When a guy is seriously interested, he will jump through flaming hoops for you

[Eternal Sunshine]

Actually, gender doesn't matter. Sure, an interested woman will jump through hoops too (it was just a silly metaphor for going that extra mile).

 

If a woman DOESN'T appreciate you "jumping through hoops", then she simply isn't interested. She would be no more interested if you ignored her or did PUA crap. That's what men need to know. And "jumping through hoops" happens naturally when you are really passionate about someone.

 

People do what they passionately want to do. No matter how busy, no matter what.

 

As for "4am rooftop girl", she only didn't end up with the guy because she chose not to. She didn't reciprocate his feelings. I would never want to be in the place of the girl that he eventually proposes to. But it's partly her own fault, because she chose to ignore many warning signs.

[NoMoreJerks]

You "have" sex, you don't give it.

To those men, it's something they "take" from you. Something you owe them. They treat you like they are entitled to sex, even without "giving" anything in the "relationship". That's why I refer to it as such, in this context. In other situations where there is a mutual, reciprocal relationship/feelings involved, yes, you have sex.

Edited October 25, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Eternal Sunshine]

If a woman could see what a man that is really into a woman acts like versus the same guy who is lukewarm throughout the relationship as you pine for his crumbs of reciprocating affections...their jaws would hit the floor as well as be heartbroken at the same time to see the same man that they love acting and feeling so much differently and showing it with a woman in a completely different way when they are truly head over heels for someone.

 

The thing is that guy more than likely can't get the girl that he really wants to be with and she doesn't have the self-respect to find the romance or let's not be unrealistic, relationship that she's really looking for.

 

But if you ask the world it's not even about romance..what is that! It's about finding that person who meets the most qualities out of a short shopping list with just about any significant level of emotion to go with it like it's a side dish and then developing feelings based on that. Because after all, that's how it's supposed to work right? picking and choosing who you love to the best of your ability?

 

I swear if people actually had the balls and dignity to wait for something worthwhile instead of taking the easiest or most convenient way out instead of being alone or feeling sorry for themselves because they might not be able to find anything better then I'm sure the planet would explode an instant.

 

It today's world most people are as follows;

 

Women settle for less, wishing there was more...

 

Men settle for less, fantasizing about someone else...

 

And people wonder why I can be so bitter look at 99 percent of the posts on LS people, it's mostly BS! So wouldn't you treat as more of a "game" than "true love"?

 

Answer me that and I give you 3 cookies (chocolate chip)! and you don't even have to explain the "romance" lacking from any particular post that's supposed to be about love in general.

 

Romance........HA!

 

This is an excellent post.

 

This thread was partly inspired by my own recent experiences and partly by people around me that settle while fantasizing and wishing for someone else that they couldn't get (male and female). Because being alone is so horrible, it's better to take anyone.

 

It makes me depressed for the state of this world.

[ScreamingTrees]

To those men, it's something they "take" from you. Something you owe them. They treat you like they are entitled to sex, even without "giving" anything in the "relationship". That's why I refer to it as such, in this context. In other situations where there is a mutual, reciprocal relationship/feelings involved, yes, you have sex.

 

Fine, I agree with you. To me, the whole "taking" thing sounds terrible. I can't imagine why any girl would willingly be with a guy like that, once she found out..

[todreaminblue]

Just a bit of a rant.

 

Basically, in dating, even in very early dating - it is pretty obvious who is interested and sees long term potential in you and who is not. Any hesitation, vague re-scheduling etc.... you may just as well give up then and there (unless you are looking for something casual).

 

Some may say that nobody can be strongly interested until some time has passed but I disagree. If you think back to when you started dating a person that turned into a LTR, you just KNEW within first few dates that there is something special there. You were drawn to spend time with that person. You thought about them a lot, and could barely contain yourself not to text/call them.

 

Sure, Sally met John and John was lukewarm but eventually developed feelings- all those stories, however rare make me still skeptical. In most cases John wanted to settle down, so he settled for Sally.

 

If you look at things this way, it's pretty easy to weed out time wasters before heavy emotional investment is made.

 

Finally, watch the movie Two Lovers, one of the truest love stories ever made. The painful difference where guy is passionately in love with one girl and is prepared to do whatever it takes and eventually settling and committing to another after the first girl rejected him. If you watch the vague way he acted with the girl he eventually settled for, and going to the rooftop at 4am on no sleep just to talk for a few minutes with a girl he was passionately in love with.

 

We need to accept nothing less but being the 4am rooftop girl

 

 

I dont think a guy should have to perform and jump through hoops no rdo i think a woman should have to do that

 

I think more emphasis should be placed on appreciation of each others qualities, accepting the flaws because no one is perfect and building a firm foundation of trust and mutual enjoyment of each other nto worrying abotu the performance aspect...i dont belive in games i dont believe in movies because they get edited that's not clarity cant edit life you get one impromptu and unrehearsed attempt no script and you dont get paid for living it .....

 

 

i love feel good romantic movies as an escape from reality a time to just sit back and enjoy the movie and when it is over i dont expect the guy i watched it with to go jump through some hoop somewhere, maybe drive me home(i dont drive) and give me a hug at the door is that a hoop? the romantic part is he sat there and watched a movie that probably did not interest him in the slightest but yet because he wanted to spend time with me....he did it ...and not a 4 am....a midday matinee with popcorn is fine...ill go dutch or even shout turn about....when i am in love the simple act of spending time together and enjoying one another's company is enough if he cooks for me he is my hero...i like time off occasionally..smilin.......maybe i am too simple for today....people might class me as too accepting.....i actually dont think there should be a "too accepting" in the world......romance is not dead......if you dont expect to see it in sky writing....i do think vagueness about making dates is a sign putting off dates is a sign early on..i do believe you know when you feel strongly about someone because you have to try not to call just to hear his voice and the harder it gets.....the stronger the feelings are...i agree with your sentiment there eternal sunshine...deb

[NoMoreJerks]

Fine, I agree with you. To me, the whole "taking" thing sounds terrible. I can't imagine why any girl would willingly be with a guy like that, once she found out..

I'm not -- he's my ex. But yeah, took me long enough. I was attached to him -- he wasn't like that at first. Then he started showing his true colours, but by then, I had gotten attached to him and it was very difficult for me to leave. I tried talking to him about it, hoping to work things out, but no, he seemed to be just in it for the sex and the "fun times" we spent together whenever he had nothing better to do with his time. I finally had had enough of him and him blowing hot / cold back and forth, his threats to dump me, his emotional blackmail, etc., and just dumped him and went NC.

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm not -- he's my ex. But yeah, took me long enough. I was attached to him -- he wasn't like that at first. Then he started showing his true colours, but by then, I had gotten attached to him and it was very difficult for me to leave. I tried talking to him about it, hoping to work things out, but no, he seemed to be just in it for the sex and the "fun times" we spent together whenever he had nothing better to do with his time. I finally had had enough of him and him blowing hot / cold back and forth, his threats to dump me, his emotional blackmail, etc., and just dumped him and went NC.

Hm, well, at least you got rid of him. No luck since then? You'll have to let a guy into your life eventually.. They can't ALL be scummers from the get-go, I mean, your ex wasn't, was he? Be careful nonetheless.

[NoMoreJerks]

Hm, well, at least you got rid of him. No luck since then? You'll have to let a guy into your life eventually.. They can't ALL be scummers from the get-go, I mean, your ex wasn't, was he? Be careful nonetheless.

My ex was very respectful/nice to me in the beginning... he was the perfect guy. Even went so far as to open doors for me. He texted me the morning after we met, texted me a few times during the day, called me, and set up a date soon afterwards. He treated me with respect and courted me. But at some point, he just started taking me for granted and acting like a douche, making extraordinary/perverted demands, blackmailing me, and all other sorts of emotional abuse. Guess it takes a while for someone to show their true colours. He was putting on a show to win me over. Once he knew he had me , he just took off the mask.

 

Well, I did meet a guy a few days ago, and we exchanged numbers.. but he didn't text me for the next 2 days. I texted him, saying I had had a good time with him and that maybe we can do dinner some time... (is that jumping through a hoop for a guy that I really liked?). He didn't respond to my text until a day and a half later. As if it wasn't bad enough that he didn't text me for 2 days and that I initiated the text, he didn't even respond to my text promptly enough.. Honestly, when I sent that text and he didn't respond within the next few hours, I deleted his number. When he responded, he did not even apologize for taking so long to reply. He suggested a day that we could go to dinner together (this Saturday), but said he has to make sure he has the weekend off (he's in the army and sometimes he can't get the weekend off). So it's all up in the air. I am just annoyed that, time and again, I meet men who are too lazy to do anything / make any move. I don't think it's because they're not interested -- he seemed interested. It just seems like a lot of men (not to say most men) are just looking for casual sex and once they feel like they won't get it, they lose interest or don't want to put in any effort. I mean, why make any effort , go to dinner, etc., when you can probably get another girl to have sex with, with less effort??? I'm just really disappointed. I am not the type of person who expects men to jump through hoops , or to initiate all the time -- heck, I am willing to initiate stuff at least half the time; it doesn't bother me, and I'm not terribly conservative in that regard. But really, that does not mean I'm gonna chase a guy who does not want to put in any effort, wants to sit back and enjoy the ego boost. I have not responded to his "tentative date" text. Probably won't, unless he follows up on his text and specifies a time/place. The reason I initiated the texting was that I was thinking that maybe he didn't text or call because he wasn't sure if I was interested enough. I did show enough interest in my text, I think, by suggesting a dinner date... the ball is in his court now. he knows I'm interested, so if he's interested, he can text me or better still, call me.

Edited October 25, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Eternal Sunshine]

Nomorejerks, my ex exactly like your ex!

 

As for the new guy, I am so pissed off. We went out couple of times, had a good time.

 

I initiate texting the next day, he responds. I suggest meeting up he gives me the day. Two days go by, no contact. He texts me last night and asks me "what did you have in mind for our next date?" I respond a movie I wanted to see. No response for ages and then.....he suddenly can't make it because he is feeling like he is coming down with something please. Mind you, the date was supposed to be in two days! So he already knows he will be sick? But he is fine to work and I am sure do everything else. Also, n offer of reschedule.

 

I bet when he asked "what did you have in mind for the next date?" if I responded with "Come over to my place" aka casual sex, he wouldn't have been "coming down with anything".

 

Deleted and de-friended

[NoMoreJerks]

I bet when he asked "what did you have in mind for the next date?" if I responded with "Come over to my place" aka casual sex, he wouldn't have been "coming down with anything".

YEAH. Funny how the male body works, eh?

[strongnrelaxed]

This is absolutely not true for the highest quality men. If a man jumps through hoops for you, he is ultimately going to spend forever jumping through hoops.

 

While this sounds good at first blush, ladies, think about this - do you really want a guy who is "yes dear-ing" you to death to jump through hoops to please you or get to you or express his interest?

 

For how long would you find this attractive? It's an honest question so please only honest answers.

[fortyninethousand322]

I bet when he asked "what did you have in mind for the next date?" if I responded with "Come over to my place" aka casual sex, he wouldn't have been "coming down with anything".

 

Unless a girl actually said "casual sex" to me, if she asked me to go to her place I'd assume that she wasn't feeling to well and just wanted to stay in and watch a movie or TV. Maybe I'm weird...

[strongnrelaxed]

 

It just seems like a lot of men (not to say most men) are just looking for casual sex and once they feel like they won't get it, they lose interest or don't want to put in any effort. I mean, why make any effort , go to dinner, etc., when you can probably get another girl to have sex with, with less effort???

 

 

I could not agree more. If you look at my other posts, I bet they will piss you off, but I have been saying the same damn thing! You say it as a complaint about men, I say it as a statement of truth.

 

More and more men are finding that women have more power in the relationship. A LOT more. So they are starting to act like women used to act - capricious, difficult to figure out, "mysterious", picky and fickle.

 

This is great for men. Finally, all the sex (thanks to feminism) and none of the commitment (thanks to horrible divorce laws).

 

I am oddly surprised that women are upset about this. Women in the 70's fought really hard for this sexual liberation!

 

Now you have it and you do not like it?

 

Someone will have to explain this to me.

 

In the meantime, ladies, you had better get used to it because fewer and fewer men are marrying. It is just foolish to do this under the current social system. We should all be celebrating this - fewer bad marriages, fewer single moms, fewer unwanted children, fewer divorce lawyers. Am I missing something here? This is good all around

[strongnrelaxed]

Nomorejerks, my ex exactly like your ex!

 

As for the new guy, I am so pissed off. We went out couple of times, had a good time.

 

I initiate texting the next day, he responds. I suggest meeting up he gives me the day. Two days go by, no contact. He texts me last night and asks me "what did you have in mind for our next date?" I respond a movie I wanted to see. No response for ages and then.....he suddenly can't make it because he is feeling like he is coming down with something please. Mind you, the date was supposed to be in two days! So he already knows he will be sick? But he is fine to work and I am sure do everything else. Also, n offer of reschedule.

 

I bet when he asked "what did you have in mind for the next date?" if I responded with "Come over to my place" aka casual sex, he wouldn't have been "coming down with anything".

 

Deleted and de-friended

 

This is a perfect outcome. He knew something was wrong. He listened to his instincts. Neither of you wasted your time. And everyone went their separate ways.

 

I do not see the down side to this. Why the "mad" face? Would you prefer something more drawn out and dramatic?

[ScreamingTrees]

My ex was very respectful/nice to me in the beginning... he was the perfect guy. Even went so far as to open doors for me. He texted me the morning after we met, texted me a few times during the day, called me, and set up a date soon afterwards. He treated me with respect and courted me. But at some point, he just started taking me for granted and acting like a douche, making extraordinary/perverted demands, blackmailing me, and all other sorts of emotional abuse. Guess it takes a while for someone to show their true colours. He was putting on a show to win me over. Once he knew he had me , he just took off the mask.

 

Can't wait until I get a job and get out into the world.. I don't think I'd ever do what your recent potentials have done to you if *I* was truly interested.. I'd be more worried about HER not replying, losing interest, whatever.. Not in a desperate way, anyways, I've gone this long without a significant other in my life, I'll get by just fine..

[strongnrelaxed]

Can't wait until I get a job and get out into the world.. I don't think I'd ever do what your recent potentials have done to you if *I* was truly interested.. I'd be more worried about HER not replying, losing interest, whatever.. Not in a desperate way, anyways, I've gone this long without a significant other in my life, I'll get by just fine..

 

Good for you ScreamingTrees. Stay this way always. Loneliness is difficult at times, but not even close to the pain of a nasty breakup. I have felt both and I would pick the loneliness every time. I say this because I am rarely lonely. We all have friends and acquaintances to fill our time.

 

Do not jump through hoops for anyone - that gets you very bad things.

[NoMoreJerks]

I could not agree more. If you look at my other posts, I bet they will piss you off, but I have been saying the same damn thing! You say it as a complaint about men, I say it as a statement of truth.

 

More and more men are finding that women have more power in the relationship. A LOT more. So they are starting to act like women used to act - capricious, difficult to figure out, "mysterious", picky and fickle.

 

This is great for men. Finally, all the sex (thanks to feminism) and none of the commitment (thanks to horrible divorce laws).

 

I am oddly surprised that women are upset about this. Women in the 70's fought really hard for this sexual liberation!

 

Now you have it and you do not like it?

 

Someone will have to explain this to me.

 

In the meantime, ladies, you had better get used to it because fewer and fewer men are marrying. It is just foolish to do this under the current social system. We should all be celebrating this - fewer bad marriages, fewer single moms, fewer unwanted children, fewer divorce lawyers. Am I missing something here? This is good all around

You sound really bitter -- not happy. You don't sound like someone who has just gained "power" in dealings with women... If to you a relationship is a power game, no wonder you are so bitter -- no sane woman will want to play the mind games that men like you are into.

 

As for complaining -- who is complaining? I am just stating facts about the men I have met. If they are not interested in more than just sex, I am not about to be the one to entertain them. They can go find themselves a FWB who will probably give them STDs. Or better yet, they can pay a fortune to prostitutes and get even more STDs in the process. Not my cup of tea. All the more "power" to men, if they feel that this is what they gotta do to feel good about the fact that women are now equal rather than stuck at home washing their underwear day and night.

 

More and more women are reclaiming their sexuality from men. A lot of my friends are no longer even looking for men to date/have a relationship with/marry. They're quite happy with their ever-increasing collection of vibrators. At the end of the day, it shows how immature you are to be thinking of this as a "game" that either gender will "win" or "lose". Luckily, not all men are of your mindset -- there are mature men who ARE respectful towards women and who ARE getting married, having kids, taking on duties, rather than perpetually acting like 18 year olds.

[ScreamingTrees]

Good for you ScreamingTrees. Stay this way always. Loneliness is difficult at times, but not even close to the pain of a nasty breakup. I have felt both and I would pick the loneliness every time. I say this because I am rarely lonely. We all have friends and acquaintances to fill our time.

 

Do not jump through hoops for anyone - that gets you very bad things.

 

Well, I didn't mean it that way exactly. I really just meant that if I was truly interested, my feelings would ONLY change if SHE lost interest.. But I didn't mean it as if my whole life would depend on her being interested, because I don't want that person to feel as if I'm that desperate or pathetic so as to turn her off.

 

No one has to jump through hoops for anyone, really.. Unless it's someone you CARE about, and that doesn't happen with strangers overnight, but it DOES happen should it be allowed to.

 

What exactly would be considered jumping through hoops, anyway? I would not stand for disrespect or manipulation. I wouldn't mind going 50/50 with a total stranger, that's probably the only thing I'd have to say, but if I had a job, I wouldn't mind paying for the two of us if we were IN a relationship and I felt it was built to last..

Edited October 25, 2012 by ScreamingTrees

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is a perfect outcome. He knew something was wrong. He listened to his instincts. Neither of you wasted your time. And everyone went their separate ways.

 

I do not see the down side to this. Why the "mad" face? Would you prefer something more drawn out and dramatic?

 

What do you mean he sensed something was wrong I don't get it...

[NoMoreJerks]

What do you mean he sensed something was wrong I don't get it...

That you didn't volunteer to be his unpaid prostitute....

[ScreamingTrees]

What do you mean he sensed something was wrong I don't get it...

 

I didn't catch that either, but I'm guessing that part had more to do with the one who said rather than you..

[january2011]

As for "4am rooftop girl", she only didn't end up with the guy because she chose not to. She didn't reciprocate his feelings. I would never want to be in the place of the girl that he eventually proposes to. But it's partly her own fault, because she chose to ignore many warning signs.

 

Hold on, ES. You want to be the girl who is chased, who turns around and rejects the guy?

 

Why not be the girl who gets the guy who is passionate about her?

 

Maybe I need to see this film as I'm still not sure that being either one of these women is a good thing.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hold on, ES. You want to be the girl who is chased, who turns around and rejects the guy?

 

Why not be the girl who gets the guy who is passionate about her?

 

Maybe I need to see this film as I'm still not sure that being either one of these women is a good thing.

 

No, I want to be the girl that he chased, only I wouldn't reject him.

 

I don't want to be the girl he settled for, even though he offered her marriage.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I grew up with a brother close to my age and many male friends. I have seen first hand to what lengths a guy would go to for a girl he truly desires. I have also observed how differently they act when it's a girl they are "meh" about.

 

When I recognize "meh" behavior from a guy in my own life, it's very hard for me to open up and go forward.

 

Just so you don't think all my references are from movies, CE and Pyro are perfect example of what I am talking about, both going that extra mile and enduring hardship because they wanted to be together so badly.

[Emilia]

I think half the time it's not possible to tell when a person is jumping through hoops for you. Everyone's definition is different. Some people are more comfortable with grand gestures and showing their interest, others are shy and just to see you and talk to you on a regular basis when they don't know you well is a huge effort that requires fighting their own shyness.

 

A good man who wants you will try to meet you half-way at least always. He will do his best to live up to your expectations as long as they are along with what he wants. This is the kind of man I want.