big bear Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Well we broke up a year ago. Were on everyday talking terms till April end. Then she just crushed me. I have begged and done what not before. Fast forward some months, I am NC since, 18 Sept. And would'nt wwant to break it for anything. It still hurts thinking how insulted I was made to feel. Problem: There is this course she wanted to do once. She gave an entrance exam last year, was not able to clear it. Now I am interested in the same. It was her dream but since, we met in college (similar educational background, I think it would be pretty useful for me too.) Should I inform her about it? I once deleted her from facebook and she sent me a message saying how it's fine with her (did not block her). Sometime around September 1st week I drunk dialed over 100 times. (She did not pick up). Next day I apologized on text. BAM!! 30 mins later I get a friend request. I accepted it around 15 Sept. (JUST BACKGROUND DETAILS) My sagest friend says the only reason I am thinking of taking the exam is that I want to sub-consciously contact her. I also keep on checking in around the town now so that she knows my life has not stopped without her. I dunno what to make of it. I still love her but sh has really insulted me through the break up. Logically, it makes sense not to inform her but morally somewhere I feel she has a right to know. What do I do?
mammasita Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 What fitnerd said. You don't owe her an explanation! Do what YOU want, not what you think she wants.
gonefishin Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I feel your pain buddy.. But the only thing I wanna pick up on is the Facebook And all the check ins.. I done this and thought I was clever asking my friends to do the check ins like I was not the one doing it but knew shed see it.. Was pathetic and she saw right through it when we met and she said it I felt like a fool .. If your having fun fine just be careful you don't over do it and sometimes it stinks of heartbrokemness just thread carefully . Back to the course you owe this person nothing but to be just civil and courteous if u meet .. She's not really in your life now more so your past (sorry if that hurts) but don't let her dictate your future. You want the course do it!! Be good to bury your mind in work it will help Hope your ok bro .. Chin up!
Author big bear Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Do I owe it to her morally is all I ask? Since, it was never my dream. At some level I think I might be doing this just to spite her or just to contact her one more time.
mammasita Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Do I owe it to her morally is all I ask? Since, it was never my dream. At some level I think I might be doing this just to spite her or just to contact her one more time. Absolutely not, you don't owe her anything. However, The question is WHY you want to do it. If it truly is because you want to better yourself - Eff her. If you are trying to somehow contact her, then go do something else.
Author big bear Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I feel your pain buddy.. But the only thing I wanna pick up on is the Facebook And all the check ins.. I done this and thought I was clever asking my friends to do the check ins like I was not the one doing it but knew shed see it.. Was pathetic and she saw right through it when we met and she said it I felt like a fool .. If your having fun fine just be careful you don't over do it and sometimes it stinks of heartbrokemness just thread carefully . Back to the course you owe this person nothing but to be just civil and courteous if u meet .. She's not really in your life now more so your past (sorry if that hurts) but don't let her dictate your future. You want the course do it!! Be good to bury your mind in work it will help Hope your ok bro .. Chin up! I am actually partying a lot. Going to a lot of clubs. Keeps the weekend busy and just gives something to do rather than mope around and feel sorry for myself. Was thinking when do I delete her again. Perhaps this time I will block her, some days before my birthday so that her memory doesn't haunt me that day.
Fitnerd Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Forgive me for being obtuse, but I'm not following where this sense of moral obligation is coming from or where it even fits in? Are you sure you aren't just gunning to rub salt in her wounds because you've been hurt? It doesn't seem there's any sense at all in telling her you got into a course that she didn't, let alone a moral obligation. Frankly, from this vantage point, it looks like a rather spiteful move. If you'd given her a sexually transmitted disease or destroyed her credit, you'd be morally obligated to disclose that information, but this just seems petty and mean-spirited. What good will this information do? If you can honestly say there is some positive, helpful reason to tell her then you might be morally obligated, otherwise you're just being a d***. Perhaps I'm not understanding the situation entirely... I don't think it's this (at least I hope not), but I do agree that I also don't see ANY reason in telling her this. It's not like only 1 person can take that test and they chose you over her.
geegirl Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I don't know how this is a moral obligation either. I do believe your friend is wise in noting that you're only doing this to find some possible avenue for contact. There was this woman in my office. Petrified of heights. Her ex skydives. She decided to take a shot at it because it was now time for her to get over her fears. BS. She then wanted to contact her ex for guidance and tips. I told her she's not flying a shuttle into space and that her instructor will be there every step of the way. And she was doing a tandem jump. She contacted him anyway. Didn't get the response she wanted. Quit the idea to get over her fears. We will manufacture all sorts of excuses in our minds to make contact. There is no moral obligation. What it is, is your need to test the waters with her. Simple. No need to come up with cockamamie reasonings. Just be honest and say, "Her friend request on FB has really got me wondering if she's opening the door again. I really want to contact and see where her head is." Next time, everytime you want to try something new in your life, and if it's something she did before or contemplated doing, are you going to feel "morally obligated" to map out your life before her eyes and seek approval? You have been on this since May. Go back and read your threads. Six months with nothing to show for but breadcrumbs and mind games.
Author big bear Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Forgive me for being obtuse, but I'm not following where this sense of moral obligation is coming from or where it even fits in? Are you sure you aren't just gunning to rub salt in her wounds because you've been hurt? It doesn't seem there's any sense at all in telling her you got into a course that she didn't, let alone a moral obligation. Frankly, from this vantage point, it looks like a rather spiteful move. If you'd given her a sexually transmitted disease or destroyed her credit, you'd be morally obligated to disclose that information, but this just seems petty and mean-spirited. What good will this information do? If you can honestly say there is some positive, helpful reason to tell her then you might be morally obligated, otherwise you're just being a d***. Perhaps I'm not understanding the situation entirely... I don't know how this is a moral obligation either. I do believe your friend is wise in noting that you're only doing this to find some possible avenue for contact. There was this woman in my office. Petrified of heights. Her ex skydives. She decided to take a shot at it because it was now time for her to get over her fears. BS. She then wanted to contact her ex for guidance and tips. I told her she's not flying a shuttle into space and that her instructor will be there every step of the way. And she was doing a tandem jump. She contacted him anyway. Didn't get the response she wanted. Quit the idea to get over her fears. We will manufacture all sorts of excuses in our minds to make contact. There is no moral obligation. What it is, is your need to test the waters with her. Simple. No need to come up with cockamamie reasonings. Just be honest and say, "Her friend request on FB has really got me wondering if she's opening the door again. I really want to contact and see where her head is." Next time, everytime you want to try something new in your life, and if it's something she did before or contemplated doing, are you going to feel "morally obligated" to map out your life before her eyes and seek approval? You have been on this since May. Go back and read your threads. Six months with nothing to show for but breadcrumbs and mind games. It's not out of spite I assure you. Just that it was her dream. Anyways won't be informing her. And yes I agree, breadcrumbs and mind-games. Hence, I have been NC from Sep 18. Will remain so. I just feel so down at times. Even after being insulted and getting my heart broken, I still love her. Something must be wrong with me. Anyhow, informing her will be a NO. Need to think when to delete/Block her. 1
Frank13 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Forget about the mistaken thought of moral obligation. Should couldn't give a crap less. What's that going to do for her?
CC12 Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Need to think when to delete/Block her. Do it now, and delete/block any other method of communication you have with her so that you don't slip up again and drunk dial her 100 times. Seriously, that's really unhealthy, reckless, stalker-type behavior. I do not know why this girl actually invited communication with you after that, but I would honestly be frightened if I got that many calls in one night. Maybe you were exaggerating the number of times you called her, but anything more than 2 or 3 unanswered calls is too many.
Author big bear Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 It was on my phone the no. of calls that's how I know.. I apologized on text the next day but she sent me Facebook friend request. I was ashamed of myself that day. Whatever happened keeping it aside I am NC since, Sept 18 and will remain so. BTW regarding blocking/deleting her, waiting for the right time. A small vacation at the end of Nov may be that time. Just don't want to over-think the entire thing. Haste might make waste of what I have achieved. Of course I know what's the right thing to do. Over thinking is a problem. BTW I never visit her profile. And have blocked her from the side chat bar.
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