My cry for anybody

[confused836]

Yeah I won't make this a habit. I just gave myself an excuse I guess because this date a year ago was the last time she and I spent together when things were well. The fights started soon after and the break up was official 4-5 months later.

 

I just need to say bye to her in my head. Let go of all the memories and let go of the future I thought we would have if things didn't go the way that they did.

 

I just don't have many opportunities to meet new people. The med school circle is really small here and there's not much time to meet someone outside of school. She did though so good for her

[sissy106]

Yes we had a rocky start to our relationship.

 

I just went online and saw pictures of her and her bf. They seem very happy together. I don't know why I do this to myself - its like I'm purposely hurting myself.

 

I think I just remember this weekend (to the date) a year ago and it just brought back memories so I was tempted to see what she is up to. I told myself not to a million times but I guess I have no willpower.

 

Hey bro dont do that ever to urself. Although I also used to do that earlier but recently I have realised that this FB is a shiit for broken hearts.... It pushes u back.., it dont let u get away from ur hurts, infact deepns ur scars. Its like a drug... u want to do it but its bad for ur physical as well as mental health.

 

So first thing after NC is "NO FB". I am also in final year of my studies and it really took me too long to finish it coz every time I was peeping into his account and then bummer....flashback, deepression, no work, no studies, cry cry cry, more work goin in pending list, ultimately totally screwed up......... While he was all cool, studying well, enjoying with friends, going new places etc. etc.

 

So please dont kill ur time and most importantly urself... U will regret all time u wasted on looking at wat she is doing, while u are not able to do well in studies.... U will be the only one to Suffer. So just dont do it again.......

[sissy106]

Yeah I won't make this a habit. I just gave myself an excuse I guess because this date a year ago was the last time she and I spent together when things were well. The fights started soon after and the break up was official 4-5 months later.

 

I just need to say bye to her in my head. Let go of all the memories and let go of the future I thought we would have if things didn't go the way that they did.

 

I just don't have many opportunities to meet new people. The med school circle is really small here and there's not much time to meet someone outside of school. She did though so good for her

 

Its ok, if u dont find new people right now then keep up with old friends, and try to focus on ur studies more. U will get plenty of time to enjoy life again after u finish up wid studies. Get back to old friends or enjoy time with ur classmates.

[confused836]

I really am trying to enjoy life and move on but thoughts of her and her ex just haunt me. I know how she flirted with me, her moves, etc. etc. and it just haunts me to know she's doing that with some other guy.

 

I can't even fake a smile these days it just feels too hard and takes too much energy. Can someone please give me tips on that? Yesterday I had to study but instead I spent most of the day in bed, then went to a Halloween party but that depressed me even more because I saw all the couples in my class and couples in LDRs whose significant others came down to visit for the weekend.

 

Its like everywhere I go I am reminded of her. It doesn't help of course that I stayed at the same place as undergrad for med school and she moved to another med school.

 

Just please help me on how I can change my attitude and have a more positive outlook. I know the answer is "you just need to" but it feels so hard.

[Chi townD]

Thanks so much for the advice. I blocked her on everything, deleted her number, deleted all her emails, and threw out everything that reminded me of her.

 

I'm not really sure what makes me happy or things I like to do for myself except work out I guess which I'll restart.

 

Do any of you have tips on how I can stop comparing myself to her? Because she's in med school too I just find myself comparing myself to her for every little thing and how she's won and if I can just get that part in my head to stop I will be ok.

 

What exactly has she won? To be honest, she lost. She shot herself in the foot. About only 7% of relationships that start out by way of infidelity make it long term. So, her new guy wants to be a surgeon. So what.... that him. You need to worry about yourself. If you drop out or fail out of med school, then she did win. She screwed your head up so bad; that her actions affected you so badly, that you lost out on something you worked so hard on. Dont give her the satisfaction.

 

First thing you need to do is get back on the antidep. I could give a rats ass if you dont think its helping. Then get your script changed! But, get back on the meds! Nothing wrong with some dope to get you through the rough patches. Stop comparing yourself to her. Because you are nothing like her. You didn't emotionally abuse hrr and you didn't cheat either. Some people act like their SO was their entire world. Look, your life is your own. You make the decisions where you want to take your life. You can chose to SHARE your life with someone. But if that person decides to go their own way. Well, their loss!! You need to continue to live your own life.

[confused836]

The problem is that I think I made her my life - I made so many sacrifices for her. Things she would never do for me.

 

I restarted anti-depressants a few days ago. I don't know if this is a side effect from the pills but I heard they can make you feel worse the first week.

 

Well I definitely feel horrible right now - definitely the lowest I've felt ever. I just don't have the energy to go on. I want to just give up and lay in bed. I don't have the energy to get up and go to class let alone study. What's the point? I don't want to be a doctor and end up alone.

 

The pictures I saw of her and her boyfriend are haunting me. She was a good person - great actually - when things were going well. She was everything that I was looking for.

 

God please anyone please give me more advice or anything. I'm trying things people have told me on here like focusing on my own life, prioritizing medical school, and stopping comparisons to her but I can't. I feel like I have a mental sickness and its just too hard to try to fight this. I used to be a fighter but I just want to give up.

[foreverastone]

This is my 2 cents but have you considered taking a break from med school?

I'm not sure if yours allow it but mine and a lot of my friends' school allow students to take a year off and resume a year later. Usually people just go travelling or find a job etc in their gap year.

 

You know you need 100% focus to get through med school and at the moment you can't do that because you're clearly distressed. You need time to get better and at the moment you're forcing yourself to do both and you're being pulled in two different directions.

 

This means you're doing both of these things badly and it seems better if you concentrate on one thing at a time.

[confused836]

I don't think I want to take a year off. I considered it but I worked way too hard and made great connections so far this year that it would be a shame to just prolong this. I got a full ride to undergrad and 75% scholarship to medical school and taking a year off would put that in jeopardy.

 

I just need to get my energy and motivation back. I used to have such a great work ethic and people always say me as a driven individual who was going places.

 

Now I'm so tempted to give up. I have a goal of being a surgeon in a specialty that is extremely competitive and now I would give up all of that just to be happy.

 

Isn't that messed up?

Edited October 29, 2012 by confused836

[foreverastone]

well i wouldn't call it giving up just going on a hiatus. but i dunno how your school works with mine you can take a break bettween years and resume where you left off. i had a classmate who got pregnant in 3rd year and took a year off and came back for 4th year no problem.

as for you tempted to give up on being a surgeon, that is pretty messed up but at the same time you haven't given up and that in itself says something.

 

If you're not even considering a year out and you're still on the course then obviously you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. if you weren't then you would have dropped out ages ago.

 

Have you tried writing your thoughts and feelings down in a blog or a journal. It can help organise your mind, I know for me it helped immensely and everytime i thought of my ex i just write down what i want to say to them in my journal and feel better after

[confused836]

I haven't really written anything down but I will try it.

 

The one thing I have done is make a list of the wrong things she has done to me and its multiple pages long.

 

Although now I'm in the habit of rationalizing her behavior each time I read the list and give her passes on some of the things she did by making excuses. Its as if I can't get mad at her.

[Chi townD]

I caught the girl I was supposed to marry cheating on me. She told me that I was a loser, I wasn't going anywhere in life, I had no goals AND I would always be stuck working dead-end jobs. That was a kick in the balls and my self esteem.

 

I got motivated and I was determined to prove her wrong. I did find a University to take a chance on me and I got in on a probationary status. That didn't last too long because I rocked my first year with a 3.78 GPA, I found that I liked the challange. So, I attended college and a LOT of it. When I finally finished undergrad and grad school, I started in my field and became successful in my career. But, that wasn't all.

 

I got the bug to travel. After my Ex broke up with me, I was a basket case. So, a good friend of mine literally kidnapped me and threw me on a train with him to St. Louis for a weekend. Four hours later, we were checking into the Sheridan and then we saw the sites for a while. Leaned up against the Arch. We went to see a Cardinals game and that night we went to the clubs. Met a couple of people and even danced with a few girls! Then, it hit me. If my friend didn't do what he did, I would have been alone in my cheap ass apartment drunk and lonely. Now, I'm out and about and seeing things I wouldn't have seen before. A couple of months later, my friend (that kidnapped me) and a couple of more buddies and I went on a whitewater rafting trip in West Virginia. Something I would have NEVER have considered doing before. I got bit by the travel bug HARD! Life is too short and there's a world out there to see. Screw the Travel Channel!! Go see it! I have been to no less than 20 countries. I've seen the world and I know that there are is more to see!

 

So, what happened to the loser that wasn't going anywhere in life and working dead end jobs? He got himself a career with a good paying job, owns his own house in the suburbs with a nice car. I met my wife who is a career woman herself and she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes she doesn't (depends if she likes what I'm trying to do. Dog sledding in Colorado isn't her idea of fun; just cold.)

 

That's my story. Now, obviously it's not AS simular to yours; however, if you can take anything from that story, it was my ability to find my self worth again. I discovered that my Ex wasn't the bane of my existance. That there was a world out there to explore. My home is littered with pics of me and friends by the fjords of Norway, or the cliffs of Dover, Toyko, Brazil, Rome....If my Ex would see all of that, she would know that I live an exciting and full life. That what she did to me didn't stop me from living.

 

And do you know what? Her cheating on me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It got me motivated and got me on the right path to a full and successful life. So, what you need to do is find your motivation. Set yourself up with a goal. Tell yourself that if you successfully finish your next semester, that you'll treat yourself to a few days in the Florida Keys for some deep sea fishing, or something like that. You just need to give yourself just one win. Then treat that success. Then, set yourself to achieve your next win. Do it! Find your motivation.

[confused836]

Chi town thanks for your support.

 

Funny enough the last 2 days something just felt like it clicked with me. I realized that no matter what she would have done to get me back I was going to break up with her regardless because of all the things she put me through and because I couldn't forget the past. I felt great and motivated the past two days and actually got a good amount of work done.

 

But then today I'm feeling completely horrible again. I just slept 12 hours (maybe side effect of anti-depressants which I restarted) and I have no motivation to do anything.

 

What if I just stayed with her and fought through our problems? Why did I give up on her then? I stuck through so much before I shouldn't have let her go. Regardless she's with someone else and is in love with him and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

This is eating me up inside today when I was so fine the past 2 days. I got hit on by a few girls at a Halloween party and one wanted to hook up but I didn't care to at all. I made out with this other girl about a week ago but all I did was think about my ex during it.

 

I'm scared I'm never going to feel that excitement and happiness I felt when things were going well with my ex. I never wanted to say bye to her each time I was with her and I looked forward to seeing her every single day. I'm only 23 but she was the only girl who I have loved.

[Chi townD]

What you're experiencing right now is normal. It's called the roller coaster of emotions. It happens and, given time, it will pass. Unfortunately, you're stuck on this ride for a little bit.

 

Try not to over think the who, what, where and why with your Ex, because usually you'll never find the answers that you want anyway.

 

Like I said before, you just need to get through today. Do the things that you need to do today and don't worry about tomorrow. Just focus on yourself and your healing.

[sissy106]

Chi town thanks for your support.

 

Funny enough the last 2 days something just felt like it clicked with me. I realized that no matter what she would have done to get me back I was going to break up with her regardless because of all the things she put me through and because I couldn't forget the past. I felt great and motivated the past two days and actually got a good amount of work done.

 

But then today I'm feeling completely horrible again. I just slept 12 hours (maybe side effect of anti-depressants which I restarted) and I have no motivation to do anything.

 

What if I just stayed with her and fought through our problems? Why did I give up on her then? I stuck through so much before I shouldn't have let her go. Regardless she's with someone else and is in love with him and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

This is eating me up inside today when I was so fine the past 2 days. I got hit on by a few girls at a Halloween party and one wanted to hook up but I didn't care to at all. I made out with this other girl about a week ago but all I did was think about my ex during it.

 

I'm scared I'm never going to feel that excitement and happiness I felt when things were going well with my ex. I never wanted to say bye to her each time I was with her and I looked forward to seeing her every single day. I'm only 23 but she was the only girl who I have loved.

 

I too can totally understand ur feelings coz sometimes back I also used to feel exactly the same...I too did look forward to see him everyday and I thought about him every single second (really) and he was the only one I loved. But I agree with ChiTown, this is normal. It is suppose to happen to someone who love the other person truely and unconditionally and on the other hand that other one doesnot exactly share the same feelings for u. I guess the one who is more caring is the one who is more in love. That is why I totally understand when u said that u sacrificed everything for her, as I did for my ex. Still in the end people like us are suppose to be feeling all these pains and aches. My experience is that this pain will only go with time, nothing else can heal it. Its been 16 months of my breakup, so its only from last month that I felt a little relief from my pain. It still is there in my heart but sometimes when I am bzee I forget it, although before that, for almost 6 months I could not stop myself from thinking about him, then in between 7 to 14 months I started to move on with my life and tried to engage myself in some work, so I was free from his thoughts during my work, and now a days I miss him only coz of my habbit of missing him. Emotions and that pain is fading away and now all that I remember is the good memories. But the fact is I still miss my ex but with less pain in my heart.

[confused836]

Chi town - I like the idea of taking this one day at a time. What gets me anxious is when I think about the future and how I may not find anyone soon and that gets me really down to know I gave up someone who claimed she loved me at one point. But its fine - this is life, I will find someone eventually, and I can move on.

 

Sissy - thanks for sharing your story. I'm happy you're feeling better these days . I COMPLETELY relate when you say that you miss your ex out of habit. Sometimes these days (well the past 2 days not so much today) I think about how happy I am and then my mind drifts and I think "oh yeah I'm sad about my ex" and the more I think about her the worse I feel. It does feel like a habit these days - as if my baseline is to be sad and forget about her.

 

I just can't wrap my head about how she found someone so quickly after me. I mean she's really cute and very personable so I know she won't have any trouble. She always had guys flirting with her. I on the other hand am quiet, reserved, and am pretty shy. I get nervous around cute girls at times and I don't really have much self-confidence so she essentially boosted me with a ton of self-confidence.

[hurt_burst]

Hi -

 

Well i would like to offer you some perspective may be you find it useful

 

I know how much you hurting , because me too i am hurting almost the same. every morning i would wake up thinking the same thing and that wouldnt go away from my mind. But i manage somehow- thats what i am going to tell you...

 

1. I tell myself no one person -however beautiful, however nice, however charming has got the right to rule my head , my sanity and my life untill i want to.

 

2. I tell myself that my job , my education is so valuable to me that my entire life depends on it. I am hurting today but i will be fine tomorrow. But if i mess up my job/ studies.. i might not get chance to repair it ever.

 

3. I try to see the value in me.. altho i do fail to see it sometimes.. but i do tell myself that if that one person is not able to find that spark in me but rest others are then they all cant be wrong. so i tell myself to think positive

 

4. I tell myself that not whole world is going crazy about the same person.. had that person been so great then every body would want the same person. But its only me.. so not such a great value in it. Every body is crazy about money... that means thats something worth but this one person no no way...

 

5. You are preparing to be doctor.. come on dude! There would be tons of girls who would want to be with you more beautiful more sensible.. but you have to be in right frame of mind to enjoy.

 

6. Everytime you go out on date and then leave the dating in between you should tell yourself that you are not looking for someone to love. You are looking for some friends to have good time with. You might meet someone fantastic or you might not.. but if you start with a mind set that you have to replace that person .. you might start to compare the two. Key is not to compare the persons.. everyone is unique.. one quality of a person might not be in other but other might be really good in himself herself.

 

So don't set a goal to get a girl to have relationship with.. Have a goal to have fun !!

 

well if nothing else works- text back i will give you the last weapon that works for me

[confused836]

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate all that you have said. You can go ahead and tell me your last weapon haha.

 

Before I posted on here I actually reached out to her and asked her to give me another shot knowing that she has a boyfriend. Actually for a long time she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend until I asked her point blank. I then said to consider giving me a chance and that I can come visit her platonically to see how she feels still. I told her to just think about it and she said ok. For 2 days that's all she said in that she would think about it and finally I called her and she said she's in a very loving relationship with another medical student. So I asked her why didn't she tell me earlier and made me wait a few days and she said "well I didn't really think about it I am committed to someone else." I don't know why she didn't tell me upfront.

 

I think I'm still in love with her. I feel like I'm dying.

[smalltowngirl2010]

I held onto a relationship for 5 years, toddler sweethearts, everyone loved him but behind closed doors he became a nightmare, nobody believed me so i believed that if i loved him enough it wouldnt matter, but eventually i had my full when i caught him red handed in the act cheating in my bed my house, i tryed moving on but still kept finding my self lost in thoughts of him and what we had, id go back then leave and over and over again, finally with my friends talked me into going out one night and i met an awesome guy who gave me the stength to finally let go, just keep your head up and the right girl who wouldnt dare treat you or do you wrong will walk into your life, meanwhile focus on your med school, and making yourself better, instead od letting others drag you down! Youve made it this far dont give up on trying!

[hurt_burst]

Dont die because of one person... Read the points that i wrote above and try to absorb them.. Just dont read it and fall it off your ears.

 

About boyfriend... what i tell myself is that if i hang on to her even after knowing that she has a so called "loving boyfriend" then i tell myself.. dude where is your self respect- You are a Man stand up for yourself. I have to run a family someday , my kids would be looking up to me.. if i am loose in decisions i will not be successful.

 

Its not about her - its about ourselves ! Its about telling ourself that its a challenge and we have to stand up for it.

 

There is saying... " You have to get used to pain so much that pain itself becomes a medicine " ...

[confused836]

No I really will take your words to heart please don't think that I am not listening.

 

For me it's just I have never had someone care about me the way she did when things were well. She invited me into her life and I felt so special.

 

I'm not ashamed to say this in that she's the only girl I have slept with. I've had opportunities with other girls but ultimately didn't want to because I had no feelings. With this girl it all felt great.

 

It was like Taylor swift songs were things felt magical (I am in the south so please excuse the t swift reference haha)

[hurt_burst]

well listen to yourself !! You are saying "please" to me for something which is very small. Man up .....!!!!!!

 

What are you doing to yourself... I am going through something worse... i cant even say openly how bad i feel and how lame i feel for feeling something for a person who thinks we just dated. i kind of fell for her and she walked away saying we just dated and it didnt work out.. Huh !! So in essence i am in case of caring someone who doesnt give a **** about me... think yourself do you even think about the girls who you just went out for dates and said them good bye... thats way she thinks about me... and to know that i am at No existence level thats bull**** dude.. but i am keeping myself up... i am trying to live through it...

 

 

Who cares if you have slept only with her so far. You would eventually be with more girls... Stop acting like a homeless puppy which walks with anyone who is nice with it.... you should be grateful that she was nice with you or make you a better person and just leave it there. DO NOT worry.. Trust me on this ... you would find girls much much better then her and those girls would make you feel what kind of idiot you were when you were worrying about you ex.

 

Enjoy your freedom.. Be a Bad Dog on street !! Make a resolve to yourself to shut yourself emotionally and start to work on your personality. If she sees the charm back in you.. she would wonder how come this boy suddenly grew up in a MAN! Trust better girls are there.. if you ask me .. girl i worry about is better then you worry about so its just mentally tuning yourself.

 

I am giving you advices how about you saying something on my story...you would realise you are not grieving alone.. It happens and it will happen to people. Do you think she will never get dumped.. she would eventually also face the taste of it....

 

 

Life is a boomrang- what goes around ,comes around.. And believe when it comes back to her.. deep down she will feel what she did with you was the thing thats making her pay for it... she will remember it and she would repent...

 

if you want to listen to the cheesy songs open your youtube and listen to this : You will think of me , by keith urban...

[hurt_burst]

I am looking for some words of advice from you now !!!

[confused836]

I wish I knew what to tell you man I'm on the edge right now and if I were stable or whatnot I would love to tell you what got me there. Unfortunately I'm nowhere close to that and I don't know if I can get any better I'm struggling big time here.

 

Having a defeatist attitude sucks but I honestly can't think of any other way at the moment.

 

I'm in the library right now and I just shed a tear thinking about her. God I cannot believe my life is in the state that its in now.

[hurt_burst]

you know why i am replying to all of your messages... and why i am trying to talk to you.. because i feel i am in same boat as you !!

 

well i know its easy to preach and when it gets to you... you really get very depressed. I feel shattered too ! Sitting in library trying to study when you head is full of emotions and can you concentrate on anything ?? I cant !!

 

Its okay to cry and its okay to cry your heart out ....but dont you want to pick yourself up and get this thing out of your system. I think only thing thats stopping you to move forward is you.. you just hold those memories so dear that you dont want to let it go.... but you would have to let those things slip away from your mind... this is a phase which will pass.. life looks to be in deep **** right now.. but it will change things will improve....only way out of it is through it....

 

Tell me what you feel.....when you pour your heart out; Type whatever you feel... so that there is no new thought coming in your head to bother you...!!!!

[travelbug1996]

 

 

 

I broke up with my ex months ago because she was manipulative, emotionally abusing, cheated on me, and essentially walked all over me.

 

 

Maybe you don't feel that you deserve more than the way she treated you. You self worth needs to be worked on and when you believe in your heart you deserve love, respect, trust, care and concern, you will run from people like this. **** her!! Make your self esteem and self worth a priority and again **** her!! Don't let anybody treat you like ****.