hooble92 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 This may be a long post I am 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We're both at Cambridge Uni together and have been together about 14 months. I'm on my year abroad now, in France and then in Peru. He is very stressed as he is doing his PhD and doesn't cope well with the pressures of Cambridge life. I try to be supportive but sometimes it's too much - he always feels like this. He's applying for jobs in Oxford and Cambridge, as well, and I don't see the pressures or the stress ending. I am finding the distance hard, although have only been here a month. We'll probably see each other about 4 times in France and I won't see him for 5 months when I'm in Peru. When I get back to the UK he won't be in Cambridge anymore and he lives in Ireland. I'll have my final exams to do and won't have much time at all to see him. After Cambridge, I will probably get a job in London or go home (Cardiff) for a while. He won't be in either of those places. The distance problem isn't going to go away and I really don't like being in a relationship where I can't be with my boyfriend properly for at least two years. When we Skype he's always doing emails or is stressed about his day / tomorrow's work etc. and I don't really get any pleasure from the relationship when we're apart. I want to go travelling at some point in my life too and he simply won't come with me - I feel that this relationship could tie me down too early. He wants to get married soon too and there is no way I am doing that. When we're together, though I love him and it's great. I love him with all my heart. I don't know what to do and whether I'm being rash. My mind is telling me that the age gap is too much and that sooner or later things will come to an head and we'll end it. My heart tells me that I should stick it out and that it'll work. Advice please!
cerridwen Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm not going to lie: You make a pretty solid case for breaking up. Have you two discussed, in concrete terms, how you would continue the relationship over the changing distances? It's not easy to look at the reality of our situations; in many cases it's downright depressing. But sometimes it's the first step toward finding a solution. 2
Naomii1 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 İv just read your post as ım neew to this site and ım kında the same wave as you.. My boyfriend ıs ın London Atm and ım ın turkey whıch ıs where we both lıve hes gone back to england to work for the wınter then he says he comıng back to turkey ın aprıl.. ı know ım not helpıng you much ı just wondered how you have been doıng thıs Long Dıstance relatıonshıp thıng...As my boyfrıend only left 2 days ago and ı cant stop cryıng or thınkıng about hım...does ıt get easy...
justwhoiam Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 It's bound to end. You need a different guy, willing to travel, share interests with you, have passion to do new things, etc. You got attached to him and it's understandable you won't forget him easily. But I guess you need to move on. That could lead to a single life for quite a while though.
PepperPotts Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 1. The age difference is not that big of a deal. My parents are six years apart and have been married for thirty years. 2. But the *point in life* difference could be a problem, and it's that personality difference that matters here. You aren't willing to deal with constant stress, and he is constantly under stress. You get to gallivant all over Europe, and he's stuck trying to build a future for himself (and possibly you). And that's the major problem here. It's a problem that would be plaguing you right now if you were home. Distance is never really the issue. It only exacerbates problems that already existed. He would be stressing about his PHd even if you were right there with him, and then you'd be unable to escape it. The question you need to ask yourself is "Is he worth it?" Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Is distance bothering you because you miss him like crazy, or because you miss doing fun boyfriend/girlfriend things? If it's the latter and not the first, you miss being in a relationship, not your boyfriend. And that means it's time to move on, and would be even if you were still in England. LDRs are a long game. If you want to be together for the rest of your lives, two years is not such a big thing. But if what you're waiting for isn't worth the wait to you, don't put either of you through it. Let yourself find someone whose personality meshes with yours, and give him a chance to find a patient girl who thinks he's worth a little stress.
Charles Burrell Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Yes, age difference is the main culprit in your situation. If you want to continue with him then you should share his interests otherwise move on dear, there is no point of compromising if you don't see any future with him.
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