ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I know some people are gonna come in and tell me it doesn't matter anymore, and they will be right, in fact I share the same opinion, but... I just want to put my ego in the bag for 2 seconds and think about this... I knew my ex for around 6 or 7 years, since we were kids, we got together in January, shared a moment or 2 in the past... and I'm now 20 she's just turned 23... So we already knew each other, always had a thing for each other, and acted on it and the start of this year... she became my first love. Here's comes my point... When we got together, soon after she told me she loves me (I was confused at the time), she worshiped the ground I walked on but I messed her around a lot(confused), but one night I was just looking at her sleeping and realized it.. I'm in love with this girl... a while later I told her. So we're together, apparently in love, making plans for the future, planning holidays, planning to live together, etc etc... Then things start to get bad, I've been internally depressed since I was like 16 and some times it shows... there was trust issues, random arguing over nonsense... etc, we we're stuck in a rut of arguing. Soon after many fall outs and arguments, she ends it, her last words after me demanding closure were.. "so yes I guess you could say I fell out of love with you".... That didn't make sense to me, but I took it. I know I'm new to love, but I thought it was stronger than that? How do you fall out of love with somebody? You're supposed to get through the bad times and work things out.. she just went cold and completely gave up on us. It makes me question whether she truly did love me, but she insists that she did. ("don't ever think that I didn't love you because I did") Anyway I hit rockbottom as some guys on here already know, and its been 4 months no contact now.. ZERO contact, I messed up any chance of reconciliation after we broke up, but I'm glad of that because I don't think I want reconciliation after the torture I've been through over her. My point is... if I didn't push and fight after the break up, if I would have accepted it on the day, I think it would have made no difference... she would have still walked away and never made contact again, and if that is the case.... ???:confused: .. we we're supposed to be in love? we had a future planned? how can you walk away from something that is supposed to mean so much? even if it lost some meaning... love is too strong to just "walk away" like it never existed.. It makes me wonder sometimes... can it be true what happened? or did I fall for a devil in disguise? she was the most loving and caring girl I knew... but the day she turned cold it's like she took her mask off and had no face to show under it... just emptiness. Now I'm just terrified of letting my guard down again lol, life as a bachelor never seemed so appealing, but I miss the feeling of what I had with her too.. I want it again but NOTHING is worth the hurt which follows if it doesn't work out... Gibson.. talk some sense into me man
Carenth Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Peoples feelings change over time, sometimes gradually sometimes it's sudden. You can still be in love with someone and know it's never going to work for whatever reason. You can also fall out of love with someone for just as many reasons. Love does not conquer all. Sometimes the problems are too much to overcome and you simply have to walk away.
Author ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Peoples feelings change over time, sometimes gradually sometimes it's sudden. You can still be in love with someone and know it's never going to work for whatever reason. You can also fall out of love with someone for just as many reasons. Love does not conquer all. Sometimes the problems are too much to overcome and you simply have to walk away. I don't think I'm ever going to understand it. I know that love doesn't conquer all, but it certainly conquers petty arguments over nonsense, arguing about her past or.. why I didn't call her before 7pm or.. where she was on saturday night etc... I never did anything to hurt her, I'm coming of age... I was going to give her a life, she's been treated bad in the past, and I really believed she was my "one"... I want to say that it's going to be hard for her to find that anywhere else.. what I had planned for us, what "we" had planned.. We got into petty arguments... big deal it could be fixed, but she was convinced that it was never going to change.. she hung onto that for life and was adamant about it... Of course she changed, she gave up on us and walked away... but her reasons contradicted the love she had shown me up until that point... that's what leaves me in confusion..
Carenth Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Think of all those petty arguments as the tide at a beach washing against a sand castle. The sand castle can't survive unless it's rebuilt after each coming of the tide and over time will collapse. What I'm saying is that many petty arguments over time can rot the foundation of what was a loving and caring relationship. What you promised her a life which I'm sure you intended to try and provide. Frankly that wasn't the reality of then and there, she may of seen that all that was happening was fighting over and over and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. People have there breaking points, it's different for each person. Now I'm not saying you are some kind of horrible person or something like that. Not at all but peoples feeling do change, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter now. Mulling over what could of been is a waste of your time and energy because it is not reality.
Author ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) She loved you but we are talking about a 16 - 23 year old type of love with someone who has little no life / dating / relationship experience and no perspective. My first love and I loved each other. However, we didn't understand it because we were both young, still had our innocence, etc. It wasn't until till many years and experiences later that we appreciated what we once had. We didn't speak for about 4 or 5 years after our final goodbye (messy break up). Since then, every few years she will reach out and we share what is going on in our lives. I'm 40 and we broke up when I was 22. I our love, admiration, respect and appreciation for one another is still going on 18+ years later. In this day and age, it's unlikely that you won't hear from her at some point in the future. It could be months or even years... I still think at some point she will want to say hi, catch up and see how you are. I have had all my LTR exes contact me. This was before Facebook (which I am not even on). Most of them contacted my Parents or had my email address. I even had one find my address online and sent me a letter which was 10 years after we broke up. My friends, family, co-workers have been contacted by most of their LTR exes and some not long ago due to Facebook and other means. Anyway, isn't that what Facebook is for? You were in love. You will plan one with the next LTR... which will probably end too. In this case, you two are young and this was never going to be a "forever" relationship anyway. You / Her are more than likely going to have G.I.G.S. at some point. Welcome to life. It was true. As with most LTRs when you are young... they don't work out. Age / Bad Timing is usually the reason. She is not the devil. She is just young and wants to date around and experience life. She was in the process of breaking up with you in her mind for a while before she did. She got over you to a degree... while she was with you. It's VERY, VERY rare that anyone marries their First Love / High School Sweetheart or their first LTR. Yup... G.I.G.S. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on healing. Once you are done... The whole women and falling in love again will take care of itself. It wasn't really a LTR gib, more of a long term "associate friendship", we had small moments in the past.. a little lust floating around us... I was always really fond of her, and she said the same... we got close in January of this year and things went from there, couldn't believe how much I loved her... it melted me but I didn't show that too much of course... got to remain macho Anyway... I lovehate the way you make everything feel like it doesn't matter gibson, always analyzing the facts and exposing the reality as an outsider from a neutral perspective. It's like I'm aware of my balls again where they would usually go unnoticed. But yeah this is what I'm left with in the end besides the natural hurt and heartbreak... just confusion, questions that I can't get the answers to, irritating but somethings you have to build a bridge for and get over, Edited October 25, 2012 by ParadeRain
Nik1 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) I sort of had the same feelings as you after my break up (even though I was being an immature dufus cause she did actually still love me and had I stayed in Vegas like she asked instead of running away she probably wouldn't be with my best friend right now, but i digress). You said you had some internal depression, I do as well. I think what separates the depressed from the not depressed is the ability to shut down emotions. Most people just have that ability to turn themselves on and off (like my ex) and we just need to learn to do the same. Learn the virtue of apathy, I think that would solve the problems of 100% of the members on this site. Edited October 25, 2012 by Nik1
Author ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Learn the virtue of apathy, I think that would solve the problems of 100% of the members on this site. I have NO CLUE what that could possibly mean, but I'm going to save this quote and get stuck in the next time I'm feeling philosophical
Author ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I am not trying to insult you or dismiss the pain that you feel and what you are going through... I am really not. Having said that, there isn't going to be a poster on here who is older that hasn't going through what you are now. In fact, most of us go through several painful break ups before meeting the person we marry. I wish I had better news but that is just how the cookie crumbles. You are doing on the RIGHT things with your situation and it's good you are posting here and working through your feelings and emotions on here. It's a PROCESS you are going through dealing with the Break Up. You aren't a lightswitch (that turns off and on)... So cut yourself some slack. I trust everything you say gibson, even if it is a slap, because it makes SENSE... it feels good to be dragged of out heartbroken delusions and exposed to reality. I was posting on a different account some months ago when it all first happened, I HATED every word you said, then as time went by I started to see the sense in what you were saying, now you're the first person I think about when I'm about to drift into wallowing... seriously I'm not asslicking... it's just appreciation for you being here to share your sense, the hurt is so strong and relief from it feels god sent... Wallowing in heart broken delusions... that's what hurts... Coming to LS to hear gibson keeping sh*t real... that's relief.
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