inlovewitherin Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 Please tell me what's going on? My girlfriend of a few months randomly dumped me on the phone 3 weeks ago. She said she never loved me and that every time we slept together, it could have been with anyone she was attracted to. I feel like she's saying these things to make it easier for me. During the relationship, she would always leave me voicemails where she would make up songs about how much she loved me and she would make me mix CD's filled with love songs and write "I love you" messages on the covers. Why would she even bother if she never loved me? I did romantic things for her too. I also made her love CDs and I would leave her little notes and stuff in the bedroom and I would call her at night (she lives and hour away) to say I love you and sleep tight. We had an amazing sex life as well. We def. had a few problems but, they all stemmed from the distance. When we would spend time together, it was always this weird "married" situation that neither of us were ready for. She doesn't have a car so when she would come to visit, she would have to stay at my apt. and depend on me for a ride to and from home and sometimes, I would have to work during the day leaving her stranded. I think she got scared. I was scared too but, I wanted to wait it out until she moved back into town when school started because I think that these things would have worked themselves out. But, she's very impulsive and has problems with making snap decisions. So she dumped me. The weird thing is that, I offered to bring her back her toothbrush and other bathroom items as well as the lingerie that she keep at my place. She said that she didn't mind if I kept them here. Maybe, she thinks we'll get back together? I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up but, I can't help it. I love her so much and I'm going out of my mind trying to deal with this. Any advice would be wonderful. She is the first girl I ever dated.
danny8630 Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 heh, dude, seriously --- you should be very cautious when you speak to the girl again. When she says "I never loved you" and especially this -- "when we had sex, it was with anyone i was else attracted to"...thats a B*tch talking dude. and it puts USED written all over you. If i were you, i would burn her underwear...literally.Sure she'll leave you "I love you"'s in places but it just seems so fake and hollow to me... Shes not for u dude. It almost sounds as if she hasn't matured in her mind (assuming shes not that old)...
dudesomewhere Posted July 31, 2004 Posted July 31, 2004 a lot of exs like to leave things at the dumpee's place to give the dumpee false hope. Or at least that's been my case in this place I call reality . It's like a reminder and a tease...it's a pretty evil tactic too if I do say so myself, which I do
Author inlovewitherin Posted August 1, 2004 Author Posted August 1, 2004 The more I think about it, the more angry I get. I mean, she made me swear up and down that I wouldn't dump her like her last boyfriend did and I did everything I could think of to show her how much I cared. I'm leaving her underwear on her doorstep. Seeing them in my closet does not make this any easier. I think she's Satan.
danny8630 Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 Sounds like shes really insecure because she made you promise her you wouldnt dump her. To her, its an insurance policy; she's had you where she wanted you. Leaving them on her door step is a good idea. On the other hand, its up to you if you wanted to give her a second chance. To me, already she has pressed her luck too far. If you do get back together, dont promise anything-- you want to be somewhat illusive and make her think "hmm whats he doing?"
Author inlovewitherin Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 You're right, she is definitely very insecure. And I absolutely think that it's this insecurity that makes her so irrational sometimes. Unfortunately, I still love her a ton. So here's what I'm going to do: She dumped me on the phone so I told her that she owes me a face to face conversation and she agreed that she does owe me that much. So, when we meet, I plan on telling her everything that I think about our relationship (where it went wrong, how we could fix it and why she's so important to me). I also spent a long time learning to play her favorite song on the guitar ("Can't take my eyes of of you") and I think I'm going to play it for her as a sign of how much I care. I don't usually let people listen to me play the guitar and I let even less people hear me sing so, I think this will help show her how dedicated I am. What do you think? I know that there's a good chance that she won't even give a damn but, I have to try. Life's too short to give up on something you love. Underneath all her insecurities and unpredictability and attitude, she has such a beautiful soul and passionate mind....I can't help but feel like she's supposed to be in my life. I think I still have things to learn from her and vice versa. If it doesn't work out, I guess I'll know that it wasn't meant to be but, I gotta try one more time to get her back.
danny8630 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 honestly man-- your plan sounds really sweet and romantic, but now is not the time for that. Instead of/before spilling your guts about your emotions towards her... ask her very clearly what she wants from the relationship and do not accept "i dont know" for an answer--you both need to be straight forward to make sure there isnt any confusion. Only she knows what she wants...Right now, she has you where she wants you and thats an unfortunate place for you but, the good news is that there is still a ton of hope there-- you just have to make some smart moves to make her want you more. Change a little bit, do not be available for her ALL the time. Make plans to hang out and cancel them; your excuse would be something like a big concert that your buddies invited you to that you cant miss for the world... It sounds tough but right now she knows that she is more important to you than other things--am i right? Girls love it when they aren't accepted on the spot -- it gives them a challenge, so they have at it. Catch what im trying to say? AND MOST IMPORTANT. Do not show that her leaving you is making you feel down, be happy, occupy your time, be with your friends, and be UNavailable. Firsts are hard dude, trust me we all have them. I am just about over mine from about 2 months ago. I wish someone gave me some tips, but these are good because i now know from experience.
quickreply Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Whoa, hold up on the romance there. I don't think she wants to leave her panties at your place because she loves you and wants to get back together, she leaves them with you because it gives her a power trip to think about you missing her every time you look at them. She's just trying to cause you more pain. If she cared about you, she'd realize she's hurt you enough and take her stuff back. Sounds like she's trying to heal old pain by inflicting it on someone new; not a person to sing love songs to.
KaiaMahina Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Whoa on the romantic serenade of her favorite song! At least long enough to consider this: I have known too many men who have had these feelings for women who are totally unworthy of them. And any woman who will tell you that when she had sex with you, that it was like being with "anyone" she was attracted to, is unworthy of these feelings. But that you are able to have such feelings for another human being is a wonderful thing, and makes you exceptional. I'm not much into the Bible, but one thing it says that I agree with is: "Cast not pearls before swine, lest they turn again and rend you." Meaning don't give something precious to a pig who will only trample you for your trouble. I'm not saying she's a pig...I'm saying she seems incapable of appreciating your fine feelings. The danger here is that she will p*** on you, and you will begin to nurture a hard, cold seed of bitterness in your heart. And one day, when you meet a woman who is wholly deserving of your love and that kind of romantic gesture, you'll be too jaded and bitter and may end up hurting her. I'm only telling you this as a deserving woman who has been hurt by men who have been hurt by women like your ex. Don't end up like them. If you can do this and not let her wreck you with a miserable response, then go ahead. But think about it...
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Ok whoa chill on the guitar serenade thing cuz you know what she'll probably be expecting it. I'm a girl and I definitely agree with quickreplyshe leaves them with you because it gives her a power trip to think about you missing her every time you look at them. she can't make it anymore clear that she never loved you and that when she had sex she was thinking about anybody but you but she knows how much you loved her. It's a power trip leaving her stuff there because she wants you to see it and remember her and remember how good she gave it to you. I say stop talking to her and get rid the stuff.
HoldOn Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 inlovewitherin, where's your dignity man!? This beotch does not deserve your love or your guitar serenade or one more moment of your thought! Burn all her stuff, mourn for a couple days and then get on with your life! Remember there are good girls out there (I swear) and find somone new who is not psycho. (BTW, I think her obsessive love type thing was a red flag of her bad behavior to come. Also, if you think an hour is too far away for a long distance relationship, you are dead wrong! In the big city, some people commute more than an hour each way to work every day. It's no big deal and it's not the reason for your break up.
danny8630 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 All these guys(and girls) are right dude. She's not worth it, especially those musical skills. The best advice that i can give you is that i know firsts are very hard and it will definately take time to get over her. There are others, really. Save your skills for the right one who appreciates you and won't put you through her malevolent games that she knows hurts you. Its complicated, and its hard to make decisions at this point. Be strong man, don't be attached to her strings so she can puppet you around as she pleases no matter what/how you feel. You'll do good, I and the rest of us in this forum know you will. Good Luck and keep us posted -Danny
Author inlovewitherin Posted August 3, 2004 Author Posted August 3, 2004 I know. You are all very right in saying that I should resist the urge to give her my heart on a silver platter. I just wish it wasn't so incredibly hard to let it go.
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