AsItIs Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I actually met this guy through Pof about 2 years ago.We had a few dates & had sex a couple of times.I broke up with him cause I was still in love with my ex. He has tried making contact with me a few times & I have been polite but told him I'm not ready to date.So he gave up for about a year.Then yesterday....he messages me on pof just saying "hi stranger". I ignored him.I don't care to be friends & definitely don't want to date him again.Today I was on the site & he messages me again...."Can't say hi?" Seriously??? What am I supposed to do here? I don't wanna talk to him cause he is always gonna see me as someone he wants to date & I don't feel like I need to give any excuses for not wanting to see him ever again...but I feel like a jerk ignoring him. What would you guys do?
xdahliax Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Show him this post. He'll see what you really think, realize you're kind of mean, and move on.
january2011 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 You can either ignore your discomfort and chat to him, which may give him hope of a reconnection and make you seem even more of a jerk when you have to tell him that you're not interested. Or, ignore your inner critic and be the jerk now by deleting and blocking him. From what I can see, the only way you can avoid being a jerk is to allow him back into your life in a way that goes beyond a brief online chat. Since you don't want to do that, accept that it's best for both your sake's that you're a jerk now rather than giving him false hope. 1
Author AsItIs Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I'm not being mean. I actually have a conscience about this & that's why I'm even posting. I mean,he's a nice person but I was on the rebound & definitely don't see myself dating this guy now. It's always like this....treat a man like you don't care....they're yours forever.
xdahliax Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I'm not being mean. I actually have a conscience about this & that's why I'm even posting. I mean,he's a nice person but I was on the rebound & definitely don't see myself dating this guy now. It's always like this....treat a man like you don't care....they're yours forever. You should tell him that you don't want to date him and that it's never going to change. Saying that you're not ready to date is not the same thing as saying "I don't want to date you." You left room for ambiguity and this is what you get. Ask him to stop contacting you, and I think he will. I've never been one for ignoring people. 4
MrCastle Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Ignoring him was messed up. If you don't see any kind of relationship happening between you two be a human being and tell him that. 2
Author AsItIs Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 You should tell him that you don't want to date him and that it's never going to change. Saying that you're not ready to date is not the same thing as saying "I don't want to date you." You left room for ambiguity and this is what you get. Ask him to stop contacting you, and I think he will. I've never been one for ignoring people. I guess I have a problem being so assertive.I actually think doing what you say to do should leave room for negotiations...or worse...him asking what he did wrong?Or why he's not good enough.I think if he had any common sense,he'd know that I have not contacted him in all this time so I'm not interested. BTW-I ran into another guy I pumped & dumped years ago & it was super akward.He was asking why I don't wanna be with him & said he deserves atleast an apology.It made me feel forced to apologize for something I had no recollection of.Every time I bump into him now,he wants to hang out "as friends".......Yeah riiight.
suladas Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 It is nicer to say something like I'm not interested then to straight out ignore them, if he messages again obviously you can ignore guilt free. It's weird to be messaging you so long after but it's nicer to give him a response. I remember when I was with my ex a guy she went on two dates with almost a year ago still texted her, they didn't even kiss though, so pathetic to still be messaging IMO but not that uncommon.
Author AsItIs Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I thought it was the guy who did the boning. Good eye Johan! I just wanted to have an eye catching title.
SmileFace Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I thought it was the guy who did the boning. You need to be more open to new things.. teehee 2
Imported Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) OP what color was the strap on ? I was thinking maybe she/he is a tranny or gay or maybe just doesn't realize what "boning" implies. OP, maybe you should have just said "hi" back. It was probably nothing more than common courtesy he was showing to you, that you rudely did not return. Edited October 25, 2012 by Imported
SmileFace Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 OP.. seriously, what is so confusing about replying to a message?! "No, I'm no longer interested" jebus, how do you get dressed in the morning?! I am pretty sure like this ----> Press here 2
SpiralOut Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 She has told him no so many times already. How many more times should she have to say it to him? Why does this guy think she is going to change her mind? Is he just hoping to wear her down?
Author AsItIs Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 She has told him no so many times already. How many more times should she have to say it to him? Why does this guy think she is going to change her mind? Is he just hoping to wear her down? This Thank you SpiralOut!
MrCastle Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 She has told him no so many times already. How many more times should she have to say it to him? Why does this guy think she is going to change her mind? Is he just hoping to wear her down? Uhhh, read the OP: "I told him I was not ready to date" That's first. Second is; they've had sex. So if I'm this guy, I'm thinking she really isn't ready to date; but I should stick around since we've already hooked up, my number may be called. I'm definitely not thinking that she's totally not into me and doesn't want to see me again. You know how you convey that? "Hey, listen; I just want to tell you that I'm not really feeling it anymore and I've moved on. Just letting you know so I don't waste your time. Good luck with everything." Of course, the fear of having an awkward convo wins out so the end result is ignoring the guy hoping he'll eventually read her mind. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 She has told him no so many times already. How many more times should she have to say it to him? Why does this guy think she is going to change her mind? Is he just hoping to wear her down? Men are from Mars...Women are from Venus...... She hasnt said it any time. She said she wasnt ready to date when they ended it the first time which says she likes him but isnt ready now....which is why he pops up 2 years later. She can politely tell him she isnt interested in dating him. If the issue was with him and this is a lie then say so....dont lie. 1
phineas Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 She has told him no so many times already. How many more times should she have to say it to him? Why does this guy think she is going to change her mind? Is he just hoping to wear her down? Except, Some women also want a man to jump through flaming hoops for them. And that is why he thinks he can change her mind. So she needs to tell him she isn't interested or just BLOCK him on the site.
Kindred Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I had one of my ex's from like 3 years ago suddenly email me on Facebook asking if we could be friends again. The start of this year. I was just like WTF? Reading that message made me laugh my head off. . The guy was an absolute prick and now was trying to get back into my good books again and talk to me like it was no big deal. Hell no. He also tried to win me over with 'but I am a much better person now' I did not fall for that ****. I just completely ignored him. He still did not get the hint then tried to send me a friend request also. I thought no thanks then deleted it. He tried two more times to make contact and got nothing from me. Just shook my head, smirked and laughed to myself. I say just ignore him like I did with my ex. If you can not do that just politely tell him you are not interested like others have been saying then block him.
Recommended Posts