black swan Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 So pretty new to OLD. I ve been to a few dates but most women either I didn’t fancy, or we simply didn’t click. Until this woman (both of us in 30’s), sent me a message. We met and we hit it off pretty quickly. It lasted 3 months, just when I was starting to develop feelings for her. And then she suddenly disappeared! We would meet mainly on weekends as we both have work commitments and we don’t live very close and we would spend them together. I am not a player so I didn’t date any other women at that time. She seemed to be really into me and everything was going really well. I did spoil her significantly but just because I am a nice person and I do that to my friends too. I would never pester her with texts or phone calls, but we had regular communication (every other day). I left it up to her mostly to get in touch, but I would also contact her to show my interest. And of course I would always reply to her texts, calls, as there is no point to play games. Then suddenly she disappeared. Initially it didn’t occur to me so I left it to 4 days when I tried to call her and she never responded. She did finally get back to me by text saying she was very busy. Then over a period of 3 weeks I called her once more with no reply and sent her 2 texts to which she replied to both, saying that she was too busy with work. Then I texted her that it is cool and if she wanted to meet/talk on the phone but she never replied and I left it there. I just assumed that she found someone else and felt that she treated me in a very rude way. If she had at least told me that she doesn’t want to date anymore I would have some respect for her. It is also beyond my comprehension that the last time we met we had the best time ever. I also have illustrated to her (indirectly) that I didn’t only want her for one thing as she complained once and that I didn’t date any other women that she also teased me about. She came across quite insecure. Probably she was the one wanting me for only one thing (we had great chemistry on that department by the way)! Although I stopped using that dating site, I did check once while she was not initiating any contact to discover that she was online pretty much all day, even when at work(obviously not busy with work!)! And I did check recently a couple of times and it seems she is still online a lot! So after that, I deleted my profile, as I thought if I was dating a woman with some qualities of hers I valued (no one is perfect) who although I better on looks, education, personality and stability in life and treated me like that, I am not sure how stupid I would feel if it did happen that I met and dated another one online with a similar ending! Finally, I think at some point she will initiate contact again, just because she will need validation and attention. Not sure if I should be mildly rude to her, play it cool, or totally ignore her! Any suggestions? Also, did other people on here have similar experiences?(happily dating someone and then disappearing)
MrCastle Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Ignore her, and keep in mind with OLD that a lot of people on there have severe personality flaws. Do you honestly think physically attractive women are dateless to the point that they have to make a dating profile? There is a very small percentage of people of both genders who just don't have attractive prospects in their social circle or their job makes it hard to find time to date so they make a profile--the bulk are people with severe flaws whether immediately visible or not.
InJest Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 If you look around this forum, it happens frequently. When using OLD, don't put all your eggs in one basket, at least until something is firmly established. See more than one person, because the odds are, the person you're seeing is too.
Author black swan Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 To answer to both of the above posters (after thanking them for their feedback) I don’t agree with the “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” statement 100%. I agree that there is much truth in this, but for each one of us dating involves a different approach. I am not a serial dater, hence I prefer to date one woman at a time and not looking elsewhere while I am dating someone. This is out of common courtesy for self respect and respect for the other person involved. I guess those feelings are not always reciprocated though. But I have a stable and strong enough personality to take the hit if the **** hits the fan! I agree that a lot of women on OLD but also men have severe personality flaws. Do you honestly think physically attractive women are dateless to the point that they have to make a dating profile? Well, talking from my point of view, I am quite attractive and have the whole package and I wanted to try OLD. I thought I could find someone really cool if there are so many people using such services out there. There is definitely some truth to your statement, but again I always thought OLD sucks, but I came to realise that since the penetration of the information age into our lives, millions of people resort to OLD. And there is so much choice as well, which brings me to my next point. I am sure there are decent people on OLD, but maybe the minority. 3 problems I have identified with OLD: 1. People make profiles that sound amazing and they are quite flat when you meet them in person 2. People don’t want to spend time to get to know the other person. It is like they are doing OLD as a hobby! 3. Too much choice! I will go on and explain this one because I find it very interesting: Having so much choice, is a good and bad thing at the same time, but it tends to be more bad! Why? Because too much choice paralyses you. You are never satisfied and you are always looking for the perfect match, which does not exist of course. This brilliant talk by professor , indirectly highlights the issue: it is 20 minutes long but it worths every single second!
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