messy breakup

[pooloflife]

HI.MY partner and I decided some time ago the relationship was not working, she has said several times over our 29 relationship she no longer was in love with me, and has said she does not see a future with me.We were going to separate when i start my new job, and was earning enough money for me be to able to afford to move out to my own place.I found out last week she has had feelings for another man she has met at work,she is waitress he was a customer, she had told me before this man keeps giving her compliments saying he thinks she is lovely and so beautifull he would sweep her off her feet if she would let him,after finding a love poem with a heart with both sets of initials and and arrow through the heart, i confronted ,she admiited she had beeen on walks with him, I asked her to leave and has moved into my daughters and carried on seeing this man, she has said she has feelings for this man ,that have grown over a long peroid ot time possibly 2 years.He has been married for 35 years although he says that he has not been in a relationship with his wife for 13 years.they did live together but now his wife has kicked him out after finding out he was dating my partner,so they are now looking at living together in the future,i know i saw all this coming, my partner made it clear she no longer loved me, and now the children are old enough [youngest 19]she wants to be happy for her self and thinks this man will make her happy,the children of both families are devasted at the events that have unfolded and can not understand why they both did not wait until both relationships were over.I still love and obviously wish we could of made it work after29 years togethger,we had just had the worst year in our relationship.,with the death of my dad ,dogand i lost my businees due to insolvency,i know this placed a great strain on our relationship but i thought we could see it through.I now know the mistakes i have made, and wish i could change everything in the past and maybe give her the attention she wanted, but never showed me she wanted it ,i suppose i have to accept my part in the breakup, but it is now so complicated for everyone involved i cant see a way forward.We have broke up twice before but she has always came back telling me she loves and admires me for what I am.She has kept family journals and in all of them she has said how happy she was to be with me and liked my sense of humour compassion etc,but it never lasted long and she would soon start being unhappy with me again i now dont know what the future holds for both families ,i only know it is out of my control,although i still hope she will come to her senses and see we could of made it better between us after 29 years and three children ,i would always be willing to give it a go because i know i love her ,i have just got to get it in my head she no longer loves me and i should move on .It is really hard me thinking of my ex dating another man before i even moved out, it hurts even more that he is 15 years older than her[51-66] i hope she is happy with this new man but at the moment i have to consider my children and my self , its just not knowing what the future holds for all of us that i cant handle.

[jf2good]

So in your relationship when did you all stop having sex? I assume that had to happen long ago. Is that the real issue of the dude being 15 years older, do wish she had left you for a young stud? Look at the bright side of the situation, get yourself in shape, clean yourself up, put the failures behind you and date a chick 15 years younger than you.

 

On the positive side since she is shacking up, no alimony. Woohoo.

 

You say you don't understand why they didn't wait until their relationships were over first. Just because a piece of paper says your in a relationship doesn't make it so other than for taxes, benefits, and the paperwork that goes along with being married. She left you a long long time ago and just went through the motions of marriage for the kids.