I always give my shoulder to cry on, but when I have a problem she sends me away

[daydreaming]

I have known my best friend since kindergarten. I've always thought she was the best that ever happened to me, bcs we can talk about all sorts of stuff and never have to be embarrassed about it.

But since I and my bf got together, she behaves all weird. I can understand that in a way, bcs she just ended a very painful relationship with a guy who treated her like ****, but why does she have to decry EVERYTHING about *my* boyfriend?

She always comes to me when she's upset, and I always give her my shoulder to cry on, but when I dare to have a problem she just tells me to bother my boyfriend.

And plus, everything that seems to matter to her lately is going out and getting wasted.

Plz help me, I don't wanna lose her as a friend, because I know how sweet she can be.

[ssslide]

It seems like she is jealous and trying to provoke a response from you. By telling you to go to your BF instead she is trying to see if you will prod her for advice or really just go to your BF. It sort of is an underhanded way to test to see someones interest. You also say that all she cares about is going out and getting wasted, but in reality, she may be doing that just to get attention from you. It seems that she is jealous and thinks that since you have a BF you are therefore negating her and her BFF responisbilities.

 

I suggest you just assure her of her role as your BFF. When someone is jealous, most of the time it is because they lack self-confidence and need to feel loved.

[ukie-cutie]

I agree she sounds jealous. She may have a hard time "sharing" you, especially if she doesn't have a boyfriend and is a tiny bit jealous of you (even if she is happy that you're happy). But having a range of healthy relationships is what makes us whole. And even if you have had a solid relationship with her before, she may feel jealous and upset about what you as a person have accomplished/or have. People do get jealous, even of their friends sometimes, because their really only human. I think it's perfectly natural for one friend to feel a little pang of jealousy when their best friend suddenly hooks up.

 

I think you need to confront the situation, tell her she hasn't lost you as a friend. Even if you do have a boyfriend in your life now, that you still love her as a friend, & will still always be there for her. Maybe tell her your a little bit concerned about her going out & getting wasted all the time. I say tell her how you feel, let her know how you're feeling, then go off her reaction. If she's a true friend she'll try to make things right, by at least telling you how happy she is. I hope you work everything out though.

[just a guest]

Is he your first boyfriend? If not, did she behave like this before? If she didn´t, can you think of any differences that might cause this behaviour? If there are, can they be changed? Many questions

 

Anyway... Whatever you do, if you are happy with him, don´t let her destroy your fun or even convince you that he is bad or whatever. Always remember, you definitely know better than her about what you feel for him and if there really are things to decry about him.

[Pocky]

Be blunt with her and ask her what her problem is.

[daydreaming]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I will try and talk to her as soon as she comes back from her vacation.

 

@just a guest no, he's not my first boyfriend. Last year I dated another guy, he was a good friend of the guy she was seeing back then. We used to go on double dates occasionally, and strangely, she didn't have any problems of that sort then...

[Dork]

Yeah she's jealous that you're hanging out with your boyfriend than your friend. I think there's more to this people - when I go out with a girl I make sure she has other friends/life before I did and tell her to continue having that life but make some time for me too. The thing I hate about some people out there is that once people get boyfriends/girlfriends they start ignoring their friends. THAT's okay initially when a relationship is starting... so I'm going to guess you did that and your friend thinks you'll only go to her just for advice and not hanging out at all.