barksdalemc Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 So I met my gf about a year ago. She was coming off a divorce from her ex-husband and we started dating. I told her I wanted to take things slow and we did for a while before we went really fast. I moved in after 5 months. Things were great. We did the whole thing. I love you, marriage, etc. In any case, two days ago we were planning Christmas with her family and she sends me a text saying she wanted to talk to me. I find her at home crying hysterically. She says she wants to take break a to see if she is committed to us 100%. She wants me to find a place but stay as long as I need. I left that night to stay with a buddy. Anyway she said she thinks we rushed things and she should have had some time after the divorce not seeing anyone but I was everything she wanted in a guy. Bear in mind when she got married she had doubts about the guy and he turned out to validate her doubts. She said there is a better than 50% chance of us getting back together, but she needs to be alone for a while. I told her I respect and love her and want her to have the space she needs to figure things out. Should I just move on? I mean asking me to find a place so she can think about things is selfish, no?
River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Asking you to move out is a biggie. And her giving you the "over 50%" chance you'll get back together? I don't know...sounds like she's already made her decision. Sorry about that.
mammasita Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Sounds kind of like what happened to me, except neither of us had just gotten out of a relationship. We moved really fast though.......I digress. Yes, I think its selfish....but you have to give her space. You need to figure out how much time and space you are willing to give her and communicate that - A few days, 1 week, 2 weeks, a month? At the end of that time, discuss your relationship. Then evaluate whether or not you want to move on. Don't let her dictate your future because she's confused.
Author barksdalemc Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Gibson, I think you may be right. Question is what do I do now? I have had no communication with her. She wanted to keep in touch during this "break." I said no way. She wants space she should take some space. How long before I know there is no going back?
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 "I mean asking me to find a place so she can think about things is selfish, no? " It's very hard for us to comment. Is the lease in joint names? Is she expecting a financial contribution from you? Is the rental market tight in your city? I'd be securing a new lease, it sounds by your moved in comment, you have no lease.
Author barksdalemc Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Another thing is that about three months ago I was thinking of moving to Asia and she said she was coming with me. The company plans changed so we had to cancel but she told her family and friends she was going. That's when things changed. I think people were telling her to slow down with me.
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) Interesting addition to the story. Not sure I see a downside for her if a move to Asia was afoot. Loss of career for - 1 year but you must have understood work visa requirements. If the relationship epic failed she'd fly back and pick up her life. How old is this woman? Edited October 25, 2012 by Balzac Missed opportunity
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Sounds like taking this relationship any further opens you up to redux down the road. Crying hysterically was clue #1. Mature adults, in open communication can negotiate difficulty. That's my comment.
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Ouch, that came across as clipped. My comment regarded how she suddenly expounded to you. Surely you two held a discussion about your exit plans prior to your move in. Sorry to come across that all of your situation could be resolved to your satisfaction. I feel for you but I'm thinking you may have come out having dodged a bullet.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I'm sorry to say this but every story I have read of a woman needing a break or wanting to be single (including mine) it was because they were interested in someone/something else. Feel free to read the threads; "needed a break and she kissed someone else", "wants to be single but shes seeing someone". I hope to hell I'm wrong in your situation, I really do. All I know is that when I am in love with someone/when I want to be with that person forever, I would never just give them up, I would never have them move out. If they are that special to me I won't take the chance of losing them. 2
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I hear 'ya! It's odd to read of divorced, over 30ish women, like this one. Time is a vanishing commodity. Either they eschew motherhood or cannot do basic math. Why waste time asking for "a break". Edited October 25, 2012 by Balzac
sweetkiwi Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 its true. Everytime i broke up with my live in ex it was because i was getting my kicks somewhere else. He knew and always took me back. We're not together.
Author barksdalemc Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Jesus. It just hit me like a ton of brick while. I treated this girl like a queen. I have a ton of friends who are here for me. Other women were all over me the last year with me never straying. I deserve a girl who says wow I'm lucky. Not one who says I need time to be alone. Maybe I'll come back to you. 2
Balzac Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Exactly!!! Your investment of time, no other factors considered, call this woman a non responder. You have value, you deserve a rewarding relationship.
Author barksdalemc Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I have zero intentions of contacting her or seeing her. I am going to take some time to be around family and friends. Someone who does this is very selfish. Not the kind of person I want to be with. 1
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