How do you "flirt" with a girl? And how do you know if she's "flirting" with you?

[Inflikted]

As a guy who's had zero experience with dating or any of that stuff, and am currently trying to wrap my head around how two people come together, I'm curious about how "flirting" works in the first place.

 

Now, I wouldn't say I'm bad with girls. I'm usually a bit reserved and distant around new people in general, but after meeting with them a few times, I loosen up and be myself. I'm usually pretty friendly with girls in general, and I enjoy making them laugh (or trying to, anyway), playfully teasing, and developing banter. But what separates all that from "flirting"?

 

And more than that, how do you know if a girl A) is responding positively to your flirting, and B) is "flirting" with you?

 

This whole concept has always gone over my head, because in my mind, "flirting" is typically a bit more "suggestive" than simple joking around, playful teasing, and banter, and I... have concern about potentially offending someone or saying/ doing something inappropriate. So, I've always chosen to not "walk the line" at all, just to avoid that risk.

[Emissary]

I think it's more of a vibe you give off that distinguishes what's going on. A lot of stereotypical nice guys think they're flirting, but the truth is they haven't got the balls to project themselves into the mix.

 

If you want to flirt, you walk into that situation with the intent of taking her to bed, to dinner, to Denny's, or whatever it is you want to do with her so badly. Have that intent to make something of it and your personality will take over the rest.

 

A lot of guys who are womanizers of sorts(I don't say that as if it's a bad thing) become pretty good at this, you just become naturally gifted at projecting yourself, as if you're just always in the proper mode.

[GirlontheLam]

Well one thing that people get wrong is the purpose of flirting. Flirting is playful. The goal can be to pass the time, to get a date, to find a mate, or find someone for a few hours of fun.

 

So once you have established the goal of your flirting session, then act accordingly. There is no one way to flirt, it is basically playful banter.

 

Some people flirt with their eyes (looking at you, looking away, repeating several times with a few smiles thrown in along the way.)

 

Other people flirt with conversation.

 

Other people flirt with body language.

 

Other people do a combo of all three.

 

For me, flirting generally doesn't start until I start in with a little bit of light physical contact. Anything before that is typically just friendly. (Although if you are someone I'll run into a lot, then I might happen to be where you are and available for a chat as a precursor to the touching. )

[MrCastle]

I'm gonna be brash here but hey, I don't care.

 

Using flirting to gauge interest is not the way to go about things. I flirt with women all the time, and vice versa. Very little of it actually leads to anything. Sometimes, during a flirtatious banter, I'll try to set up a date and get hit with the friend line.

 

The only time you know for sure a girl likes you is if your penis is securely inside one of her orifices. That's just the way it is.

[Inflikted]

Eh... Don't know where that leaves me, then. Truthfully, I'm still trying to figure out how I got things wrong with this girl I was into fairly recently. Things seemed... different with her, she seemed to treat me a little differently than it seemed like she treated other people(guys included), we get along great and everything, but when I asked her out, she had to turn me down. She didn't say no in a "I don't think of you that way" or whatever kind of way, but it was still a no. I'm not necessarily hung up on her, it just makes things more confusing, because I thought that was what it was. I just can't help but wonder what I got wrong, how I misread the whole thing, so I'll be better prepared in the future.