Vikki_26 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 My old thread is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/340769-broken-hearted-dont-feel-like-i-can-go Split 29th July and I still dont seem to have the strength to stop contacting him. We have fell out loads of times trying to be friends. I am exhausted by it. I am currently having counselling, still signed off work. And it not much better situation to as i was end of August. When will i get some self respect, strength all of which he has and move on. I am driving everyone up the wall with this. I dont want to be with this man!!! I miss what we had, what we could have been. But its all to messed up for that now, things would never be the same. So why do i still want to know what his up to or doing? I dont want to see him in person as that just means another goodbye. But I just want to see what his doing on facebook. So i can see what his up to which 9/10 isnt much. This shows me I am not missing out on anything. His messed me about, saying he loves me, slept with me. I have messed myself about by holding on to hope and doing all those things. I feel like a piece of paper screwed up and unable to straighten myself out to be myself again. Thats all i want to feel okay again. Please help. Its obviously obsession. I just want control of myself again. I feel like I am an addict to him.
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I feel like I have lost all self respect, Ive begged and lowered myself. He just seems to love the attention. Plays with me like a rag doll. Treats me horrible. He isnt the person i fell for anymore.
love does not exist Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I had this problem. I think my split from my ex was at the end of August. First we were together 8 years, my first real love. I would go no contact for a week, try to resolve things, go no contact, then go back to begging again. After about a month and a week I said **** it. Deleted all my social network bull **** (which to me is evil anyways lol), changed my # and I'm going into my 3rd week no contact. I think what helped me was my ex moved into her own place. I knew from there that keeping in contact would destroy me cause she was going to be letting lose. Only thing you can do is just go NC, be strong, and direct your attention to something else. I feel jus like you. I obsess, cry and everything. But everyday that goes by that i don't speak to her is a victory. The time kind of even goes by fast. Life's way to short, just to hard, deal with the pain, and move in. It won't last forever. 2
love does not exist Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I feel like I have lost all self respect, Ive begged and lowered myself. He just seems to love the attention. Plays with me like a rag doll. Treats me horrible. He isnt the person i fell for anymore. I did the same thing. Don't best yourself up over it. It's natural to do this. I just learned that in my next break up never to do that ( if I even have another relationship again in my life lol )
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 (edited) Thank you, I go no contact and it seems to boil my obsession with this guy even more. Where his on my mind so much its exhausting. Then I give in as its just easier rather than think about him non stop. As its a bit of relief for a bit as i have made contact. Its like saying no sweets forever, I crave them just at that statement. So I have been contacting him now and then. So in the chocolate reference eating it now and then. Trouble is I think thats hurting me most times with the way his behaving manipulating me. Bit like eating the choclate then regretting it later at the scales. But when will I learn. I am so annoyed at my lack of control, self respect and dignity. I am sick of being like this. I dont want this man, id never go back with him. I really, really dont want him. Its taken me along time to feel like that but I dont want him. SO why do I want contact? Want to know what his up to. I think because im afraid to let go maybe and maybe now and then I think of the good times and the love is still there. I love him but cant be with him. As too much wrong and mess has been made. His my first proper real love. All I can hope is if I ever get another partner its not going to be like this all again if we break up! Ive had enough now of this! Edited October 24, 2012 by Vikki_26
taya Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Thank you, I go no contact and it seems to boil my obsession with this guy even more. Where his on my mind so much its exhausting. Then I give in as its just easier rather than think about him non stop. As its a bit of relief for a bit as i have made contact. Its like saying no sweets forever, I crave them just at that statement. So I have been contacting him now and then. So in the chocolate reference eating it now and then. Trouble is I think thats hurting me most times with the way his behaving manipulating me. Bit like eating the choclate then regretting it later at the scales. But when will I learn. I am so annoyed at my lack of control, self respect and dignity. I am sick of being like this. I dont want this man, id never go back with him. I really, really dont want him. Its taken me along time to feel like that but I dont want him. SO why do I want contact? Want to know what his up to. I think because im afraid to let go maybe and maybe now and then I think of the good times and the love is still there. I love him but cant be with him. As too much wrong and mess has been made. His my first proper real love. All I can hope is if I ever get another partner its not going to be like this all again if we break up! Ive had enough now of this! aww girl am sorry hun i know first hand what you talking about you just have to dont text him dont call him any more i had this once happen to me and i beg and cry and text and call but it just dident work he use me being desperate to get back with him against me and omg i was so so desperate i would have done anything he ask. i let him go for good a a year ago byt the tables have been turn hes the one that his texting me now and i dont reply and hes the desperate one asking me to go out back saying hes sorry ..but i dont want him anymore i have moved on 2
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Hi taya, I liked reading your message, gives me strength. So you went no contact. So does that mean I have to tell him? Or shall I just disappear out of his life? Its his Birthday Saturday, I dont know if I should send one last text saying happy birthday then not text again. Or start from now, but does that make me bitter not texting on his birthday? And if he texts me saying his sister has given birth do I ignore that? Its hard. As I would like to give no contact ago again if thats the answer but I need to know if there are any exceptions to breaking it or not? I wouldnt be surprised if in a year or less his doing the same as your ex, when his sorted himself out. But i don't want a man like him, whos treated me like this.
David84 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I'm having the exact same issues. I was going to post but I think your situation is exactly like mine. NC makes you feel better. It's just really really hard. I too realize that the relationship is shattered and that the person I thought I loved really wasn't the person I thought she was. She lied to me, I don't know the extent. She admitted to stealing from me, who knows to what extent. She cheated on me, who know how many times. She wasn't a good lover and I was myself unhappy. But, I still love and miss her for the whole she left in me. I myself was full of anger and wanted no contact when she left me but it's been her with constant bread crumbs. Some of which I respond to. The longest I go NC is two weeks. I feel like **** days 1-3, then better days 4-12, then longing and missing and empty takes over, especially of I haven't got a text or something. I usually respond to the first message I get in the following days which just opens up my hurt again. I don't want to be with her. But I do want to be with her. I can't justify why I want her but I can justify why I don't. Even in NC I find myself not thinking it will be forever like it should, I feel like if I can make it a month or two the tables will turn and she will realize she ****ed up and is unhappy with her new guy and try to crawl back. Then I think that when that happens I will tell her she's a loser and too late, I want her to hurt like she hurt me. I know however that it would just lead me to square one again and the only answer is NC forever. Your not alone, your not crazy. I think I am most of the time but it's just hurt and letting go. The sooner you go no contact and stick to it forever the better. I've been in no contact with a few exs for years and now they don't enter my mind months at a time. I think everyone has a period they need to let go. It's unrealistic to stop contact immediately. I justify it that I obviously was way deeper in love with her than her with me thus it's much harder for me to let go, but it does get easier the further away from that love you put yourself. I myslelf am 14 weeks post bu, day 3 of NC again for the 6th time I think. The contact has brought me closure and everytime it makes me realize she is the broken one, not me. But my heart misses my normal, my life. Again your not alone. 2
Heartbroken1989 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Hey Vikki, oh my gosh i totally understand where you are coming from I was in the exact same postition as you 3/4 months ago...you know what one day I said to myself you are worth so much more then this and deserve to keep your dignity so I stopped contact. A few weeks passed and then out of the blue got a random message from him saying hi. I don't talk to him but not a day goes by that I don't think about him or wish things were different. I really do think that NC has made me stronger...take one day at a time...each evening that goes by that I don't text him is like a mini victory...you owe it to yourself to help you to move on....good luck x 1
sendme Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 First of all... give yourself grace... you wouldn't get down on anyone else if they were struggling like you are... so don't be rough on yourself! Secondly... you have to go no contact... deactivate facebook, change your number... and maybe go out of town for a week or two... I had to leave for 9 days on vacation with friends to start my NC... when I got back it was hard, and it still is, but it was a good way to start NC... Thirdly... do things for yourself... and keep people around you... even if they don't know whats going on... visit, socialize, change your routine... work out... Fourth... think of what NAVYAIRTRAFFIC has in his signature... it is not OUR place to win them over... it is their place to win us over... If they want to be with us then they have to prove themselves... and really if they're not coming back why would you want to go back... I want and deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me... it should be mutual... Lastly... this is all easier said than done, so take it one moment, one hour at a time... stay strong, and don't let yourself cave... find the things that lets you escape in moments of temptation... phone a friend, go work out, go to sleep, post on here... And remember that breaking NC rarely does anything but hurt us... This guy has already hurt you as much as he is allowed... don't you let him have that purchase, don't you give him the real estate in your heart... 2
taya Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) Hi taya, I liked reading your message, gives me strength. So you went no contact. So does that mean I have to tell him? Or shall I just disappear out of his life? Its his Birthday Saturday, I dont know if I should send one last text saying happy birthday then not text again. Or start from now, but does that make me bitter not texting on his birthday? And if he texts me saying his sister has given birth do I ignore that? Its hard. As I would like to give no contact ago again if thats the answer but I need to know if there are any exceptions to breaking it or not? I wouldnt be surprised if in a year or less his doing the same as your ex, when his sorted himself out. But i don't want a man like him, whos treated me like this. yeah i would start now if he text just give him one answer like am happy for your sister then say nothing eles after that if he text again dont answer but if your trying to do no cantact then you shouldent answer him at all .but no contact is very hard some people always brake it. with my ex i dident do no contact i slowly stop texting i never text him first but when he text i answer with one answer nothing more, then after a while i stop completely beacuse i was over him by then..but do you want your ex back or do you want to just let him go?? i knew i dident want mine back everthing he did to me and say was too dirty he cheated lies called me names dont answer my calls hange up phones on me just some dirty dirty stuff so i knew thats not the man i want to married someday, start slowly whenever you feel to text him come on here and talk stop texting him first now and if you answer his texts just answer with one answer and nothing more then soon when your stronger you will stop answer him completely ...and i wouldent text him happy birthday you no why beacuse you dont have to your not his gf anymore dont care if it makes you look bitter he moved on and thats what you trying to do Edited October 25, 2012 by taya 2
curiouslyhuman Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 You cant let go because its a drug. Your relationship with him made you feel good. You dont have him anymore so you feel bad. The longer you arnt with him, the more you want to get that feeling back. So you think and ponder and worry and imagine all kinds of reasons to contact him or get in touch to get that feeling back. Only to realize when you do get in touch you feel better. Like a drug, then, you tell yourself your going to stop again, and the cycle repeats. You need to stop all contact for good, and for a very long extended period of time, get through the crysis stage where you HAVE TO TALK TO HIM. Once u get through that, and realize you dont need to talk to him, youll be free. Doesnt matter what anyone tells you here, its all up to you. When you stop contacting, stick to it, and survive. Youll be free. Its up to you. 3
malou Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I have done that too. From what I read on here, it's nothing too unusual. I'm still in the sh** myself, but getting a little better. My situation is a bit different but the addictive aspect is exactly the same. Do you have other people you can hang out with, friends, family, etc? Do you have an animal at home, like a cat? These things can help. This website helps. The thing that has helped me the most with regard to not contacting him is imagining what it will feel like waiting around for him to text/e-mail/call back. Horrible. Much worse than sitting around missing him in my head. Also, I try to remember how bad I felt the last time I was out of control and texting him a bazillion times, how awful and denigrated and just worthless that made me feel. The people here always say that you will not start getting yourself back until you get this person who has hurt you out of your life for good. I'm finally ready to believe that I am not the exception to that rule. You probably are not either. 1
taya Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 (edited) this is what i really think i dident read your old thread to get the full story before i reply to you but i just read it and this is what i really think after reading it ..so sorry about the respend above this one i compleltely think diffrently now after the full back ground story of the old thread but now i do believe you should comepletly stop talking to him and go no contact this guy as use you hun and dont contact him on his birthday you no why beause you dont have to your not his gf anymore and he dont care about you or your feelings and it wont make you look bitter it will make you look like you finaly respecting your self, i read in the old thread were you say he contact you and you guys met up and have sex then after sex he say nothing have changes we still will never work out omg he treating you like a fool taking you for a joke using you for sex dont text him dont call him and dont respond to his text anymore. and no you dont have to tell him your doing no contact think about it even if you do would that change anything he will just think she only saying that... action speak louder then words my ex played me cheated lie walk out me for another girl them come back i cry beg made a fool out of my self lost all my self respect . one day i look over my life and said enough was enough i let him go that day no call text or respond to him..now hes the one doing the chaseing but its too late my feeling for him die compelety its been a year now and he still texts me even tho i dont reply beging me to see him but i dont reply i have met a great guy since then and he as show me how a men should treat a woman with the up most respect .. am a srtonger woman now no guy can do that to me again i have learn my lession ...you can too just let this one go another guy out there waiting to show you the world love and respect you ...when you feel like texting him come on here, am on here alot just send a post i will respond and stop stressing over him< HIS HE STRESSING OVER YOU> ? i think you know the answer to that question i read were you say you dont feel like liveing anymore i know the feeling it feels like everday is a drag but think about it HIS HE HAVING A BAD DAY OVER YOU??? DOES HE FEEL LIKE DIEING OVER YOU ???HIS HE LOSEING SLEEP OVER YOU ???? THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTION WE CAN AGREE IS NO .. THATS WHAT GOT ME OVER MY EX I ASK MY SELF THOSE QUESTION EVERYDAY UNTIL IT SUNK INTO MY MIND BODY AND SOUL Edited October 25, 2012 by taya 2
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 The thing that has helped me the most with regard to not contacting him is imagining what it will feel like waiting around for him to text/e-mail/call back. Horrible. Much worse than sitting around missing him in my head. Also, I try to remember how bad I felt the last time I was out of control and texting him a bazillion times, how awful and denigrated and just worthless that made me feel. The people here always say that you will not start getting yourself back until you get this person who has hurt you out of your life for good. I'm finally ready to believe that I am not the exception to that rule. You probably are not either. ^ No I am probably not the exception either as I tried being friends and its not worked. I agree I need to remind myself of how it feels. Thank you so much all of you to your replies. When I woke up this morning I read them to give me strength for the day. I took the brave steps today and cleared out my memories box which contained all our engagement cards, birthday cards from him to me stating 'heres to many more years' only just in April!!' messages on gift tags, few photos of us together etc. I have packaged them up to send to him along with a birthday card and katy perry calendar I got him ready for Saturday. But now I am wondering if this is a good idea? It kinda feels like closure but I dont want it to look like I am horrible at the same time? The thing is I dont want these engagement cards, birthday cards etc in my possession anymore. I also have a heart trinket box he engraved for me and a bracelet. I cant bear to bin them and I dont want to be reminded by them at a later date by keep them out or sight hidden. Its easier for me to send them to him so he then has to make the decision on what to do with them. Ive also cleared my laptop out of pictures (sorted out ones I want to keep and put them on flickr out of site) Removed old conversations etc. His blocked me on Facebook but I am still annoyingly reminded of him as we have a few mutual friends. And I will see say a conversation on facebook and where his supposed to have posted its not there, which reminds me of him and winds me up. 'Even in NC I find myself not thinking it will be forever like it should, I feel like if I can make it a month or two the tables will turn and she will realize she ****ed up and is unhappy'with her new guy and try to crawl back. ^^ This is just how I feel too and know I should be thinking forever, which doesn't help is I will at some point see him as we go to the same race meets. 'do you want your ex back or do you want to just let him go??' I have wanted him back even now despite this but he wont budge, and I need to move on. As his not the person I thought he was and I shouldnt keep settling for second best.
taya Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 ^ No I am probably not the exception either as I tried being friends and its not worked. I agree I need to remind myself of how it feels. Thank you so much all of you to your replies. When I woke up this morning I read them to give me strength for the day. I took the brave steps today and cleared out my memories box which contained all our engagement cards, birthday cards from him to me stating 'heres to many more years' only just in April!!' messages on gift tags, few photos of us together etc. I have packaged them up to send to him along with a birthday card and katy perry calendar I got him ready for Saturday. But now I am wondering if this is a good idea? It kinda feels like closure but I dont want it to look like I am horrible at the same time? The thing is I dont want these engagement cards, birthday cards etc in my possession anymore. I also have a heart trinket box he engraved for me and a bracelet. I cant bear to bin them and I dont want to be reminded by them at a later date by keep them out or sight hidden. Its easier for me to send them to him so he then has to make the decision on what to do with them. Ive also cleared my laptop out of pictures (sorted out ones I want to keep and put them on flickr out of site) Removed old conversations etc. His blocked me on Facebook but I am still annoyingly reminded of him as we have a few mutual friends. And I will see say a conversation on facebook and where his supposed to have posted its not there, which reminds me of him and winds me up. 'Even in NC I find myself not thinking it will be forever like it should, I feel like if I can make it a month or two the tables will turn and she will realize she ****ed up and is unhappy'with her new guy and try to crawl back. ^^ This is just how I feel too and know I should be thinking forever, which doesn't help is I will at some point see him as we go to the same race meets. 'do you want your ex back or do you want to just let him go??' I have wanted him back even now despite this but he wont budge, and I need to move on. As his not the person I thought he was and I shouldnt keep settling for second best. i agree with all you say girl at first i was thinking if you want him back to only juat answer some of his texts and never text him first but after reading all your old post about this and the stuff he did and say to you you need to let him go now set him free its hard as hell but you have to do it ....its time to get your self respect back ... is he dating a another girl now??? 1
21flames Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Don't send him sh*t on his birthday it will just stroke his ego and he will know he has you for back up and too use. He will probably be expecting you to contact him so don't, you don't owe him anything. I know it's very hard, Iv'e been through all you have yet I didn't beg etc but you have to clear your mind and look at the relationship you had logically, how he treated you, things he said, things you would have acted differently too if you could go back. All these should be the bad things, put the good aside. That helped me and complete no contact for the last 3 weeks really has helped, it's really hard, you expect contact, check phone all the time but I'm not now, I know she is moving now and with someone she was seeing behind my back. Is she beating her self up about stuff and making herself unwell, no she is living life and that's what I am doing now and so should you, don't let an ass hole ruin your future and happiness cause he's no letting it ruin his, cause as harsh as it may sound he did not feel or love you the same as you did him, whatever he said, actions speak louder than words. I have realised this and that I was and still am the better person and I deserve a lot better. And so do you, your a pretty girl, when you let this guys hold on you go, proper, faithfull, decent men will be falling at your feet and this time you will know how to spot a wong un! Chin up 3
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Thanks everyone I wont be sending him anything. I dont know if I should send a happy birthday text or not. I just dont want to be seen as horrible for not wishing him one. But as you say what do I owe him? His treated me horrible so why should I care..
21flames Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Don't send him a thing, you will be playing in to his hands, you owe him nothing, he's the one that's fooked you over and still treated you like crap after. She kicked me out a week before my b day and I nearly saw her on my b day but as much as I hurt and wanted to, I didn't cause I new it was for the best. Why would you want to wish him happy b day, do you really want him to be happy? Has he made you happy? No, he's made you totally the opposite!! Don't let your kind heart cloud the reality of that. Your pining over a looser who isn't like you and no way deserves you, you can and will find someone who is and does. 1
taya Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 (edited) Thanks everyone I wont be sending him anything. I dont know if I should send a happy birthday text or not. I just dont want to be seen as horrible for not wishing him one. But as you say what do I owe him? His treated me horrible so why should I care.. i agree dont send him nothing you think he cares how you feel ??..no he dont so why you care what he thinks just leave him alone you say you want your self respect back right?? well truse us and follow what we telling you some of us have been in your shoe and know how you feel so you have to stop hun stop making this guy walk over you TIME TO LET HIM GO......... THINK ABOUT IT HASENT HE LET YOU GO?? YEP Edited October 27, 2012 by taya
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 Thank you both, today is his 28th birthday. I won't be texting him. I am letting go now. I feel stronger and like a weight has been lifted off me 2
sissy106 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Vikki, I know how u are feeling, coz my ex fiance also brokeup with me one year back. I was also not able to bear it and could not believe it in first place that this has happened to me after 5 years of relationship and one year of engagement. He also ignored me completely, instead of my desparate attempts to get him back. Infact that moron told my family members that I am following him, which obviously was a blow to me as I was too much embarassed in front of my family memebers. I was not able to delete or destroy our pics or other gift materials that he gave to me, and till I had those things with me I was not able to let him go off my mind even for a second. I was always crying and in big deepression. But then I took this step... I cut all the old pics of college times in which we were together, I didnot wanted to loose my past memories with my other friends so I simple cut him out of my photos. Then I did the same in lappy...I cropped him from every pic that we had, why the hell should I delete my younger days pics...and then I burned all his letters that he send to me and packed all the gifts that he gave me and hand it over to someone who gave it to his brother (as my ex was in another country, and u wont believe it that he demanded me to give back all gifts that he gave to me, while he himself have not returned any of mine till date). I still dont know whether his brother has told him that i have returned his everything or not, but I dont care. All I want to say is that the day I returned all his things I was half cured of my deepression. That guy of urs is not worth it Vikki, coz he dont seems to be bothered at all, he just uses u and is not at all emotionally attached to u in any way.. So just forget him, give back his everything and move on... He dont Love u.., its hard to say but mine one also didnot loved me coz if would have, he would have not left me after 6 years. So move on and keep ur love for the person who really means it. Now u have experience also so u can take it as a lesson and lead a better life. Stay strong as Taya says and dont ever contact that moron... 2
Author Vikki_26 Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 Thank you so much sissy. I won't be contacting him ever again. It could be seen by many as maybe too soon but I'm so excited I have a date on Thursday! he seems so nice too. I'm so nervous! 2
sissy106 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Thank you so much sissy. I won't be contacting him ever again. It could be seen by many as maybe too soon but I'm so excited I have a date on Thursday! he seems so nice too. I'm so nervous! Oh yeeeaah! M also excited for u baby... go on and live ur life like a princess. Dont be nervous and relax, chill, pamper urself and take all ur time to dress up gorgeous. And remember dont be in hurry to get into some new relationship, so play it cool, u will get many more dates, enjoy! 1
21flames Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Personally I think you need to find yourself before dating as you have so much going round your head at the moment. I did it to soon and it felt really strange and I was really flustered. Give it a go see how it goes but I think while you still have this wanker on a pedestal it will mess your head up more. 1
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