end up alone with a million cats. I think real mature women realize that people are just people and that they have **** too. Those women will not settle. They will find someone whose crap they can handle and who can handle their crap. And even be happy with!!! Because they don't feel like they settled. I'm unmarried. Settling isn't even in my programming. And i'm glad. I prefer to see people as humans, not some lie of goal or object or unrealistic affirmation of all my hopes and desires. How exhausting for the people they settle for! Gross! I don't want anyone settling all over me. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Instead of being with who they really are in love with. Maybe that dude ain't available anymore. But it seems that most women just get with who is all over them and they don't really love them but they just settle for who is there. And when they meet someone later in life it' a big mess. How trued is that ladies. And why would you just settle for someone instead of just being single and being available to a better match? I dont settle i take my time. When i have feelings for someone i dont move on until the feelings are gone i have made mistakes before here.i wouldnt settle for someone now.....would rather spend the rest of my life alone than string someone along with lack of emotive capabilities.I wont date anyone unless i feel strongly for them and again, be available to them without feelings for someone else..i expect the same back ....thats exclusive......so i am not dating currently as i do have strong feelings for someone who doesnt feel the same way about me...i wont settle........i dotn expect someone to settle with me because i wouldnt at this stage give anyone 100 per cent of who i am......as my feelings are taken...its rather ironic...my situation....but i am not settling......for anything but happiness in love..im just happy to realsie i can have strong feelings for someone it was an unexpected surprise..its not a bad thing frustrating but not bad........deb
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 settling is such an ugly word! Most women think they are special princesses that need a prince charming type. So yeah. Those types settle or end up alone with a million cats. I think real mature women realize that people are just people and that they have **** too. Those women will not settle. They will find someone whose crap they can handle and who can handle their crap. And even be happy with!!! Because they don't feel like they settled. I'm unmarried. Settling isn't even in my programming. And i'm glad. I prefer to see people as humans, not some lie of goal or object or unrealistic affirmation of all my hopes and desires. How exhausting for the people they settle for! Gross! I don't want anyone settling all over me. i only have four cats three dogs two turtles six fish two guinea pigs......deb 1
xdahliax Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I haven't settled and I never will. I'd love to be in a good relationship, but I'm definitely happy alone and would rather stay that way than have to be with a guy I'm not crazy about. 1
xdahliax Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I like the fact that you admit you're crazy, most women don't do that it's a huge first step. Oh, you have no idea...
sweetkiwi Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 hawaii50 your posts always make me laugh!!! Who said- women are crazy. Men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid. They let you grow weed in prison!! Tell me where so i can put in a transfer request.
sweetkiwi Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 wrong sweetie. George carlin said it. Pretty sure he's a guy. Everyone is a little crazy depending on who is setting the prerequisits. Maybe its not so much better over there. I'm the woman that would get stoned. For real. Not for fun.
Jamesblame Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 People accept the love they think they deserve. That's it. As we mature it's so important to make sure to develop a healthy mind and ego. That way we pick to date people who compliment us instead of completing us. And it just sucks to love someone so much, only to realize that you're not what they "really" want.
mammasita Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Nothing but time... for now. But, once I get out of prison, I'll probably slut-it-up a bit and while keeping a sharp eye out. I have a thing for felons.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Instead of being with who they really are in love with. Maybe that dude ain't available anymore. But it seems that most women just get with who is all over them and they don't really love them but they just settle for who is there. And when they meet someone later in life it' a big mess. How trued is that ladies. And why would you just settle for someone instead of just being single and being available to a better match? I don't really make calculations and plans when I meet someone, and say, oh, lemme settle for him cos I can't meet someone else.. Sure, I feel that time is running out for me, as I'm 30 and I want to settle down and have a family soon, but that doesn't mean I will settle for someone I don't like. No, I have too much self-respect and I want to find a guy whom I like, and who likes me, and who is a good match for me. I wouldn't settle for anything less than that.
mortensorchid Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Men tend to settle as well. A few years ago, my second to last LTR was long distance. He and I were not well matched at all : we came from different backgrounds, had different values and opinions, you name it. We were just about as opposite as two people can possibly be. But, we were both attempting to make a sandwich with the last two slices of bread. It was a painful lesson to learn on my part, that if you are not right for one another, you can't do it. Just because you both want to be with someone doesn't mean it's going to work either. He however, did not learn his lesson. Barely a year later, he rebounded and married a woman. He said he did not want to have children, but he met and married a woman with two children (one from each previous marriage). It was very sad, he was so eager to have someone in his life that he agreed to marry this woman, support her and her kids, and even paid for her daughter's education. About three years later, she ran off, divorced him, married husband #4, and has since divorced #4 and is now with the next guy who will probably be #5. He's REALLY alone now, and I think he settled as well. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I don't feel like I'm settling at all. My boyfriend is pretty much everything I could want. I feel lucky to have him as a boyfriend. I pity those being "settled" for rather than the ones doing the actual "settling"... 1
RogerWallace111 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 interesting topic...... I don't think any gender tends to "settle" more than the other. But I had never thought how females being less likely to pursue or approach guys might leave them with a more get-what-you-get fate partner-wise. And that's the part I'm finding interesting. Cause I could see that being a factor. I definitely know girls who have basically given every decent-looking guy who came across as funny or charming a shot. But not "settling", just going through lots of dudes who turned out to be douche bags, or of lower intelligence, etc. Though as I'm still in my early twenties I don't think many of my female or male friends are feeling much pressure to settle. I think any truly in-touch, self-respecting person would not settle with someone they didn't love deeply. Maybe the person has their faults: isn't the most fit, isn't a genius, doesn't make a ton of money, etc... Then again, I know firsthand that even when you really love someone, you can still find yourself thinking there might be a better fit for you. I was undeniably in love with my ex, for instance, but found myself thinking from time to time that there could be a more eccentric, exciting girl out there for me, simply because she was always fine with daily monotony/routine and I always wanted to shake that. Maybe that means I was "settling" for her ? I just thought of it as acknowledging our different values while still loving her mind/spirit/body and who she was. I imagine for most people, there will always be at least, say, 5-10% of who their partner is that isn't completely congruous with themself. I suppose that's more a compromise than settling. "Settling" tends to make me think of someone not truly loving the other person, vs loving them while knowing there might be a "better fit" out there in theoretical terms.
irc333 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Right, the word "Settling" is often misused these days. They feel if the guy is too short, has a bald head....but he's a great guy otherwise....well....they'll reject him, and find a guy with the same qualities, but have a full head of hair and taller. But sometimes that doesn't happen, so they actually start dating the guy that doesn't have a full head of hair or is short. Is that settling...no...they just realized that their expectations were unrealistic. They are not always "settling". Sometimes they are with the best person they can get. Just because a woman is physically attractive that doesn't mean she is fun to be around, good in bed, mentally stable, emotionally balanced and intelligent. A lot of people look at a physically attractive woman and assume her partner is beneath her. But guess what? Being physically attractive isn't all there is to being a "quality" mate for a man. 2
jcrew11 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Instead of being with who they really are in love with. Maybe that dude ain't available anymore. But it seems that most women just get with who is all over them and they don't really love them but they just settle for who is there. And when they meet someone later in life it' a big mess. How trued is that ladies. And why would you just settle for someone instead of just being single and being available to a better match? Is this a question about your life? Or just in general? Women have different circumstances in marrying and dating. You usually date who is around you, and judge men based on emotional connection or financial stability. I think most women by the age of 30 become more desperate because many of the available quality men start getting married off; so there are less good men available.
venusianx13 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I think that what happens is that because a LOT of people (both men and women) feel it is better to be with someone who is not good for them than to be alone, people miss opportunities for better matches. I know this from experience. When you are "in it", you are so focused on making it work, desperately trying to keep it going... when really, there IS INDEED someone else out there who is a far better match for you.
venusianx13 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Right, the word "Settling" is often misused these days. They feel if the guy is too short, has a bald head....but he's a great guy otherwise....well....they'll reject him, and find a guy with the same qualities, but have a full head of hair and taller. But sometimes that doesn't happen, so they actually start dating the guy that doesn't have a full head of hair or is short. Is that settling...no...they just realized that their expectations were unrealistic. That, or the realization that their typical "type" was really not good for them, such as in my case.
RiverRunning Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 There's 'settling' and then there's "settling." I settled. You always settle. Because in LaLa Land, he would have it all. He doesn't. He farts, he aggravates me sometimes, I'm not keen on his family, he can be self-absorbed, and so on. That's just the reality of life: people are people. They're flawed. The problem is when a person can't even pick out at least as many positive traits as negative ones about a partner. There needs to be a more compelling reason to stay than to leave. I settled with an ex, but most of that had to do with low self-esteem and my age and experience. He was my first boyfriend.
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