Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 If it would make you feel better and your GF agrees then go for it. I'm confused though. Did he contact your GF after you told him to never contact her again and you'll leave him alone? Because if he didn't contact her after you said that then telling his wife would be really dickish of you. She has a cease and desist in place from Nov 2011 that he never really respected.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Couple of things to consider: 1) Contact is rarely onesided. Perhaps your GF is giving him more signals than you think. 2) Perhaps the guy was a total *******. But that means your GF liked that ******* and had a dysfunctional relationship with him. How many mentally healthy people are in dysfunctional relationships and have babies with *******s? If she wanted to be with him she would have been. I've seen their last messages together. He was begging her to forgive him and come back. If this was a year ago I would say that he may have gotten vibes from her to keep at it. She takes cabs instead of the subway just to avoid running into him.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 She has a cease and desist in place from Nov 2011 that he never really respected. Take it to a judge then. He's harassing her and she's bothered by it. His wife will find out then too.
AlexDP Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 If she wanted to be with him she would have been. I've seen their last messages together. He was begging her to forgive him and come back. If this was a year ago I would say that he may have gotten vibes from her to keep at it. She takes cabs instead of the subway just to avoid running into him. I'm not saying she wants to be with him. She has failed to effectively end this dynamic though and I wonder why. Does she get a kick out of it? What's her deal? Perhaps she's scared of the consequences? Ask her, man.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Legally we can take these last messages and file a restraining order. But I didn't want to take it that far. Why can't he just leave her alone? Idon't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if he's contacting her. Did I mention he physically threatened me when I emailed him? This guy has issues. His abusive behavior is what made my GF take legal action. But we might as well be doing nothing because he's not repsecting either the law or our relationship. Or his for that matter.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Go file that restraining order. He probably won't respect the law since he seems to respect nada but it may just be the right way to get him to leave you alone finally.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I've decided to contact his wife and inform her of his last attempts to contact my GF, not necessary anything about the past...how long they were seeing eachother, etc. Any thoughts on what to put in the email? I'm going to message her on facebook since I don't have her contact info and don't want to involve my GF.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 That's real big of you to stress out a pregnant chick. Drama drama drama. 1
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Or should I make my GF email her? She has her contact info.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Thanks but the ahole should've thought about his wife before seeking out my GF.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Leave the wife out of it right now. She's pregnant. A baby inside a womb feels their mother's stress. Then not only will she have that stress but she'll be fighting with him. And crying too possibly. Please think of that baby. 1
BetrayedH Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I have to disagree with amasngrace. The wife deserves to know that her husband is in contact with an old girlfriend and that it continues despite a C&D order. She doesn't deserve to continue living a lie. As for any stress, the H can take responsibility for that. OP, if you're going to contact her, you have to provide her with evidence and it has to be solid. The standard operating procedure for waywards in this situaion is to paint you (and probably your GF) as lunatics that are stalking him. You are nothing to his wife and she is going to believe him unless your proof is solid. Give her everything. 1
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I have to disagree with amasngrace. The wife deserves to know that her husband is in contact with an old girlfriend and that it continues despite a C&D order. She doesn't deserve to continue living a lie. As for any stress, the H can take responsibility for that. The husband can take responsibility for the stress but it doesn't mean she won't be feeling the stress. And subsequently so will the baby. I think that's selfish and cruel. I'm not saying don't ever tell her...just not now.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 So you think I should walk away from this? It's the first time I contact him so maybe he will leave her alone from now on. Funny how we, a bunch of strngers to this wife, are more worried about her and the pregnancy than this scumbag husband. Great father he will be until he ditches them.
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Your primary focus should be your current relationship with your GF. You need to confess your snooping and start acting like a team. I agree, but that also should include his gf not letting this guy think she is an option. By hiding it and doing nothing to let the guy know its inappropriate, she isn't respecting OP 1
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 She ignored his texts. That's the most important part. Which is why this other guy thinks he can keep doing it. Again, he has some reason to think she is still an option, and its because she isn't letting him now otherwise.
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Nah she has been very upfront about everything. The part about him thinking she's an option is what is blowing my mind. How dare he think he has a chance with her She has been upfront with you, but has she responded to him and told him he is behaving inappropriately and disrespecting his wife and you? Thats what I'm talking about. He thinks he has a chance with her because she isn't indicating to him otherwise. They are supposed to be implementing NO CONTACT. He's not respecting it and he KNOWS she's in a relationship with me. He's disrespecting the both of us. I agree. But she needs to tell him to F' off or she will tell his wife. Again, she needs to put the brakes on this. Then if he continues, you will know that your gf has done what needs to be done and its all on this guy now. this just sounds like it would cause unnecesary drama. Why? If she wants nothing to do with him and you need to put a stop to it then there would be no drama. The only way it will cause drama is if she wants to protect him. what's freaing me out is why she feels the need to protect him. Exactly, the drama would come from the fact that she would care more about protecting him than your feelings. Are you her bf, or is he? His now pregnant wife deserves the truth. Man your statements haven't done much to put me at ease. Just the opposite. I'm fired up right now. Thats not my intention. Look, either she wants to respect your feelings, or protect her X. She can't have it both ways when the guy is hitting on her and she isn't doing anything to stop it. My fear is that you will end up having to sit there and take it because she doesn't want to hurt him or hurt his feelings or something. If you want to sit and take it because you fear the "drama", then thats your call. At the very least you let your gf know that he is disrespecting you and his wife by trying to get with your gf again, and your gf is disrespecting you by not putting a stop to it.
nofool4u Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I have to disagree with amasngrace. The wife deserves to know that her husband is in contact with an old girlfriend and that it continues despite a C&D order. I agree, and if nri80's gf gets mad, oh well. That will only prove she doesn't respect him.
Author nri80 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 The c&d was a year ago- Nov 2011- sent to both his and his then GF residence because at that point things were so ugly with all parties involved. He didn't quit. Then in january 2012 her attorney told her to file the RO. She decided to contact him and tell him the choice is his, she is serious. At that point he was already engaged but still not leaving her alone. Things cooled down, or so I thought, until I snooped and found these messages. What could he possibly want with her? It aggravates me to no end that he thinks she may be an option for him because I KNOW she isn't giving off these vibes. He's been married less than 6 months with a child on the way. And had the nerve to tell me he's happy in his marriage. One sick dude. Also, he may think she's receiving his messages, which is the problem, but they're getting archived, being saved at the attorney's advice for future reference. I would prefer they bounce back but not all services have that feature. And it's not about hurting his feelings she doesn't want him in her life on any capacity. My gf will not want to contact his wife, and I couldn't do it without informing her... or should I just do it? But I do think she needs to go through with the RO. Either way the wife will find out.
nofool4u Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Ok, so somewhere along the line I didn't read where she has a C&D, or RO against him. That being the case, you contact the authorities.
Owl Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 What are the potential legal penalties he'll suffer if you notify the courts of his violation of the C&D order? I think you should pursue action there FIRST...before contacting his wife. Otherwise he may try to put a spin on it all saying you were threatening him with that all along. Let it be dealt with by the authorities, if there are any 'teeth' in the C&D order. If there aren't...if it won't result in legal action...then go ahead and contact his wife, show her the texts from him, and explain to her that you're trying to get this all to STOP. Then sit back and let her deal with him. Once you've done that...then go ahead and have your GF change her number completely, so that he can't text her again. Done. 1
Author nri80 Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 With this recent contact we can pursue an RO. If he violates it he'll be arrested. Going to the authorities has many consequences for both of them. The wife will find out anyway. I was thinking of sending her a message telling her the severity of the situation, in case she might not know. Or she might not care. How can she not know he's a serial cheating douche?
jnj express Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Your GF's ex---probably is not being satisfied by his wife, based on her condition---so he wants back in with his old fling, your GF------ The wife deserves to know---no matter what her condition is----if this jerk is trying to contact your GF, he may also be contacting other women, he knows---his wife needs to know the kind of POS she is married to
luckylilgem Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Think if you send the email to his wife, he will tell your GF and you'll have some trouble to contend with. That said, why did you look at her phone? Did you have a funny feeling that she was distracted or do you feel unsure about stuff generally speaking? I think you made your point loud and clear that you aren't going to tolerate that guy's douchery in your relationship. you could email the wife, but she probably already knows her husband is a jerk.
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