sissy106 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 you know why i am replying to all of your messages... and why i am trying to talk to you.. because i feel i am in same boat as you !! well i know its easy to preach and when it gets to you... you really get very depressed. I feel shattered too ! Sitting in library trying to study when you head is full of emotions and can you concentrate on anything ?? I cant !! Its okay to cry and its okay to cry your heart out ....but dont you want to pick yourself up and get this thing out of your system. I think only thing thats stopping you to move forward is you.. you just hold those memories so dear that you dont want to let it go.... but you would have to let those things slip away from your mind... this is a phase which will pass.. life looks to be in deep **** right now.. but it will change things will improve....only way out of it is through it.... Tell me what you feel.....when you pour your heart out; Type whatever you feel... so that there is no new thought coming in your head to bother you...!!!! You are absolutely right. When head is full of emotions then its impossible for anyone to concentrate completely on work or study or anything. M goin thru same phase. Shattered, still trying to complete my studies which got delayed by a whole year due to that shiiit that happened with me 16 months back. And luckily today is the day when my ex called me for the first time exactly during these hours. hahaha. 7 years back. And I have my assignment to complete which is already delayed for about a year. My supervisor is nice to me till now, understanding my situation but he is expecting me to submit that on 18th of this month, and I am totally screwed coz I am only done with 30% of my work till now. I dont know where am I going or wat will happen to me, but I have realised that few months back my progress was nil but now atleast I have started to fight for myself and my life. You are right in saying that we have to do it for ourself coz if we screwed up our studies at this moment then our lives will also be screwed in future. Still we all are here coz its human emotions and these are same everywhere...... We all just need to HANG ON!
sissy106 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Maybe you don't feel that you deserve more than the way she treated you. You self worth needs to be worked on and when you believe in your heart you deserve love, respect, trust, care and concern, you will run from people like this. **** her!! Make your self esteem and self worth a priority and again **** her!! Don't let anybody treat you like ****. Exactly I think we need 5 on 5 for all of these to be in a relationship. And I got only 2 things out of these Love and Concern....rest were missing.So I have 2 marks out of 5 here. Confused836 and Hurt Burst....how much u get here out of 5?
Author confused836 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) I was missing respect and trust with my relationship which ultimately made me break up with her. I think she loved me and cared about me but ultimately I am regretting it with each passing moment. You want me to type out how I feel? I feel like a piece of ---- sitting here without her. She was loving and caring and yes I didn't trust her but honestly having her in my life is better than how I feel now. This really sucks. Edited November 1, 2012 by confused836
Author confused836 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 I sleep so much these days because the more I am awake the more I think about her. At least sleeping helps pass the day and I don't have to consciously think about her.
InAFog Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Oh man how i wish i COULD sleep. After finding our about his new GF i am back to not being able to eat or sleep! I too had to end the relationship because of lack of trust and respect. I know just how it feels to think that it would be better to be back in than to feel how you're feeling right now. But it just isn't true. There CANNOT be a healthy and loving relationship where there isn't trust. I hung on waaay too long to this relationship in the hopes that things would change and that somehow he could rebuild my lack of trust. But, he didn't care to. It was my problem. By the time i finally walked, i was actually scared. Not for my life or safety, but because i felt like i had no idea who the person i had been living with for 5 years really was. I didn't know what he was capable of doing. That is not a good point to get to. And still, I felt like it would be better to be back together than to be going thru the heartbreak. No, it would have been EASIER. But it still would have ended up the same, just with more wasted years.
sissy106 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I was missing respect and trust with my relationship which ultimately made me break up with her. I think she loved me and cared about me but ultimately I am regretting it with each passing moment. You want me to type out how I feel? I feel like a piece of ---- sitting here without her. She was loving and caring and yes I didn't trust her but honestly having her in my life is better than how I feel now. This really sucks. Just to let u know that when I started my relationship with my ex then some bitter events happened due to this lack of trust and respect thing from his side. Then one of my old friend told me that I should leave him coz trust and respect too are the major content in a successfull love relationship. I did not listened to her 7 years back and here I am broken. All I mean is that if ur relation lacked these factors then its good that it ended up soon. Take a lesson from people like me and move on. Everything that u are going thru is absolutely normal... U are down, deepressed, sleepy, inefficient, non-social at the moment and looking out for someone to hug u and take care of u while letting u know that he/she is beside u all this. U just hang on buddy, it will pass and I insist on my words that TIME WILL HEAL ALL UR HURTS. So, let the time pass, but u also need to get out now..and start talkng to more and more people, its first step of healing...
Author confused836 Posted November 3, 2012 Author Posted November 3, 2012 Sissy, How do I get rid of my defeatist attitude? Every time I meet someone new I compare her to my ex and think about how this new girl is not good enough. And I just feel exhausted meeting someone new and trying to start something new all over again. I feel like I have no hope. I can't even muster a smile most of the times these days. I'm acting erratically and out of impulse. I just need to chill out and put things in perspective but the current city I am in is not great for meeting single people. I know that's an excuse but there is some truth to it. I just need to keep perspective.
ilovedhim Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Why don't you just give yourself a break for now, be alone for a while and concentrate on your studies. Why do you feel the need to be with someone? What are you going to do when you have to decidethe next steps in your life, ie residency, setting up a business, etc. will you build you're entire life around someone else that may or may not be there during the next phases of your life? This is your future and your life take control of it. Trust is the first building block of any relationship, you didn't even have that with her... so how can you compare others to her? 1
Forever Learning Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I want to thank everybody here for their responses. It feels great knowing that people have been through similar situations and have become better people from it. That's what is so neat about Love Shack, the love and support you get from complete strangers. It's awesome. Did you know that when you are down and out and hurting, is when you will grow the most, and learn the most about yourself, and about life? That's always been my perspective. You mentioned you felt you were in competition with her. Stop that. There's no competition, there's no race in life. Also, consider an anti-depressant, and take a good multivitamin. Exercise 30 minutes a day. Take extra vitamin D and Omega 3/6/9 fatty oil supplement. It all aids the body in fighting depression. Finally, be happy for your ex girlfriend. Wish her well in your heart. Hope that she is as happy as she can be with her new boyfriend. She is a good person, you have said (who made some mistakes). Wish her well. It will help free you from bitterness and get you on the path back to happiness in your life. All the best to you. Cheers!!
justanidiot Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Your situations sounds a lot like my own. In a bad relationship, you are unhappy, want to end, and when it does and then your ex is with someone else, you want it back... Kinda a case of wanting what you can't have. I'll give you something to consider, as I feel I can relate to your situation, and potentially the type of person you are. As a med student, I would consider you successful, as am I. What I found was that all the time I thought it was my ex that I needed back, I realized I have an issue with failure. I hate to fail. Being successful in my live, i very rarely have had to deal with failure. failing in a 4 year relationship turned me upside down. I fought to make it right so i could not face the failure. I was scared of the vulnerability and the shame that comes with failure. What I'm trying to say is sometimes things arent what they seem. I thought I need my ex back. In reality, I just wanted to make the past relationship a success again. But it won't happen, and why would i want it back? I have faced and admitted to the failure and I feel so much better. Sometimes a person has to go to a bad place where they face their vulnerability and shame, in order to proceed forward. These "low places" are really are where you learn about yourself and can be the birth place of a new, fulfilling future. You just have to get there. Maybe this will help, maybe no t as you don't have these issues like me. All I can say is no one shouldn't go back to bad relationship. What you need to understand is why you think you need to go back. 1
sissy106 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Sissy, How do I get rid of my defeatist attitude? Every time I meet someone new I compare her to my ex and think about how this new girl is not good enough. And I just feel exhausted meeting someone new and trying to start something new all over again. I feel like I have no hope. I can't even muster a smile most of the times these days. I'm acting erratically and out of impulse. I just need to chill out and put things in perspective but the current city I am in is not great for meeting single people. I know that's an excuse but there is some truth to it. I just need to keep perspective. Dear the above 2 posts are also well said, keep in mind wat they say. You know why I am replying to ur posts coz u have similarity with my relation, as I have mentioned earlier and I know that my ex was jealous of me all the time coz I was getting ahead in the carrier to him and it became the most important reason for the things that happened between us, and when he broke up with me I know that he might have felt the same things as u are feeling right now. Coz again I have moved ahead of him coz I got married and he is not, and he thinks that I am with a damn rich fellow, but I am not. I do post pics of me and my hubby in happy moods, but in reality I am also struggling to forget my past, i also feel sad coz I am still not able to love my hubby the way I loved him, I am struggling in my carrier coz of lack of concentration, my hubby is also not settled, but my ex thinks that he is too good in comparison to him coz he has a good personality, tall, handsome, and he thinks that he is going good in his carrier too. But no me and my hubby are struggling in our carrier. But I know this will pass in my life coz my hubby is lovbing, caring fellow who have trust and respect for me. Still after all these things I miss my ex, to me my ex was the most beautiful and handsome fellow, coz I loved him too much. I post my good pics with my hubby but I still miss my ex.... although I am healing fast coz now my partner is perfect and I know after sometime I will forget most of my past memories with ex. So i am on way to get healed cmpletely, but yes this all took time and patience and good partner by ur side. But for u I suggest stop having competition from her, focus on urself. If u feel defeated then be it. I also feel defeated although I have not really lost, Its the way we feel. Its natural for all to feel defeated lost. So consider urself normal. Move on and dont be in hurry to get into another relation. I got into new relation coz maybe I had better luck, but still I am facing challenges in this relation too. Be strong, everywhere u haaaave to take chanlanges. U need to be more stronger than me coz u are a man. U have to take care of ur family in future. So like our member said.... let it go, dont think too much, whatever is happening to u right now is ALL NORMAL, let it pass with time, DONT LOOK BACK to a bad realtionaship, FOCUS on ur carrier studies, DONT be in a rush into new relation, BUT be with more and more people around u. That is ALL. Have a good day!
Author confused836 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I felt great the past few days but I am relapsing hardcore today. Man I really should have thought through my decision more instead of lashing out on her and breaking up. I guess seeing other couples around med school is really getting to me.
hurt_burst Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 well confused86, in order to shrugg off the defeatist attitude i think you need to not just read these posts here but instead follow them too . You have to act mechanical and do whatever no contact rule says.. Stop thinking about her. Whenever you meet someone you dont have to think that you are going to love or date this person. You have to just let it be.. be a normal friendly fun. That would take care of most things.
Author confused836 Posted November 8, 2012 Author Posted November 8, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I think I've done a good job in really stopping my thoughts whenever they drift to her. I redirect my thoughts immediately or if I do think about her momentarily I focus on a negative thought about her. But last night I had a dream about her and it wasn't anything special - I was just in her bedroom cuddling with her in bed and waking up with her. And I felt so happy. I haven't felt this way in ages. And then I wake up and realize that it was all a dream. It sucks to have this kind of a setback with something I don't even have control over (my dreams).
yessy21 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 The only reason you are stressing the situation so much is because all this time you were focused on her. on what she did and did not do. on her manipulation to have you think of her every second. im going to tell you what i had to tell myself...over and over again. Everything has a way of balancing out. As a med student you should know this. Internally and externally everything has its balance. She was wrong for you. A person that loves you will not cheat, manipulate, verbally or mentally abuse of you. you have an even better person lined up for you. you just dont know it yet. THIS IS YOU THAT WANTED THIS INTERNALLY. Focus on your future...for the most amazing woman will be in that future. I PROMISE you. I learned that everytime i thought about my heartache... i would take a walk or stretch...write. usually it will break the focus and rebuild my happiness. it takes time to heal from loosing someone. it took me years. What she did to you she will do to him. Now do you really want to be worrying about catching something or catching her with someone else. is that the type of relationship you want. Is that what you want for your future children to have in their life? a life with no trust and emotional ups and downs.
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