Man i love is going to sleep with a Prostitute

[mellum]

I'm very confused, please help me.

 

I have known this man for over a year and unfortunately I've fallen in love with him. Its unfortunate because he isn't your typical thinking kind of man. He's very intelligent and because of this he has all these different idea's about life and one of the main is women.

He is very honest about his wanting to sleep with women and getting laid and how he goes about it.

We have slept together on different occasions and we speak near enough every single day (we are from different countries) I have accepted that he won't love me (he says he doesn't believe in love)and that if the oppertunity arises, he would happily sleep with another women. As much as it pains me and I don't like it, I've accepted that fact.

 

Today we were talking about amsterdam and he said he was going to check out the "seedier places" I assumed he meant the red light district. So I made a few jokes to test what he meant - to cut a long story short..he's probably going to sleep with a prostitute.

 

And that killed me. Not because its a prostitute...but because they are beautiful flawless women who know how to have sex.

I don't even know what I am asking or seeking..but its killing me that I'll accept this and the only reason it hurts is because I don't want to be compared to these beautiful 10's

 

Can anyone just give me advice..what you would do in my position?..advice? Anything!

[Carenth]

Not really much you can do, this man wants to sleep around and can't give you what you want. It is obviously causing you pain, I would cut off contact with him and find someone who can reciprocate your desires.

 

In other words having self respect and not just accepting a situation that is hurting you.

[SmileFace]

Get over it. That is all you can do.

Stop sleeping with someone who doesn't want you - now he can't compare, win - win!!

[NoMoreJerks]

I'm very confused, please help me.

 

I have known this man for over a year and unfortunately I've fallen in love with him. Its unfortunate because he isn't your typical thinking kind of man. He's very intelligent and because of this he has all these different idea's about life and one of the main is women.

He is very honest about his wanting to sleep with women and getting laid and how he goes about it.

We have slept together on different occasions and we speak near enough every single day (we are from different countries) I have accepted that he won't love me (he says he doesn't believe in love)and that if the oppertunity arises, he would happily sleep with another women. As much as it pains me and I don't like it, I've accepted that fact.

 

Today we were talking about amsterdam and he said he was going to check out the "seedier places" I assumed he meant the red light district. So I made a few jokes to test what he meant - to cut a long story short..he's probably going to sleep with a prostitute.

 

And that killed me. Not because its a prostitute...but because they are beautiful flawless women who know how to have sex.

I don't even know what I am asking or seeking..but its killing me that I'll accept this and the only reason it hurts is because I don't want to be compared to these beautiful 10's

 

Can anyone just give me advice..what you would do in my position?..advice? Anything!

Cut him loose and let him go and have all the sex in the world... and all the STDs in the world... eventually he will put YOU at risk if you don't let go of him. Also, clearly, you have not "accepted" his desire to be a player and to be accepted for being a player by a woman. For him, you are a fallback girl/just another option/another hole to penetrate. Do you seriously have so little respect for yourself that you are still "with" this guy?

[Leigh 87]

I have some experience with this.

 

But your situation never ends well, unless your the exception.

 

I believe my boyfriend changed his ways, and is now the exception.

 

I let my partner sleep with prostitutes when we first go together.

I just told him that " I am not going to take you seriously if you sleep with hookers, I will just see you as a guy I have fun with".

 

I was attached, but I never saw a future with a guy who did not ONLY want me, sexually speaking.

I knew what I was doing, that I would be sad to get over him when the time came, but I basically had fun with a guy I was very comfortable with, until I felt the need to move on.

I indeed had fun with him, he was a best friend I had sex with. But I never considered marriage or a future with him, so long as he wanted to sleep with hookers.

 

Then after 1.5 years "seeing" him and hooking up, when I was anticipating going overseas for a holiday after I saved, and to distance myself from him:

Boom. All of a sudden he decided he cannot live without me, wants to get married, and no longer wants the hookers.

 

I am still truthfully not planning a future with him, not until he prooves that he really does just want me, and no hookers.

But alas, we are best friends who have a great love for one another and so far, he exibits no signs of relapsing to his old ways.

 

..He did not sleep with many hookers by the way, if he did it compulsively, as in, once every 2 or 3 months or more, I would not even have accepted his idea of "being together" seriously.

It is still pretty bad what he did, but I am the one whos suggested he keep doing it until he doesn't want it anymore.

You know, I knew who he was when we got together, and I wanted him to get it out of his system truly, on his own accord, rather than because U FORCED him to.

[Leigh 87]

So, you really need to let this man get it out of his system. If he wants to stop his single ways and be with you seriously, he will, without you begging or pleeding.

 

I do not think some men meet the right girl, and suddenl "change" in an instant. I think some men need to get it out of their systems before settling down for life, with one women sexually.

 

Most men, when they meet the right girl, do not have urges to sleep with hookers, but I believe some men really do just need to keep doing it until THEY realise they do not enjoy it anymore, and crave a certain parter instead.

[threebyfate]

A guy who needs hookers is a guy with major issues.

 

You want a monogamous relationship and he wants hookers. Sounds like the two of you have different values. It's time to ditch and run before he gives you an STD.

[SmileFace]

I have some experience with this.

 

But your situation never ends well, unless your the exception.

 

I believe my boyfriend changed his ways, and is now the exception.

 

I let my partner sleep with prostitutes when we first go together.

I just told him that " I am not going to take you seriously if you sleep with hookers, I will just see you as a guy I have fun with".

 

I was attached, but I never saw a future with a guy who did not ONLY want me, sexually speaking.

I knew what I was doing, that I would be sad to get over him when the time came, but I basically had fun with a guy I was very comfortable with, until I felt the need to move on.

I indeed had fun with him, he was a best friend I had sex with. But I never considered marriage or a future with him, so long as he wanted to sleep with hookers.

 

Then after 1.5 years "seeing" him and hooking up, when I was anticipating going overseas for a holiday after I saved, and to distance myself from him:

Boom. All of a sudden he decided he cannot live without me, wants to get married, and no longer wants the hookers.

 

I am still truthfully not planning a future with him, not until he prooves that he really does just want me, and no hookers.

But alas, we are best friends who have a great love for one another and so far, he exibits no signs of relapsing to his old ways.

 

..He did not sleep with many hookers by the way, if he did it compulsively, as in, once every 2 or 3 months or more, I would not even have accepted his idea of "being together" seriously.

It is still pretty bad what he did, but I am the one whos suggested he keep doing it until he doesn't want it anymore.

You know, I knew who he was when we got together, and I wanted him to get it out of his system truly, on his own accord, rather than because U FORCED him to.

 

Didn't you force hookers on him? Like "projected".

[Citizen Erased]

Find someone else to love, it's never worth it when they don't feel the same way about you.

[Ruby Slippers]

This guy doesn't believe in love and wants to have sex with hookers, when he could have sex with a woman who loves him. He's on a totally different plane - one where I don't think you want to be.

 

You're not going to change him. You're just going to get hurt more if you stick around.

 

I'd end the "relationship", move on, and invest my energy and love where it stands half a chance of growing into something worthwhile.

[pteromom]

I think your definition of "love" is skewed.

 

This is a guy who has flat out told you he doesn't believe in love.

 

He has a completely different morality than you (not that either of you is right or wrong - just incompatible.)

 

He's using you, and you are letting him.

 

Remember the biblical definition of love (whether or not you believe in the Bible).

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

This guy is incredibly self-seeking and does not have your heart or interests in mind at all. He just wants sex, and you are convenient to him.

 

This isn't about prostitutes. It's about why you would accept this in your life, and why you are willing to keep giving yourself to a man, just because you hope he will magically change and love you.

[kaylan]

Doesnt seem all that intelligent to me if hes gonna smash prostitutes. I mean, an intelligent guy should have no trouble getting layed for free. Especially if theres a woman currently in love with him. Its obvious he can get laid without paying for it.

 

You can do better OP. You must have others options. Doesnt make sense that youd fall for a guy who pretty much, in my opinion, only sees you as someone to plant seed in and move to the next broad.

 

Dont sleep with him anymore...especially not after his little dutch trip.

Edited October 25, 2012 by kaylan

[mellum]

Thankyou for each reply guys, it actually made me cry haha.

 

I know what I should do, to cut ties with him and move on, its just actually bringing myself to do it.

I kind of threw away myself respect when I met him.

Man, I'm 22 and I love a womanising man...its crazy and rather ridiculous.

[pteromom]

Thankyou for each reply guys, it actually made me cry haha.

 

I know what I should do, to cut ties with him and move on, its just actually bringing myself to do it.

I kind of threw away myself respect when I met him.

Man, I'm 22 and I love a womanising man...its crazy and rather ridiculous.

 

It IS ridiculous. You need to have more respect for yourself than this. He is NEVER going to be who you wish he was. You need to quit thinking about the good loving man you know is in there, and pay attention to the man he is showing you he is.

 

The sooner you move on, the sooner you can start searching for a man who deserves your love and wants the same things you want.

[NoMoreJerks]

Thankyou for each reply guys, it actually made me cry haha.

 

I know what I should do, to cut ties with him and move on, its just actually bringing myself to do it.

I kind of threw away myself respect when I met him.

Man, I'm 22 and I love a womanising man...its crazy and rather ridiculous.

I know the feeling. I was attached to my ex and found it hard to let go of him, even though he treated me like crap, actually told me he didn't love me and that he was using me as a "friends with benefits" arrangement, traveled to Thailand 3-4 times a year and hung out with prostitutes in bars (and most probably slept with them) , and kept demanding that I give in and do a threesome with him and some other chick, because it was his "lifelong" fantasy to have 2 women give him a bj, or have sex while he watched.. I am better off without him. That was an unbelievably stressful situation for me, and shattered what little self-esteem and self-respect I had to begin with... I am working hard at rebuilding my self-esteem now that I've let go of him.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Thankyou for each reply guys, it actually made me cry haha.

 

I know what I should do, to cut ties with him and move on, its just actually bringing myself to do it.

I kind of threw away myself respect when I met him.

Man, I'm 22 and I love a womanising man...its crazy and rather ridiculous.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a womanizer if he has to wait for opportunities and sleep with hookers, womanizers have women on call and don't need to resort to prostitutes.

 

With that being said, he sounds like he is more interested in living his life without any chains shackling him down (that's how his point of view is) so how you feel and what you want is really irrelevant to him, you're just someone who sticks with him throughout the neglect and abuse because you allow it and therefore he feels so far as being comfortable telling you about his retarded escapades...in a way he's showing you and teasing you with what he can get away with and because you think you love this guy or whatever it is you stick around...I can assure you behind your back he snickers at your naivety and gullibility because you allow yourself to go through with this....and for him it's an ego boost, because you actually believe the douchebag is worth me than he probably thinks of himself...you basically fall for the smoke and mirrors.

 

This kind of self-inflicted abuse is rather common however, there's an endless sea of women out there that do this with men and for whatever reasons find some kind of justification to make it ok. It's really about what you expect and how you respect yourself, it's unfortunate there are so many women that are willing to go through this but I can assure you his feelings for you are extremely minimal, if you have self-respect to muster up you should give yourself the respect and dignity of walking away. Otherwise you'll live in a make-believe world with some ridiculous fantasy that you and only you and the millions of other women out there that do this have the misfortune of believing in.

 

I hope you help yourself, because that's the only person that can save you from this, he's not going to change and he doesn't feel the same way and he won't ever live up to that little fantasy in your brain that you keep holding onto..that hope.

[NoMoreJerks]

With that being said, he sounds like he is more interested in living his life without any chains shackling him down (that's how his point of view is) so how you feel and what you want is really irrelevant to him, you're just someone who sticks with him throughout the neglect and abuse because you allow it and therefore he feels so far as being comfortable telling you about his retarded escapades...in a way he's showing you and teasing you with what he can get away with and because you think you love this guy or whatever it is you stick around...I can assure you behind your back he snickers at your naivety and gullibility because you allow yourself to go through with this....and for him it's an ego boost, because you actually believe the douchebag is worth me than he probably thinks of himself...you basically fall for the smoke and mirrors.

I could not have said it better, especially the bolded and underlined bits. Amen.

[spiderowl]

The guy is having his cake and eating it. He has a wonderful emotional relationship with you - after all, you are not just his friend, you've slept with him too and you support him and keep him company in some form every day. He has this lovely girl friend who lets him sleep with other women (and maybe prostitutes too) and yet is still there for him.

 

He has no need to understand what you mean to him or to change anything. Mind you, there is no guarantee he would ever understand what you give to him so I wouldn't bank on that.

 

Maybe what you are feeling is the hurt that this guy is sleeping with other women, by choice, instead of you. Maybe looks have little to do with it and you'd feel the same regardless of who the woman was. It also shows how casually he treats sex, another reminder that he doesn't value women (and by implication you too). He just sounds like an adventurer, a little kid who is going to try to play all the games with the other kids, secure in the knowledge that Mum is in the kitchen for when he's tired and wants to come home. He can tell you all the big, 'brave' things he wants to do in the outside world, but I suspect if you were suddenly less available to him, he would not be so brave anymore.

 

What matters though is how this is all making you feel. He is going to continue hurting you as long as he has the power in this relationship. If he doesn't have the power, he will be trying to obtain it, probably by pushing buttons to make you notice him (other women), so do you really want this kind of experience for the rest of your life? Surely you need a guy who isn't going to treat you as an optional extra that he must see every day? It would be painful at first, but you could extract yourself from this relationship and free yourself to find someone who does care about your feelings and values women.

[mellum]

Yes that is what I meant.

Most of the hookers in amsterdam are..and let's be frank..complete babes, they look model-esque.

Where as I have my flaws and insecurities over this and that.

 

Anyway, again, thankyou for the replies.

I don't feel quite so lost anymore.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Dude, just dump the chump.

 

Not even sure if it's considered "dumping" since he's not your boyfriend, but really, I can only echo what everyone else said. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. So many men to meet. It's downright silly to be shedding tears over this guy, and you shouldn't waste one more single day doing so.

 

You've had the virtue of him being completely honest with you instead of leading you on, pretending that maybe one day he might be ready for a relationship. Use this information to your advantage and move on. You will never get what you want from him.

[Mint Sauce]

- you will find a guy who is even more intelligent, and on top of that he will marry you

 

- last time I was in the red light district of Amsterdam, about a year ago, none of the prostitutes looked very appealing to me. Which is not to say that you probably can't find some beautiful escorts in the Netherlands. But if he goes there for the women, he's misinformed. Estonia is where he wants to be.

[carhill]

He is very honest about his wanting to sleep with women and getting laid and how he goes about it.

 

If he's been honest consistently throughout the past year, that's your canary choking.

 

IME, guys who make this type of honesty work aren't your average guys. They are members of what is known here on LS as 'high value' men whom are desired and pursued by a multiplicity of emotional/physical types of females. Lots of men are intelligent; some exceedingly so. IMO, there's absolutely no connection between intelligence and this man's opinion of women and sexual 'freedom'; it's merely coincidental. He can perhaps better and more charmingly process it for consumption due to his intelligence but that's just a conduit, not the fluid flowing through it.

 

There is a high probability that he is married. That wouldn't surprise me at all. That you're from different countries makes it even more probable.

 

Great life lesson. My sympathies.

[threebyfate]

Yes that is what I meant.

Most of the hookers in amsterdam are..and let's be frank..complete babes, they look model-esque.

Where as I have my flaws and insecurities over this and that.

 

Anyway, again, thankyou for the replies.

I don't feel quite so lost anymore.

You could always pretend to be a hooker and wear prettylittlethings for him.

[sweetkiwi]

the issue isn't about prostitutes. Its about you. Why you would keep ****ing a guy who treats you terribly. You're going to do whatever you want anyway. But really??? Stop. This guy is **** and you are a stupid for sticking around.

 

Fairytales are false. Not every guy is your prince charming. And you can't change them into them either. Find a real guy who wants to be with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Minnie09]

I'm sorry OP that you've given your heart to a selfish prick, BUT you can't blame him. He has never lied to you about being attracted to other women, never made any promises. This way, you can freely choose, based on the facts and the truth, how you want to proceed with your R with this man. Please understand that in this regard you have it a lot "better" than many other people who are being deceived by their loved ones on a daily basis. If you want to continue with him, because you luuuuurve him so much, please never forget that he can and will do as he pleases. He TOLD you so, AND he lives far away from you on top of that!

 

Another thing: The notion that prostitutes are generally babes and hot is a myth. I read that a lot on US boards, and it's probably because hooking is illegal here in the US and therefore people make such a big mysterious deal out of it (as in "pretty woman" Julia Roberts). That's really kinda naive, guys. In most European places it's a normal thing, legal, and a business, and not all of the sex workers are young and hot. Many have bad teeth, are old, worn out, sloppy-looking, have bad skin from drinking and smoking and doing drugs. Cannot get another job and still trying to make it work out in the streets. Not a pretty picture most of the time, really.