A little long, but I'd really appreciate the :/

[lilmiscassie92]

OK so a friend of mine made a personal's ad on Craigslist for me as a joke lol. And I ended up getting a few hundred emails. As I was going through them I came across one from a very attractive guy. So then we started messaging back and forth for a few weeks (added each other on FB as well). Well he is 24 I'm 20, he's living with another girl who just moved in two weeks before me (supposedly just a roommate that he met a year ago). I start coming around and he tells me she is jealous of me, and I'm like why?

She would come home drunk every night, and one night when we first started dating he told me she came into his room and lay down on his bed. I thought this was a bit weird. I didn't comment about it. Date 4 and 5 already he tells me she comes home drunk every night, right? So we're at dinner and he gets a phone call from a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and he tells his friend that he should talk to his roommate and try to get her help.

 

I was in his room one night and she texted him "goodnight I miss you". And she was three doors down! Again, I didn't flip out, but all I told him was, "How would you feel if roles were reversed?" He got jealous once because I ran into an old guy friend I've known since I was 14 and gave him a hug, I told him it was hypocritical for him to get jealous because I don't live with guys at all. And his roommate was already giving me suspicions that she had feelings for him.

 

Also, mornings after I would spend the nights there, she would come into the room if the door was open and stand there and talk to him and pretend I wasn't there. There was also this one time where he was taking a shower and she came into the room and asked where he was, and I told her he was in the bathroom, and she still walked and stood in the divider way (the master bedroom and bathroom didn't have a door it was all open if you get what I mean) talking to him while he's in there! She also walked around the house in a towel, he would do the same thing. It was just weird. I usually try not to get jealous, but this was starting to get to me.

 

On top of all this, he would argue with her through texts when we were out, and would complain about her all the time. Til finally, a couple weeks before we brokeup I turned around and snapped, "Why the hell do you put up with her? You go on and complain about how she is dirty and a mess, you call her a c*nt, and you worry about her going out drinking every night." And then he was like, well she's my friend I care. I had nothing else to say to that if that was his "Friend".

 

He knew that it was bugging me he had a chick roommate, and I tried telling him it wasn't so much that he had a girl roommate but it was the situation. I thought she was overstepping boundaries. He later moves in another girl roommate into the third bedroom after we've been dating for almost a month or so. He really doesn't need the money, he just wants to make money off roommates. But I didn't see why he didn't move in a guy.

 

He even got upset when I didn't go to this jealous crazy roommate's birthday dinner, and I was like no. She was talking sh*t about me to the other girl that moved in. He was even complaining about going, so I was like why the hell would I want to go to her bday, especially when you say you don't want to go?? So instead that night I stay in, he comes over to my house after and all he does is complain about her and how she was so drunk she was passing out at dinner. It was annoying to hear about. I was about ready to tell him I wanted a break until he figured this stuff out.

 

 

Also, during the relationship there was another incident that happened where his ex gf who lives in Australia - they broke up 6 years ago - texted him while we were out. Before she had even texted him, he had mentioned her and he said she had texted him a few months ago asking if they would date again if she moved to the US!! I told him, obviously this girl has not moved on, why would you string her along for so many years? Later on, he told her she needed to move on and he admitted to me that he only kept her around in case he needed to "settle".

 

He also was friends with his last ex gf's dad. They broke up four years ago, supposedly they hadn't seen each other since then. He said she cheated, aborted their kid he wanted to keep and broke up with him. Well, the night we break up, I come over to his house and he tells me to read the messages in his phone between the crazy roommate and another girl roommate who is friends with both of them. So I'm reading the messages and when I hit the back button I noticed a few threads... there were a few to hookers because they said "what's the going rate". i clicked on them - i know i shouldn't have, but there were 2 different hooker numbers where they were discussing prices. granted, these were from a few weeks or so before we were even dating, but that still grossed me out. there was another thread that said "leave me alone" and i clicked on it (I know I shouldn't have but at this point i was completely shocked). i pull it up to see that he has been texting his last ex girlfriend (who is dating the guy she left him for for the last 4 years) every week trying to hangout for the last year or two and get back together... She has been over at his house. She even texted him asking "what would have happened if we had kissed when I came over" -- and she has a boyfriend!!! he also told her he had feelings for her, and always will. There weren't any messages between the two after we started dating, but he wasn't being honest with me when he said he hasn't talked or seen her in the last four years..

 

so at this point i break down and i freak out because he had solicited for sex. I'm feeling like a moron for dating a guy off the internet. I'm feeling insecure and like sh*t because I think he probably is just using me and isn't really over his ex. I confront him about it, and he tries to calm me down by saying, "I understand if you are worried about having an STD, but I don't. I haven't had sex in 8 months." which is a lie, because he told me he's been with 2 people in the last 6 months before me, and there were also messages in there with other girls who he had used for sex and stopped talking to - i was wrong in snooping, I know. He also tried saying he was at a very dark place in his life at the time. But then he changed his story later and said his friend texted the hookers on his phone.

 

I blew up and lost my cool. I started crying and was saying I was just a 20 year old girl and how could he lie to me so much and I didn't need to put up with all this sh*t because I should be hanging out on campus with people my own age and not having to deal with a 25 year old guy who hires prostitutes and has ex drama and roommate drama. He kept trying to calm me down and kept lying but it was pissing me off and I slapped him and left -- I was completely out of line there. I told him we were over.

 

His house is a half hour away from mine, so ten minutes after I leave, I check my FB and see he has deleted me and changed his status to single. So I call up my friend, I end up getting completely wasted at their place - another bad decision. My friend (a guy) tried kissing me but I didn't want it to escalate so I went back inside. Of course, I drunk texted my ex. He didn't know where i was exactly, but he drove to the general cross streets (we live in Vegas) and he goes into neighborhoods until he finds my car, comes to the gate. I leave with him because I can't drive and I'm not spending the night at the guy's house who just tried kissing me. So we're in the car, he obviously is dense because I'm upset, angry, and he keeps telling me more stuff that he lied about. He finally tells me that he knew his roommate had feelings for him all along and she told him before she moved in - He would always defend her behavior when I started having suspicions that she liked him. He also told me that he still keeps in contact with another ex who has a 6 year old son. He also kept lying about other stuff. I got mad and told him another guy kissed me tonight,but i later explained i didn't want it to anywhere and i went inside. He starts getting mad and saying I cheated, which wasn't the case. Anyway, he was making me more angry and i kept telling him not to touch me and to leave me alone and i got violent a few times - I'm kinda petite and had 21-24 shots of alcohol. So I don't remember a whole lot. I didn't do a lot of damage but I was a complete mess.

 

Anyway, so the next morning he shakes it off like it wasn't a big deal like we would get through it and talk about it. Well after he drops me off at my car he went and told his parents everything that happened but didn't tell them WHY i got mad or all the stuff I put up with. I had apologized multiple times by this point via text and later I have apologized multiple times since. And he also told his mom and dad about our sex life(wasn't the first time either)!! He calls me up later and does a 180 on me. He says that I have abandonment issues because of my parents, that I have anger management issues, he says I need psychological help and said I had a drinking problem ( I never drink this was a one time drunk/upset/violent thing), he then goes on and says I was too shy around his parents and friends; he also said his parents told him he was stupid for sleeping with me by just using condoms and me not being on birth control - he also added in the shot, "Yeah, and you should get on the pill because it will help clear your acne." Ouch; he also said I was trying to manipulate him because he was a good guy and I was trying to control who I had in his house - which is a lie because I never once told him to move her out. He also said, "So what if I talked to the girl from Australia" and I was like, well it doesn't help make me feel secure with the relationship after you tell me the only reason why you strung her along for six years was in case you needed a backup plan!!

 

So everything was my fault. I start crying and I felt sh*tty for awhile. He then texts me after a week and asks if I want to take things slow and go see a movie. Of course, I feel stupid and like it's my fault so I agree. I get to the movie, first thing he does is takes out his phone and starts complaining about his roommate.

 

I was also talking about my aunt - she was married once before and got divorced because she was cheated on - and right when I said her name he said, "Well your aunt is probably crazy too. Doesn't she have trust issues? It probably runs in the family." He was being completely rude the entire time, he was making shots about the night I was drunk, and after the famly comment I went into the bathroom and got kinda emotional for a second. I came back out and he asked if it was something he said...... uh yeah! And then later he accused me of being too dramatic because I got upset at the movie theater and linked it to us not being able to work out because I was too dramatic.

 

Later on after movie, dinner, we go back to his house. He ends up going on about how he is hurt and I hurt his confidence level and cheated on him and how he is having a mid life crisis and doesn't know what he wants to do with his life anymore and how he was so happy with me. He said he wanted to find the compassion and forgiveness in his heart but he was having a hard time getting there. And then he started questioning his feelings for me and said, "i'm trying to figure out if you really are something great or if I was just lonely this whole time."

 

I ended up seeing him a few times after that - two weekends in a row basically. And the last time I saw him I drive over to his house, it's flooding out, I get there he doesn't say hello, he is just playing a video game on the computer, doesn't even give me a hug. Later on a few hours later he tells me that we are just "using each other to fill each other's loneliness void" and I'm like why would you text me saying you wanted things to work then, and he said because he was trying to get used to the idea of being alone again. And I said why would you do that to me. and he said, "because I'm an a**hole."

 

So apparently everything is my fault because of the one drunken night of me getting violent. I have been feeling like a horrible person. Everyone keeps saying it's not all my fault, that i just put up with a lot and I handlded things the wrong way but it wasn't that big of a deal compared to all the other stuff he lied about and drama I had to put up with. But I feel like crap.

 

I talked to him again recently and he still makes me out to be the bad guy. But for someone who doesn't like drama : he said that while they were moving out his roommate he was yelling at them and vice versa to the point where the cops got called on them. He even said he told the police how I got drunk and acted, and I said, "Did you tell the cops I found messages in your phone that you were soliciting for sex? Did you even tell anyone else the whole story." and he said, "Well, my side of the story is all that matters and it doesn't matter what made you upset."

 

So I keep going over it in my head like I know I handled things wrongly, and I have learned from it. But I keep thinking I'm a terrible person, or that the entire relationship ending was my fault.

[Sav]

Well, you did handle things wrongly, by getting drunk and all. BUT I also have to emphasize the fact that you also put up with a whole lot. There are two sides to a coin and both parties are at fault.

 

That being said, you shouldn't blame the demise of the relationship on yourself because from what you have written (if its 100% true), you should have broken up with this guy a loooooooong time ago.

 

Why?

1) He's a liar

 

2) I suspect some emotional cheating (he knew his roommate likes him yet he does not distance himself away from her)

 

3) He's still emotionally immature. He thinks everything is your fault and he is completely fault-free. He does not step up and take the fair share of the blame he is SUPPOSED to take.

 

4) His parents are inconsiderate and foolish and immature and whatever. If they really said he was dumb for using condoms and you not using birth control pills, they have some serious mental issues.

 

5) He disrespected your family. (I made the same mistake once and realized it was wrong of me) No matter what opinions he had about your aunt, he should have kept them to himself or phrase it in a totally different way instead of outright blatantly deeming her crazy and having trust issues.

 

Based on those points that I have listed out, you should see he is not the one for you. Getting drunk and all was definitely your fault but he has his faults too. If he is not willing to step up and take the blame for his own faults, then he is not ready to be in a long-term relationship with anyone.

 

Staying with him will only hurt your self-esteem and I can see that it already has. You start questioning yourself and taking the blame for everything. Remember, for a relationship to work, two has to try. In the breakdown of a relationship, both parties are at fault. Do not ever take the full blame for something like this

[lilmiscassie92]

I ended up seeing him the last two weekends, and he wasn't acting like a total tool (he seemed to be getting over the fact that i flipped my sh*t that one night). But I saw him last night and out of nowhere he brought up the night I lost my cool and said there was no spark and he had no feelings for me and the only reason why he has been taking me out on dates and seeing me this past month and a half is to "help me move on" because he thought it would be easier than going cold turkey. I know I shouldn't have bothered seeing him again but I couldn't help overanalyzing everything in my head and wondering if I didn't lose my temper or if I would have X if things would have been different. He told me the reasons I got mad were none of my business because they pertained to an ex. All of my friends agreed that him lying about an ex who is friends with his family does make things look bad on his part. Everyone also thinks the way the roommate and him were so comfortable around each other they were probably sleeping together. He told me that I was a "catch" but just not his and he wanted more because what we had wasn't enough. He also went on to insult me and say that when he was my age he was 20 times smarter than I was and that he couldn't trust me being in another room by myself because he was worried about his stuff because of how I got angry. I'm trying hard to not let this d bag mess with my head.

[Nightsky]

He sounds like a jerk. What you did was pretty wrong, but it doesn't clear him of being a dick too. Although you attacked him. He probably did cheat on you, and thats gross he was with hookers. Makes sense though being that he uses craigslist...