River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Of all my "love life"..."gots to be positive"..."wipe the slate clean"...advice I've been giving out lately... I just f*cking emailed my ex...it wasn't desperate or wanting to get back together, it was just me apologizing for the nasties and wishing him the best. He dumped me...is this me somehow (cringe) wanting him back? Is this me wanting to make him think of me after nearly 5 weeks now? Or is this me wanting to mend a fence? I truly don't want him back (for reals)...did I just f*ck with his own healing? Gosh...I'm above that. It wasn't my intention...I just started to feel guilty for things I said at the end and wanted to genuinely apologize. I don't feel like I'm back at square one because I really am over him...but I hope I didn't make him feel bad or take him back there...my intentions were purely to make amends. Argh...
gonefishin Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Your a good person and you genuinely wanted to apologise I think your heart and methods are in the right place . Sadly with this u may pull up some old feelings buts your intentions Where good and u can rest easy. Don't be to hard on yourself .. You wanted to leave it on a good note and no bad taste .. Isn't easy to do but u tried ... 2
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Thanks you guys...feel kind of crappy right now...lonely I guess...tomorrow is another day...
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 And another, and another, and another. And as each one passes, you will more likely than not, feel better and stronger hang in there Thanks Happy Meal Just kind of took me by surprise I guess tonight.
Carenth Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 What's done is done nothing you can do about that. I made this mistake once though a little bit earlier maybe 3-4 weeks after the break up (she dumped me). All I got back was a cold dead pan response. I don't really remember what was said now other than it was pretty heartless. I never spoke to her again it's been about 3 and a half years now. If it helped you feel a bit better than fine but I would avoid anymore contact if it's still causing you pain. You don't owe him anything he dumped you.
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 What's done is done nothing you can do about that. I made this mistake once though a little bit earlier maybe 3-4 weeks after the break up (she dumped me). All I got back was a cold dead pan response. I don't really remember what was said now other than it was pretty heartless. I never spoke to her again it's been about 3 and a half years now. If it helped you feel a bit better than fine but I would avoid anymore contact if it's still causing you pain. You don't owe him anything he dumped you. Thanks [hugs]...he did dump me and I owe him nothing...in fact, the angry words I was apologizing for were due to his silence and a non-resolution to the breakup. I guess something triggered me tonight into wanting to make amends for my part in it...I truly don't expect a response, I just (maybe selfishly?) wanted to make some kind of resolution? Not sure, I don't like the man...don't want him back...but maybe I was disappointed with my own reaction to the situation....I am The Thinker.
ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Of all my "love life"..."gots to be positive"..."wipe the slate clean"...advice I've been giving out lately... I just f*cking emailed my ex...it wasn't desperate or wanting to get back together, it was just me apologizing for the nasties and wishing him the best. He dumped me...is this me somehow (cringe) wanting him back? Is this me wanting to make him think of me after nearly 5 weeks now? Or is this me wanting to mend a fence? I truly don't want him back (for reals)...did I just f*ck with his own healing? Gosh...I'm above that. It wasn't my intention...I just started to feel guilty for things I said at the end and wanted to genuinely apologize. I don't feel like I'm back at square one because I really am over him...but I hope I didn't make him feel bad or take him back there...my intentions were purely to make amends. Argh... Yeah... wow river, you just contradicted yourself a lot in that post... First things first, if you really was over him, you would not have emailed him, simple, sitting there pondering about it never would have happened, you're a LS member... you know the dance, we're all here for the same reason, so stop fooling yourself. Second things second, you didn't contact him for the apology, the apology was a decoy to make contact... simple, you just wanted to make contact with "him".. to say "words"... to remind him that you exist. Third things third, it's done now, nothing you can do about it, just remember your place and where you are, you're healing, don't hang on to the email, don't read a reply, just put it behind you and forget it ever happened - will power. He dumped you, so if he wants you he will come and get you, if he does then it's down to what you chose to do, but until that day... just keep swimming without him.
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Yeah... wow river, you just contradicted yourself a lot in that post... First things first, if you really was over him, you would not have emailed him, simple, sitting there pondering about it never would have happened, you're a LS member... you know the dance, we're all here for the same reason, so stop fooling yourself. Second things second, you didn't contact him for the apology, the apology was a decoy to make contact... simple, you just wanted to make contact with "him".. to say "words"... to remind him that you exist. Third things third, it's done now, nothing you can do about it, just remember your place and where you are, you're healing, don't hang on to the email, don't read a reply, just put it behind you and forget it ever happened - will power. He dumped you, so if he wants you he will come and get you, if he does then it's down to what you chose to do, but until that day... just keep swimming without him. I'm a walking contradiction tonight sadly, I know it. And I know he doesn't want me. And truly I don't want him. I think it's the I'm lonely want to reach out syndrome...I'm swimming, just barely keeping afloat right now, thanks.
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Wow that was quick....he wrote back to me. NOW's the time for strength...I really didn't expect that at all. He told me he was going to block my emails. Eeek....be adult now Rain....
ParadeRain Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Wow that was quick....he wrote back to me. NOW's the time for strength...I really didn't expect that at all. He told me he was going to block my emails. Eeek....be adult now Rain.... Well... there you have it. You've probably already done the wrong thing by now, but in case you haven't... You're a member of LS, EVERYBODY in the BU sections knows that you shouldn't reply at this stage, including you, I wonder if you've used your LS knowledge on this one... You slipped up and contacted him, Read the reply, Time to take the rampant rabbit out of the draw and have some "you time" to forget all about it... Or, you could reply and get into an unpleasant exchange of words with a guaranteed result of you feeling worse than you did before you contacted him. Either way I think the fate on this has already been sealed... Telling you to snap out of it and stop right now is like telling the dog to not eat the piece of chicken you dropped on the floor... he's going to nom it before you can even stop him... but it's worth trying to remind you of the right thing to do in this situation... that's what we're all here for right?
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Well... there you have it. You've probably already done the wrong thing by now, but in case you haven't... You're a member of LS, EVERYBODY in the BU sections knows that you shouldn't reply at this stage, including you, I wonder if you've used your LS knowledge on this one... You slipped up and contacted him, Read the reply, Time to take the rampant rabbit out of the draw and have some "you time" to forget all about it... Or, you could reply and get into an unpleasant exchange of words with a guaranteed result of you feeling worse than you did before you contacted him. Either way I think the fate on this has already been sealed... Telling you to snap out of it and stop right now is like telling the dog to not eat the piece of chicken you dropped on the floor... he's going to nom it before you can even stop him... but it's worth trying to remind you of the right thing to do in this situation... that's what we're all here for right? Oh gosh, thank you, we all slip when we think we've got the better of the situation...thank you, that's all I can say. *hugs* and for the record, I didn't write back. I should not have opened the can of worms, bad Rain...I will learn from my mistakes. 1
Author River Rain Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 You are so not a hypocrite. You did nothing wrong. You did what you needed or wanted to to clear the air. Who cares if it interferes with his healing? He wasn't terribly interested in your feelings or well-being when he ended the relationship. I'm not saying this to be spiteful but you really need to keep perspective here. You have the right to speak your mind. This is not a set back. It's a matter of wanting to leave things as pleasantly as possible and acknowledging your own mistakes in the relationship. It doesn't mean you want to go back or try again. I've been in this position one or two times in the past 28-29 years and I'm not with those people anymore ...and I have no regrets about apologizing. Thank you I do feel good about apologizing for my part in it, actually his response was quite lengthy with his own apology and lots of clearing of the air. I think he was sincere so it gives me comfort knowing that chapter is closed now without all the anger and unanswered questions lingering. 1
a.b Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Everyone is a hypocrite at some point in their lives. I wouldn't worry about it, what's done is done as they say.
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