Coyoteloco Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Hey, so my ex wants to get back together but she kissed another man while we were broken up, yes it was the coworker she was attracted to. I find this really disgusting and for me its over forever now, but my family and friends tell me that i shouldnt be so "closed minded"(?) about this and that it wasnt really cheating because we werent together. But i personally dont give a fuu and cant believe she loves me if she kisses another dude. Im not heartbroken again or anything because i worked through this for the last three months and even though it was a hard thing to hear i could take it pretty well. She told me herself she kissed this guy so its a sure thing. She says im the love of her life and that she loves me misses me wants to be with me and my friends tell me she is crawling to get back with me. I found out this today so im pretty angry right now heh what do you people think?
a.b Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I think at the end of the day you need to do what you want to do. I'd give it a few days, tell her you need time to think. And see how you feel when you have cooled off. You may feel the same who knows, but often people makes bad decisions when their angry. Cool off and wait.
ReadMyThread Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Hey, so my ex wants to get back together but she kissed another man while we were broken up, yes it was the coworker she was attracted to. I find this really disgusting and for me its over forever now, but my family and friends tell me that i shouldnt be so "closed minded"(?) about this and that it wasnt really cheating because we werent together. But i personally dont give a fuu and cant believe she loves me if she kisses another dude. Im not heartbroken again or anything because i worked through this for the last three months and even though it was a hard thing to hear i could take it pretty well. She told me herself she kissed this guy so its a sure thing. She says im the love of her life and that she loves me misses me wants to be with me and my friends tell me she is crawling to get back with me. I found out this today so im pretty angry right now heh what do you people think? I would have to agree with your family and you friends. You two weren't together and she kissed another guy. Whoopty doo. At least she didn't get f***** by him. This is what you do. First REALIZE that she is coming back to you because you are better than any other guy out there to her. She kissed that guy and probably realized it wasn't you and went crazy. Now, you tell her you need to think about it. Then 1-2 weeks later if you decide you want to be with her, then you can. DON'T JUMP BACK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. When I say you can be with her again I mean take her on at least 5 dates before making it official again. That way you can tell if she is serious. Because you wouldn't want what happened the first time happened again. How long we're you together for? And was it NC for those 3 months?
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 we were together 6 years my first love, and yea it was most NC those 3 months. i feel bad, i dont think she is too serious. And it makes me sick to think about it :'( .
ReadMyThread Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 we were together 6 years my first love, and yea it was most NC those 3 months. i feel bad, i dont think she is too serious. And it makes me sick to think about it :'( . 6 YEARS!!!!? Well hell! She has to mean a lot to you and this must be REALLY hard. Since you two were together for so long and she was your first love I would say you should get back with her. But I don't know why it ended in the first place so that would always matter when getting back together again. I feel you won't be able to be with her after she kissed this other guy though from the way your sounding. Your going to think about that all the time if you get back with her. Just let that go. It's in the past and try to make a future with your first love if it is worth it.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 yes its hard i cant believe its happening and it feels like ill never love again, i know ill feel better after some NC time but it still wont go away for a long time. Well she has been saying to me that it endeed because she is doing this process of finding herself but also there was this coworker involved. i dont know today when she told me that i left the room and she left me this later talking weird **** i cant even understand what it means, says when i feel like to talk to her and that time wont change her feelings and some other nonsense things about this finding herself process its bull****.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 yes gibson i think exactly the same you think, i dont know if she did something else but we are pretty young so i dont know if she did something more atleast she didnt told me and she was always pretty honest about this thing and honest in general. She said it meant nothing and she has been calling me crying for all this month and really wanted to talk to me. I wont touch her ever again im done i cant believe how could i been inlove with her and i think it was a big mistake from me to fall inlove with her.
ReadMyThread Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 yes its hard i cant believe its happening and it feels like ill never love again, i know ill feel better after some NC time but it still wont go away for a long time. Well she has been saying to me that it endeed because she is doing this process of finding herself but also there was this coworker involved. i dont know today when she told me that i left the room and she left me this later talking weird **** i cant even understand what it means, says when i feel like to talk to her and that time wont change her feelings and some other nonsense things about this finding herself process its bull****. Oh man. I did't know there was another guy involved. Gibson ^^^ is right on this one. Look, She left you for him. Not to "Find herself". That was her lying to you. Or maybe she is just confused on what she wants who knows. But the main thing is she left you, got with him or kissed him whatever and she is realizing that it is not going to work with this guy or may have got dumped/turned down by him and is now trying to come back to you after. Once she has you, she will begin looking for another guy while she is with you. They are always looking for better. You can't trust'em man. You can't. I'm in the exact situation but have only in for 2 months so far since my ex left me for another guy. Hurts so much. I was thinking you should give her another chance but AS SOON as you said there was another guy involved, DON'T! SHE WILL DUMP YOU AGAIN! Please don't get with her. 3 months is way to short for both of you to get over what happened before and that's the only way you guys would be able to workout in the future. For both of you to get over each other and then in the future maybe start all over. For worry about you and turn this girl down for sure. Better yet! You know what!? She didn't contact you for 3 WHOLE MONTHS! This is what you tell her. "Oh so now you want to get back together? Maybe in another 3 months of not talking to each other we can try something." She'll love that! lol. Then she will feel like you did when she left you! And you can feel better for her suffering the way you did! But hey, it's your decision and if she makes you happy and you trust she won't do it again, go for it. I think should would do it again though man.
ReadMyThread Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 yes gibson i think exactly the same you think, i dont know if she did something else but we are pretty young so i dont know if she did something more atleast she didnt told me and she was always pretty honest about this thing and honest in general. She said it meant nothing and she has been calling me crying for all this month and really wanted to talk to me. I wont touch her ever again im done i cant believe how could i been inlove with her and i think it was a big mistake from me to fall inlove with her. It wasn't a mistake falling in love with her. You love this girl. I know. Once you heal from this you will be stronger than ever and realize somethings for you next relationship. The mistake that was made was from her doing what she did you man. She left you and hurt you. She doesn't deserve a second chance. With all the pain she put you through and everything you felt. You deserve someone who would never leave you and always be there for you. She is not this girl. She was, not anymore. She ruined that.
malou Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 There are no easy answers here. I know it hurts to think of her with someone else, but I can't help feeling like there is something to be salvaged in this relationship, if you can forgive her (and if, having done that, you still want to be with her). I was in your girlfriend's shoes a few times when I was young. I would be in a long term relationship with a great guy, but after a while, no matter how great he was, I would start feeling restless and maybe a little trapped. This would often happen right around the time when I would meet someone interesting that I wanted to get to know, but felt like I couldn't because my boyfriend would be jealous. That would make me feel resentful and bored, and guess what, I did not enjoy feeling that way and it made me feel way less attracted to my boyfriend. Feeling less attracted to the boyfriend made me much more attracted to whoever was trying to get my attention, but that also made me really sad because I loved my boyfriend and didn't want to lose our connection. In the thick of it, this felt like it was happening in spite of us. I would say things like "I'm confused" and "I need time to figure out what's going on with me" because at the time, this felt like the truth. So the poor dude would give me the time I had requested, and I would make a beeline for the other dude. I would tell myself that this wasn't really the point of my soul-quest, but while I had the freedom, might as well enjoy it. Then of course there would be drama and all of a sudden I wouldn't be able to focus on my supposed soul-quest because all my energy would be taken up by the drama. Many weepy phone calls I made to jilted boyfriends, asking them to take me back. They would do it and we would repeat the cycle until we were too emotionally exhausted to do it anymore. I am not suggesting that you should get back together with her just to do one more round of the madness. What I am suggesting is that behind the compulsion to run around and have adventures with strange men, maybe she really is trying to learn about herself. Maybe she went for the coworker because that was the easy thing, the thing she knew how to do. Maybe she has learned that this story always ends in disappointment, regardless of whether it was a kiss or a f*** or whatever. Maybe she understands that the thing she is looking for she can only discover within herself. If she gets that, and if you also get that, then there is a chance you can get back together and be better than ever. But if she just wants to run back into the safety of your arms because she's been burned, then chances are very high that her restlessness will come back with a vengeance. Round #2 of this sh** is much worse, as I recall. But I want to think that it doesn't have to happen that way. I went around and around like that with a few different people until I met my husband. I am happy to be with him and happy that things worked out the way they did, but I am still sad for the pain I caused with my craziness. If I could, I would like to spare someone else a little bit of that grief. This is all based on my own experience and should be taken with a grain of salt, but your girlfriend definitely reminds me of how I was when I was in my early 20s . . . honest and real, but not so responsible with people's hearts, and somewhat easily seduced. It takes a lot of work not to be that way, but you probably have your own stuff you'd like to work on as well. Maybe you can help each other. I don't know, but maybe.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 its exactly what i was thinking that she gots the GIGS, and it makes me really sad for her because i know she will one day realize what we had and how good it was. She gots GIGS written all over her face. She is 20. She is going to therapy though i guess that will help, but its like my heart got broken again i guess ill only feel good again with no contact. And maybe someday someone will love me again :'( and maybe someday ill be happy again and no in this horrible place im right now. I dont think i would be able to ever talk to her again its just to much for me and i know i wont get over what she did. She told me there were days were she wanted to die, and she has been crying her eyes out, but i seriously think this is were our paths go different ways.
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I agree with some of the other posters on here. I think a lot more happened than just a kiss. She knows you and she probably knows you can't handle anything more than a kiss. So, she's only going to tell you the bare minimum to try a minimize the damage that she caused. Now, you are in a rare position , dude. You are one of the NC'ers where the Ex wants to come back! And do you know what? You can take her back! But there has to be conditions. She thinks that she can come back and sweep this whole matter under the rug and go back to the way things were before. That's where people screw up. If there's no consquences to her actions, she will do this to you again. If she wants back in, she's going to have to do all of the heavy lifting, not you. You need to give her a list of things that need to happen in order to work on the relationship. 1. She needs to go to the doctor and get a clean bill of health before you even consider touching her again. If she protests this stating that it was only a kiss, just say that she tossed you aside for another guy, you got no reason to trust her right now. 2. If she works with this guy, she needs to quit there and find another job. You won't start dating her again until this is done. 3. Full disclosure, if you want to look at her phone, you can. Check her emails, texts logs, facebook anytime you want to help you build trust in her again. 4. If this asshat tries to call her, text her, emails her or even LOOKS in her general direction, you want to know about it immediately. If you find out that she has anymore contact at all with this douche rocket, then its over for good. 5. Couples counseling. Immediately. And anymore conditions you think you need for your situation. She needs to know that there are consquences to her actions if she wants you back. Normally, they want to comeback to thats familiar to them, but if you lay down the law, sometimes they'll ask for time to consider your conditions and you don't hear back from them again. Then, you'll know that they weren't serious about doing whatever it takes to get you back.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Hey, so my ex wants to get back together but she kissed another man while we were broken up, yes it was the coworker she was attracted to. I find this really disgusting and for me its over forever now, but my family and friends tell me that i shouldnt be so "closed minded"(?) about this and that it wasnt really cheating because we werent together. But i personally dont give a fuu and cant believe she loves me if she kisses another dude. Im not heartbroken again or anything because i worked through this for the last three months and even though it was a hard thing to hear i could take it pretty well. She told me herself she kissed this guy so its a sure thing. She says im the love of her life and that she loves me misses me wants to be with me and my friends tell me she is crawling to get back with me. I found out this today so im pretty angry right now heh what do you people think? I think "kissed another man" probably means she blew a guy. How old are the two of you? This sounds a bit immature. And from my experiences this is the beginning of a weird roller coaster that could last the next two years but will most likely end in you being back here complaining about cheating and being hurt. One chance, per girl, per lifetime. I know how crappy that sounds, but it saves you so much heartache in the end.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 i dont know, ill just go no contact for atleast a month right now i just want her to disapear from this earth, if she actually had sex with this dude i dont see us ever been together again not even in 20 years. Im not going to be able to talk to her for a long time, this is really hard for me, as im still emotionally attached to her, and she was trying to make things go back to how they were before all of this. She told me she was thinking of me the whole time even when she was kissing this dude.I asked her if anything else happened and she said no, but well who knows, and that kiss was enough for me. My heart is broken down into pieces i seriously cant see her, talk to her or anything that gots to do with her i cant believe how im in this position right now and why life always has to be hard to me, its never the easy way for me i always have to put a ****load of effort in things to get them im tired of that, right now i dont want to know anything about girls for a while, i know my friend down there will be really pissed because of me giving up on girls but in the long run its for the better. This is by far the hardest thing i had to go through in my life. Her family loved me and they are wanting her to go back with me, its such a shame all of this happened. I really cant believe it. Deep inside i knew she wasnt the one for me, so its better for me to move on and forget her. I wish life brings me good things in the future.
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I agree with some of the other posters on here. I think a lot more happened than just a kiss. She knows you and she probably knows you can't handle anything more than a kiss. So, she's only going to tell you the bare minimum to try a minimize the damage that she caused. Now, you are in a rare position , dude. You are one of the NC'ers where the Ex wants to come back! And do you know what? You can take her back! But there has to be conditions. She thinks that she can come back and sweep this whole matter under the rug and go back to the way things were before. That's where people screw up. If there's no consquences to her actions, she will do this to you again. If she wants back in, she's going to have to do all of the heavy lifting, not you. You need to give her a list of things that need to happen in order to work on the relationship. 1. She needs to go to the doctor and get a clean bill of health before you even consider touching her again. If she protests this stating that it was only a kiss, just say that she tossed you aside for another guy, you got no reason to trust her right now. 2. If she works with this guy, she needs to quit there and find another job. You won't start dating her again until this is done. 3. Full disclosure, if you want to look at her phone, you can. Check her emails, texts logs, facebook anytime you want to help you build trust in her again. 4. If this asshat tries to call her, text her, emails her or even LOOKS in her general direction, you want to know about it immediately. If you find out that she has anymore contact at all with this douche rocket, then its over for good. 5. Couples counseling. Immediately. And anymore conditions you think you need for your situation. She needs to know that there are consquences to her actions if she wants you back. Normally, they want to comeback to thats familiar to them, but if you lay down the law, sometimes they'll ask for time to consider your conditions and you don't hear back from them again. Then, you'll know that they weren't serious about doing whatever it takes to get you back. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 i dont know, ill just go no contact for atleast a month right now i just want her to disapear from this earth, if she actually had sex with this dude i dont see us ever been together again not even in 20 years. Im not going to be able to talk to her for a long time, this is really hard for me, as im still emotionally attached to her, and she was trying to make things go back to how they were before all of this. She told me she was thinking of me the whole time even when she was kissing this dude.I asked her if anything else happened and she said no, but well who knows, and that kiss was enough for me. My heart is broken down into pieces i seriously cant see her, talk to her or anything that gots to do with her i cant believe how im in this position right now and why life always has to be hard to me, its never the easy way for me i always have to put a ****load of effort in things to get them im tired of that, right now i dont want to know anything about girls for a while, i know my friend down there will be really pissed because of me giving up on girls but in the long run its for the better. This is by far the hardest thing i had to go through in my life. Her family loved me and they are wanting her to go back with me, its such a shame all of this happened. I really cant believe it. Deep inside i knew she wasnt the one for me, so its better for me to move on and forget her. I wish life brings me good things in the future. You're lucky it happened now and not later. You shouldn't even be in a relationship this young. Date for a while and then around 25 think about MAYBE having a girlfriend. Trust me. I have been there. I did the same things you are doing and I'm almost 30 now. You don't want to waste your time with some cheating little girls. But since you probably wont listen, let me tell you what you can expect... She will lie to you to keep you and resentment will build inside both of you. Then she might manipulate you and dump you when she finds someone better. When someone loves you they dont "kiss" other dudes. Once its broken, its typically done with. ESPECIALLY when you are that young. My advice, from all my experience, is just let this one go. But you do what you feel you need to. Either way you will learn something about yourself and life.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I agree with some of the other posters on here. I think a lot more happened than just a kiss. She knows you and she probably knows you can't handle anything more than a kiss. So, she's only going to tell you the bare minimum to try a minimize the damage that she caused. Now, you are in a rare position , dude. You are one of the NC'ers where the Ex wants to come back! And do you know what? You can take her back! But there has to be conditions. She thinks that she can come back and sweep this whole matter under the rug and go back to the way things were before. That's where people screw up. If there's no consquences to her actions, she will do this to you again. If she wants back in, she's going to have to do all of the heavy lifting, not you. You need to give her a list of things that need to happen in order to work on the relationship. 1. She needs to go to the doctor and get a clean bill of health before you even consider touching her again. If she protests this stating that it was only a kiss, just say that she tossed you aside for another guy, you got no reason to trust her right now. 2. If she works with this guy, she needs to quit there and find another job. You won't start dating her again until this is done. 3. Full disclosure, if you want to look at her phone, you can. Check her emails, texts logs, facebook anytime you want to help you build trust in her again. 4. If this asshat tries to call her, text her, emails her or even LOOKS in her general direction, you want to know about it immediately. If you find out that she has anymore contact at all with this douche rocket, then its over for good. 5. Couples counseling. Immediately. And anymore conditions you think you need for your situation. She needs to know that there are consquences to her actions if she wants you back. Normally, they want to comeback to thats familiar to them, but if you lay down the law, sometimes they'll ask for time to consider your conditions and you don't hear back from them again. Then, you'll know that they weren't serious about doing whatever it takes to get you back. Most girls at 20 will NOT do any of this. So unless you back off with your boundaries she will do it again and probably wont do any of these things.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 believe me man the only thing i want right now is to forget her and dont see her ever again in my whole life, this chapter in my life is called "the leopard never changes its spots" and guess what her new favorite color is leopard and she bought shoes a watch and a tshirt with the color leopard, that gots to mean something right? i feel like ****.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) believe me man the only thing i want right now is to forget her and dont see her ever again in my whole life, this chapter in my life is called "the leopard never changes its spots" and guess what her new favorite color is leopard and she bought shoes a watch and a tshirt with the color leopard, that gots to mean something right? i feel like ****. She'll probably start changing into the person shes going to really be. Some people dont figure it out till they're 40. I know women in their late 30s who still dont know what they want. You dont need that in your life. Use your youth to find some cool chicks and date until 25-28 then worry about relationships. I spent most of my 20's in relationships and could have learned faster from just cutting people off earlier on. Edited October 25, 2012 by Tree_Salmon
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 i just wish she didnt want me back, because before she started comunicating to me and begging for contact, she found every excuse to see me and hung with me, she cryed on the phone, i wish all that didnt happen because before that happen i was almost moved on with my life, but now she wants back in and i feel like shi.t really man i feel like iwant to die, i dont want to die but i feel like it right now, and this is so damn hard, i wont get into a relationship for a long time right now, maybe ill go dating like you said but i dont see that happening too soon either, i just want to go fast foward a few months maybe a year. This is too damn hard man its not worth all the good times going through this pain, i was always good to her i loved her with my heart and everything was perfect but im just plain stupid for thinking she loved me, this is a really heavey weigth in my shoulders and it hurts so much, i dont know if ill ever be able to connect with someone ever again or trust someone again, this pain goes beyond everything i ever experienced. How can people be so bad, if you fu.cked up atleast leave me alone and let me go on with my life, i requested her this and she didnt let me. 1 chances per girl that daamn right mate, i hope i get over this soon. day 1 of no contact starting today wish me luck.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 i just wish she didnt want me back, because before she started comunicating to me and begging for contact, she found every excuse to see me and hung with me, she cryed on the phone, i wish all that didnt happen because before that happen i was almost moved on with my life, but now she wants back in and i feel like shi.t really man i feel like iwant to die, i dont want to die but i feel like it right now, and this is so damn hard, i wont get into a relationship for a long time right now, maybe ill go dating like you said but i dont see that happening too soon either, i just want to go fast foward a few months maybe a year. This is too damn hard man its not worth all the good times going through this pain, i was always good to her i loved her with my heart and everything was perfect but im just plain stupid for thinking she loved me, this is a really heavey weigth in my shoulders and it hurts so much, i dont know if ill ever be able to connect with someone ever again or trust someone again, this pain goes beyond everything i ever experienced. How can people be so bad, if you fu.cked up atleast leave me alone and let me go on with my life, i requested her this and she didnt let me. 1 chances per girl that daamn right mate, i hope i get over this soon. day 1 of no contact starting today wish me luck. This story is one allot of us know very well. I was in heaven for almost 5 years of my relationship but once it got bad it was never ending pain. You have to use it and move on, no matter how hard it may be. You have the benefit of being young and looking for advice on this. Use it and become an even better person. There will be more good times. She's working on pure guilt right now. Sounds like shes immature and scared and guild ridden. But if I were you I would continue doing what you're doing.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 this is getting really hard, why is she doing this to me, if she could just leave me alone, but she had to come back and lie to me saying she loved me that i was the love of her life. Now im strugglin so much to go on for just 1 day. I hate this bi.tch and at the same time i love her and feel so fuccin disgusted to what she did. If i could just go back in time to when we were happy this is sh.it i was doing so good with the no contact, and in the exact moment i was thinking "okay ill be just fine without her" she does this comeback and breaks my heart all over again. i dont want her back and i pray god to give me the strength to put her down next time she trys to reach me. She is IMMATURE she is SCARED and probably feeling extremly guilty because she told me so. you guys think i should ask her again if she had sex with the guy? or just forget her from here without looking back. Im really down right now. And this has been a really tough day for me.
Recommended Posts