kaylan Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Reading threads here, reading so called studies about mate selection online, and then seeing how some (not all) women actually do pick mates....all this makes me start to worry if a girl will ever be attracted to me for who I am. Will she find me sexy because she loves my body. Will she find me engaging because she loves my mind. Will connect with me emotionally because she loves me for me? All this damned talk about money, gold diggers, or how some women settle on what they really want for security, just bothers me. Reading crap about how if a guy is this unappealing, or if a guy isnt this or that, he needs to make X amount of more dollars for each attribute he lacks in order to get the female he desires. But sometimes looking at the world and Im reading crap, and it makes me think that Im only seen as someone to pay for the fort and hold things down. What If I tell a girl "babe I wanna quit the band, and also change jobs for a bit, because I have another passion I want to give a shot". I want to know she will stick by me. I dont want to be loved or desired for my damn status. I dont want to waste a few years dating someone, or god forbid 10 years married to someone who I thought I knew but didnt. All in all, Ill admit this is one of my weaker moments. I just lament the idea that Ill ever end up broken emotionally over a relationship. My chick friend told me to give ladies a bit more credit and to have faith. And I usually do, but this is one of those moment where I am cautious about the future and the choices Ill make.
Woggle Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Make sure to pick a woman that makes her own money and doesn't have outdated views of how men should be and women should be. Make sure she walks the walk on equality. 2
SmileFace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 What is your question? You want to know if a lady will like you for than what you are? Or for who you really are? Not for what you do? But what you do is you. Right? I am sorry can you ask the question again. I am not sure if this is just a general comment by the responses.
Author kaylan Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 What is your question? You want to know if a lady will like you for than what you are? Or for who you really are? Not for what you do? But what you do is you. Right? I am sorry can you ask the question again. I am not sure if this is just a general comment by the responses.Im saying dollar amounts dont make a person. A person can be a lawyer and make LOTS of money, or they can be a lawyer and just make it by...especially when you consider how competitive some cities are. And im saying I want a girl who will be by my time if bad times hit. The global economy has taken a big hit in the last few years, and have affected the careers of many people...and Im hoping I dont get snatched up by a girl who mainly wanted security. Because what happens if that security gets rattled for a little while? What do you think would happen to all of Hugh Hefners girlfriends or Donald Trumps wives had they lost their status? Thats what I dont want to happen to me...because it seems to happen to the average man a decent bit. Not to mention in another thread (Philly's thread about asking where a guy works) two of the older men in that thread have mentioned how they encounter older women who grill them about their work situation even though those women work low level clerical jobs and have no advancement prospects themselves. Im wondering how common these women are among my generation. (im mid 20s btw)
SmileFace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Oh I get what you saying. I can only speak for myself. As long as a guy is trying to be get over hard times - since they do happen - I will be there for him. However I will never be with a guy for status plus I am more worried about having my own then what a guy has. Plus I wouldn't ask for more from a guy than I have myself.
threebyfate Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Do you believe that you select the same sort of women that the Trumps and Hefners select? The easiest way to ensure that someone loves you for you, is to be very honest with them from the outset. If they love you regardless of your warts and issues, they really do love you. So many people play the mask which is so counterproductive to emotionally healthy relationships. If someone dumps you for something that you've hidden for years, they never really loved you since they never knew you to begin with. 1
mesmerized Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Make sure to pick a woman that makes her own money and doesn't have outdated views of how men should be and women should be. Make sure she walks the walk on equality. This. It's very easy, make sure to date a SMART woman who has a life, is confident and respects herself way too much to use you for money.
ScienceGal Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I've never dated a man that had a lot of money. I guess it never mattered, and I clearly never sought such a partner out. I work hard and make a decent living, so what I do want is someone that can carry their own weight in a 50/50 sense. See, women like me do exist!
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