orangerain Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I’ll try to be as brief as possible since I could probably write a 5000 word essay on this. I feel pretty uncomfortable asking this here, I usually go to friends, but this time not even friends can know. My ex and I started talking three months ago (after 14 months) and I immediately developed strong feelings for her again, we ended our relationship due to distance not being closable (we lived states apart), but that issue would no longer be a problem. In the first month everything went well, she told me she has feelings for me, she wants to see me in person, and that she wishes things were different… She wishes things were different because she has a boyfriend. One important thing to note is that she doesn't want her boyfriend to find out we are talking and she’s avoiding that situation at all costs, so when I see her, he won’t know… which is well… I feel a little uncomfortable about that. I think that she feels like she is stuck with him due to his history, and their living situation together in a remote country town, she helps out with their families business. I feel pretty bad about trying to intervene with his relationship with her but I just can’t get her off my mind, I want to be with her so badly, I love her. Well that was the first month; things went excellent I guess, compared to the next two months anyway. As for the second month, things took a dramatic turn for the worst. One day she tells me that she’s not feeling okay, and for me to not ask why. I respected that and didn’t ask her though I now wish I did. A few days later she disappeared for 2 days without coming on Skype or any other communication method to talk to me. Ever since that moment things have been different, it’s gone from being comfortable saying anything to her, to now struggling to even say Hi. During the next two weeks I had difficulty talking to her, I think we had one good day but that would have been it. She was in this really un-talkative attitude, which was such a difference from before. Then about three weeks in I get the horrible news that her boyfriend’s dad and uncle died in an accident. Between then and last week we would only really talk during the day, no longer what it once was where she would come on to talk to me from the second she woke up to the second she went to bed in the first month. I respected that though, since things must have been pretty tough for her and her boyfriend’s family. Sometimes she wouldn’t come on for a few days, sometimes shed tell me she’s not in the mood to talk. Then last week we had a really good day, we have had up days in the past two months but this was like how it was in the first month. She was incredibly flirty again and talkative, it was great. She mentioned during the day that everyone was out of the house but her, that didn’t strike me until later though. When the evening came and I assume they came home (her boyfriend and his family), she went quiet again, and the next day it was back to how it was. In fact since that day we have hardly spoken. It makes me wonder if it’s the boyfriend that’s causing issues for her, maybe… I don’t know. It seems like she might want out, but she feels she cant, though its a pretty wild assumption. I had an idea that maybe she changed her mind about me, but she’s acting this way around all her friends as far as I can tell. I really did think it was me until last week where she had a really good day talking to me again. I don’t know what to do, I want to give her space but because of that we have hardly spoken in the last 8 days, it hurts me a great deal, especially since my feelings are so strong for her. The one time I did talk to her this week I tried to get answers of what was wrong. Things like “everything and nothing”, and “life” was all what I could get out of her. She said that she has to deal with her problems… but it’s been two months with no end in sight. She doesn't want to tell anyone. Keep in mind that this started two weeks before the death of the father and uncle, though that could have spurred it on I don’t believe it’s the initial cause for all of this. What should I do? Do I try talk to her? Do I leave her be? I’m worried she will move on from me again if I don’t talk to her, but at the same time I’m worried that if I would talk to her things would get worse. One last thing, I copied and pasted our Skype chat history into word in an attempt to pinpoint where the change occurred, just over 400 pages in just the first month alone, followed by a mere 40 pages for the next two months, so yeah… The difference is pretty crazy. I tried to keep it short as possible, sorry about the length though, it’s still fairly long. Thanks Edit: wow I just realised what I put the title as, errr, not really a second chance, though it falls in this category I think.
Solcita2 Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Good to know things started to change before the bf's dad's death... I think you're going through what OW/OM go through when dealing with a relationship with a person who is in a committed relationship with someone else. Sometimes they have time, sometimes they don't. Sometimes your relationship is too much of a problem for them, sometimes it's easy. In my opinion, you're a sex buddy to her, a friend with benefits. She comes to you because she knows you and she feels safe with you... so whenever she can't reach for her bf, she reachs for you, who no matter what, is there for her. I think you should start thinking about yourself. Stop being her toy for her "whenever I have the time". You have two choices, become her bf, with all the background you already have, and knowing she could become her current bg in the OM... Or walk away... move on... and find someone who can be yours. Hope it all goes well.
Author orangerain Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Thanks for the reply I'm a little confused though, she's not acting this way just around me, its to everyone as far as I can tell, ive seen her snap at multiple people which is really unlike her. And yeah, I hate using the bf's dads death as a time point (i feel bad), but it did start before that happened, if it started after I'd actually know why this is happening. I still want to try, I do believe things would turn out great, its just what's happening now that seems to be my road block. Only time will tell I guess.
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