witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I'm also in this situation and have been for the last 8 months.. It was the same thing geegirl said earlier. Blowing hot and cold he would even treat me like his gf for short periods of time. From the beginning we were just friends and I didnt like him like that. So I didn't care that he didn't want a relationship until things started heading into that direction. I do beleive people can change but in most of these cases they won't. I again agree with geegirl ACTIONS not words. Nothing they say mean anything if they aren't showing you then its more then obvious what they're really telling you. Don't waste time, energy or tears on this person. 8 months I spent trying to figure this guy out. I fell in love with him so I tried to tell myself to be patient and maybe things will fall together. The longer you wait the more attached your going to get to him and the more it will hurt in the end. I would let him go.. Maybe he will change his mind and decide to give it a go with you. But don't put up with mixed signals and confused emotions. Its not worth it. I dont think he will change his mind. He said he never wants a relationship and he also told me he hoped us having sex wasnt keeping me from meeting new people. He wrote a little sweet song for his daughter too and posted it on his facebook status and it made me break down earlier because I wish he had some feelings for me still. Maybe he really did feel something for me before because the way he used to look at me was different than the way he looks at me now. I bawled my eyes out earlier. I hate this.
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I also know that you cant necessarily believe what someone says. I was just saying and going on him saying he was considering giving things a shot with me because for all I know it was true.
sweetkiwi Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 he doesn't want a relationship. You do or you wouldn't be so messed up about it. Move on! He's even telling you to meet new people! Listen!
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 If you saw the way my ex was with me (until the weekend fiasco anyway), you'd have thought he loved me. He acted that way, even said it once or twice. Now suddenly it's claustrophobic and exhausting. You need to look at what they say AND what they do. And even then you can't always get it right!
mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 when a guy says he never wants a relationship what he is saying is I never want a relationship with you That is what they are meaning!!! Just believe it and look for someone else. I've been there, i know.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 why does it *have* to mean that they dont want it with us? I have hoped it isnt me,though and I havent had good dating luck since I started dating again after a nine year relationship I was in ended. Because there are reasons in his head that he thinks you arent right for him, you might never know, but it doesnt matter. If he is making excuses, you run away and dont try to analyze it. oh trust me I dont *want* a emotionally unavailable man of course. I have wondered if I will ever have a successful relationship. You DO want a relationship with this guy, who told you from the beginning that he was emotionally unavailable. You arent seeking out these kind of guys, but you tried to change an emotionally unavailable man because you had no other choices. YOU have to look at it realistically, or you will go through this again and again. You will open up your heart again once you can disconnect from this guy. also,since some of you said he just doesnt want a relationship with me, then why did he tell me he didnt want a relationship even when I didnt like him like that? I see no reason why he would have lied about that then. I speculate one of two reasons. Either he was still hung up on some other woman and is bitter (for now) or he was telling you that to drill iut into your head so you wouldnt gain feelings for him, so he could have casual sex with you without the guilt or baggage. You also cant help who you get feelings for and regardless of what others think of him saying this, he again also said before that he was considering giving things a shot with me at one point. You absolutely can help who you get feelings for, you just have to want to. People on this forum hold back their feelings all the time. They learned to stay suspicious of people and not to throw their heart out there willy nilly. Remember he said he was considering giving things a shot, if you pulled away from him and told him that you will talk to him again when he was ready to go full force, you might have seen the real him. Bad or good. He know that all he had to do with you was dangle the carrot out there and you'd keep running after it. He didnt even have to give you the carrot. He said he never wants a relationship and he also told me he hoped us having sex wasnt keeping me from meeting new people. Thats a hell of a death nell. He got what he wanted and let you know he wants you to find someone other than him. I also know that you cant necessarily believe what someone says. I was just saying and going on him saying he was considering giving things a shot with me because for all I know it was true. Of course you thought it was true at the time, and now you know it wasnt. So just be suspicious before you toss yourheart out there. Live and learn. Dont go overboard, but wait to see the actions match the words. And when a guy tells you he doesnt want a relationship, he means it. And thats all he will mean at that point, most the other stuff will be lies.
Berna Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Listen, my ex also told me that he loved me, that if he decided to get married that would be me, that I am the most beautiful girl that he ever had, and blah blah BUT He also told me to see other guys, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now, he told me he couldn't be with any girl right now, that he was confused and depressed, that he needed a break, that if he were 10 years younger he would have spent the rest of his life with me, blah blah And actions, which speak louder than words: we spent our time having sex, sleeping together, he rarely called me, we rarely talked. And I needed more than 8 months to realise that nothing will ever change, that he will never change and that I was stupid trying to change him! It doesn't matter if he is not that into me or is emotionally unavailable, fact is: he doesn't want a relationship with me, period! Trust me, save yourself from unnecessary heartache and forget about that guy. You deserve someone to respect you and be with you, not drag you around because he can't tell his shoe from his elbow. Onward!
witchychick Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 when a guy says he never wants a relationship what he is saying is I never want a relationship with you That is what they are meaning!!! Just believe it and look for someone else. I've been there, i know. I don't think that is always true, and again, he told me he didnt want a relationship even when I didnt like him like that. He had no reason to lie about that then-I didnt care one way or the other if he wanted a relationship or not then. Some people also actually dont want a relationship. I'm not going to keep this thread. I only wanted to hear from other Women who have been thru this. I dont need to be told to move on,etc.. I will do that in my own time, and I know I cant change his mind.
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I know there is nothing I can do-that I cannot change his mind, but I met this guy in early August to work on music with because I was wanting to start a band. I dont wanna get into the entire story but at first, I only wanted to be his friend and work on music with him. Then things just started happening-that is, I started thinking about him like that and he did,too. He said it first,told me one nite back in August that the past few times we had hung out there were moments where he wondered if he could like me like that. And he said a few days later that he was considering giving it a shot with me. He claimed to have some more than friend feelings for me before as well. I dont know if he really did,though. I have my reasons and am not ready to get into everything yet,though. We have slept together. Once back then and 2 more times after,the last time was Sunday. Anyway, have any of you other Women ever had a guy say he didnt want a relationship but then say he was considering giving it a shot with you, get some feelings for you, then change quickly and no longer have any more than friend feelings for you, then later say he never wants a relationship? He said he likes to be alone. He gave me other reasons,too and has said previously that it wasnt me-he didnt think it was because of how fast his feelings changed. He just wants to be friends now and has put everything behind him which must be nice because I still have feelings for him. I dont flip flop like that. He told me before that he didnt know if he would change his mind about a relationship. Now tonite he told me now he knows-he again never wants a relationship. He said his daughter and god are enough. I just wannna know if any of you have ever been thru anything like this? I am not going to try to change him because I know I can't. Just wanna know that. no once a guy pursues me they dont stop until i say no normally with guys online though players have surfaced......turned me off dating online.....years ago when i wasn't ready and i was unsure of what i was even doing dating my family was a mess i was a mess i was just simply not ready to date......bad break up...... its taken years to be at that point for me....because i do have a family to consider with daughters.......i didn't have any emotion when i tried to date before...a lot of guilt and failure in there though all the wrong emotions so i drank them away........i was on meds wont tell my sad story .....but now i am ready to date......just not anyone though.....i have to have feelings for the person i date.....and that doesnt happen often.....i have to get over my shyness...thats a hurdle and a half..your friend sounds confused been there done that.....still confused about a lot of things.dating for one etiquette etc...smilin.....but im gittin there....im not on meds so i actually have emotion yaaay grrr sob.....lol.......see..emotion... he doesnt sound ready to me and in my opinion sometimes it takes time and a lot of time .....when he is ready he will know and he wont be so flip floppy...it might have been four moths ago i swore i was going to go to africa and feed the kids travel the world alone once the kids were gone...it could have been even longer i still say those sort of thing i am going to be a nun and raise llamas and spin fur......i am laughing at myself though, i dont actually think i will do that....you can either hang in there till he is ready to date or you can find someone who loves you now....depends on what you feel in your heart..........best wishes i hope it works out for you.....deb
Quest4_TheLost Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I'm so sorry.. I totally feel your pain. My ex was just out of a bad 8 yr relationship. So he is broken.. Again like you I wasn't trying to start a relationship with him. We were just friends. He has no kids of his own but helped her raise her children. At times I blame myself because I didn't want a relationship either I would also blow hot and cold at times. This couldn't have helped with him being so insecure. By the time I was ready to give it a real go I guess it was to late. I really did get the "one" feeling from him though. So I went back on more then one occassion to try to mend things. I feel like an a$$ for it now though. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
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