witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I know there is nothing I can do-that I cannot change his mind, but I met this guy in early August to work on music with because I was wanting to start a band. I dont wanna get into the entire story but at first, I only wanted to be his friend and work on music with him. Then things just started happening-that is, I started thinking about him like that and he did,too. He said it first,told me one nite back in August that the past few times we had hung out there were moments where he wondered if he could like me like that. And he said a few days later that he was considering giving it a shot with me. He claimed to have some more than friend feelings for me before as well. I dont know if he really did,though. I have my reasons and am not ready to get into everything yet,though. We have slept together. Once back then and 2 more times after,the last time was Sunday. Anyway, have any of you other Women ever had a guy say he didnt want a relationship but then say he was considering giving it a shot with you, get some feelings for you, then change quickly and no longer have any more than friend feelings for you, then later say he never wants a relationship? He said he likes to be alone. He gave me other reasons,too and has said previously that it wasnt me-he didnt think it was because of how fast his feelings changed. He just wants to be friends now and has put everything behind him which must be nice because I still have feelings for him. I dont flip flop like that. He told me before that he didnt know if he would change his mind about a relationship. Now tonite he told me now he knows-he again never wants a relationship. He said his daughter and god are enough. I just wannna know if any of you have ever been thru anything like this? I am not going to try to change him because I know I can't. Just wanna know that.
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I will add that he told me before I even liked him like that that he doesnt want a relationship.
geegirl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Yes. Walk away. The pattern never ends. If he's telling you, listen.
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 like I said,I'm not going to try to change his mind because I know I cant. I just wanted to hear from other Women who have been thru this. So you have? What happened?
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 but I am depressed over this really and wish he and I could be together. I just know I cant change him and I only want someone to be with me if they want to be. How could someone never want a relationship again,too.
Sasu Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 How could someone never want a relationship again,too. Either he lost a relationship to a breakup or any other reasons and still have feelings for her,in that case just walk away ! Or he is just not a guy who can lead a relationship ,in latter its worth putting some work but you need to be prepared to get hurt if things doesn't work out , Either way, its a risky road
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 for 18 months. mr "i've never been in love" and "never had a real relationship" has suddenly decided that he "misses physical contact" and "maybe he needs it more than he thought". they all want it, whatever they say*. if they say **** like this, all it means is, they don't want it with US. don't walk away. run. i wish to god i had. *the cold comfort for the bitter wounded soul is that they might want it, but the chances are they will never be capable of making anyone very happy, not even themselves 1
Berna Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Yes, and it's exhausting. If you are okay with just a casual relationship, go for it. If you want more, walk away immediately. You will just end being heartbroken.
sweetkiwi Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 he doesn't want a relationship with you. Don't take it personal. Just move on and don't look back. Find someone who is emotionally available and doesn't change his mind only after he sleeps with you. Ugh. I've been there too and everytime i stayed was time i lost pouring energy into someone who never wanted me anyway.
geegirl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) like I said,I'm not going to try to change his mind because I know I cant. I just wanted to hear from other Women who have been thru this. So you have? What happened? Yes, I have. What happened? Endless cycle of push and pull, hot and cold. Both never committed to a relationship. One lasted 3 months. The other 8 months. Emotionally and mentally exhausting. I know one of them is still single playing the field. When they say these things, trust that they mean what they say. Sex won't change it. Being an incredible woman won't change it. Waiting won't change it. They don't want to be in a relationship with you. You're lucky he's telling you. Some guys will take when they can and then tell you six months later. Witchy, I went back and read some of your threads. A few months ago you said you're tired of dating jerks for the past two years. Time to stop seeking emotionally unavailable men. This is another one. What he's saying should be your sign to get up and go rather than analyze the whys and hows. Edited October 25, 2012 by geegirl
JayL Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I'm a male (well... my picture is up lol) who broke up with a girl just 2 months ago. Your story is similar to mine. First, she said she doesn't want a relationship, that she's used to doing her own thing, being alone etc. 2 days later, she took it back saying she wants to "try". We were bf/gf for over a month, but was full of hot and cold, push and pull. Day 1, she'll want to have sex, be all intimate, affectionate, good morning msg, sweet etc. Day 2, no message, no affection, nothing! Day 3, she'll be sweet first half of the day, then the other half of the day, nothing! I attempted to end it a couple of times during the month her and I were together, which she managed to stopped. In the end, she was the one who pulled the plug and walked away. We don't know what their real reasons are, it could be a self-issue that they must deal with first. Obviously, there's an attraction, there's chemistry, but there's something "in them" that's making them pull back or something about you that's making him pull back. If you want long-term, walk away. The only benefit you can get from this is occasional sex and a temporary relationship. It's a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. Edited October 25, 2012 by JayL
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 why does it *have* to mean that they dont want it with us? I have hoped it isnt me,though and I havent had good dating luck since I started dating again after a nine year relationship I was in ended. for 18 months. mr "i've never been in love" and "never had a real relationship" has suddenly decided that he "misses physical contact" and "maybe he needs it more than he thought". they all want it, whatever they say*. if they say **** like this, all it means is, they don't want it with US. don't walk away. run. i wish to god i had. *the cold comfort for the bitter wounded soul is that they might want it, but the chances are they will never be capable of making anyone very happy, not even themselves
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 oh trust me I dont *want* a emotionally unavailable man of course. I have wondered if I will ever have a successful relationship. Yes, I have. What happened? Endless cycle of push and pull, hot and cold. Both never committed to a relationship. One lasted 3 months. The other 8 months. Emotionally and mentally exhausting. I know one of them is still single playing the field. When they say these things, trust that they mean what they say. Sex won't change it. Being an incredible woman won't change it. Waiting won't change it. They don't want to be in a relationship with you. You're lucky he's telling you. Some guys will take when they can and then tell you six months later. Witchy, I went back and read some of your threads. A few months ago you said you're tired of dating jerks for the past two years. Time to stop seeking emotionally unavailable men. This is another one. What he's saying should be your sign to get up and go rather than analyze the whys and hows.
carhill Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Beware of anyone who states they are 'considering giving it a shot'.
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 dont know what else to say right now. I have already felt bad enough and then got mad at my roommate,too. I dont know if I should have posted here yet. During the very short time though that this guy was possibly considering giving things a shot with me,he posted a status on facebook saying he was having good feelings about someone and being a single parent for years changed him in the way he feels about relationships. He also said he was tryinng to break the ice and the status was about me. I dont know if he posted that knowing I would see it but if not, it sounds like he was considering things with me at one point. Either way only he knows for sure. The purpose of this thread was to hear from other Women who have been thru this,too. I again know I cant change him. I just hope it isnt me and I am already insecure.
geegirl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 why does it *have* to mean that they dont want it with us? I have hoped it isnt me,though and I havent had good dating luck since I started dating again after a nine year relationship I was in ended. Maybe it's not with you or maybe he's just not cut out to want or need a relationship. My ex was this way. He can't hold a relationship with anyone. Does it make a difference? It's not a reflection of your worth just because he doesn't want it with you. Not everyone is going to want you, love you, like you.
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Beware of anyone who states they are 'considering giving it a shot'. why? whats wrong with saying that?
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 also,since some of you said he just doesnt want a relationship with me, then why did he tell me he didnt want a relationship even when I didnt like him like that? I see no reason why he would have lied about that then.
carhill Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 They're 'thinking' the dynamic. Romance and intimacy are about feelings. It's sign of compartmentalization, IME.
stillafool Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 for 18 months. mr "i've never been in love" and "never had a real relationship" has suddenly decided that he "misses physical contact" and "maybe he needs it more than he thought". they all want it, whatever they say*. if they say **** like this, all it means is, they don't want it with US. don't walk away. run. i wish to god i had. *the cold comfort for the bitter wounded soul is that they might want it, but the chances are they will never be capable of making anyone very happy, not even themselves I have known the above to be true with so many friends of mine. The guy says he "doesn't want a relationship" or "I don't need a girlfriend" only for my friends to find out later he has met someone and is engaged to be married. It is best to run as fast as you can because normally men who say that are saying "I don't want you but would love to have sex with you".
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Maybe it's not with you or maybe he's just not cut out to want or need a relationship. My ex was this way. He can't hold a relationship with anyone. Does it make a difference? It's not a reflection of your worth just because he doesn't want it with you. Not everyone is going to want you, love you, like you. I know. It would just make me feel even worse and I already feel pretty d*** bad if it was me. ANd then there is the fact that I havent kept a guy in a long time,too. My ex called me at least over a week ago and I hung up on him lol. So that was a little bit of karma but that was easy because I am over him and dont even care about him anymore now. He probably just wanted some anyway. I joined this forum over him but I am over him now. Unfortunately though, I obviously still keep getting hurt so far and am still single,sad and lonely.
blotter Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) You know what they say about women who only go after emotionally unavailable men right? They themselves are emotionally unavailable and not ready for a real relationship. So the real question is, are you the one who needs to deal with your own emotional unavailability. Edited October 25, 2012 by blotter
witchychick Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) You know what they say about women who only go after emotionally unavailable men right? They themselves are emotionally unavailable and not ready for a real relationship. So the real question is, are you the one who needs to deal with your own emotional unavailability. I am absolutely not emotionally unavailable, and I do not go after emotionally unavailable men. You also cant help who you get feelings for and regardless of what others think of him saying this, he again also said before that he was considering giving things a shot with me at one point. Anyway, I already stated the purpose of this thread. Edited October 25, 2012 by witchychick
geegirl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I am absolutely not emotionally unavailable, and I do not go after emotionally unavailable men. You also cant help who you get feelings for and regardless of what others think of him saying this, he again also said before that he was considering giving things a shot with me at one point. Anyway, I already stated the purpose of this thread. Witchy, my ex said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Please don't trust words. Take note of their actions. And if someone has to think, ponder, vacillate about whether they want to be with you and I shudder at the words, "give things a shot", you most likely should head the other way.
Quest4_TheLost Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I'm also in this situation and have been for the last 8 months.. It was the same thing geegirl said earlier. Blowing hot and cold he would even treat me like his gf for short periods of time. From the beginning we were just friends and I didnt like him like that. So I didn't care that he didn't want a relationship until things started heading into that direction. I do beleive people can change but in most of these cases they won't. I again agree with geegirl ACTIONS not words. Nothing they say mean anything if they aren't showing you then its more then obvious what they're really telling you. Don't waste time, energy or tears on this person. 8 months I spent trying to figure this guy out. I fell in love with him so I tried to tell myself to be patient and maybe things will fall together. The longer you wait the more attached your going to get to him and the more it will hurt in the end. I would let him go.. Maybe he will change his mind and decide to give it a go with you. But don't put up with mixed signals and confused emotions. Its not worth it.
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