I can't concentrate or enjoy anything

[kingofhearts33]

Let's start from the beginning, which will probably already seem bad enough. My girlfriend and I met through mutual friends in the beginning of the summer and hit it off right away. I was really taken by her and I could tell so was she. We started to see each other every weekend, which soon turned into everyday. However, I was worried about getting too attached since she would be going back to school overseas in the fall. I also go to college, but it's pretty local. Soon enough we fell head over heels. Everyday was the best day ever when I was with her and I didn't have a care in the world. My only fear was of her going back to school and how I would handle it. I've never been in an ldr before and I am incredibly broke(can't afford to visit her). She made it clear that she sees a future with me and wants to stay with me throughout her grad school days, but that's going to be for 3 years. Plus, she also mentioned that she wants to go to Africa for a few months that is relevant to her career and dream. That's a lot of time to go long distance especially since we haven't been dating for very long and I've never done it before.

 

After the first week, I was already losing it. We texted everyday and skyped every other day, but all I could think about was the three years that it was going to be like this. I tried breaking up with her a few times and she promised it would get easier and to give it more time. I know she doesn't want to lose me, but I'm the only one suffering. I gave it more time and here I am still miserable, but still in love with her. I have been feeling so alone in my feelings and forgotten. She can't even make the effort to Skype once a day while I can which is weird because I work, go to school full time and have to study and all that. She does not work, barely goes to class, but doesn't go out much either. She just hangs out with her roommates the whole time watching tv. I feel like those things are more important than me. So, I brought up how I've been feeling and she just says that she's trying to make friends with her roommates. I understand that, but it still seems like she is not putting in any effort. I also told her it doesn't even feel like we're dating and she said that during an ldr, it isn't supposed to feel like we are. After that, I couldn't take it anymore, this isn't the relationship I wanted and I warned her it would be extremely hard for me. I tried to break up with her and she basically wouldn't let me, constantly calling and texting saying she doesn't want to lose me. These are the only times I feel like she loves me. So I stayed with her and now it's the next day, and all I can think about is the distance and how things won't change. Yet, when we are actually together, it's something I've never experienced with anyone.

 

note: I also do everything I can to keep my mind off of it ie workout, hang out with friends, write music, play video games and nothing is helping me feel better. I can barely study or concentrate on anything without thinking about this relationship

[todreaminblue]

Let's start from the beginning, which will probably already seem bad enough. My girlfriend and I met through mutual friends in the beginning of the summer and hit it off right away. I was really taken by her and I could tell so was she. We started to see each other every weekend, which soon turned into everyday. However, I was worried about getting too attached since she would be going back to school overseas in the fall. I also go to college, but it's pretty local. Soon enough we fell head over heels. Everyday was the best day ever when I was with her and I didn't have a care in the world. My only fear was of her going back to school and how I would handle it. I've never been in an ldr before and I am incredibly broke(can't afford to visit her). She made it clear that she sees a future with me and wants to stay with me throughout her grad school days, but that's going to be for 3 years. Plus, she also mentioned that she wants to go to Africa for a few months that is relevant to her career and dream. That's a lot of time to go long distance especially since we haven't been dating for very long and I've never done it before.

 

After the first week, I was already losing it. We texted everyday and skyped every other day, but all I could think about was the three years that it was going to be like this. I tried breaking up with her a few times and she promised it would get easier and to give it more time. I know she doesn't want to lose me, but I'm the only one suffering. I gave it more time and here I am still miserable, but still in love with her. I have been feeling so alone in my feelings and forgotten. She can't even make the effort to Skype once a day while I can which is weird because I work, go to school full time and have to study and all that. She does not work, barely goes to class, but doesn't go out much either. She just hangs out with her roommates the whole time watching tv. I feel like those things are more important than me. So, I brought up how I've been feeling and she just says that she's trying to make friends with her roommates. I understand that, but it still seems like she is not putting in any effort. I also told her it doesn't even feel like we're dating and she said that during an ldr, it isn't supposed to feel like we are. After that, I couldn't take it anymore, this isn't the relationship I wanted and I warned her it would be extremely hard for me. I tried to break up with her and she basically wouldn't let me, constantly calling and texting saying she doesn't want to lose me. These are the only times I feel like she loves me. So I stayed with her and now it's the next day, and all I can think about is the distance and how things won't change. Yet, when we are actually together, it's something I've never experienced with anyone.

 

note: I also do everything I can to keep my mind off of it ie workout, hang out with friends, write music, play video games and nothing is helping me feel better. I can barely study or concentrate on anything without thinking about this relationship

 

 

an ldr is hard work and constant loneliness its not fro everyone...i have done the ldr....my next relationship i would choose to follow my partner without hesitation.....i could nto do it again if i truly could not be with him i would endure i ti guess unhappily but i have skills.....if it was my onus to choose to do an ldr if it was for work or study if he couldn't come ....i wouldnt go.......i would do whatever study i had to do online by correspondence with little time as possible away from an important part of my life....ldrs suck...but sometimes people have no choice....if it was because of his choices......i would always let him follow his dream....and if i couldnt go...I would do what i do best.......cry when they(this is anybody i care about i hate goodbyes) say goodbye hopefully waiting till after they leave so they dont see it.........and then endure it with what skills i have and a lot of help from god above.....many prayers..that is how i get through that and fitness poetry music.......friends family......its the only way i know how....i become super fit....smilin.......ldrs are nto for everyone you are struggling that isnt fair......but how much do you really love her??????..deb

Edited October 24, 2012 by todreaminblue

[HeavenOrHell]

Hey, welcome to LS.

Sorry to hear about your situation, do you mean you won't see her again for 3 years? You won't be able to afford any visits?

If that's the case I have to say that it's unlikely you will be able to sustain it, even if she was putting the effort into Skyping you a lot, it would still be incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to keep things going without seeing each other. I find 3 or 4 months hard enough.

We've been together 2 1/2 years but have no end in sight, if we didn't meet every couple of months it wouldn't work.

It does sound like she's not putting the effort in from what you've said here and is either taking you for granted or not really serious about this r/ship.

If she's not putting effort in but makes it hard for you to break up with her then she is not being fair on you.

From what you've said I don't think it will improve, unless you are going to visit each other?

How do you envisage things in one months time, or 6 months, or a year from now? Still feeling like you are now?

You're doing the right things keeping busy but if you can't get away from the fact you're miserable then you need to be assertive with her and break up, as you've already told her how you feel and nothing has changed.