CheckYourself Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I was here to find any similar type situations that I could relate too but so far have not been able to find anything. I am planning on filing for divorce since our oldest has moved on to school on the west coast and our youngest is turning 17 this year. I have been lying to my wife for almost a year now and she thinks we are building a new home together since I convinced her we should sell our house and live in a condo till our new home is built. I purchased the land but have not verified a contract for the building of a new home yet. My intention was never to build a home but to build an industrial shop for the business. We are literally debt free today and I convinced her that she should open her own personal bank account so we could split everything we made and pay less commercial tax with the equity that we made. It is much cheaper after all. She agreed but is weary of what I am doing, for good reason I guess! I believe she has no idea what I am planning but I have a feeling her father knows because he has confronted me twice in regards to my intentions and I just told him to mind his own business and stay out of it. Only 3 other people know my plans and understand where I am coming from. But why am I starting to feel awful about this now? I have been planning this for quite a long time and have played the role with my wife pretty good so far. I hate lying to her but this is what I must do to come out of this sham free & clear without lawyers soaking us. My attorney and an outsourced accountant have both advised me that this is a pretty clear financial plan that works pretty much every time in divorce court. My wife and I both have pre-nup agreements that we signed when we were married so I am cleared of any future expenses that might occur. I believe that i am handling this much better than many husbands would BUT then why am I starting to feel bad about what I am doing? I am lost and just cant talk to anyone that I know about this. Has anyone here gone through this at any time during a marriage. I will listen to anyone's responses.. Fell free to be as mean as needed!
mammasita Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Why is the whole thing a big secret? Why haven't you had any discussions with her about you wanting a divorce? IMO, that's pretty cowardly and unfair to her.
GG3 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 You feel guilty because you are lying and being deceitful! What is the purpose of hiding your true intentions? Doesn't she deserve to know so she can plan for her future as well? Once you drop her she will have to spend time getting over that you lied to her AND that her marriage is over. How inconsiderate.
Author CheckYourself Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Why is the whole thing a big secret? Why haven't you had any discussions with her about you wanting a divorce? IMO, that's pretty cowardly and unfair to her. I only stayed with her because of our 2 children. At the time my wife and I were going through some pretty bad stuff and we did not want our teenage children to have to go through a period of divorcing parental idiocy. I am glad that we stayed together for them but our daughter is off on her own now and our son is 17 and knows we both love him very much. The secret being that our children did not need their family broken up! - and as far as getting over me? She'll Live! She was "over me" for 13 months for which 4 of those were living with another man. I am on the back 9 in my life and I think I should start living for me now. There are many things I would love to accomplish in my life and staying in a loveless relationship wasn't in my manual the last time I checked.. Just to clear things up
love does not exist Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Damn, not only deceitful to your wife, but just think of how your kids are going to feel, and how it's going to affect their performance in school? Glad my father wasn't cowardly and selfish like that. My brother is in the middle of law school and would never put him through that additional stress for his own selfish interests. You'll probably be unhappy after your divorce anyways, so act on your selfishness!
TopCat22 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 You're probably feeling the guilt because although it might make cold, hard logical financial sense to do this it's really not very fair on you wife. If there are problems don't you think she deserves to know? Don't you owe her something as the mother of your children? I'm not saying you should stay in an unhappy marriage but blindsiding her like this really isn't right. You are going to hurt her (and quite likely your kids) by doing it this way. Be a man and talk to her. Tell her the way you feel. Don't skulk around behind her back and then pull this out the bag. I guarantee you won't enjoy the back 9 of your life if you do this. You will be filled with guilt and regret. There is a way of doing things without dragging your family throug hell.
guyisnew Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I must admit that you have played through a very tough situation. You stayed with your wife, because of your children. When you also said your wife was with another man, you seem to have been or given the impression that you were cool about it. I myself could not have been with someone after such an act. So my hats off to you for staying with her. Your feeling guilty now as well its coming up to crunch time. Men always plan a "what if" situation in our heads. I do sometime, but actually acting on it is completely different, since you now have to realize you won't have her around, the security that she gave you etc. It can also be that your going to have to man up and tell her. You may not love her, but I'm sure you don't actually want to hurt her. Your going to need to tell her, don't leave her standing there otherwise it will stay with you, and this could be another ping of guilt. Tell her and allow her to understand, being selfish can be good for you, but it won't help you in the long run. If you make her understand or at least try to explain yourself Edited October 25, 2012 by guyisnew
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