Lonely Ronin Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Well, do you blame a guy for going after what he wants, if he hypothetically doesn't often get signs? Yes, because said guy is in my experience looking more for validation than and actual relationship. He is usually the guy that makes dating harder for the rest of us, and usually the type of guy who's personality in general irritates the crap out of me. At least once a month I end up stepping in, at a bar so that said guy will leave one of my female friends alone. Link to post Share on other sites
edward26 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 :(The world around us keeps on changing and so are our feelings..this is not just the fact but also the reality of a changing era..changing times and definitely strongly changing feelings.Frankly speaking,a boy in love puts on his best behavior for the first 2 mo0nths or so..u cant call it a fake mask but actually the naturally present sincerity and goodness in him finds a way to come out.But this is not the case with the girls.As the guy loses his energy being nice and good all the time,the girl actually starts falling for her.The next phase is the girl non conditionally in love.But sadly a point comes when the energy in both the genders falls and low times are the consequences,the true faces of both the partners are revealed in this situation and the ones who can carry forward the relationship are mature enough but majority goes with the non matured ones!!Thus the relationship ends in most of the cases,people's facebook status jumps to 'being complicated' from 'being committed' and the search for new partners begins!!!Although sex keeps the relationship alive but when you have sex with no emotions the next thing to follow my friend is "BREAK UP"!!sad but true!! Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Hey ES, Yeah, but whenver I've seen guys act like that it was when the girls didn't like them back. As Ninja also pointed out. I've seen my brother act like that with a girl but she was clearly not into him and eventually broke up with him. That only made him jump through more and higher hoops to turn the situation around. I've also been on the receiving end of guys like that (as you have) and it's always been guys that I didn't want to date. I think that guys usually act more normal (while they still show interest) unless something makes them go crazy and they become infatuated. This has been my experience. And what feels worse, is acknowledging that even guys I am not interested in, are not interested in me anymore. I can't say reflecting on the guys who showed interest in the past, that if I had the time to live over again, I could have settled for them. But I do ask myself now, if this or that guy who crosses my path, actually expressed interest in me, would I be willing to get to know them. As yet, nobody has, so it doesn't really matter. Having tried doing the approaching, it has never led to a guy being interested, and therefore seems a waste. But even now I wish for all my heart, to meet someone, who I am interested in, who is also interested in me. For me jumping through hoops would equate to genuinely expressing interest, and maybe the odd grandiose gesture later on. As I am naturally prone to such actions myself. My last boyfriend, I once brought him a red rose to his work (he wasn't so touched as embarrassed, and basically said "don't ever do that again"), and I once rushed to his place in the rain, to see him and apologize for something I had said (and he was all completely unemotional and "no big deal" about the whole event). And that was how he treated the whole relationship, like he didn't really care one way or the other. I am a passionate person. I hate drama. But I feel and express emotions, i.e. loving emotions, joy, enthusiasm. These things seem great for making me friends, but it seems like I missed the boat on finding a partner. It's like I took too long to grow up, and now it's too late for me. Maybe sometimes instead of asking ourselves if we can do better, we should ask ourselves, if we would prefer being alone then be with this person. Because we never know who is going to be the last person to ever be interested in us. And it would be a shame, to look back and wish we had given someone more of a chance. (Even though I don't have someone like that, I realize some people are more quick to reject. And it is kind of ok being alone, when you know you haven't had any better options.) But I still wish I could meet someone who would like me enough, to want to take a chance on me, and who I like enough to want to take a chance on. And even better if he could handle the occasional grandiose gesture, without freaking out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I would slap a guy who touched my ass or any of my body parts for that matter.... perhaps with the exception of hand, and even then, depending on the context and the way we've been interacting. EXACTLY! Then she proceeded to try & flirt with me sexually through email at work? LOL! WTF?!?! She was either trying to make me jealous by letting that guy hit on her (didn't because I could care less and was laughing at the way he was clinging to her protectively) so it back fired. Or she was just looking for attention. Either way how could I take someone like that seriously? She's hot. Hot enough where literally every guy in the bar was hitting on her non-stop all night so she's used to guys jumping through hoops to get her. Not this guy. Far as i'm concerned, she knows where to find me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Because we never know who is going to be the last person to ever be interested in us. Even elderly people fall in love. But generally with other elderly people Being "really interested" is about more than the physical. It's that connection that is on another level. It is what makes you want to be around someone all the time, listen to them talk, touch them, smell them, even though they aren't a young hottie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 You know what's funny, back when I was a teenager, I use to believe that was the way to be. I would watch movies where a guy would jump through hoops to win a girl over and I thought it was romantic and I thought that's what girls wanted. Bringing that same mind-set into my first relationship, resulted in a disaster. Bottom line was, she took me for granted and did not deserve any of my gestures of 'romance'. Even if I am seriously interested in a girl, I would be very vary about jumping through any hoops. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 From what I've experienced in the past, if a guy's really interested in you, he's going to be consistent with showing his interest. If he's blowing hot and cold, he's not that interested or is so insecure, he needs to play games. Either way, RUN!! The caveat to the above is, how consistent is the woman being? If you're dating a lot of men who are inconsistent, is your selection criteria off (interested in insecure men) or are your own inconsistent actions triggering insecurities within many of the guys? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely Ronin Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 The caveat to the above is, how consistent is the woman being? If you're dating a lot of men who are inconsistent, is your selection criteria off (interested in insecure men) or are your own inconsistent actions triggering insecurities within many of the guys? Another Caveat, is how direct is she with her interest. A lot of mature well adjusted guys, will step back if she is showing inconsistent interest. In other words we will chase initially, and even jump through a hoop or to. However if she doesn't reciprocate our interest soon enough, we cut are losses and walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Many men will jump through flaming hoops to get in your pants, too. It's a time honored tradition. They aren't always mere players, either. Sometimes the rush of physical attraction may overwhelm HIM and he might not know or care whether there's real potential or not Flaming hoop jumping isn't a very reliable gage. I do agree that if a person is truly interested it will show - or it better be shown, or they're at a big risk of letting something that could be a treasure slip away. But this is more in the interests if the "truly interested" one than the object of interest OP, your "rooftop girl" and"flaming hoops" stance here seems a bit fairytale-ish and unfair. Like you're a princess in a tower with hopeful suitors lined up to compete for your hand with performances of gallantry and devotion You just get to sit there and choose I don't think any real lasting relationships are based on such ideals though I certainly respond to the appeal of it enough Being romantic is clearly a big component of who you really are. But you cannot expect a man who you need to be your equal partner to be in worshipful Awe of you. I'm quite sure that would wear thin for you quickly The whole concept of "settling" ... Well, I think that excludes the vastness that is e compassed by real, true love, which is NOT blind, but embracing. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I really believe there is an age limit on falling in love. Nah. I attended the wedding of two 60+ year olds who met and fell in love a few years back. Titania is MUCH younger than that, and I'm guessing you are too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Titania22 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Even elderly people fall in love. But generally with other elderly people Being "really interested" is about more than the physical. It's that connection that is on another level. It is what makes you want to be around someone all the time, listen to them talk, touch them, smell them, even though they aren't a young hottie. I know that, and I know in the past I have been all about the young, but I have changed now, to another part of life. It was like I did my 20's and 30's swapped around, and this whole year has been accelerated maturity. I turned 40 in the middle of it, and I feel well and truly I am doing my 40's now. It makes sense if you consider, most people do marriage and kids in their 30's and I did that stuff for the whole of my 20's, then in my 30's I was single and lived the 20's I missed out on. Now I am full on feeling all caught up and am happy to cruise through my 40's as someone in their 40's. But that being the case, I am settled and happy with my life, and the downside of that is I am rarely out because I am more introverted, and find socializing quite draining. So there is no sign, of me meeting anyone romantically soon. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) Losers will jump through flaming hoops because they are desperate. Attractive men with plenty of options won't do that because they know they don't need to. This is the reason women tend to pick the jerks over the doormats. Its because the doormats more often than not are unattractive guys which is why they need to beg in the first place. So if you want a guy who will do anything for you, its easy. Simply pick someone way below you physically. This is true for both women and men also actually. Edited October 28, 2012 by musemaj11 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Mme is right as always. I have had men "jump through hoops" early on and it turned out they left me as soon as I slept with them. I am talking flowers, coach rides at midnight, poems, in general being showered with attention every single day. Then I slept with them a few times and their interest stopped. I don't think that those guys were necessarily out to manipulate me. I think they were generally highly physically attracted to me, that they overlooked that we have nothing in common, can't even hold a conversation. intellectually mismatched. I am such a hard core romantic, that this type of courting is my dream. Only with the proper follow through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 I would probably highly enjoy being serenaded at midnight under my window too Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 From what I've experienced in the past, if a guy's really interested in you, he's going to be consistent with showing his interest. If he's blowing hot and cold, he's not that interested or is so insecure, he needs to play games. Either way, RUN!! This!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 From what I've experienced in the past, if a guy's really interested in you, he's going to be consistent with showing his interest. If he's blowing hot and cold, he's not that interested or is so insecure, he needs to play games. Either way, RUN!! The caveat to the above is, how consistent is the woman being? If you're dating a lot of men who are inconsistent, is your selection criteria off (interested in insecure men) or are your own inconsistent actions triggering insecurities within many of the guys? This is what I am dealing with now TBF. I am highly attracted to this guy, but he is being push-pull, hot-cold, seems unsure if he wants to commit, then comes on strong as soon as I am ready to be done with him. I know I need to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 This is what I am dealing with now TBF. I am highly attracted to this guy, but he is being push-pull, hot-cold, seems unsure if he wants to commit, then comes on strong as soon as I am ready to be done with him. I know I need to let him go. This is just the type of thing I will NOT tolerate. EVER. First strike and he's out. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 "When a guy is seriously interested, he will jump through flaming hoops for you" If a woman is seriously interested, she will... do what? Jump through flaming hoops too? A girl will jump.... for you, if you are both in a serious LTR. If there is no serious LTR, a girl cannot force a man to love her. If she is PD/bipolar, she might try to force a man to love her. But, it is not going to help her. In other words, in the begining of dating a girl cannot do much to get a man. She can use only light flirting. Jumping through flaming hoops for him is not going to help her in the begining. Link to post Share on other sites
Kofybean Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 A girl will jump.... for you, if you are both in a serious LTR. If there is no serious LTR, a girl cannot force a man to love her. If she is PD/bipolar, she might try to force a man to love her. But, it is not going to help her. In other words, in the begining of dating a girl cannot do much to get a man. She can use only light flirting. Jumping through flaming hoops for him is not going to help her in the begining. That is absurd. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 That is absurd. Why? Men are less likely to use their reasoning to date someone. More likely to be led by their penis - at least in the initial stages. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I think that all people who wish to actively date need to become performing members of Cirque de Soleil in order to properly prove their intentions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 No not really. My current GF is damn near perfect but I'm not going to do stupid sh*t for her just to prove something. Thankfully one of the many things that contribute to her near perfection is that she wouldn't ask it, let alone expect it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 This is just the type of thing I will NOT tolerate. EVER. First strike and he's out. Maybe this attitude needs a little bit of tweaking. Sure, we should not carry on with dating situations that are not giving us what we want or need. But the attitude of "will not tolerate," and "he's out" are not really appropriate. I mean, if the guy's not really that into you, who cares what you'll "tolerate" or you won't? Just find your inner serenity and move on in your search to find who and what you really do want in your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
espec10001 Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 See, when a guy is young he's more into the physical beauty of a girl. She's like a spring flower; fresh and still blossoming and quite intoxicating. Her smell, her glances, her gestures and movements, he craves it like a heroin addict needs his fix. When he's in her company he feels quite happy and fulfilled, like he needs nothing else in this world than this girl whom he's fixated upon. He will do whatever it takes to be in her company because she has such a powerful effect on him. Unfortunately, this young flower eventually is released upon the cold, harsh world. Her beauty fades; her movements and voice are not so graceful and charming anymore. She doesn't seem to have the same powerful effect on him as she once did. Thus, the all encompassing passion of a man in love diminishes for her. Have you ever heard the saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? As women get older, they can't rely on their looks to lure a man, so they switch to cooking and keeping the house in order. A woman who cooks and cleans is of great value to a man. Of course, today's women will scoff at this old-fashioned idea, but if you want to possess a man's heart when your beauty has faded there is little other means. Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 Mme is right as always. I have had men "jump through hoops" early on and it turned out they left me as soon as I slept with them. I am talking flowers, coach rides at midnight, poems, in general being showered with attention every single day. Then I slept with them a few times and their interest stopped. I don't think that those guys were necessarily out to manipulate me. I think they were generally highly physically attracted to me, that they overlooked that we have nothing in common, can't even hold a conversation. intellectually mismatched. I am such a hard core romantic, that this type of courting is my dream. Only with the proper follow through. I did every one of those things you mentioned and got steamrolled in my last relationship. I think all women want romance, but how many truly appreciate it? What is the proper balance between being nice and being too nice? Link to post Share on other sites
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