When a guy is seriously interested, he will jump through flaming hoops for you

October 25, 2012

Jumping through hoops = foolproof way to not get laid.

You're much better off being the guy she'll call you about at 4am, crying about how he forgot her birthday.

You know, the guy she actually has sex with and will again, about 2 hours after hanging up the phone.

I hate to say this but there is some truth to this. If a woman truly is into a man he won't have to jump through any hoops. Men have started to learn that going all out like this for a woman who has not shown she is completely in love with you is just a recipe for heartbreak.

October 25, 2012

ROFL. is it why you wrote this thread?

it's like a guy writing 'why women go for jerks' to whine after he got rejected.

Nomorejerks, my ex exactly like your ex!

As for the new guy, I am so pissed off. We went out couple of times, had a good time.

I initiate texting the next day, he responds. I suggest meeting up he gives me the day. Two days go by, no contact. He texts me last night and asks me "what did you have in mind for our next date?" I respond a movie I wanted to see. No response for ages and then.....he suddenly can't make it because he is feeling like he is coming down with something please. Mind you, the date was supposed to be in two days! So he already knows he will be sick? But he is fine to work and I am sure do everything else. Also, n offer of reschedule.

I bet when he asked "what did you have in mind for the next date?" if I responded with "Come over to my place" aka casual sex, he wouldn't have been "coming down with anything".

Deleted and de-friended

October 25, 2012

I hate to say this but there is some truth to this. If a woman truly is into a man he won't have to jump through any hoops. Men have started to learn that going all out like this for a woman who has not shown she is completely in love with you is just a recipe for heartbreak.

Yep. I don't chase.

Players & fools chase.

The things i've personally experienced & personally seen with my friends that woman who aren't interested will do just for the feeling of having a guy chase her.

I've also known women who brag about the stuff they get guys who want them to do for them & I have seen them lose female friends because of the way they treat people & have seen other women go to these guys & try to set them straight. so not all women are like this.

Edited October 25, 2012 by phineas

October 25, 2012

Actually, gender doesn't matter. Sure, an interested woman will jump through hoops too (it was just a silly metaphor for going that extra mile).

If a woman DOESN'T appreciate you "jumping through hoops", then she simply isn't interested. She would be no more interested if you ignored her or did PUA crap. That's what men need to know. And "jumping through hoops" happens naturally when you are really passionate about someone.

People do what they passionately want to do. No matter how busy, no matter what.

As for "4am rooftop girl", she only didn't end up with the guy because she chose not to. She didn't reciprocate his feelings. I would never want to be in the place of the girl that he eventually proposes to. But it's partly her own fault, because she chose to ignore many warning signs.

You don't get to simply choose to be "roof top girl" to any guy; that depends largely on him and his feelings.

But you can choose not to be the other girl.

It is the difference between finding someone you can live with, and someone you can't live without. From my point of view, both are necessary for a long lasting, satisfying relationship.

October 25, 2012

Good post.

And I think a man WANTS to be with a woman who inspires him to... well, not jump through hoops - but bring his BEST. He wants to be with a woman who fires him up, not someone who makes do with mediocre.

A woman wants the same from a man!

I see my partner as a catch. This is my view of him, and not necessarily the world's view. I feel motivated to keep his eyes on me--not because he has a wandering eye, but because I feel he could easily attract a good looking woman, sweet woman, so I'd better stay good looking and sweet

This is absolutely not true for the highest quality men.

The highest quality men and women have the courage to show their passion. They inspire passion in others. They trust that they'll be able to tell when their passion is not returned.

October 25, 2012

Yep. I don't chase.
Players & fools chase.

There are worse things than being a fool for love.

The things i've personally experienced & personally seen with my friends that woman who aren't interested will do just for the feeling of having a guy chase her.

Like what?

Anything that convincingly looked like returned passion?

October 25, 2012

There are worse things than being a fool for love.

In terms of love there is very little worse than being a fool for it when the other person is just using you as a place holder.

Like what?

Anything that convincingly looked like returned passion?

Talking about sex.

Talking about things she wants to do with you in the future.

I hung out with a co-worker whose underwear i'd seen 3 times. Twice in public.

Once when she had a clothing malfunction out side.

Once when she "acidently" left the dressing room door open in a clothing store.

And the third time was when she came over for dinner & a movie & changed into her jeans in front of me in my living room.

Then she made sexual comments the whole night while we cooked dinner, asking about my package size but shut me down when I tried to make a move & ultimately told me "nothing romantic is going on between us you know" even though we were supposedly dating.

Then wanted me to keep hanging out with her as friends.

That's one example.

I have met dozens of women over the yrs who have used false promises of future sex or insinuated future sex to keep me around & paying attention to them.

So like I said, only players & fools chase.

I only ask them out once, anything but a "yes" = "no" & they are forgotten.

Funny thing is a few of those women who didn't say "yes" came back when they realized I wasn't going to chase & I did play their games a little & did get them.

But I soon realized they wern't any prize so if your looking for a GF anyone who plays games is not going to make a good one.

Interest should be mutual.

Women interested in me make it easy to get a date with them.

Period.

women interested in me don't make me jump through flaming hoops.

Period.

October 25, 2012

In terms of love there is very little worse than being a fool for it when the other person is just using you as a place holder.

Talking about sex.
Talking about things she wants to do with you in the future.
I hung out with a co-worker whose underwear i'd seen 3 times. Twice in public.
Once when she had a clothing malfunction out side.
Once when she "acidently" left the dressing room door open in a clothing store.
And the third time was when she came over for dinner & a movie & changed into her jeans in front of me in my living room.

Then she made sexual comments the whole night while we cooked dinner, asking about my package size but shut me down when I tried to make a move & ultimately told me "nothing romantic is going on between us you know" even though we were supposedly dating.

Then wanted me to keep hanging out with her as friends.

That's one example.
I have met dozens of women over the yrs who have used false promises of future sex or insinuated future sex to keep me around & paying attention to them.

So like I said, only players & fools chase.

I only ask them out once, anything but a "yes" = "no" & they are forgotten.
Funny thing is a few of those women who didn't say "yes" came back when they realized I wasn't going to chase & I did play their games a little & did get them.
But I soon realized they wern't any prize so if your looking for a GF anyone who plays games is not going to make a good one.

Interest should be mutual.
Women interested in me make it easy to get a date with them.
Period.

women interested in me don't make me jump through flaming hoops.
Period.

As CE pointed out earlier, the woman shouldn't be "making" him jump through hoops.

I agree with you that interest should be mutual. But you seem to be missing the middle ground between being a complete fool (chasing someone who isn't returning any passion--shutting you down when you make a move instead of sinking into your passionate kiss, even if she wants to delay sex), and being willing to go the extra mile for a woman you are really into.

October 25, 2012

As CE pointed out earlier, the woman shouldn't be "making" him jump through hoops.

I agree with you that interest should be mutual. But you seem to be missing the middle ground between being a complete fool (chasing someone who isn't returning any passion--shutting you down when you make a move instead of sinking into your passionate kiss, even if she wants to delay sex), and being willing to go the extra mile for a woman you are really into.

I got it just fine.

If a woman turns me down initially the only way will go out is if she changes her mind and contacts me.

And even then, she'd have to convince me to even leave the house because 9/10 times that woman was initially playing games to get me to chase her & realized it back-fired on her.

Not someone i'm interested in investing in.

I'll go the extra mile when their actually in a committed relationship with me & not before.

October 25, 2012

I got it just fine.

If a woman turns me down initially the only way will go out is if she changes her mind and contacts me.
And even then, she'd have to convince me to even leave the house because 9/10 times that woman was initially playing games to get me to chase her & realized it back-fired on her.

Not someone i'm interested in investing in.
I'll go the extra mile when their actually in a committed relationship with me & not before.

I'm not talking about initially. Why would you have passion about someone you just met?

I'm talking about after a couple dates.

October 25, 2012

Talking about sex.
Talking about things she wants to do with you in the future.
I hung out with a co-worker whose underwear i'd seen 3 times. Twice in public.
Once when she had a clothing malfunction out side.
Once when she "acidently" left the dressing room door open in a clothing store.
And the third time was when she came over for dinner & a movie & changed into her jeans in front of me in my living room.

Then she made sexual comments the whole night while we cooked dinner, asking about my package size but shut me down when I tried to make a move & ultimately told me "nothing romantic is going on between us you know" even though we were supposedly dating.

Then wanted me to keep hanging out with her as friends.

Well, lesson learned: don't hang out with women that flash their underwear in public. You don't get much out of attention seeking, bad quality people. No surprises there.

October 25, 2012

ROFL. is it why you wrote this thread?

it's like a guy writing 'why women go for jerks' to whine after he got rejected.

Yes, I got rejected recently. Let that be recorded in LS history.

But I barely knew the guy so I wasn't really invested. Just a bit of a blow to the ego.

And it's not really why I started this thread.

October 25, 2012

That you didn't volunteer to be his unpaid prostitute....

That's only true if having sex with someone is like you are doing them a service and not something that you both mutually wanted. So, you're saying having sex with you requires payment right.

October 25, 2012

People who throw out hoops on purpose, specially early on are a waste of time.

The hoops i see the most, are women who want me to chase them relentlessly early on.

One woman I dated a while back got flamingly pissed off because I rejected her because she through out to many hoops. Ran into her at a bar after I stopped calling and this is how it went down.

me: I'm not an accessory to your life, and I'm not a puppy who will follow you around with the hope of you paying attention to it.

her: but I liked you a lot.

me: I find that hard to believe, because the only thing you really did, was show up when it was convenient for you. I was the one that always had to call you, I had to plan everything, come up with alternatives when you where busy, and ignore the fact that you spent more time texting your friends than talking to me.

her: That's how you supposed to prove to me you're worth it.

me: turns and walks away

her: explitives

October 25, 2012

her: That's how you supposed to prove to me you're worth it.

me: turns and walks away

her: explitives

Some men expect it though. They expect games and hoops. It's very annoying and incredibly boring.

October 25, 2012

I think perhaps the whole "flaming hoops" analogy was a bad one, but I do agree that if/when a guy is truly interested, you will know. The whole going days between texting thing, playing games, is totally unnecessary when both parties are interested.

I haven't gone a single day without hearing from my BF in some capacity since our first date. He was never overbearing or a doormat, but he kept in contact daily and I reciprocated by answering his texts and calls in a timely fashion. It was nice...I was never left hanging, wondering if he was still interested. I knew.

October 25, 2012

It seems to me that everything is one-sided. The man makes the initial overture, he pays for the dates, he takes a bullet if there's shooting in the movie theater, he jumps through hoops and passes the auditions to prove to the woman that he'd be a good provider, and when the woman hears a noise downstairs, she tells him to go down there in case there's a dangerous person there. She surely won't go with him as a couple, she wants him to take all the risk. I wonder what women would think if THEY were expected to do these things for a man, and what names they'd call these guys.

October 25, 2012

About the whole thing of a guy seeming "overeager" if he is actually attentive and good to the woman he's seeing: honestly, if she's highly attracted to the guy, it's hard to seem overeager. It's still possible if the guy just has no boundaries at all to the point of being socially-inappropriate attentive. But just regular high attentiveness (meaning frequent contact with affection involved) will not bother a woman who is highly attracted to the man. She would love it.

I think perhaps the whole "flaming hoops" analogy was a bad one, but I do agree that if/when a guy is truly interested, you will know. The whole going days between texting thing, playing games, is totally unnecessary when both parties are interested.

I haven't gone a single day without hearing from my BF in some capacity since our first date. He was never overbearing or a doormat, but he kept in contact daily and I reciprocated by answering his texts and calls in a timely fashion. It was nice...I was never left hanging, wondering if he was still interested. I knew.

Ditto. I'm in a good, even great, situation right now. Hence, this thread is depressing and endlessly snarky.

Most of the men I've dated in my life have been something between horribly inattentive and not truly into me to reasonably attentive and reasonably into me (just nothing over the top).

The one I'm with now and one I was with for five years in the past were both HIGHLY attentive, even crazy-romantic with me. Hence, I agree with the OP that if a guy is really, really into you, he's gonna be in contact a lot; he won't make any bones about it, and he's not likely to be testing you to see if you're testing him and all that stupid stuff. He'll just be all in and not worrying about stuff, nor holding back.

For me, short-lived involvements happen when the guy is "sort of" good to me and just meeting the minimum requirements or just a tad bit more than that. Relationships, however, happen when he is crazy into me, and it usually occurs right at the start. The lag time is like two dates, tops, before the excitement kicks in, and more often it's after just date one.

October 25, 2012

You can foil their expectations, decline to jump through the burning hoops, and be alone. I'm good with that choice. Took awhile to get there, for sure. Marriage is the cure.

October 25, 2012

I couldn't agree more with NoMoreJerks.

This is happening all the time with the men I encounter. I actually flaked out on a date last night because, even up to an hour before our "date", he hadn't chosen a place and would wait up to 24 hours before texting me even just to agree on a time. Lazy and "meh".

I did get asked out to an art gallery and coffee on Saturday. You know what? I was thrilled. And then I had to think again - isn't it sad that I'm so happy that a guy came up with a time, place and asked me out without hesitation? No alcohol involved? No silly waiting/texting games?

There are men who date with purpose and men who don't. The former always stands head and shoulders over the latter.

October 25, 2012

That's only true if having sex with someone is like you are doing them a service and not something that you both mutually wanted. So, you're saying having sex with you requires payment right.

Yes, sex is something that you both mutually do, but that is not the perspective of the type of guys I was talking about. They think of sex as a "service" they are entitled to. My ex was like this. Even went so far as to say that women always can/should have sex whenever their guy wants it, but when I asked for sex and he wasn't in the mood for it, he turned me down. As if women can never be not in the mood for sex. But no, for him, sex is something he could "take" from me whenever he wanted it. He was "entitled" to it. So yes, he was treating me like a whore he might visit, minus the payment bit. I don't want to get payment. I want to be treated like a human being, not like an object or a prostitute. I want to have sex with a guy because he likes me and wants to be in a relationship with me, not because he's feeling horny and can't find anyone else to have sex with him, or won't go to a prostitute for one reason or another. Instead he opts to treat ME as a prostitute. That is why I got out of the "relationship" I was in. I don't do casual sex, I don't do FWB. If I wanted to do that sort of thing, I'd sign up to be a prostitute and at least make money for being treated like crap.

October 25, 2012

Yes, sex is something that you both mutually do, but that is not the perspective of the type of guys I was talking about. They think of sex as a "service" they are entitled to. My ex was like this. Even went so far as to say that women always can/should have sex whenever their guy wants it, but when I asked for sex and he wasn't in the mood for it, he turned me down. As if women can never be not in the mood for sex. But no, for him, sex is something he could "take" from me whenever he wanted it. He was "entitled" to it. So yes, he was treating me like a whore he might visit, minus the payment bit. I don't want to get payment. I want to be treated like a human being, not like an object or a prostitute. I want to have sex with a guy because he likes me and wants to be in a relationship with me, not because he's feeling horny and can't find anyone else to have sex with him, or won't go to a prostitute for one reason or another. Instead he opts to treat ME as a prostitute. That is why I got out of the "relationship" I was in. I don't do casual sex, I don't do FWB. If I wanted to do that sort of thing, I'd sign up to be a prostitute and at least make money for being treated like crap.

You DO realize that many, MANY people willingly enter into FWB arrangements and/or engage in casual sex and don't view themselves as being treated like crap or akin to prostitutes, right?

October 25, 2012

The whole going days between texting thing, playing games, is totally unnecessary when both parties are interested.

Any guy who plays that sort of mind game with me -- not texting/calling for days, even early on when we've only met each other recently -- will get deleted from my phone memory / completely forgotten about. If he can't even pay attention to me or show some interest in the form of send me a 1 line text mssg the day or 2 days after we met, he can't expect to see me again or hear from me again. The problem is that many men think that women should wait around for them and act at their whim. No, doesn't work that way. If you are interested, text me or call me. Otherwise I'm deleting you and going out with friends and meeting another guy who will treat me like I deserve to be treated.

October 25, 2012

Like I said before, some guys won't jump through hoops because they're not confident enough to go after what they want, even though they're interested. They look for the first sign that's she's not interested or the first sign of resistance and they give up.

That's me, the quitter.

October 25, 2012

You DO realize that many, MANY people willingly enter into FWB arrangements and/or engage in casual sex and don't view themselves as being treated like crap or akin to prostitutes, right?

Sure. But I do not appreciate being treated as one, and fooled into such an arrangement without my knowledge (because he tried keeping a semblance of a relationship and "romance"). He treated me as a sex object even knowing that I wanted more than that -- that I wanted a relationship. Heck, he even called me his gf, to keep the arrangement going. And then, when I started showing that I expected him to call me (which he NEVER DID - except at the very start), he said that he didn't want to think about me all the time, that he doesn't love me, that we're just friends and are doing a FWB. Yeah, I went from being his gf to being his ****-buddy in a matter of minutes.

Edited October 25, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

Sign In

When a guy is seriously interested, he will jump through flaming hoops for you

Recommended Posts

Woggle

yongyong

phineas

xxoo

xxoo

xxoo

phineas

xxoo

phineas

xxoo

Emilia

Eternal Sunshine

Imported

Lonely Ronin

Emilia

kiss_andmakeup

crude

Jane2011

carhill

Drseussgrrl

NoMoreJerks

TheBigQuestion

NoMoreJerks

fortyninethousand322

NoMoreJerks

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...