mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) ugghhhhh its so hard!! Going from daily contact to zero contact... my other thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/352029-5-years-i-am-stupid I just keep thinking about him with the girl (if she is even real). Thoughts of them having sex, taking her out, worshipping her, i feel like i need a lobotomy!! Or in that movie eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind where you can remove that part of the brain where the memory of them lies. Its HELL. Its such a struggle not to contact. And i wonder if he is missing me. In August he went to the outback for 2 weeks for work and his phone was out of range, and when he got back he said he had missed my texts. I ache inside and i am trying to do everything i can to stay NC, because i know he is no good, and is bad for me. *** Edited October 25, 2012 by mishy
sendme Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 uggghhh... I totally know what you mean... and it gets better... it really does... Think about it... this moment will pass and you'll be glad you didn't reach out, but if you reach out and open that can of worms you have to start all over... and do you really want to have to start all over? No ma'am.... one really HARD day ten is enough... you don't want to have to start over and exerpience another really hard day ten...
Author mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 uggghhh... I totally know what you mean... and it gets better... it really does... Think about it... this moment will pass and you'll be glad you didn't reach out, but if you reach out and open that can of worms you have to start all over... and do you really want to have to start all over? No ma'am.... one really HARD day ten is enough... you don't want to have to start over and exerpience another really hard day ten... Practically the only thing stopping me contacting , is that i know if he gives me even a sliver of info on the new (real/fake) girl it will just kill me. if i have no info my imagination cannot create a real picture of her. I know nothing about her, thankgod.
ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 mishy, I'm going to be honest with you.... You've been somebodies F-buddy for 5 years. Get a grip.
sendme Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Mishy... don't open that door because it does kill... it absolutely kills and if he's anything like my ex he'll use her as a weapon.... don't do it girl....
Author mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 mishy, I'm going to be honest with you.... You've been somebodies F-buddy for 5 years. Get a grip. meaning? I shouldnt care?
ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 meaning? I shouldnt care? Meaning, get a grip of yourself, grab a spade... dig yourself some dignity, you're in love with a man who uses you and YOU LOVE IT. You probably walk around shopping malls looking at things on the shelf like "hmm I bet he would like that"... pathetic. He is your world but he doesn't give a shazbot about you! You've been posting about how much of a tosser he is since 2009! So what... he makes your vag leak.. there's millions of men who can do that for you, and I bet one of them will at least be able to treat you with an ounce of respect while they're doing it... who knows you might even fall in love, but it's not gonna happen if you don't let go of this 1st CLASS LOSER! edit: actually I take that back, he's not the loser, he's got it quite good... YOU'RE THE LOSER for doing this to yourself, it's your OWN FAULT. Time to get a grip and be a winner for once.
curiouslyhuman Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Meaning, get a grip of yourself, grab a spade... dig yourself some dignity, you're in love with a man who uses you and YOU LOVE IT. You probably walk around shopping malls looking at things on the shelf like "hmm I bet he would like that"... pathetic. He is your world but he doesn't give a shazbot about you! You've been posting about how much of a tosser he is since 2009! So what... he makes your vag leak.. there's millions of men who can do that for you, and I bet one of them will at least be able to treat you with an ounce of respect while they're doing it... who knows you might even fall in love, but it's not gonna happen if you don't let go of this 1st CLASS LOSER! edit: actually I take that back, he's not the loser, he's got it quite good... YOU'RE THE LOSER for doing this to yourself, it's your OWN FAULT. Time to get a grip and be a winner for once. I feel like this is too harsh a post. When you love someone its very hard to control your emotions. You've made it to day 10, just tell yourself you can make it to day 20, and then 30 and then keep going. You only feel this way because you loved him and he's the one missing out on someone absolutely awesome. Don't go back to that, make sure that whatever happens, you wont be someones plaything, youll be loved and cared for for who you are, and im sure that person is incredible. Discover you, and what you are worth, tell yourself that this is the perfect time for you to start doing the things you love. Keep your head high and dont stop going forward to the day when you wont remember when you started NC, because you wont care.
ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I feel like this is too harsh a post. When you love someone its very hard to control your emotions. You've made it to day 10, just tell yourself you can make it to day 20, and then 30 and then keep going. You only feel this way because you loved him and he's the one missing out on someone absolutely awesome. Don't go back to that, make sure that whatever happens, you wont be someones plaything, youll be loved and cared for for who you are, and im sure that person is incredible. Discover you, and what you are worth, tell yourself that this is the perfect time for you to start doing the things you love. Keep your head high and dont stop going forward to the day when you wont remember when you started NC, because you wont care. But this is not a 2 way relationship, she idolizes him and doesn't get the same in return, and the issue is... I think she will ALWAYS be there for him, she would NEVER close the door in his face, if he reached out she would lick his hand... I know this type of relationship, she is a doormat and she's not aware of it... only when she becomes aware of it will she wake up to what is going on. Sometimes everybody needs the harsh truth.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Mishy, I lived with a man with whom I planned the whole future together. We talked about when we will get married and what schools our kids will go to. It wasn't even if, it was when. Our families hang out with each other and we spent 24/7 together. He told me he loved me 5 times a day. Then he dumped me cruelly one evening and I moved out 24 hours later. He went complete NC for months. Imagine going from living with someone and seeing/talking/cooking with them every single day to not even a single text for months, all in a space of 24 hours. He surgically cut me out of his life, just like that. I survived and am stronger for it.
geegirl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Practically the only thing stopping me contacting , is that i know if he gives me even a sliver of info on the new (real/fake) girl it will just kill me. if i have no info my imagination cannot create a real picture of her. I know nothing about her, thankgod. Really, the only thing stopping you contacting is your fear of knowing about the other woman? It's not your disgust and anger for the many years he treated you like crap? It's not the hurt that you feel for you, for the callous and cold treatment he dished on you? It's not for all the lies he's told you to keep you away from him? It's not the many years you've spent on investing in a person who gave you absolutely nothing in return? It's not anger and mistrust for the many women he's banged through the years while he treated you like a f*** buddy? I've questioned your continuous fixation on this woman rather than sitting back and looking at him as a whole and grasping how YOU are done with being disrespected and humiliated. That statement only makes me believe that when he contacts you will go back running because you're not yet sick and tired of being treated like crap. You're just sitting back waiting because you're uncertain as to where his head really is and when he does roll around, you'll perpetuate your vicious cycle. Go ahead, contact. Teach him once again you have zero self-respect. Just don't mention anything remotely close to wanting to get together or spending time together. You know he hates that. As long as there is no mention of the girl, he'll go along to get what he wants from you. He did it once before.
Author mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Meaning, get a grip of yourself, grab a spade... dig yourself some dignity, you're in love with a man who uses you and YOU LOVE IT. You probably walk around shopping malls looking at things on the shelf like "hmm I bet he would like that"... pathetic. He is your world but he doesn't give a shazbot about you! You've been posting about how much of a tosser he is since 2009! So what... he makes your vag leak.. there's millions of men who can do that for you, and I bet one of them will at least be able to treat you with an ounce of respect while they're doing it... who knows you might even fall in love, but it's not gonna happen if you don't let go of this 1st CLASS LOSER! edit: actually I take that back, he's not the loser, he's got it quite good... YOU'RE THE LOSER for doing this to yourself, it's your OWN FAULT. Time to get a grip and be a winner for once. Maybe i am a loser, but no, i dont wander around shopping malls thinking about what he would like.
Author mishy Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Really, the only thing stopping you contacting is your fear of knowing about the other woman? It's not your disgust and anger for the many years he treated you like crap? It's not the hurt that you feel for you, for the callous and cold treatment he dished on you? It's not for all the lies he's told you to keep you away from him? It's not the many years you've spent on investing in a person who gave you absolutely nothing in return? It's not anger and mistrust for the many women he's banged through the years while he treated you like a f*** buddy? I've questioned your continuous fixation on this woman rather than sitting back and looking at him as a whole and grasping how YOU are done with being disrespected and humiliated. That statement only makes me believe that when he contacts you will go back running because you're not yet sick and tired of being treated like crap. You're just sitting back waiting because you're uncertain as to where his head really is and when he does roll around, you'll perpetuate your vicious cycle. Go ahead, contact. Teach him once again you have zero self-respect. Just don't mention anything remotely close to wanting to get together or spending time together. You know he hates that. As long as there is no mention of the girl, he'll go along to get what he wants from you. He did it once before. i didn't mean it quite literally like that, I just meant that the girl side of it is so bad that its the final straw, and that on previous occasions i probably would have contacted. thanks GG though for the very stern talking to, it helps me get through it. I read it yesterday and had to walk away because it was too much of a reality check.... I am 11 days NC and im not breaking!!
Under The Radar Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Yes, 11 days NC and you should be very proud of yourself. You aren't a loser for feeling the way that you do. We cannot always help who we love, but when the feeling isn't reciprocated, or worse, they flat out abuse us, it's definitely time to move on. Like others have stated, you are addicted to a toxic man who triggers the same withdrawal symptoms as heroin. We all know heroin is bad for us, but the psychology of addiction compels us to get our "fix". Our mind will play tricks on us and cause doubt in our convictions to maintain NC. The only thing you are absolutely guaranteed if you break NC is pain and heartache. Then, if you decide to go NC again, you'll be starting over from scratch!!! Keep posting and don't ever forget how badly you were treated. Use the BAD memories as fuel until you get past the acute phase of the breakup and can think more clearly. I was where you were at one time and didn't think I could get to a better place. Well, I did get to that better place and you will too. Stay strong, Josh
Author mishy Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Yes, 11 days NC and you should be very proud of yourself. You aren't a loser for feeling the way that you do. We cannot always help who we love, but when the feeling isn't reciprocated, or worse, they flat out abuse us, it's definitely time to move on. Like others have stated, you are addicted to a toxic man who triggers the same withdrawal symptoms as heroin. We all know heroin is bad for us, but the psychology of addiction compels us to get our "fix". Our mind will play tricks on us and cause doubt in our convictions to maintain NC. The only thing you are absolutely guaranteed if you break NC is pain and heartache. Then, if you decide to go NC again, you'll be starting over from scratch!!! Keep posting and don't ever forget how badly you were treated. Use the BAD memories as fuel until you get past the acute phase of the breakup and can think more clearly. I was where you were at one time and didn't think I could get to a better place. Well, I did get to that better place and you will too. Stay strong, Josh thanks thats teh key to overcoming the addiction is to remember the bad things he has said and done. All he does is take, he doesnt give anything. He gets a fairly bit ego boost knowing how i feel too, because on occasion when i have been aloof with him, he is more forthcoming, then when im back where i was he goes back to his aloofness with me
suladas Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 As far as keeping NC, just remember how long it takes to reach even the 11 days you're at, you don't want to start over. You will be disappointed you broke it because nothing good comes from it and have to start again. Plus you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing you still are thinking of him. Speaking from someone who has broken NC about 5 times in 3 1/2 months, you won't be happy with yourself if you do. Almost up to a month, that is were I cracked last time. Refuse to let it happen again.
Author mishy Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 As far as keeping NC, just remember how long it takes to reach even the 11 days you're at, you don't want to start over. You will be disappointed you broke it because nothing good comes from it and have to start again. Plus you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing you still are thinking of him. Speaking from someone who has broken NC about 5 times in 3 1/2 months, you won't be happy with yourself if you do. Almost up to a month, that is were I cracked last time. Refuse to let it happen again. ive heard on here that the 3 - 4 week mark is the hardest. I think its all hard... nothing good comes from contact, for one thing they know you are thinking about them, its better to disappear
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