Wife says she still has deep feelings for the OM

[brokenheartedntx]

Seems like D-Day all over again. Its been a tough year since D-Day (Oct. 5th 2011) Here is the short version of what happened ( I know it is very long J). My wife and I had a rocky marriage. We were married for a little over 15 years. We have been through many things together. I was a severe workaholic though. Just like most men, I wanted to get ahead and give my wife a three beautiful kids a good life. And just like most men in my situation, I was not giving her what she really needed. Intimacy was still there and I thought things in that department were pretty good. In fact the night before she left we made love.

 

Anyway in July 2011 she decided to take a trip with the kids to visit family and friend back in her home state--about 1300 miles from where we live in Texas. She left and nothing seemed out of the ordinary--later I learned she had took documents, kids winter clothes, etc.. I never discussed when she was coming back but after a few weeks, she called and said she left me and was not coming back. I was devastated. I begged, pleaded, and promised the worl for her to come back. She declined and I became very depressed and even suicidal.

 

A few weeks later, my oldest daughter called and begged me to bring her back to Texas and she had something to tell me. She said mom had been dating an old boyfriend. I was devastated. I turned around and called my wife and confronted her. Of course she denied it a first, but then she admitted to going to dinner with an old "friend" and that was all he was. He had also come by a few times to visit her and the kids where she was staying and also she, the kids and he went to the movies together. What a nice guy and friend??? Anyway she said it was harmless and that her and the OM had always remained good friends after they dated when she was in college.

 

She reminded me that right after we were married, he had flown in town where we lived for a conference and we went to dinner with him. ( I think of how naive I was then--I was young 23 years and my wife was 32) I of course believe her like a poor shmuck. She insisted that it was harmless.

 

She said she still loved me but could not live with me anymore.

I then did some checking--Facebook and phone records. I found the guy on Facecbook and did remember him. I also checked her cell phone records and found many calls and texts to the same number prior to and after her leaving. I found out through reverse phone look up it was the OM. In the back of my mind I knew there was more to the story but I tried to keep believing what she was telling me. The next couple of months were tough. I sent her flowers, texts, emails with lots of love trying to get her back. No luck. I kept checking her cell records and still kept finding lots of phone calls to him. Again, she said he was just a good friend.

 

The week before D-Day I finally talked her into letting me fly up and see her and the kids. I arrived that weekend and she picked me up at the airport. I gave her a short kiss. She was very cold during the drive to her place. We arrived and I was so excited to see my kids. I cried so and hugged them for a long time. That night I really expected to sleep in my sons room with him, but I asked if I could go to her room and talk.

 

We talked for a while and then we started making out. We ended up making love all night it was great. I was in heaven. The next couple of days were great. We went places with the kids during the day and had lots of fun. At night after the kids were in bed, her and I would talk for hours and then later make love. I was so happy.

 

Then D-Day. After getting the kids to bed, we once again were having a long conversation. Things were not going the same that evening though. She seemed a little reserved. I told her I really wanted to be with her. She then dropped the bomb. She said I am not sure you really will after you hear this. She confessed and told me well some of the story. She said that they got back in touch on Facebook. She thought she was still in love with him and wanted to be with him. He had been pursuing her and telling her all sorts of wonderful things and he said he always dreamed of being with her even through all of his marriages--yes he was on his FOURTH marriage which two of them ended because he had cheated. What a real winner my wife chose to uproot herself and kids to follow a dream.

 

I interestingly was not mad, but hurt. I still wanted to be with her. She said that she would end the affair and work things out. I was in a fog and I was desperate to have my kids back and to have her back. We began to work on things. I flew back and forth to see them. We agreed that the kids needed to finish the year in school where they were at. She would fly down some and I would fly up there.

 

We went to counseling sessions and things looked like we were making progress. She moved back with the kids this summer. I thought everything was going great. I had my down days, but it seemed things are manageable. As far as I knew contact with the OM was severed. He actually moved to California away from where my wife was from.

 

Then a couple of weeks ago, a friend who had been through his wife having an affair, said just for peace of mind, I should check her emails and phone records from time to time. I did. I was so shocked. I found recent contact, his phone number in her phone under another name and several calls to a new phone number-- guess what--California. I was shocked I confronted her and she said that his number was left in her phone by mistake and that she did not know who the phone calls were to. ( I have not had the courage to call the number and it is not showing up when I do a phone number search).

 

Then today. It feels like D-Day all over again. We were talking and I wanted to know really what was going on and if she really loves me and wants to be with me. Well, she denied having contact with the OM since last October ( I have proof otherwise) She told me she has been trying to regain feelings for me but it was not coming. she loves me but is not in love with me. She says she never has. And then she dropped another bomb. She still has and will always have deep feelings for the OM. She said if we want to stay together, I will just have to accept that. I am heartbroken. I want my wife to love me. I want us to be a happy family. I want to be with my children. I am still deeply in love with her or at least the woman I thought I married.

 

I am sorry this has been a long message but I need help and advice. I need to know where to go from here. There is so much more to the story I wish I could post, but it would be too long. I need people to talk to that have been through this. Hopefully some of you have been through a similar situation.

--brokenheartedntx--

Edited October 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add paragraphs

[Hawaii50]

Not to sound callous but I didn't read your OP... cause I couldn't too much on the eyes, it's essentially one HUGE paragraph.

[Charles Burrell]

Dear I read your sad story. I know you are going through a tough time. But don't be disheartened. Just pretend that you are happy (I know its lot more tougher), don't plead before her and show her that you are happy with your children. I think this will make her jealous and then she will try to make up with you. Good luck.

[BetrayedH]

If it wasn't 1:30am here, I would write more.

 

The fact of the matter is that you cannot "nice them" back to you. She has horribly disrespected you and the more that you accept it, the more that she sees you as a doormat (and a woman cannot love a man that she doesn't respect).

 

If you want any hope of actually reconciling with your wayward wife, you need to file for divorce. Tell her to leave. Tell her to go be with the OM. The children stay with their father. She goes to pursue her fantasy. You hit her with divorce papers at the earliest opportunity. You have to burst this fantasy affair bubble; your actions up to this point have allowed her to keep the fantasy alive. The consequences of her choices and actions need to hit her squarely in the middle ofthe forehead like a hammer. Exposure is a very reliable tool in that regard.

 

She will either come around and meet your demands or she won't. If she doesn't, good thing you've already filed.

 

But honestly, dude, you need to dump this poor excuse for a wife and mother. There are things in this story that you will never be able to get past, nor should you. You mentioned that you were in a fog when you first took her back. You're still in the same fog. She is not who you thought she was. I know you desperately want to restore your nuclear family. That desperation is exactly what will preclude it.

 

I wish you the courage to do the hard thing and start extricating yourself from this toxic person. You deserve better.

 

You should also understand that life does go on. Infidelity is devastating to be sure but divorce itself isn't really that scary once you're on that path. My life started improving the minute I decided that I was done. She filed for divorce and I didn't disagree. Taking back your self-respect will be liberating to you and a second life is waiting for you. But you have to send this woman packing first.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I know you loved this woman and it hurts beyond any pain you have ever felt. You want your family back so badly....but now I am going to deliver some really harsh truth.

 

I don't if I've heard such a horrible story on this site yet.

 

She suddenly kidnapped your children away from you for months, with them begging to come back? That is just criminal and it angers me to read it. She has no regard for you or your children. Children need contact and love from both parents. She can't decide to deny her children their father just because she got selfish and wants to conduct an affair.

 

I think you should have filed for divorce a long time ago and started fighting for access to your kids. I think you have a case. She cannot legally deny you access to your kids like this. Seriously, this is CRIMINAL. You need to open your eyes and see her for the monster that she is. I don't think I could EVER reconcile with a woman like this. WOW. You know she is still lying to you about numerous things. You don't even know how deep this rabbit hole goes yet. I think you should run, and fight for what is right for you, and your kids.

 

I ended up divorcing my unfaithful wife, but my situation pales in comparison. My wife had the decency to work things out ahead of time, we share join custody. 50/50.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

This is coldhearted:

"And then she dropped another bomb. She still has and will always have deep feelings for the OM. She said if we want to stay together, I will just have to accept that"

 

I would not accept that!! I'm speechless. This is all I would need to file for divorce. Talk about deal breakers; this is one.

 

Best of luck.

Edited October 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed starting post and deleted quote

[waterwoman]

Oh so sorry

 

I don't know how you come back from that. My H told me love the OW but he also loved me. That was bad enough but to realise she doesn't love you is too much.

 

i think she has behaved. Taking your kids away without any discussion or warning is horrible.

 

I don't hold out much hope for her if he's on his 4th marriage but that's not your problem.

[96nole]

Where do you go from here, well let's look at some facts:

 

-You spent many years working your butt off to afford your family a good life

-she left you without any warning

-she took your children with her, without any warning to you

-she has been having an affair for quite a while. Most likely longer than you even know. With a complete dirtbag that is telling her all kinds of wonderful BULLSH*T

-she tells you that she's not in love with you and never has.

-She still has contact with the dirtbag

-she tells you she still has deep feeling for the dirtbag and that YOU will just have to accept it if YOU want to stay together.

-You want to be with your children

-you want to be a happy family.

 

OK the short answer is to kick that b*tch to the curb and let her go to the dirtbag. The kids stay with you and there is no discussion. File for divorce.

 

You are in love with who you THOUGHT she is, not who she REALLY IS. She has proven to be so different than you thought.

 

You're never going to be a happy family. She says she isn't in love with you and never has. Those words will stay in your mind forever. And since she told you she has deep feeling for dirtbag, you will always wonder if she is still seeing him. You will constantly be checking on her and looking over your shoulder. I know, I had two D-Days with my ex, 10 months apart. Those 10 months of constantly checking up on her really sucked. It's no way to live.

 

Since she hasn't snapped out of the affair fog by now, I think she is a lost cause. I know the pain you are going through. But the longer you stay with her, the longer the pain will continue. She does not have your best interest at heart.

[Spark1111]

I would also expose the affair to all. Is he married or does he have a SO?

 

Time to let her in on the sitcuation.

 

So much of affairs are pipe dreams and projection and fantasy. Divorce papers and exposure of the affair to all concerned parties can go a long way to bursting that bubble.

 

She seems very unstable in that she has a track record of cheating....always looking for that elusive knight in shining armor to make her life perfect....sigh.

 

Do whatever is necessary to get custody of those kids!

 

Sounds like they need some stability in their lives and it is looking like it's YOU.

[standtall]

Broken..why would you want this woman back? She essentially kidnapped your kids..You cannot trust her whatsoever, and I would have called the cops. Sheesh man..grow a pair and show her the curb, and tell her she can hit it without the kids.

 

Woman do not love men they do not respect, so with your future wife i would suggest you earn it. This one is broken..toss her away.

[2sure]

To me , it sounds like the affair never really ended, your wife never admitted everything or owned what she has done, you did nothing to cause her to rethink her actions, and ...you either have to do something huge or just divorce. There has to be a major turn around on your wife's part.

 

Expose her betrayals to her family and yours. Sadly, your children were the first to know. Speak to the other man - he is Interfering in YOUR life.

 

And see a lawyer.

[RickFox]

Before this goes on it is not criminal in the state of Texas to take one's children elsewhere. Possession is 9/10ths of the law and without a court order stipulating custody calling the police is futile.

 

That being said you need to start divorce proceeding ASAP and go for primary custody of your kids because they are all that should matter to you now.

[brokenheartedntx]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I cried so much last night after posting this. Lying next to her in bed she heard me and the only thing she could say was she was sorry but I really have to deal with this on my own and she cannot help me. I am usually seen by my friends and employees as a tough man with a big heart. Fortunately I had great employees and my father came out of retirement to take over while I was dealing with this. I really fell apart and I feel like it is about to happen again. I just recently seemed to get back on track and take over at the business again.

Only a few people have seen me cry. My wife has seen a lot of my crying episodes and that is part of the problem I am sure. I just have not been able to get tough with her. I used to be tough, but it is amazing how a spouse’s affair can strip all pride, confidence and sense of well being from you as well being a roller coaster of all sorts of emotions. As many have posted on this sight, I never thought it would be me.

I seem to have been through so many trials. I am a fairly religious person and she is the same religion. I try not to take the high moral gound because although I have not cheated, I have lived up to the best I can be and nor am I perfect. I have done a lot of praying to help me through this, but in my religious community affairs are rarely and almost never exposed. Not to protect the church but to protect the victims as well as the children. If you guys have not figured it out by now, I am Mormon. that my explain a little more, but I really want to leave my church out of this. I believe good people make poor choices and mistakes. I knew a little of her history before we were married and she knew mine. I accepted her knowing and thinking peolpe can change. I did leave the past in the past and believe in forgiveness, but at some point the sinner/offender can't be trusted to change anymore. My wife was very active and held some leadership roles as well in our church. I believe as I was taught that families are eternal and husband and wife are to be together forever. There is a special bond that exists between them beliveing and wanting to be with this person forever. I tell you guys this because it really does add another dimmension to this. Probably no different than many who post on this site, but I am soooo brokenhearted, crushed and distraught. You all of a sudden realize the life you have been living with is person seems to have been a farse and seems so wasted.

 

I would love to post my whole story, but as you can see, just the recent short version was long. I do not know if it appropriate to post anyway. There is so much more information that needs to be heard and I want to share, but I think it all equates to the same outcome.

I want to try to answer all the questions that have been asked as well as respond to some of the posts

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Sparkk1111- I have exposed the affair to several people that we know. Some of her family, some of her friends, church clergy. One family member, a brother that she was very close to, I told. He instantly told me this was “F----- Up” and if it happened to him he would be gone. I asked her if he would not tell her I told him but he confronted her the next day about it and told her that he counseled me to leave her sorry ass. Interesting that he said this because they are really close. He also was pissed because he was watching our youngest son and now he learned that when she told him she was going out with friends or just going shopping, she was really hooking up with the OM.[/FONT][/sIZE][sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] Anyway she was upset that I told him, but at the time I felt it was not helping me get what I wanted. That was getting back with her and the kids. She knows that I have only told a few others and in my religious circles it is kind of shunned to point blame and to bring out moral discretions publicly. [/FONT][/sIZE]My religion believes in high moral standards and earlier on would almost automatically publicly excommunicate the sinner. It is not that way anymore. They believe in a private repentance process and saving each and every soul. The OM is/was the same religion, but with his multiple offenses was excommunicated. His wife and he are now separated for reasons I do not know, but I am not sure if exposing it would not even faze him. I do have the OM’s information and I have his wife’s information but have held back trying to be forgiving as I am taught. I also was told it may open up a can of worms that I might not want to open. I guess I have been burying my head in the sand because every time I learn more I seem to spiral into a week long depressive period.

96nole—I hear you loud and clear. I have a friend who has told me the same thing. I just am trying to get the courage to do what is needed. That why I am looking to you guys for support.

 

To some up and answer some more of the questions, I did go to a lawyer when I found out she was dating. My lawyer told me to file immediately. The law says that I have three months to file after she has left to force her to bring the kids back to the state. If I do not follow that then the kid’s residency changes as well as hers and I have to deal with the state she is living in. I could file in Texas, but they will have to coordinate with a court there to see if uprooting the kids again is what was best. Yes it was considered kidnapping what she did. I was still naïve and in a fog at that time because she was telling me there was still hope and there was nothing going on. We just needed time apart and I needed to work on things. I found out later and she confessed she had been to a lawyer before she left and had it all planned out. The lawyer advised her on the law and told her to lead me on and buy as much time as she could—she needed that 3 months to keep them in that state and at that point there was little hope for me forcing her to bring them back.

Well it has been in the back of my mind since I learned this. Not to be too devious, I managed to get her back to Texas (which she said she would never do) knowing my rights but always hoping things would work out. She and the kids have been back here now since the end of August. I just need to “buy” a little more time. I am trying not to rock the boat too much right now, but I am really being hurt. I feel so stupid for taking her back and not filing immediately after the affair was exposed.

I am sorry to keep rambling on, but it has been soothing to let all this out.

Also, 96nole, your right, I am out of control in checking up on her again. I know I cannot live this way. I have been sneaking her phone at night to try to see who she is calling and also coordinating that with her phone records. I also check her I pad and computer but I know stuff can get instantly erased as well. I keep obsessing about her Facebook account and checking up on her and the OM as well. She finally “unfriended” him just a couple of months ago at my request for the millionth time. He instantly contacted her and wanted to know what was going on. After that the trail somewhat went cold. She may have set up another hidden email account.

 

I hope this was not too long and exhausting to read. There is so much more to the story that I would like to tell but again it only adds up to what seems inevitable.

Please post more. It really is helping

 

--brokenheartedntx--

[96nole]

'Lying next to her in bed she heard me and the only thing she could say was she was sorry but I really have to deal with this on my own and she cannot help me."

Man, what a bitch! You really need that soul sucking cancer out of your life.

 

You said you're trying to get the courage to do what is needed. But you already have.

Going to the lawyer took courage.

Understanding your rights took courage.

Trying to make the marriage work took courage.

You've already done those things, you can do the next steps. The hardest for me was the first visit to my lawyer. Getting the process started. I won't lie, it was all hard. But once the process started I was just rolling with it.

 

And don't feel stupid for taking her back. It got her back in Texas with your children. She had already sought guidance from a lawyer and knew she had to keep the kids out of state for 3 months. But you were able to get her to come back with your kids. Great job! In a way, you beat her at her own game.

 

I know your religion plays a big part in your life. But even God doesn't like adultery.

[bestplayer]

she loves me but is not in love with me. She says she never has. And then she dropped another bomb. She still has and will always have deep feelings for the OM. She said if we want to stay together, I will just have to accept that.

 

She has made it so clear that you shouldn't have anymore doubts about leaving her . What a horrible thing to say that one has to accept his wife has never loved him & will forver be in love with another man .

Listen you don't have to accept that , its far better to be single & lonely than to stay with a woman like that . Pls don't lose your self-respect man , dump her yesterday .

[Mr. Lucky]

I really fell apart and I feel like it is about to happen again.

Sounds like you're arriving at a point that, sooner or later, all of us got to. And that is that you simply can't live like this. All the moral and emotional issues of marriage and commitment aside (and I don't take those lightly), no one can function in a constant sh*t storm where you don't know which end is up.

 

You're getting some good advice here on how to start taking control of getting your life back on track. File, separate and start working on the issues of custody and assets. Things may work out with your wife, they may not. Your immediate priority should be finding a place in your life from which you can operate going forward. And I can tell you from experience, that place isn't lying next to her in bed while she pines for the OM. I wish you the best...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JamesM]

What a painful story!

 

I don't know how you can continue on with her knowing that she is not fully committed to you and the marriage. While it is admirable to stay together for you children, I doubt that your marriage will thrive let alone survive.

 

It is possible that with some tough love, she may come around. I don't think it will happen if you stay the course you are on.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm glad you've met with counsel. Focus on your kids, they need you. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FOR THEM! You're wife only has her own interests at heart. She set it all up without even giving your the same opportunity. How friggin evil is that? And her shark lawyer too, wow. What slime. I think you have no choice but to play this as smart as you can legally. They basically opened up sudden and total war on you when you thought you were still in a marriage. She's trying to keep you in a fog.. It's probably going to be immensely expensive, but this about your kids and doing what's right for them.

[jnel921]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have to agree with everyone else. What she did with the kids and then telling you she is not in love with you but still has feelings for the OM is wrong.

 

Its been my experience in the past when you spouse says that they mean it. Mine did and was happy to leave. My current H wants to stay and says he loves me although I doubt he was thinking of me as he was sticking it to her.

 

We are working slowly to get through this. But your wife seems to have a take it or leave it attitude which is unacceptable.

 

Its sad to see when things like this happens. Let go of the hurt and focus on what you need to make you happy. If she cant oblige you may need to ask her to leave and sort out her life. The OM obviously doesnt want to be near her since he moved so far away. Perhaps she cannot handle that he left.

 

She needs to show you why it is she wants to stay. It sounds like you can provide the cushier life. But if you ask her to leave and tell her to leave your kids you may better off.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

OP. Heartbreaking.

 

She is very likely still in contact with the OM and in any case tells you she will always love him.

 

Well, the other posters have already said it. I agree with them.

 

File for divorce. This is about basic self respect.

 

You are paralysed - act, and you will get support from many quarters.

Edited October 24, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy

[BetrayedH]

OP. Heartbreaking.

 

She is very likely still in contact with the OM and in any case tells you she will always love him.

 

Well, the other posters have already said it. I agree with them.

 

File for divorce. This is about basic self respect.

 

You are paralysed - act, and you will get support from many quarters.

 

Paralyzed is right. It happens. Not deciding ends up being a decision; it's one to stay in a situation that will eat you alive. I hope you find the strength to act soon.

[brokenheartedntx]

Thank you all so much. It has definately been helpful. I will stay the course and wait another month until I file for divorce. I plan to speak to my lawyer sooner and get things set up. I will just have to eat crap and take it for a little while longer being in the same household. Hearing everyone speak, it has dawned on me that maybe she is trying to get me to go ahead and file so that she can get back with him sooner. I am wondering that she is longing to be with him quicker. I am 99.9 % sure there has been no physical contact since she came back to Texas. I work a lot from home now and she rarely goes anywhere without me and if she does it is for a very short time. Still can't be 100% though. I really just want my life back--well the way I thought it was. I keep dreaming of the past. Its tough when I see photos and other little things that happened before the affair. I really start to tear up. Its so crazy the triggers. I saw a picture right before she left. It was a picture of the family on the 4th of July. I was looking at myself in the picture and thinking I wish I could have forseen the freight train that as about to run my a** over and change my life forever. I wish I had found this website way sooner. I would be in a different place right now I am sure. I would be so much smarter and not have put myself through so much hell. I read many of the other threads and it is good to know that my feelings and emotions are normal and I am not going crazy. In the past year oddly enough I have met many people that have been the BS including friends and 2 of my employees. I have yet to hear a story like mine. I guess I have been searching to see what the outcome has been and if they were able to do something to save their marage. I think that is a lost cause now. One other interesting thing I would like to hear about is that everyone talks about all the stages of grief. I have yet to go through and have anger towards her. I have towards the OM but not her. She really takes a lion share of the blame. I think many men would if given the opportunity have an affair and sleep with another mans wife. I need to not keep writing these long responses and do what you guys said. I am starting to believe I deserve better and I think I can actually get my self esteem back. I dream of being with that special someone. No matter how bad it gets with my wife though, I will not ever cheat on her and not even date another woman until after divorce. I am going to do this the right way. Divorce-Time(to get over her and also not bring any baggage into the new relationship) -Searching/Dating-Frienship/Courtship-Marriage-and then Intimacy.

--brokenheartedntx--

[BetrayedH]

Your lack of anger is pretty normal. In my experience (and lots of reading), the BS typically doesn't experience a lot of anger at the WS until after they feel safe. All of your emotional energy is spent trying to figure out how to save your marriage, fix your wife, keep the family together and so forth. As well, i is common for us to look inward at our own failures and to take some of the blame. Being so driven to save the family leaves little room for judgment of your wife; you just want her to stay, to get your life back. From what I have seen, it's not until we start to feel "safe" that the spouse isn't going to leave that we permit ourselves to be truly angry. Once you reach a point of safety and security that you have kept it together and she's not going to leave, THAT'S when you realize that, "Hey, by the way, now that I think about it, I'm kinda pissed off about all of this. WTF were you thinking?! You almost destroyed the family! Do you know what I have been thru?!"

 

I don't think you ever got the luxury of that safe and secure feeling. You've been stuck trying to be the superhero that saves the family. And you can't be chewing her ass up one side and down the other when you're just trying to get her not to leave.

 

But there's no such reservations about the OM. We are happy to be fully and awesomely pissed at that dude effective day 1.

 

As for logistic maneuvers for you, I think you may be smart to keep your intentions on the down-low until you can reestablish the children's residence as back at home.Talk to your atty about it, of course, but that sounds logical to me. I assume that's why you want to wait out the month. Am I right?

Edited October 25, 2012 by BetrayedH

[BeholdtheMan]

Time to stop being weak and timid and to take decisive action.

 

In your case, divorce and moving on to someone who deserves your love and respect is in definitely in your best interest

[brokenheartedntx]

BetrayedH. I totally understand and that makes sense. I am waiting it out though. Not to see what happens and see if she changes but to get a little more legal hold and prepare my finances. I own a company and I know I will have to sell off assets and or buy her out in payments. Texas is a community property state and from my understanding adultery is hardly looked at in dividing assets. Adultery only gives a good reason for dissolving the marriage. I am starting to feel a little more anger towards her because I think I am accepting it is over. The fog is starting to lift and I am seeing all the destruction she caused.