worldgonewrong Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I need perspective from the ladies here, please. I became friends with a wonderful woman mid-summer, and since September, our friendship has evolved into love. We are respectfully taking things at a nice healthy pace, learning about each other more, even though we've fallen for each other like a ton of bricks. My question is - if a woman sees herself in a developing actual serious relationship, when would you initiate sleeping with the guy? I ask not out of some male-pig interest; any half-intelligent man should know that it's the woman who holds the cards in regard to this subject. And I'm NOT pressuring her whatsoever, would never dare dream of it. I love what we have going, and I wouldn't sully it. (She's so wonderful, I would wait as long as she wanted - instead of being a creep who bails when he doesn't get his itch scratched.) But I'm just curious as to the range of responses. Thank you.
january2011 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 My question is - if a woman sees herself in a developing actual serious relationship, when would you initiate sleeping with the guy? I never have. It's always been the guy who initiated. For example, things will get heated and items of clothing are removed. Then he suggests that we, "go upstairs." You don't mention how much physical contact you're having or if you're even talking about sex yet. This suggests that perhaps you're not at the stage where you can take it to the "next level."
Mrlonelyone Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 My question is - if a woman sees herself in a developing actual serious relationship, when would you initiate sleeping with the guy? She could be waiting for you to initiate. Don't be Brian Don't let the STANK out! Video by AB - Myspace Video
mammasita Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Have you asked her how she feels about the subject? For me, I dont think I would wait more than 2 months MAX given we were spending good quality time together.
Author worldgonewrong Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Without going into specifics, things have gotten very passionate between us. I suspect she's waiting a bit to fully make sure her heart, mind AND libido are aligned properly, which I respect. Add to that - she has her own place; I don't (yet). So I can't be presumptuous.
january2011 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 You might try something like, "How do you feel about taking things further physically?" Then don't say anything and let her speak.
Author worldgonewrong Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 You might try something like, "How do you feel about taking things further physically?" Then don't say anything and let her speak. Mmm, I think that's a good idea, although I don't think I could be that blunt. I did tell her in a whisper (during a passionate, erm, session) that I wanted to make love with her. She was VERY turned-on by that. Maybe we just need a little more time, and let things run their happy course.
january2011 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I did tell her in a whisper (during a passionate, erm, session) that I wanted to make love with her. She was VERY turned-on by that. Maybe we just need a little more time, and let things run their happy course. That's definitely a good sign. And based on that, it's a strong indication that it's heading in the right direction. Some people have a much quicker pace and others have a slower pace. As long as the two people concerned are happy and in agreement about the pace, that's really all that matters at this stage. 1
maybealone Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I don't think I've ever waited more than a month, but there is nothing wrong with waiting longer. Personally, I'd just paraphrase what you've said here: That you want to make love to her, really make love to her, not just have an itch scratched, and that you want it to be whenever she is ready so you would prefer she make the first move/suggestion when the time is right for her. You could even tell her a simple, "Let's go to the bedroom" will be enough of a clue for you, and that you could take it from there. While I can see not wanting to be too blunt, I do think being able to talk about these things early in the relationship is very important. At least for me, if one of us is uncomfortable talking about sexual issues early on, it doesn't improve in the long run. 1
Author worldgonewrong Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Personally, I'd just paraphrase what you've said here: That you want to make love to her, really make love to her, not just have an itch scratched, and that you want it to be whenever she is ready so you would prefer she make the first move/suggestion when the time is right for her. You could even tell her a simple, "Let's go to the bedroom" will be enough of a clue for you, and that you could take it from there. This is wonderful advice; thank you! It shows respect and sensitive deference to her feelings/readiness about this.
Author worldgonewrong Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 The more I mull this over, the less stressed I feel. We've already said we love each other; we're already talking about future plans to travel with each other. This 'sleeping together' thing will happen in good time.
Author worldgonewrong Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 update- for what it's worth: Things have escalated physically by quick, passionate, physical degrees, but not 'the deed' yet. And you know what? I'm fine with that. The other night I told her that I did have protection on hand, just in case - I phrased it very delicately; she thought "we should wait" - I did NOT press her. And I could tell she was just very appreciative & loving about my consideration. That said, we did end up sleeping together a few times. I love her completely, and I know she loves me, so I don't mind waiting.
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