adore-la-vie Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=blue][/color]Hi. First time poster here. I will just get right down to it. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and some months now. We just moved in together about a month ago. He is a great guy. He spoils me, thinks I am beautiful (and tells me often), and tells me about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. This is the guy that we girls dream about, not to mention my family LOVES him. My problem? My feelings towards him are all confused and mixed up. All of my ex-boyfriends were complete loosers (cheating, immature, no jobs/no cars,etc). My boyfriend is a complete opposite....he is stable, responsible, mature, has a good head on his shoulders, has ambition, jobs, his own car,he had his own place, etc. When we first started going out, I couldn't get enough of him. I was crazy about him and I feel deeply hard in love with him. Things between us were great. We were the couple that people envied (I am not being cocky...I am being honest). Things remained that way until about 3 months ago. He works in the bar business so he has late hours. 3 times now, he hasn't come home when he got off work. It wasn't that he just never came home. He would call to tell me where he was and would tell me that he was on his way home in 20 minutes. The 20 minutes would end up to be 2-4 hours later. After doing my own investigation, I found out that he was at his best friends house (who is engaged and living with his fiance) and just feel asleep. It wasn't like he was out and cheating on me, he just failed to call me and let me know that he was too tired to drive home and that he was staying there. This of course caused huge fights, especially after the first time becuase he promised that it wouldn't happen again and that he would call. I know that I care deeply for him (and I love him) because when I think about my life without him it tears me apart. I am wondering if because he has made my trust/beleif in him unsteady (due to above) if I am holding anger towards him which would mix my feelings for him? I want our relationship to be the way it was...I am wondering if this is going to happen. Maybe I am the one that needs to drop the anger/resentment and such? I am really confused. This relationship is the first relationship where I am not the bread winner and the one that is doing all the work. He is the bread winner and we both are "managing" the relationship. This is the first time that I feel vulnerable with someone. In the past, I was more of a parent to my ex-boyfriends. This time, I am actually a girlfriend, a person. I have a feeling that might play into why I feel so betrayed by him not simply calling me because I looked at him as being better than that? Or maybe I expect too much out of him? I am old enough that I should be able to figure this one out but right now I am just really confused. Thanks.
Latoya18 Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 Hey Girl Dont worry about ur man he's not doing nuttin that he shouldn't be...Ur worry bout nuttin if u get worry bout him like that ur going to lose him so stop
Tech76 Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 His job sounds like a lot of stress. Give him some slack but stay alert.
rubie Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Originally posted by Latoya18 Hey Girl Dont worry about ur man he's not doing nuttin that he shouldn't be...Ur worry bout nuttin if u get worry bout him like that ur going to lose him so stop I concur, but I see your point. It could be worse though, at least you know where he is.
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Even in a healthy relationship, both partners are going to do things repeatedly to piss each other off. The fact that he called you in the first place, let's you know that his intentions were good...he just got mixed up along the way. While it's good that you're learning to put trust in him, it's even more important that you learn to trust yourself and believe that regardless of how the relationship ends up, you have the strength and the power to move on and still find happiness in your life. When you trust yourself, that's when you can truly begin to trust others even when they piss you off.
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