molimo140 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I'll try to not be long-winded. In all my relationships, I have always had the fear that the girl I'm with will for some reason lose interest in me at the drop of a hat and be gone. Perhaps because it happened to me once... who knows. Background: I am 24. About to finish college in a semester, have a job. Anyways. I have been dating my current girlfriend for ~20 months. We have lived together for the past 8. That decision was made by me partly out of fear that I would for some reason, lose her, (silly.. but there you go). Ever since we moved in together, I regretted the decision. We share a room in the house we rent and have little else in the way of places to be within the house. The common areas don't really have any great draw to be in them. I have felt trapped. I yearn for more space to myself, space to have "me" time. Not only that, but all of the little habits which wouldn't have annoyed me otherwise now annoy the hell out of me. So many things about her I think are on the... well.. gross side (sometimes), and otherwise are very irritating. I plan to find a new place to live in December/January and as of right now she believes that she and I will be moving to a new place and continue living together. She's told just about everyone under the sun that this is true, I have told no one. I do love her. The things which made me love her in the first place are still there. I haven't been able to accurately judge if this could go the distance because I have felt so trapped and buried beneath my own poor decisions and her irritating qualities. I've come up with two ideas. 1) Tell her that we will live together in a new place (Read: MORE SPACE), and if things are not better in 6 months, we will part ways. 2) End it now. I know, people are for the most part who they are. They aren't bound to change in drastic ways. I know the choice is ultimately mine; can I live with all the annoying things, but I can't tell if they are being amplified by feeling trapped, or if they really are as serious as they seem. Boy.. that turned into a wall of text. I hope that someone takes the time to read through it and decipher my problem... Any input would be helpful. Thanks.
january2011 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 The common areas don't really have any great draw to be in them. You're going to have to offer some clarification. Surely, spending time in the common areas to give each other space to breathe is better than being stuck in the same room for hours on end, even if you're upset with each other? I don't think that there are many relationships that can survive such claustrophobic living conditions. Having said that, you are upset about her "gross" habits. Since you don't go into detail about what these are, it's very difficult to offer any comment about whether you are being unreasonable or not. Though if you cannot live with her, depending on what these "gross" habits are, it does not matter how much you love her. Being around and with the person you love is the kinda the point of a long-term relationship. If you can't spend time with her without feeling grossed out, then you can't be with her full stop. Love or no love. I say end it before your disgust turns into resentment and contempt.
love does not exist Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) I was just like you. My ex got overweight, and I didn't feel attracted to her anymore. I asked her nicely many times if she wanted to run the track together and she would cry like a lazy cunt, and said if i loved her it wouldn't matter. Well now here I am, she lost the weight, moved on with another guy, and im sitting here wishing death upon myself because I'm so miserable without her. Fuc, now I realize how much feelings I have for her, and all that really shouldn't of mattered. I'd try to work it out, breaking up isn't always the best things. Relationships are very hard to come by. Grass isn't always greener on the other side. Edited October 28, 2012 by love does not exist
formshifter Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 If you still want to be with her then here is the 3'rd option: 3) Rent an apartment with 2 rooms. One for both of you and one just for you. Tell her that you will sleep in the same bed with her but the other room it's for you because you are stressed and you want to play FIFA with your friends and listen to music until 3am, some times. And that you don't want to disturb her,that's why you need the other room.
CptSaveAho Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) End it... this breakup needs to happen for both of you Contrary to how you "feel" its not her fault You have some stuff you need to work through and space is what you need Edited October 28, 2012 by CptSaveAho
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