bluegreen Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I read somewhere that half a break ups and divorces happen because people think they could or should be in love all the time if that does not happen they freak out and run chase greener pastures. So what is your opinion on this is love pure emotions or it is and should be decision to stick it out even when at times or periods you don't feel loving or love emotions toward your partner. And how do you know for sure when its you actually have fallen out of love I guess for us in this kind of relationship this is particularly difficult thing to endure and to figure out thing ?
january2011 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I think the answer will depend on individual tipping points. In general, for me, when it comes to fight-or-flight, my natural reaction is to stand and fight. Having said that, I think that love requires maintainance from both partners, every day. But that doesn't mean that there can't be some days where one or both people don't like each other. It's not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes life gets in the way and throws you a curve ball. Getting each other through the bad times is what strong partnerships are made of, in my opinion. I do believe, however, that when one person gives up and doesn't want to try anymore, then it's over. No matter what the other person thinks, feels or does. As long as some small part of each person wants to keep trying, the relationship will endure. 3
amayana Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I read somewhere that half a break ups and divorces happen because people think they could or should be in love all the time if that does not happen they freak out and run chase greener pastures. So what is your opinion on this is love pure emotions or it is and should be decision to stick it out even when at times or periods you don't feel loving or love emotions toward your partner. And how do you know for sure when its you actually have fallen out of love I guess for us in this kind of relationship this is particularly difficult thing to endure and to figure out thing ? You might be interested in this wonderful TED talk by Helen Fisher. It's called "Brain in Love" and might answer many a question. it's just 15 minutes long but really good
Author bluegreen Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 I do believe, however, that when one person gives up and doesn't want to try anymore, then it's over. No matter what the other person thinks, feels or does. As long as some small part of each person wants to keep trying, the relationship will endure. This is so true ... 1
Sasu Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I read somewhere that half a break ups and divorces happen because people think they could or should be in love all the time if that does not happen they freak out and run chase greener pastures. So true,It just feels sad sometimes . As for me,If i get in a real healthy relation again & felt some connection,I won't give up as long as other person values that bond despite of any in differences. 1
cerridwen Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 And how do you know for sure when its you actually have fallen out of love I know I've fallen out of love when that flame has gone out for an extended period of time. It takes a lot to extinguish it--and it takes a long time to reach the conclusion that it's over. I'm patient about ups and downs. I'm tolerant and expect changes. I understand there comes a time, after the bonfire of early dating, when the love burns on a lower flame, but it's still present and consistent. Sometimes that flame gets turned down even lower when life circumstances clamor for attention. No one can spend all their time/energy cradling a RL at the forefront of his/her life. It's important yes, but there must be balance. I'll wait/put effort into reigniting things. I'll only call it dead when it can't be revived on any level. I guess for us in this kind of relationship this is particularly difficult thing to endure and to figure out thing ? Why? I'm not understanding why it's hard to figure out if one's fallen out of love just because it's a LDR. 2
justwhoiam Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I read somewhere that half a break ups and divorces happen because people think they could or should be in love all the time if that does not happen they freak out and run chase greener pastures We live in an era in which everything moves very quickly. You buy something and the next day it's already obsolete. Progress makes anything last less, the world is moving faster for us. That sort of translates in other areas of our life. Though we live longer. And that also plays against us. A marriage that would last 20 years now can last 60 years. Dynamics have changed, along with our approach to anything. is love pure emotions or it is and should be decision to stick it out even when at times or periods you don't feel loving or love emotions toward your partner Love is emotion. Always. I think personality and past experience both have a role in how anyone deals with a partner. Some people have a natural inclination for long relationships and seriousness, and commitment. Others were not just born for that. how do you know for sure when its you actually have fallen out of love That's easy. Extended time without a smile on your face (this can be hidden at times, especially when/if there are children around), you can't stand anything about the other person anymore. General negative attitude. When someone's in love, you can tell, they're beaming. I guess for us in this kind of relationship this is particularly difficult thing to endure and to figure out thing ? I tend to read into things at times. I usually ask when I have a doubt about something, but sometimes I find myself waiting for more signs before asking. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I happen to do that at times. He didn't call? Why didn't he call? Why he used to feel like calling me and now he's not calling? Maybe he's not into me anymore as he used to... Why didn't he find a f moment to talk to me alone, he only could fit me in his schedule while doing something else? Why this and why that? Yes, a LDR leaves you with more doubts than in a traditional relationship. You most often don't get to see the other person's expression when you talk to him/her, tone of voice, etc. You miss the non verbal communication that is apparently the biggest part of communication in a couple and between people in general. You try to make up for that by talking more, but at times it's counterproductive. Anyway, when it's love, you'll know it. Through hard times, and everything you'll have to face and cope with. Love is not love talk. It's deeper.
todreaminblue Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I read somewhere that half a break ups and divorces happen because people think they could or should be in love all the time if that does not happen they freak out and run chase greener pastures. So what is your opinion on this is love pure emotions or it is and should be decision to stick it out even when at times or periods you don't feel loving or love emotions toward your partner. And how do you know for sure when its you actually have fallen out of love I guess for us in this kind of relationship this is particularly difficult thing to endure and to figure out thing ? I have long term failed relationships behind me........but I do have clear ideas on what a partnership and love should mean. love is endurance,love is patient, love is kind, love means remembering good times when bad times you find, love means acceptance of imperfection and many mistakes, love is always real and cant be faked..... what makes a marriage to me or an enduring partnership is not when times are rosy and fuzzy with emotion,although these are great times .... but times when and how you deal with all life has to throw at you when it truly sucks, when there is no money and you think a walk in the park with an ice cream is fun. when you are arguing over the little things in life and you look up once and think this is pointless, i love this person, we can work this out instead of escalating into a mexican stand off when someone says you can do so much better why are you staying and you immediately remember everything good about that person and you defend them to the hilt..... when after years together you can still have fun with no money, no one around, the walk in the park with a 80 cent ice cream cone i sstill part of a geat day. love is knowing when that greener pasture(so called) tries to chat you up all you want to do is see your partner because his/her face is all you see. This occurs(seeing your partners face while being chatted up) whether you just had a blazing row hours before or not. Love is enduring all the good times and the bad for better or worse in sickness and in health and you actually believe that should be in every wedding vow . through fights through tears through laughter love is there.love is rare and hard to find and once you have it love is something that you should treasure and nurture even when you want to hit the person over the head with a stuffed animal.... you smile and remember why you love them....then you hit them over the head with the stuffed animal anyway...because they really did annoy you...deb
Author bluegreen Posted November 3, 2012 Author Posted November 3, 2012 Why? I'm not understanding why it's hard to figure out if one's fallen out of love just because it's a LDR. Am working on figuring that one out but somehow it just is ...
todreaminblue Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Why? I'm not understanding why it's hard to figure out if one's fallen out of love just because it's a LDR. Am working on figuring that one out but somehow it just is ... A long distance relationship is a lot about sacrifice and that is time sacrifice the natural desire to spend time with the person you love.....if it isn't equal on both sides that sacrifice....it will never work...if one partner doesn't put as much effort in to sparking the relationship and keep it alive it will fail....if one partner uses the distance as an advantage...for himself or herself the relationship will fail....if when two people spend time together in an ldr and there's isn't that dread fo the person going away again and a certain happiness to leave ....the ldr will fail....if one person tries harder than the other i twill fail.......ldr's are actually pretty horrible......its takes conviction persistence and commitment.....you spend the majority of your time missing the other person and the sweetness of coming together is tinged with sadness of goodbyes.....and if that isn't equal or there is deceit in that relationship one partner who tries their hardest gets hurt...... i think when a person realises that ldr is one sided, those feelings get dealt with.....and that relationship is finally put to bed....its over for that ldr......deb
Author bluegreen Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 if one partner doesn't put as much effort in to sparking the relationship and keep it alive it will fail....if one partner uses the distance as an advantage...for himself or herself the relationship will fail....if when two people spend time together in an ldr and there's isn't that dread fo the person going away again and a certain happiness to leave ....the ldr will fail....if one person tries harder than the other i twill fail.......ldr's are actually pretty horrible......its takes conviction persistence and commitment.....you spend the majority of your time missing the other person and the sweetness of coming together is tinged with sadness of goodbyes.....and if that isn't equal or there is deceit in that relationship one partner who tries their hardest gets hurt I think you have described it amazingly right
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