MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 First of all...(I'm not making this thread to whine about being friendzoned or to start another gender war)...But I do have a few questions. Long story short, I've been talking to this girl for a couple of weeks, we fineally went on a date Monday evening, The date seemed like it went well...No shortage of conversation or anything like that. She explained to me on the date that she was just now kinda starting to feel like she could date again since her breakup in June. We had a few back and fourth text's over the past couple of days, all was going well...Last night I sent her text asking her if she would like to go on a second date sometime next week, to which she replied. ''I've been thinking about it and I'm just not ready to date yet. I'm not totally over my last boyfriend and it wouldn't be fair to you for us to date right now. I like you alot and still want to be around you and maybe we can date when I get out of this phase if you would like? I commend her for being so honest so quickly, honestly that makes me even more attracted to her that she was sparing of my feelings as opposed to stringing me along because she wanted the attention. Who know's...Maybe if she gets out of her funk and I'm still single when she does, things might work out. But like I said earlier, I'm not making this thread to bitch or complain, I just want to know why I keep getting frienzoned and how the hell I can avoid it in the future...After awhile it starts to take a toll on one's self image, I'm starting to feel like I must be really undateable or something because I can get dates, but 98% of the time nothing more comes out of it than friendship. I try to avoid the classic missteps that will get you friendzoned. Like being overly friendly and bowing to a girls every desire without question. I'm not that way, I am a gentleman and I'll treat a girl right for sure, but I don't crumble before her and conform to her every request without question. I also try to let my intention's be known early on if I'm meeting someone new...I don't beat around the bush and kinda flirt, usually within the first week I'll let someone know if I'm intrested in dating them. Despite being that way, I still get friendzoned and I'm sick of it. Can anyone out there male or female shed some light on it? And maybe help further my knowledge of how to avoid being friendzoned? Thanks!
Jamesblame Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 It's up to you, mate. If you want to be a romantic partner then be friendLY toward her, but not friends. Let her get out of her relationship blues and then when ready she can pursue you if interested. You wanted a relationship so keep looking for one. Or You can be friends with her and then keep pursuing someone else because you're her friend and not her date. She didn't really friendzone you as much as realize that she's not ready for a relationship. It's a mature thing to realize and much more fair to you than jumping into a rebound relationship. Maybe it was you, maybe it was her, maybe it was a lack of chemistry. All you need to do is acknowledge that she isn't interested in a relationship with you, and you should plan accordingly.
Jamesblame Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 And one way to prevent being friendzoned is just to come up as a romantic partner. Meet them, like them, ask them out. No getting to know them over the week. Date them and that's how you get to know them.
Carenth Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) She didn't friend zone you (btw I hate that term it's ****ing stupid and whiney) she was honest that she wasn't over her last relationship. Which is commendable to be honest, most people I know will latch on to the first person they can find after coming out of a relationship rather than dealing with the issues of the last. Thus bringing all the baggage from the last relationship into the new one. This has nothing to do with you it's to do with her. It's up to you what you want to do. You don't have to be friends with her if you don't want that's fine. If you don't want this to happen at all then just ask girls you like out off the bat then they know what your intentions are straight away. I've never understood this whole frienzone crap myself because I actually enjoy the company of others regardless of gender. If you can't deal with been friends with the opposite gender than that is fine, you don't have to be. My advice in dot points. 1. Ask girls out when you are interested. You will get your answer right away and won't feel used for whatever reason. (which will also include rejections btw). 2. Lose the friendzone crutch. It's stupid, whiney, insecure and frankly sexist. You can't force anyone to date or be in a relationship with you it's a two way street. If you can't deal with been friends then don't, simple. 3. Learn to be happy with yourself. A relationship is not a magical cure for whatever self confidence issues you are having (I speak from experience) in fact they are a lot of work. If you can learn to be comfortable in your own skin then you won't care if you are single or not. Edited October 25, 2012 by Carenth
carhill Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Note the phrase : 'I like you a lot and still want to be around you' That's the mind-fµck. She's been 'broken up' for, let's see, June, July, August, September. That's four months. Getting back into the swing of things. OK. Benefit of the doubt. Mature thing to say is 'I'm not ready to date now and I respect your time and interest so I just have to say no to continuing'. OP, accept nothing less. This is a dry hole. Move on without comment. IMO, you would only be 'friendzoned' if you fell for the mind-fµck. In that case, you'd do it to yourself. Do something else. Good luck. 2
SmileFace Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Well I can only tell you how to not continue to be in the friendzone with this chick. Don't play friends or wait around - just cut contact. 2
Necris Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Unfortunately girls who friend zone you don't end up being that great of friends in my experience. I believe the reason you become friend-zoned is that the girl likes your company and personality but doesn't feel that certain primal feeling about you and so makes you her "friend" instead of boyfriend. 1
MrCastle Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Touching, flirting, and sexual comments. See how she responds to those three things. If she responds positively, ask her out. If she friendzones you, cut contact.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) (See my response in bold) She didn't friend zone you (btw I hate that term it's ****ing stupid and whiney) she was honest that she wasn't over her last relationship. Which is commendable to be honest, most people I know will latch on to the first person they can find after coming out of a relationship rather than dealing with the issues of the last. Thus bringing all the baggage from the last relationship into the new one. This has nothing to do with you it's to do with her. It's up to you what you want to do. You don't have to be friends with her if you don't want that's fine. (I would love to be friends with her...But I want to date her more than I want to be her friend) If you don't want this to happen at all then just ask girls you like out off the bat then they know what your intentions are straight away. (I did...Our very first date I told her I was intrested in dating her continually into the future) I've never understood this whole frienzone crap myself because I actually enjoy the company of others regardless of gender. If you can't deal with been friends with the opposite gender than that is fine, you don't have to be. (First of all...I CAN deal with having friends of the opposite sex...As a matter of the fact, I have more female friends listed in my phone than I do male friends...Its pretty much a two to one ratio...You know why? This ''friendzone'' bull**** that you don't acknowledge actually happens.) My advice in dot points. 1. Ask girls out when you are interested. You will get your answer right away and won't feel used for whatever reason. (which will also include rejections btw). (Not true...At least not for all girls...This girl is a prime example of a decent one, that's why I want to date her so badly...She's a catch! She's beautiful, intelligent and caring of others feelings, Whats not to love? 2. Lose the friendzone crutch. It's stupid, whiney, insecure and frankly sexist. You can't force anyone to date or be in a relationship with you it's a two way street. If you can't deal with been friends then don't, simple. ( I'm not whining...Honestly, I'm just a little bit upset here because this girl is actually worth dating! You don't find that often...You REALLY dont. And let the record show I'm not forcing her to do anything...I would never forcbly make someone date me. If someone's with me I want to be because THEY want to be. And lastly...How in the hell is being friendzoned sexist? I never said anything about which sex friendzones more than the other...So please don't try to start a Penis vs Vagina war here. That was for sure not my intention.) 3. Learn to be happy with yourself. A relationship is not a magical cure for whatever self confidence issues you are having (I speak from experience) in fact they are a lot of work. If you can learn to be comfortable in your own skin then you won't care if you are single or not. (I'll give you this one...Fact is, I'm not totally happy with myself. I'm 24 years old and I've only had one serious long term relationship in my life, and that ended 6 years ago. After awhile flings and one night stands do take a toll on your self esteem and I to am speaking out of experience here.) Thanks for the input Edited October 26, 2012 by MercuryMorrison1
Carenth Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) I would love to be friends with her...But I want to date her more than I want to be her friend Except you don't want to be friends with her because you want to date her. You would be friends with her in hope she changes her mind which isn't friendship. I did...Our very first date I told her I was intrested in dating her continually into the future. And you got your answer shes not interested. She has a right to say no. First of all...I CAN deal with having friends of the opposite sex...As a matter of the fact, I have more female friends listed in my phone than I do male friends...Its pretty much a two to one ratio...You know why? This ''friendzone'' bull**** that you don't acknowledge actually happens. Walking contradiction you say you can handle it, then lament your situation for knowing all these horrible wenches who exercised their right to say no. The friendzone is cop out bull**** because you agreed to be friends with them with the hope they would come around and then demonise them with that label when it doesn't happen. You have the choice of not being friends with them. Not true...At least not for all girls...This girl is a prime example of a decent one, that's why I want to date her so badly...She's a catch! She's beautiful, intelligent and caring of others feelings, Whats not to love? It's fine to be upset at being rejected, it's natural. However she does not feel that way about you. So move on. I'm not whining...Honestly, I'm just a little bit upset here because this girl is actually worth dating! You don't find that often...You REALLY dont. And let the record show I'm not forcing her to do anything...I would never forcbly make someone date me. If someone's with me I want to be because THEY want to be. And lastly...How in the hell is being friendzoned sexist? I never said anything about which sex friendzones more than the other...So please don't try to start a Penis vs Vagina war here. That was for sure not my intention. You will notice that the sex who gets most of the blame are horrible girls who won't give a nice guy a chance, when they have no feelings one way or the other towards them. As I said being upset is fine and natural. The term friendzone has negative connotations with it, that it is a punishment, the most horrible thing someone (in most cases a woman does it) can do to you, that having to endure friendship is the most agonising pain ever (a hint thats not real friendship). That denying them the chance to date them is a crime and is cockteasing <insert whatever derogatory term here>. When in fact all they have done is expressed there right to say "sorry, i'm not interested". You have the choice not to be friends with them (I'm never friends with women I have feelings for just so you know). TLDR: Sexist bull**** term, care to disagree go google friendzone and see which sex cops the flack for it. I'll give you this one...Fact is, I'm not totally happy with myself. I'm 24 years old and I've only had one serious long term relationship in my life, and that ended 6 years ago. After awhile flings and one night stands do take a toll on your self esteem and I to am speaking out of experience here I'm sorry to hear that, it's a crappy place to be in I've been there myself, I was very unhappy for a long time. Then one day I realised that having a massively negative attitude was not doing me any favors. I went and sorted my **** out and am a lot happier these days. I'm not trying to be a dick btw, just pointing out she didn't actually friendzone you and friendzoning is not actually a thing imo. Because fundamentally you have to agree to be her friend to be put in the friendzone. If she was never interested in you to begin with as a romantic option then you haven't lost anything because she was never interested.... Answer above. Edited October 26, 2012 by Carenth
CC12 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 OP, listen to this: Because fundamentally you have to agree to be her friend to be put in the friendzone. And also this: Except you don't want to be friends with her because you want to date her. You would be friends with her in hope she changes her mind which isn't friendship. This is why you have so many more female friends in your contacts. You don't actually want to be "just friends" with all those girls, you want(ed) to date them. So be honest with yourself and them. When girls say, "Let's be friends," you can kindly tell them, "Thanks for your honesty. I'm not really looking for more friends right now. I did have a nice time with you, though, so let me know if you'd ever like to go out again." Then be done. I also try to let my intention's be known early on if I'm meeting someone new...I don't beat around the bush and kinda flirt, usually within the first week I'll let someone know if I'm intrested in dating them. Our very first date I told her I was intrested in dating her continually into the future You might want to stop doing this. I know being honest and upfront is normally what you should be doing, but this probably makes the girl feel a little awkward. It's kind of like if you met a pretty cool guy you could see yourself becoming friends with and telling him the first time you met him, "HEY, BRO, I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS AFTER THIS!! DO YOU WANT TO?!" It's just kind of clumsy, you know?
bac Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 (See my response in bold) (I'll give you this one...Fact is, I'm not totally happy with myself. I'm 24 years old and I've only had one serious long term relationship in my life, and that ended 6 years ago. After awhile flings and one night stands do take a toll on your self esteem and I to am speaking out of experience here.) Thanks for the input If she is mature enough (about 24y.o), IMO, it was just a polite rejection. It is not pleasant to reject a sensitive guy who is into you. She met you once and she did not like you. But, she cannot tell you the truth because it is hurtful. It is much more polite and sensitive to say the white lie like she said to you. 1
jcrew11 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Not sure if this will work, but try to give her oral by going down on her, without her having to reciprocate. Just tell her you want to make her feel better. Try kissing her neck as well and giving her a massage.
dustpull Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 oh my god...........we're on the same shoessss!!!!!!!! hahahah.. this guy i'm talking to for 4 MONTHS, been pulling this move on me. We were more than friends the first month, then friends, then i became his potential lover, then friendzoned again. All because he says hes not ready to commit to anyone right now since he's not over his ex yet sigh
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 All I know at this point is that dating is biggest mindf'u'c'k ever. Its like everything that feels right...Is the wrong thing and vice/versa. I'm sick of it...Everything about dating feel's unatural. When I try to do what feels natural everyone tells me it was the wrong thing to do. ****ing sick of it man.
rana-rana Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 First of all...(I'm not making this thread to whine about being friendzoned or to start another gender war)...But I do have a few questions. Long story short, I've been talking to this girl for a couple of weeks, we fineally went on a date Monday evening, The date seemed like it went well...No shortage of conversation or anything like that. She explained to me on the date that she was just now kinda starting to feel like she could date again since her breakup in June. We had a few back and fourth text's over the past couple of days, all was going well...Last night I sent her text asking her if she would like to go on a second date sometime next week, to which she replied. ''I've been thinking about it and I'm just not ready to date yet. I'm not totally over my last boyfriend and it wouldn't be fair to you for us to date right now. I like you alot and still want to be around you and maybe we can date when I get out of this phase if you would like? I commend her for being so honest so quickly, honestly that makes me even more attracted to her that she was sparing of my feelings as opposed to stringing me along because she wanted the attention. Who know's...Maybe if she gets out of her funk and I'm still single when she does, things might work out. But like I said earlier, I'm not making this thread to bitch or complain, I just want to know why I keep getting frienzoned and how the hell I can avoid it in the future...After awhile it starts to take a toll on one's self image, I'm starting to feel like I must be really undateable or something because I can get dates, but 98% of the time nothing more comes out of it than friendship. I try to avoid the classic missteps that will get you friendzoned. Like being overly friendly and bowing to a girls every desire without question. I'm not that way, I am a gentleman and I'll treat a girl right for sure, but I don't crumble before her and conform to her every request without question. I also try to let my intention's be known early on if I'm meeting someone new...I don't beat around the bush and kinda flirt, usually within the first week I'll let someone know if I'm intrested in dating them. Despite being that way, I still get friendzoned and I'm sick of it. Can anyone out there male or female shed some light on it? And maybe help further my knowledge of how to avoid being friendzoned? Thanks! dont sound u being friendzoned to me chulo. she wants to take it slow with u for a minute. let it be. try not to be so thirsty lml.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 oh my god...........we're on the same shoessss!!!!!!!! hahahah.. this guy i'm talking to for 4 MONTHS, been pulling this move on me. We were more than friends the first month, then friends, then i became his potential lover, then friendzoned again. All because he says hes not ready to commit to anyone right now since he's not over his ex yet sigh Then you can feel where I'm comming from.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 dont sound u being friendzoned to me chulo. she wants to take it slow with u for a minute. let it be. try not to be so thirsty lml. Sound advice. I am thirsty though, Its been six years since I've had a real emotional connection to anyone outside of my family. I need a drink...
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