nri80 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 My fist wants to say hello to his face... badly. It's wanted the introduction for a couple of years now. Yesterday morning I glanced at my girlfriend's phone, yeah bad I know but she's been upset lately and brushing it off, and found texts from her ex. But no replies from her, I don't question her faithfulness. However she didn't tell me either. She got pregnant almost a year into their relationship and he asked her to abort (luckily she miscarried). She started seeing less of the jerk. Until Summer 2011 when she found out he had a GF of a couple years on the side and cut him out completely. Bastard didn't take it very well. So after having the law interject a few times he finally stopped contacting her. He got married in the meantime. A few weeks ago he started texting her again. When I found the text on her phone I went ballistic but haven't told her yet. I forwarded a copy of the text to myself then him telling him to f*ck off and stay away from her. He had the nerve to tell me he didn't contact her. He blatantly denied ever texting her!!! I replied threatening to tell his wife if he contacts her again. He insisted he didn't contact her, his wife is pregnant and he's happy in his marriage. I sent him the last email reiterating everything, and he needs to delete her contact info so this doesn't reoccur. Should I forward the messages to his wife, who by the way has no idea he was seeing my now GF for a year and half of the 2 years they were dating... or does it seem spiteful at this point? Thanks for any input.
nofool4u Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 My fist wants to say hello to his face... badly. It's wanted the introduction for a couple of years now. Yesterday morning I glanced at my girlfriend's phone, yeah bad I know but she's been upset lately and brushing it off, and found texts from her ex. But no replies from her, I don't question her faithfulness. However she didn't tell me either. If she did nothing wrong, no reason to hide it. Obviously this guy contacts her because he feels she is an option since she obviously isn't putting the brakes on it. A few weeks ago he started texting her again. When I found the text on her phone I went ballistic but haven't told her yet. I forwarded a copy of the text to myself then him telling him to f*ck off and stay away from her. Here is the thing. YOU shouldn't have had to do that. SHE should have put a stop to it immediately. I replied threatening to tell his wife if he contacts her again. He insisted he didn't contact her, his wife is pregnant and he's happy in his marriage. I sent him the last email reiterating everything, and he needs to delete her contact info so this doesn't reoccur. Should I forward the messages to his wife Absolutely. And after you do, wait and see if your gf comes to his defense or gets angry with you. If she does, there is your telltale sign that you may need to move on from this relationship. who by the way has no idea he was seeing my now GF for a year and half of the 2 years they were dating... or does it seem spiteful at this point? No, you are doing the job your gf is failing to do, and disrespectfully to you I might add. Send it, then sit back and wait for your gf's reaction.
BetrayedH Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Your primary focus should be your current relationship with your GF. You need to confess your snooping and start acting like a team. As for telling the wife, I do always believe that the betrayed spouse deserves to know the truth. If the texts are truly incriminating, she needs to know. That said, I would reiterate again that you and your GF are a team and I don't get a vote. Talk to her and make a decision together. Edit to add: no punching his face. He then legally becomes the victim and that will get annoying to you almost as quickly as the orange jumpsuit. 1
Author nri80 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Are you sure it was from the ex's number? Did you compare the cell phone number from the text to his number? What did he write to her exactly? If it wasn't anything "major," he may be able to explain it away to his wife and then it's probably not worth contacting the wife. Your threats may be enough to scare him off. Well he contacted her 3 times in the past 3 weeks, the last one a week or so ago. The messages didn't say anything, just trying to get her attention I suppose. But she has made it very clear last november then again in January that he was not to contact her, ever. She took the blame for his cheating on the wife, he threw her under the bus. She didn't tell her the truth because she hates drama.
Author nri80 Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Your primary focus should be your current relationship with your GF. You need to confess your snooping and start acting like a team. As for telling the wife, I do always believe that the betrayed spouse deserves to know the truth. If the texts are truly incriminating, she needs to know. That said, I would reiterate again that you and your GF are a team and I don't get a vote. Talk to her and make a decision together. Edit to add: no punching his face. He then legally becomes the victim and that will get annoying to you almost as quickly as the orange jumpsuit. You're right, the dirtbag isn't worth it. But he did offer to meet up. What about telling his wife the entire truth, that he has been cheating on/with her for most of their relationship? I have proof. If I tell my GF she will tell me to just leave them alone. And I can't do it.
amaysngrace Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 She ignored his texts. That's the most important part. If I were you I'd figure out why you feel so pissed off. Are you insecure or threatened by him in some way? Really I'd be thinking about why he's grating on your nerves, other than the blatant disrespect of you and your relationship. So do you feel inferior to him in some way?
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 If she did nothing wrong, no reason to hide it. Obviously this guy contacts her because he feels she is an option since she obviously isn't putting the brakes on it. Nah she has been very upfront about everything. The part about him thinking she's an option is what is blowing my mind. How dare he think he has a chance with her Here is the thing. YOU shouldn't have had to do that. SHE should have put a stop to it immediately. They are supposed to be implementing NO CONTACT. He's not respecting it and he KNOWS she's in a relationship with me. He's disrespecting the both of us. Absolutely. And after you do, wait and see if your gf comes to his defense or gets angry with you. If she does, there is your telltale sign that you may need to move on from this relationship. No, you are doing the job your gf is failing to do, and disrespectfully to you I might add. Send it, then sit back and wait for your gf's reaction. this just sounds like it would cause unnecesary drama. what's freaing me out is why she feels the need to protect him. His now pregnant wife deserves the truth. Man your statements haven't done much to put me at ease. Just the opposite. I'm fired up right now.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Sorry, things don't add up to me. How could he throw her under the bus if she claims she didn't even know he had a girlfriend/wife while they were together? What exactly did he say to "throw her under the bus?" Someone who didn't even know he had a girl. When the truth surfaced he told the wife that my GF was the one pursuing and that she knew he was in a committed relationship She claims the truth was that she didn't know he was with her, right? So why would she not tell her that she didn't know? How is telling her that she didn't even know he was with anyone causing "drama?" My GF just decided to ignore them! Big mistake. She needs to clear her name but she is disgusted by him and feels it unnecesary All she had to do was tell her what she claims happened - that she didn't know. Why take any blame? Why think telling her would cause "drama." Doesn't make sense - your GF's blame taking, the not telling the wife what she claims is the truth. Unless she was having an affair with him. EDITED TO ADD: If it is indeed the ex's phone number (have you verified the actual number?), then it could be his wife sending the messages to see if your GF responds. yes it was him. he also sent instant messages which I used to email him. I thought about it being the wife who sent it. But don't you think he would've verified it with his wife and maybe apologized instead of saying they're spam??? In any case, why hasn't your girlfriend changed her number if he's such a problem? This is bigger than a phone number. This guy transferred jobs to be closer to her apartment. Of course that could be a coincidence, hard to believe though with everything else that's been going on.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 She ignored his texts. That's the most important part. If I were you I'd figure out why you feel so pissed off. Are you insecure or threatened by him in some way? Really I'd be thinking about why he's grating on your nerves, other than the blatant disrespect of you and your relationship. So do you feel inferior to him in some way? Yeah I feel inferior to some loser that got married, got her pregnant and still has the hots for the woman he was cheating on her with
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Yeah I feel inferior to some loser that got married, got her pregnant and still has the hots for the woman he was cheating on her with Then why are you so pissed off? She ignored his texts and she's with you. If he's no big deal why do you care if he's trying to contact her? She's with you.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Then why are you so pissed off? She ignored his texts and she's with you. If he's no big deal why do you care if he's trying to contact her? She's with you. Because he has no right to contact her after she told him many times not to, it's over, he's married, she's with me, we have a child together now. What business does he have to contact her?
GLDheart Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Tell your girl what you know... and to handle it... or you will.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 As far as the phone number - she should have changed it or blocked him a long time ago. "Her" apartment? Why don't the two of you live together? We do. she owns that apartment and lived there years before moving in with me
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 So they apparently broke up Summer 2011. You must have come into the picture soon afterwards and she got pregnant pretty quickly, since you have a child now. How long have you known each other? We met December 2010 and started to get to know eachother. we began spending more time together around Spring as she was pulling away from him. Tell your girl what you know... and to handle it... or you will. Ok but how should it be handled? That's why I'm here lol
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Why was she pulling away from him? Because she met you? He got her pregnant and asked her to abort. She broke it off around that time but he continued to pursue her... until she fpound out about the other woman in July. Then that was it. Have you looked at your girlfriend's cell phone bill? And the house phone bill? You should go take a look and make sure they aren't in telephone communication. These cryptic texts could be a "green light" they use for her to call him. I know you don't want to think like that, but don't put anything past anyone. We're on a shared plan. She's not cheating with him, she's repulsed by him. She has standards. He still hasn't confirmed that he deleted her contact info. Should I contact his wife? The woman is pregnant. And I told him he won't hear from me again if he never contacts my GF again.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Tell your girl what you know... and to handle it... or you will. How should she handle it? She wants absolutely no contact with him. In all fairness she's can't be held responsible for this.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Personally I'd let it go for now. Just because you have one up on him doesn't mean you should expose him to his wife. Unless you like drama. You can always tell her if he won't back off but I would just chill if I were you. He's already taken up a lot of your energy and that means he's winning by getting under your skin. Stop caring about him and his wife and what they do. You know he's a loser, you got the girl and the girl ignores him and pays attention to you. Focus on that.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Maybe my GF should contact his wife and tell her what happened. I would back off if this was the first time he steps his bounds, this is the 2nd time. I don't want this repeated and I also don't want the problems this could potentially bring. What bugs me the most is he gave his wife th impression that my GF was pursuing him when he realized he didn't stand a chance. This is a good opportunity to clear her name. She has the proof.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 But yes she can be held responsible for this. She's allowing this man to get through to her. If she wants absolutely no contact with him, then she needs to CHANGE the phone number. At the very least, block the number. And he's able to send her instant messages too? What's the problem - why hasn't she taken any steps to block all avenues of communication? And why is she keeping his contact a secret from you? I checked the phone bill and he hasn't contacted her in months. These messages were archived, so she could be blocking him and maybe didn't see them.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Talk it over with your GF and see what she wants to do too. Did you say anything to him about it after the first time?
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Right so i wouldn't know if he called. But the text app on her phone bypasses the inbox and archives them. Also, she has her ims forwarded to text. Stop looking for clues. I have no doubt she's being faithful.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Should I contact his wife? The woman is pregnant. And I told him he won't hear from me again if he never contacts my GF again. Or should I have my GF do it and seize the opportunity to clear her name
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Should I contact his wife? The woman is pregnant. And I told him he won't hear from me again if he never contacts my GF again. Or should I have my GF do it and seize the opportunity to clear her name If it would make you feel better and your GF agrees then go for it. I'm confused though. Did he contact your GF after you told him to never contact her again and you'll leave him alone? Because if he didn't contact her after you said that then telling his wife would be really dickish of you.
Author nri80 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 When exactly are you going to speak with your GF about this? I need a plan first. If I do nothing he may try to contact her again in a few months. He caused her alot of hurt in the past. I want him to stop thinking of her.
AlexDP Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Because he has no right to contact her after she told him many times not to, it's over, he's married, she's with me, we have a child together now. What business does he have to contact her? Couple of things to consider: 1) Contact is rarely onesided. Perhaps your GF is giving him more signals than you think. 2) Perhaps the guy was a total *******. But that means your GF liked that ******* and had a dysfunctional relationship with him. How many mentally healthy people are in dysfunctional relationships and have babies with *******s?
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