The_Face Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 For the past 3 weeks or more I've been LC with my ex, (that's Little Contact, I'm assuming?) anyway, the first few days were hard. For almost a year I saw my ex or talked to her in some way every day, practically. So not seeing her or texting/ calling her for days on end has been a whole new experience. I made it through a few days and contacted her about a call I got from her doctor, passing along a message. She seemed short with me, answering only with facts and nothing emotional in any kind of way. Fast forward to a few days ago and we've been going days without any exchanged words. She texts me in the morning about something I needed to pick up for her and I didn't reply. Nothing to say, was most of the reason. Also I just wanted to keep to myself. She starts calling a few hours later, a couple times every half hour or so, and eventually texts me asking if I'm not talking to her for a reason or was I just busy. Finally in the mid afternoon we're on the phone and she asks me where I was, why didn't I answer my phone, what have I been up to?, etc. etc. Not in a noticeably jealous or controlling tone or anything, more curious, it seemed. But she asked me a few times what I was doing and when I told her I was with friends hanging out she seemed suprised and said how I never hang out with my friends anymore. I just told her that before I met her I saw my friends all the time, but I had basically alienated myself around the time me and her started dating. The rest of the conversation was just business stuff, but when I said I had better get going she asked why I sounded so wierd. To which I replied, how? I don't feel wierd. And she said that happened last time we talked. I was oblivious to sounding wierd at all, so I denied and then she asked if I was okay or depressed or something. I said some things got me down but then I stopped myself. She asked what and referred to a past issue we had been arguing about, and I replied that was not on my mind. I cut it short and said thanks for calling, I hope you're doing well, etc. etc. She seemed bummed by the end of the conversation. It's hard to tell. I don't know if my declining lack of interest has made her more curious to what I'm doing or if she's thinking about me and misses me? I know nobody else can tell me what she's feeling but her, I guess I'm just telling my story and wondering who else has gone through this. Once you assume control and keep to NC or LC, if your ex showed little signs that maybe they miss you and where did you go from there? Any experiences related to something like this? For the time being, I'm going to continue laying low. If she wants anything or wants to talk she knows she can call me. I just don't want to initiate anything anymore. I've done that to death and I felt like a puppet by the end of it.
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I'll chime in. She's projecting her crap onto you. In addition, she's attempting to ignore your personal boundaries. She called it over. She over reacted and personalized your legitimate question. Now it seems she's picking the scab you have bandaged until a later moment. I'd say if your done with the relationship, find the strength to share little to no personal information or feelings with her. Stick to the parenting agenda. You'll master this. 1
Author The_Face Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 I'll chime in. She's projecting her crap onto you. In addition, she's attempting to ignore your personal boundaries. She called it over. She over reacted and personalized your legitimate question. Now it seems she's picking the scab you have bandaged until a later moment. I'd say if your done with the relationship, find the strength to share little to no personal information or feelings with her. Stick to the parenting agenda. You'll master this. That's what I'm doing, Balzac! Sticking to the parenting agenda! Not getting roped back into emotional issues with the ex is a top concern.
Balzac Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Knowing she can call you anytime about parenting works. Allowing her to open the door to personal questions about your activities is a no go. It's about more than "emotionally volatile" issues. Glad you're managing to move on despite the circumstances.
Daniel V. Ross Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 She just want to pull your attention that's why she is doing those things.
Author The_Face Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Face, you're are showing less interest in her, so that makes her want you. Why did you and her break up? Do you want her back? We broke up at the end of May. It was actually initiated by me, even though, deep down it wasn't what I wanted. And even though she was never the one to initiate the talk about breaking up, all signs pointed to it being something she wanted. We started having little arguments halfway through our relationship, which wasn't so much the problem, in my opinion. That's all pretty normal in a relationship, especially a new one. It was how the arguments were handled. I would say something that bothered me and it always got spun around to how everything made her feel. She would get very defensive and argumentative, and I was always the bad guy. She stopped looking at things from my perspective, and she started having to leave alot more after an argument, to "clear her head" (hide from the issues) and all this slowly lead me to believe she was interested in something/ someone else. Which, as it turns out, was correct. She's young. 20, to be exact. That's an age where when things get tough, you just split. Why "work on things" with someone when you can just find someone else who you don't have any issues with, right? Yeah, that's believable. Anyway, I was always the one to make the first move to clean up the mess and mend things. I was on auto-pilot, gotta fix the problem and clear the air. At this point, I'm exhausted. And I'm tired of being the one to look past things and make the effort to move forward. If she wants me to stay away from her because I "stress her out so much" than I am going to continue doing that. But trying to talk to me about how I feel right now is too little, too late. I don't think I want to get back with her. She has alot of things she would need to overcome and change, and alot of effort she would have to make to show me she was ready to be faithful, for that to happen. And I don't see her doing any of that anytime soon. Probably by the time she's changed those parts about her, she'll have found someone new. And hopefully, me too.
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